General relationship questions and advice/Newbie friendly

Thanks for the replies, however blackpilling one was. I'm not worried that I'll go far enough to get a girl to accuse me of sexual harassment, I'm not a hardcase sperg as far as I know, although I certainly could stand to push things further.

I do tend to think everyone is watching and judging when I approach which isn't the case in reality. Also I shouldn't care what thoughts random people are having about me, it doesn't impact me.

Just a matter of putting what I know to practice and having faith in the outcome, good or bad.

Thanks guys.
 

Avey

Pigeon
wwtl said:
Avey said:
Need some advice since I'm pretty inexperienced at women.
I'm in a relationship currently with a girl I made my first thread on here about. We're about 5 months in a relationship.
My question is whether she is displaying red flags or if women in general are like this, would it be worth breaking up or are most women like this?

I'll start with the good:
-Seems very in love with me, showers me with compliments and is willing to travel 1,5 hours to meet me in my town each week
-Young, she's 5 years younger than me so maybe she'll grow out of some of the negative stuff she has.
-Can actually have a conversation without getting too emotional. Tolerates my traditional views.
-Mentally healthy, no daddy issues or any of that crap some women have. No crazy family members
-Willing to have at least 3 children.
-She is not bossy
-Is not too clingy, doesn't text me constantly and can go without seeing me for a few days

The negative:
-Does not share my interests. Not in politics, history, culture, sports or hobbies. Kind of amazed we found things to talk about for 5 months.
-Refuses to cook for me, gives the nonsense excuse that she doesn't know how my stove works. I cook all the time because it's just being nice.
-Maybe the most annoying thing is she sometimes doesn't react when I say something I am passionate about. First it was about politics when I went off on something but a few days ago I shared something personal (something I hardly ever do) and I got a one sentence shit reply when I pretend to be interested in the very uninteresting things she likes.
-Might seem small but when she corrects me she has a tone I cannot deal with, like she's trying to get one up over me.
-Wastes time on trivial shit like Instagram, although I suspect this is most women.
-Honestly not funny and has shallow understanding of whatever she is interested in.
-Eats like an animal, isn't fat but honestly won't take long with how she eats. I did get her in the gym though so that's a plus.

So this is roughly the situation. Normal women stuff or should I expect more form a woman? She's 20 so does she grow out of some of these things? Are there things I can do to test if she has potential.

Also she's a 6.5 or a 7,5 on good days.

Sounds like a typical female human to me. Now look at yourself: Do you behave virtuous? You are supposed to lead and correct women, but this has to come from a strong frame of your own.

Women adjust to their environment: How they behave around you is an image of what you currently represent and deserve.
I'm in a dead end job, good looking and fit, passive hobbies like gaming, sports and following politics, money wise I'm good.

You say it sounds like a typical female however the not sharing any hobbies or interests thing is grating on me more now. I know I should probably keep those things for friends however I don't have many and it's kind of annoying that we are either not interested in each others interests or have the exact opposite.

Like with music, she's into horrible club music and pop shit while I'm into more rock/classical. It sounds small but should it be normal to not share any interests? Early on in the relationship I said for vacation ideas I'd like to be immersed in a countries history/culture. Visit museums and all that. She has no interest in that and you just know you'd be dragging her to it boring her, or she will want to go clubbing with me, boring me.

I'm split and have had a dream about another woman last night, I know a woman shouldn't share too many hobbies with you but there should be some right?
On the other hand, I've met many women who are bat shit crazy on points where she is more reasonable, she is okay with 3 kids and is working on getting fit and not be a slob.

My lack of dating experience is what's the issue here, I don't know if I'm just hyping up the perfect relationship in my mind or if I could really do better.
 

wwtl

 
Banned
Avey said:
I'm in a dead end job, good looking and fit, passive hobbies like gaming, sports and following politics, money wise I'm good.

You say it sounds like a typical female however the not sharing any hobbies or interests thing is grating on me more now. I know I should probably keep those things for friends however I don't have many and it's kind of annoying that we are either not interested in each others interests or have the exact opposite.

Like with music, she's into horrible club music and pop shit while I'm into more rock/classical. It sounds small but should it be normal to not share any interests? Early on in the relationship I said for vacation ideas I'd like to be immersed in a countries history/culture. Visit museums and all that. She has no interest in that and you just know you'd be dragging her to it boring her, or she will want to go clubbing with me, boring me.

I'm split and have had a dream about another woman last night, I know a woman shouldn't share too many hobbies with you but there should be some right?
On the other hand, I've met many women who are bat shit crazy on points where she is more reasonable, she is okay with 3 kids and is working on getting fit and not be a slob.

My lack of dating experience is what's the issue here, I don't know if I'm just hyping up the perfect relationship in my mind or if I could really do better.

If you mean video games by "gaming", then you should look into getting rid of those, these are an overall negative influence on your adult life. If you are a porn user (most gamers are), get rid of it as well. Following sports and politics isn't going to build a strong personality either, an attractive man has personal goals and is dedicated to them, so he has no time to waste on the daily news cycle.

Your relationship conflicts are a result of your weak frame. A man with a strong frame draws a girl into it. Means: When a girl is into you, whatever music she used to listen to she is going to drop to now going to enjoy your preferred genre. Similarly she will go out of her way to spend time with you on your preferred activities. Or in other words: You lead, she follows.

A girl living a life on her own while you essentially orbit her, means that you have lost the lead or never had it. So while you might think you are in a "relationship", you actually are not. You are a bystander satisfying a compartmentalized need of her (aka having sex with her).

The important thing to understand is that you don't solve that problem by looking for faults in girls. You look for red flags in your own person and work on yourself to become a better, more desirable, leading and masculine man. As a result feminine, naturally submissive girls will get attracted to you and fall in line: like what you like, behave how you want, get in shape on their own etc.
 

Avey

Pigeon
wwtl said:
Avey said:
I'm in a dead end job, good looking and fit, passive hobbies like gaming, sports and following politics, money wise I'm good.

You say it sounds like a typical female however the not sharing any hobbies or interests thing is grating on me more now. I know I should probably keep those things for friends however I don't have many and it's kind of annoying that we are either not interested in each others interests or have the exact opposite.

Like with music, she's into horrible club music and pop shit while I'm into more rock/classical. It sounds small but should it be normal to not share any interests? Early on in the relationship I said for vacation ideas I'd like to be immersed in a countries history/culture. Visit museums and all that. She has no interest in that and you just know you'd be dragging her to it boring her, or she will want to go clubbing with me, boring me.

I'm split and have had a dream about another woman last night, I know a woman shouldn't share too many hobbies with you but there should be some right?
On the other hand, I've met many women who are bat shit crazy on points where she is more reasonable, she is okay with 3 kids and is working on getting fit and not be a slob.

My lack of dating experience is what's the issue here, I don't know if I'm just hyping up the perfect relationship in my mind or if I could really do better.

If you mean video games by "gaming", then you should look into getting rid of those, these are an overall negative influence on your adult life. If you are a porn user (most gamers are), get rid of it as well. Following sports and politics isn't going to build a strong personality either, an attractive man has personal goals and is dedicated to them, so he has no time to waste on the daily news cycle.

Your relationship conflicts are a result of your weak frame. A man with a strong frame draws a girl into it. Means: When a girl is into you, whatever music she used to listen to she is going to drop to now going to enjoy your preferred genre. Similarly she will go out of her way to spend time with you on your preferred activities. Or in other words: You lead, she follows.

A girl living a life on her own while you essentially orbit her, means that you have lost the lead or never had it. So while you might think you are in a "relationship", you actually are not. You are a bystander satisfying a compartmentalized need of her (aka having sex with her).

The important thing to understand is that you don't solve that problem by looking for faults in girls. You look for red flags in your own person and work on yourself to become a better, more desirable, leading and masculine man. As a result feminine, naturally submissive girls will get attracted to you and fall in line: like what you like, behave how you want, get in shape on their own etc.
I see a lot of assumptions from you which miss the mark completely, makes me doubt your other posts, especially since my first post cleared up some of the misconceptions you still have.

First of all, I'm not 'orbiting' her, she takes an hour to travel to me, not the other way around. She is actually unsure if I'm seriously in love with her because she doesn't get the lovey dovey stuff from me too often, while she gives it a lot to me in words at least.

I'm not giving up video games or politics. And with politics I'm not talking about 'day to day news cycle' either. If you think I should, give some concrete examples of what to do instead because I can't do much with what you wrote. btw with talk of politics and ethical issues I get her more into my world view so far, which you think is important.

And trust me, I do look into ways to improve myself, but that's not exactly what my original question was. It was more of if this is a regular spot for a relationship to be in, not whether I should drop all of my hobbies for something else (for what?)

Very odd post but thanks for the reply.
 

Lamron300

Chicken
Hello guys,

I hope you're well. I'm not sure how many other posts are in this thread, so sorry if I seem too be hijacking a conversation! New user here, looking for advice on dating.

I'm looking for a relationship and only really get to meet girls off online apps. There is a girl I like and I have been on three dates with. She says after every date she has enjoyed herself and she has kissed me on all three occasions. However, I can't tell how much she's into me or how to escalate our dating. What I hate about dating is that if you're not bf or gf, nobody owes you anything. She could be dating 5/6 other guys for all I know and I can't do a thing about it. I'm a reasonable guy and I don't want to waste my time, I'm not saying she is dating other people but if she was I would have to leave the situation as I don't believe in competing for a woman as I can only be myself.

I'm in the stage that when she is on whatsapp and not replying to me first or for a few hours (she's currently on holiday and checking WhatsApp like once an hour, but not my msg), I get paranoid. It is stressing me out as I don't want to make a fool of myself.

How can I advance our dating without coming across weird? I just want to know where I stand. I have had women agree to second and third dates despite them knowing they had no intention of dating and just wasting my time. When I say waste my time I don't mean suddenly realise that we aren't suited, I mean from the begining they only wanted a friend or already had someone they liked or still stuck in past relationship.

Thanks
 

Avey

Pigeon
Lamron300 said:
Hello guys,

I hope you're well. I'm not sure how many other posts are in this thread, so sorry if I seem too be hijacking a conversation! New user here, looking for advice on dating.

I'm looking for a relationship and only really get to meet girls off online apps. There is a girl I like and I have been on three dates with. She says after every date she has enjoyed herself and she has kissed me on all three occasions. However, I can't tell how much she's into me or how to escalate our dating. What I hate about dating is that if you're not bf or gf, nobody owes you anything. She could be dating 5/6 other guys for all I know and I can't do a thing about it. I'm a reasonable guy and I don't want to waste my time, I'm not saying she is dating other people but if she was I would have to leave the situation as I don't believe in competing for a woman as I can only be myself.

I'm in the stage that when she is on whatsapp and not replying to me first or for a few hours (she's currently on holiday and checking WhatsApp like once an hour, but not my msg), I get paranoid. It is stressing me out as I don't want to make a fool of myself.

How can I advance our dating without coming across weird? I just want to know where I stand. I have had women agree to second and third dates despite them knowing they had no intention of dating and just wasting my time. When I say waste my time I don't mean suddenly realise that we aren't suited, I mean from the begining they only wanted a friend or already had someone they liked or still stuck in past relationship.

Thanks

Not sure of your entire situation but the tip I got from people here (and it worked) was to either hint strongly to fucking or straight up ask her to come back to your place.
My situation was harder because I used to live at home so on the 4th date I smiled and she asked what i was smiling about. I said that I was thinking about renting a hotel room so she could stay the night with me.
She was shocked but obviously flattered, she refused but 2 dates after that I managed to take her back to 'my place' (was house sitting for a friend).
With that one I just came from work and said I was tired and just wanted to relax at home and watch a show, she went with me and the rest is history.

Point is, be crystal clear that you are romantically interested in her.
And don't fret over her not answering on whatsapp, it's beta. If she takes an hour to respond to you, you take an hour and 15 minutes to reply back.
 

Avey

Pigeon
WombRaider said:
And don't fret over her not answering on whatsapp, it's beta. If she takes an hour to respond to you, you take an hour and 15 minutes to reply back.

Isn't it beta to count the minutes like that, though?

Yes, but all that matters is perception. I'm not saying set your clock to an exact time. It's just that answering right away after she let you wait an hour is bad, look at the text and set the phone down, come back in an hour or so.
 

Lamron300

Chicken
Avey said:
WombRaider said:
And don't fret over her not answering on whatsapp, it's beta. If she takes an hour to respond to you, you take an hour and 15 minutes to reply back.

Isn't it beta to count the minutes like that, though?

Yes, but all that matters is perception. I'm not saying set your clock to an exact time. It's just that answering right away after she let you wait an hour is bad, look at the text and set the phone down, come back in an hour or so.

My paranoia is who she is talking to...she could be checking a group chat message or responding to a friend. But she could also be chatting to another guy. I mean shes gone on 3 dates with me and kissed me 3 times, so I guess if she is playing me she is playing the other people as well. When she gets back from holiday I need to make it known I'm romantically interested in her, but I don't want to seem 'keen'.
 

redonion

Woodpecker
I'm beginning to run into an issue in my LTR and need some advice. I'm not sure if this is a common situation or if I'm in big trouble.

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 3 years and we moved in together a few months ago. So far, living together has been great. No fights, she takes care of womanly duties like laundry, dishes, and cleaning. I provide 70-100% of rent money, and I've maintained my freedom. I am very happy with where I am in my relationship. There's only one problem - we are not having sex frequently. We are probably doing it 1 time per week, which has me concerned.

It's not like I'm hungry for sex and she's denying me. I'm mostly apathetic - either because it's no longer "fresh" or I have another issue like low T. However she doesn't initiate things either unless she's horny. Part of me feels like this is what happens when you're together with the same person for a long time. However, another part of me wonders what will happen 20+ years down the road if I decide to eventually marry this girl (which is at this point within the realm of possibility).

Is my situation normal, am I overthinking things? Or am I right to be concerned about this trajectory? If you think I have a reason to be concerned, what are some things I should be focusing on in order to resurrect the sexual tension?
 

Leonard D Neubache

Owl
Gold Member
1-2 years before marriage, tops.
3 years (total) before pregnancy.

Regardless of what her cultural conditioning is, her womb and her ring finger are saying "this guy isn't going to get it done".

Odds are fair the relationship will go downhill from here. Pulling up from this point is difficult. Her body itself has soured to your touch due to perceived infertility.
 

randomA

Robin
redonion said:
There's only one problem - we are not having sex frequently.

When this starts to happen, statistically 100% of all my LTRs have gone quickly downhill from there to the point that either party falls out of love and wants out eventually, with either cheating on one's part or not.
I am sorry for not having a solution for this, because I was also burnt hard by similar events each time and have no idea of possible resolution.

This happens always after moving in together though. Routine together and comfort put the couple's focus on other activities; then daily wageslave lives get busy and sex goes out of the window altogether. Priorities simply change. Even if at first you still enjoy being together and do other things that not necessarily involve sex, lack of sex for some reason always preludes to bad things to come.

At this point the only thing I can think of is making kids: if the couple stagnates too long in the daily routine/comfort/low-frequency boring sex situation without moving to the next stage (kids?), then the whole relationship is doomed to fail.
I don't know, that's just what I seem to understand, but I have not tried it myself and don't know if it'll work. If you wait too long to make the next move, that's how it's been for me.
I also don't know if there is any other option except being forever single/alone living a bachelor life.
 

hkhathaj

Kingfisher
Other Christian
redonion said:
It's not like I'm hungry for sex and she's denying me. I'm mostly apathetic - either because it's no longer "fresh" or I have another issue like low T. However she doesn't initiate things either unless she's horny.

Or am I right to be concerned about this trajectory?

In each of my relationships I had the problem that we had less sex than I wanted to. I have married my wife because we only had a little less, not much less :). I think this is an inherent issue in human life that men have a stronger sex drive. It is logical if you see how we have children how our evolution works.

I think that if you are really apathetic and only initiate sex one a week then maybe there is some problem with your sex drive. You are too young for that. It could be a health issue.

(Or maybe you did not tell the whole truth because you do not want to admit that she turns you down? It happens to the bests you can admit that. It is important because we need a totally different approach in that case.)

I also feel some contradiction here: if it is you who does not want more then what is the problem? Why does it bother you? Do you think that you would want more sex but not with her? Did she emotionally abuse you so that you do not want her?

Are you on nofap? You should totally do nofap in this case. I can accept fap if you do not have enough sex and you need it as a relief. Fapping when you could also have sex with a real woman is not a good idea.

I think you are right to be concerned about the situation.
 
Hi gents,
Complete newbie here, thanks for all the great advice a lot of you guys give first of all. For me heading into my 30s its getting much harder to find dudes that are still single, motivated and give good advice on this stuff. My question is have you all notice that EVERYONE seems to be more flaky these days and it seems to be universally acceptable, even amongst friends? Not replying to texts, cancelling last minute and not apologizing etc. How do you guys deal with this behavior or do you just accept it now? Thanks guys again I appreciate it.
 

Jazzman92

Robin
Hi guys Im in my first LTR atm and Im pretty inexperienced in this area so I figured I'd post my question here,

So basically my gf and I were supposed to hang out last night, however she couldnt make it because she had to stay at home to take care of her mom who has a few health issues right now. Her brother was supposed to be there but he had to bail so the responsibility was thrown onto her. I have no issue with her being busy, especially for an issue like this, however she told me at the very last minute instead of earlier on in the day. This also isnt the first time she's done this. Whenever somethings come up she cancels at the very last minute, which I feel shows a complete disregard for my time. Last night I got a bit angry so I messaged her that I dont appreciate her cancelling at the very end without giving me any notice. She was very apologetic and assured me it would never happen again and also said she would make it up to me today. Its about 1 in the afternoon at the moment and I havent gotten any message to set up a date or go out anywhere yet. I could ask her what time shes free, but out of principle I refuse to be the one to arrange a meet up. I feel like the person that made the mistake should take the initiative to rectify the issue. The question I have is if she doesnt end up messaging me today, or messages me very late in the afternoon/evening, should I call her out on it? A part of me wants to say something, but a part of me feels like that would be beta and show needy behaviour. Should I just give her less of my attention and ignore her for a little while or tell her I am displeased with her actions?
 

thedream

Sparrow
Jazzman92 said:
Hi guys Im in my first LTR atm and Im pretty inexperienced in this area so I figured I'd post my question here,

So basically my gf and I were supposed to hang out last night, however she couldnt make it because she had to stay at home to take care of her mom who has a few health issues right now. Her brother was supposed to be there but he had to bail so the responsibility was thrown onto her. I have no issue with her being busy, especially for an issue like this, however she told me at the very last minute instead of earlier on in the day. This also isnt the first time she's done this. Whenever somethings come up she cancels at the very last minute, which I feel shows a complete disregard for my time. Last night I got a bit angry so I messaged her that I dont appreciate her cancelling at the very end without giving me any notice. She was very apologetic and assured me it would never happen again and also said she would make it up to me today. Its about 1 in the afternoon at the moment and I havent gotten any message to set up a date or go out anywhere yet. I could ask her what time shes free, but out of principle I refuse to be the one to arrange a meet up. I feel like the person that made the mistake should take the initiative to rectify the issue. The question I have is if she doesnt end up messaging me today, or messages me very late in the afternoon/evening, should I call her out on it? A part of me wants to say something, but a part of me feels like that would be beta and show needy behaviour. Should I just give her less of my attention and ignore her for a little while or tell her I am displeased with her actions?


My advice is to call her out on it but in a sarcastic, joking way. Keep it lighthearted. Just feel light.

"If you do that again I am going to have to really spank you."

Do what's most congruent to your personality.

Maybe you are more of a serious guy and that wouldn't flow. Even if you have to tell her openly hey I don't appreciate it when my time is wasted, don't make a big deal out of it and keep things light. If you make a big deal out of it or make things like a heavy issue, you lose.

Don't make it out to be like a lecture or a serious talk but do let her know that you noticed it and it bothered you.

If it keeps happening over and over then it's not a good sign. But most women do this, it just seems to be their nature.

I completely understand the problem of not wanting to initiate when it feels like it's the other person's turn. This happens in business all the time.

The way to do deal with it is to take the initiative but without any hurt feelings involved. I do this all the time when I am waiting for an email and I don't feel like waiting anymore. I just nudge the person in a cool, casual way ("the follow up") so that I don't need to sit there waiting.

So take the initiative and lead the interaction forward by getting a confirmation from her if you are going to meet up. That way you are not wasting your time waiting for her.

The general theme here is to not get too deep into a conversation about any of the issues and just keep moving things forward (leading) and positive.

Just my 2 cents. I am NOT a relationships expert but this is the general way I would handle it based on what you said and my limited knowledge of the context. That is my disclaimer :)
 

Aquinas

Chicken
Hi there, guys. I've been reading this forum for quite awhile, but my last post was quite a long time ago.

Anyway, I'm post on this thread since I don't really know where else to do it, so here goes.

I'm a pretty quiet fellow, and making friends doesn't seem to come easy or naturally. Heck, I was even afraid to post here for a long time. And I think that, maybe God has punished me with this disconnection with others for my having strayed from the flock. Or maybe that's just pride talking.

I have wanted to come back to the Lord for some time, as when I have prayed, or have been around those more devout than I who've given me a window into what I'm missing, I felt a sense of...relief you could call it. Like this is what I should be doing.

But after so long away from my faith, I don't know what to do right or what I've been doing wrong. If any of you have the time or inclination to guide this eager student, it would be very much appreciated.
 

kel

 
Banned
I won't make any comment on God punishing you, but please join the New Testament reading group if you're interested, it just started yesterday with the book of Matthew. I'm a few pages in and will post tomorrow hopefully to get the convo started.

I'll let others talk about how to pray, because I'd be interested in it as well. I've been saying the rosary nightly for several weeks now, as a form of meditation as much as prayer. I'm tentatively "following" Orthodoxy as I explore Christianity, but I do like the Catholic rosary, especially the hail holy queen, and I like the rhythm of doing it nightly.
 

Aquinas

Chicken
Thank you for the suggestions, kel. I have been looking for a focused way to catch up on scripture. It also seems that, in the schedule in your link, my timing's pretty good too.

And funny you mention the Catholic rosary, Hail Holy Queen and the like, as I've been praying those too, sporadically. Could certainly use the meditation.
 

Cristiano

 
Banned
After witnessing yet another cartoonist draw a pretty girl I couldn't help but ask,

What's the mindset of girls who are genuinely flattered by compliments and how to react to them in a favourable manner?

Thank you,
God bless.
 
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