Have any of you given up on women?

I had a few female mentors when I was a younger man who gave me a bit of confidence and helped keep me on the proper road and helped develop my interests. Some helped me improve my rhetorical abilities, debate skills, etc.

When I was 15-18 my first great female mentor and ultimately love interest [it was never physically consummated] was a 45-48 year old [widow] woman with whom I struck up a very close friendship. She drew the line and it never got physical even though she told me I was hot and she lamented that I was not 10-20 years older and she not 10-20 years younger. She said, "If we had met at a different time in different lives, I would have loved to be able to be your wife and to be able to have you as my husband, but such things can't happen and aren't possible."

I had trouble relating to women my own age until about age 25.

My main thing was that I was very talkative [but only in certain subjects], with professors, adults, people much older than myself, I was a combination of the book-work and a class-clown, always telling jokes about the course material, clearly somebody who did all of the assigned reading, but I didn't get along with most people my own age. Most of my friends were men 10-15 years my senior and a few female mentors 10-20 years my senior.

Even in high school I spent many of my lunches in a study room discussing theology with a physics teacher.

I could never strike up a conversation with a woman my own age, about nothing of significance, and engage in idle banter or small talk. If I were to open with a woman I might have opened with, "I just finished reading a biography on Cato the Younger, between Cato and Cicero which of the two do you most identify with and why?" I couldn't talk about sports, pop culture, celebrities, personalities, etc.

This isn't all that uncommon, I think I have experiences similar to yours. When I was in college and getting multiple dates a month, I got most of them through a combination of boldness in real life, and overly bold online game to the point of almost playing it for laughs. ("Whoa, you like the Talking Heads too? What are you doing Friday?) I think that my lame lines and technique worked because I've always been pretty good looking, even when carrying a bunch of extra weight like I was for a good portion of college.

Problem is, though, I almost never got second dates, and I can count on one hand the actual romantic relationships I've been in. So I didn't look as good as you did, but where I made up for it in boldness didn't really get me much.
 

J.E.

Robin
Based on looks alone.

I have always been good-looking, 6'0 and fit/trim.

I didn't have any real confidence until I was out of undergrad and into my mid-20s. I had very limited funds and I was not happy in life, but I did sincerely believe, "things will get better, I am on a road that will take me to where I want to be, but I am not there yet." I was confident the future would be better than the present when I was 19-25, but I also was confident, "I am not there yet." I knew I was going to good places, but I was painfully aware, "I am certainly not there yet."

I had no doubt I was the smartest guy in the room most places I went, and that I could pass any test, answer any question, solve any problem, but I always found women [especially women my own age] when I was about 19-25, to be elusive, evasive, mysterious, riddles, enigmas, puzzles, unsolvable.

I always had looks, it was the only reason women would tend to hit me up online.

I've always been averse to forward and fast women and I have never liked women approaching men based on looks or primarily on looks, especially when I had little confidence to back up the looks.

I never doubted as a young man that I could get a woman's initial attention via looks, but I always wondered if I could have actually had a real and meaningful relationship, which is what I wanted, not a looks based relationship, so it helped make it easier for me to avoid women because I found them intimidating anyway and I had confidence issues.

I also got shot down on a lot of my approaches because I tended to be awkward. I would invite a woman to a museum, rifle range, etc., as a first date, and people told me that was a bit off-putting. I was never the "let's go get a drink" sort of a guy.

I can proudly and honestly say I have never once purchased a drink for a woman unless I was already in a relationship with her and courting her.
That sounds similar to my experience. Looks for a man are by far not as important as the character and status he carries. Great at getting dates and invitations for cold approaches, but everything more than that falls flat. Good that you stuck to your preferences and principles. Better that than feeling like a man-whore.
 

ScannerLIV

Woodpecker
Aye I have had the same experiences; Women would go initially for my looks, and while I had the confidence to back that, I often fumbled because of lack of awareness or inability to properly interpret social cues, which actually caused the lack of awareness in the first place.

Say if I was a 8 on looks scale, any socially competent guy 6.5 look scale would easily blow me out.

It's true, looks alone will get you in the door but you gotta be able to back that up, even if a little with 9 scale look.

Remember Roger Elliott? He might have been 7.5, could easily increase to 8 with slight maintenance ( work out or eat better) on looks alone but he hardly had shit for personality. Total lack of awareness and social skills.

Reminds me of that Norwegian documentary about a handsome gentle bodybuilding guy who couldn't get a girl. It was posted somewhere on the forum
 
I personally have no interest in being assimilated into another culture or having children or grandchildren that are not of my heritage.

Allowing oneself to be assimilated into another culture is fundamentally defeatist.

It is the equivalent of considering the Late Roman Empire debauched so you move to Ethiopia and allow yourself to be assimilated into Ethiopia as a Roman.
The Romans assimilated lots of cultures. In a way that was their problem. They got too big and poorly managed by inbred moron emperors who couldn’t run a pizzeria—let alone a non-heterogenous society.

You act as if Japan is Mars. Japan took the best of China and distilled it. China has already won in case you didn’t notice. But it’s too polluted, political, and a non-buyers market for my taste.

I like Asia in general. I got some in me. Must be way back to Marco Polo or something. I can feel it...
 
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If this was your experience, why would women offer themselves to you when you had no confidence in yourself? Doesn't add up.
Most young people have a confidence and maturity problem. They’re faking it.

The women didn’t offer themselves up so much as they went along with their progressive society’s culture of hooking up with cute guys.

Having sex is an instinct. Their body is pushing them to do it at that age. Their society allows.

Bodda bing. Bodda boom.
 
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Aye I have had the same experiences; Women would go initially for my looks, and while I had the confidence to back that, I often fumbled because of lack of awareness or inability to properly interpret social cues, which actually caused the lack of awareness in the first place.

Say if I was a 8 on looks scale, any socially competent guy 6.5 look scale would easily blow me out.

It's true, looks alone will get you in the door but you gotta be able to back that up, even if a little with 9 scale look.

Remember Roger Elliott? He might have been 7.5, could easily increase to 8 with slight maintenance ( work out or eat better) on looks alone but he hardly had shit for personality. Total lack of awareness and social skills.

Reminds me of that Norwegian documentary about a handsome gentle bodybuilding guy who couldn't get a girl. It was posted somewhere on the forum
I often say “I can’t find a girlfriend”. People can interpret that however they want.

It sounds loserish. It is and it isn’t.

I could easily get an 8 from the golf course for $50. With more effort I could get an uneducated or poorly raised 8 in my village.

I don’t want either. Nor do I want a woman my own age (99% really bad shape and poor attitude with no free time).

Obesity alone ruins 70-80% of prospects. The other 20-30% mostly skinny fat. It’s really hard to find a woman you’re both attracted to and compatible with.

Now imagine being a digital nomad living in 37 world cities in the past decade. 50+ countries.

You roll a donut every time.
 

Joe316

Robin
This is a really tough topic for me also. I have stopped trying to just have sex with women and getting them with game or recruiting them from a pool of friends. I am volcel and intend to be till I marry. I looked into some Christian dating sites here in Germany and I must say, even here, 90 percent of women do absolutely not meet my standards. Firstly, most of them are Protestant degenerates (writing "Antifaschist" or "Liebe ist Liebe" and the like in their profiles); secondly, some have secular standards; thirdly, some have kids and I am obviously not having that. Additionally, I do not find dating sites to be a compelling community, but the plandemic is limiting my options to meet Christian women. The women in my Catholic church are on average 75. I am going to another church next week (latin mass). There might be some decent women there.
But, on some occasions, I do not care much either, because the bond with God can always be strengthened and I have always found great inspiration and joy through reading and intellectual pondering. Needless to say, though, a wife would be nice.

And I may add that I am a bit careful, how I approach Christian women, because I was used to talking to women in a "red-pilled" manner xD

In the introduction thread a woman recommended me "Do not give your strength to women". Though I have yet to meet even one eligible woman: single, fertile, not completely degenerate, wants a Christian man in his 30s (as 20something saved me never existed). Churches don't have them, so I suspect they simply might not exist at all.
 
I'm in sort of a paradoxical situation. Great living situation, great logistical situation, great environment. Great attitude. No desire at all to do anything about women.

Granted, I want to meet a chick in the church, or volunteering or something of that nature. But COVID has prevented that from happening.

I don't drink any more, and apart from throwing events at my house, like BBQs and music shows I'm at a bit of a loss of what to do.

I could, I guess, be day gaming girls, but it's been so long since I've done day game, I've just put it off incessantly, in fact probably for the past 8 months- 2 years. I want something serious but I wouldn't even know where to start.

I don't believe in social media anymore and I don't believe this is how organic relationships unfold-- via social media or a dating app. It's all superficial. I guess I just need to pray on it and realize if it's in God's Plan it will happen, God Willing.

I'm wondering if I should take the shortcut and just take my dog out more. That always seems to bring a spark of joy to random women.
 

kel

Ostrich
I'm wondering if I should take the shortcut and just take my dog out more. That always seems to bring a spark of joy to random women.
Yes, your dog would probably like it, too, and it'll be a good way to quickly filter women (if they put on a mask and coo from six feet away laugh at them and keep walking).

Finding women good for anything more than what we're not supposed to talk about here anymore (heck, finding women who are even worth your time for that) is very needle in a haystack, though. Be prepared to get discouraged again and again, unfortunately.
 
^^Where I live there's a lot of outdoor dining because of the climate and the general vibe of the town. So no one wears masks outside. There are also a crap ton of joggers and walkers.

Last week when I went out to eat it was chick approached table, wanted to know dogs name, take photo with him, feed him, know his pedigree etc. I shoulda taken her number but like it didn't even cross my mind. Dogs are natural openers.
 
I have not given up on women but I am not currently looking for a wife. I am a single divorced man in midlife. My first marriage was secular. I was an agnostic man married to an atheist woman. We both suffered from post-modernism and leftism. We loved each other but our foundation was built on sand and we tried to solve our marital problems with a (((therapist))). After the divorce I read Augustine's Confessions and the Holy Bible and my life was changed.

I need to strengthen my faith and get myself right with God before I begin dating again. I don't want to make the same mistakes again. I know that if and when I do begin looking for a wife she will have to be Christian.

I am grateful for middle age because it makes it easier to avoid fornication. God help young Christian men trying to walk the narrow path. I cant imagine being 25 being high on testosterone and living in the age of Tinder.

I would like to find a wife but God has humbled me. It is possible I am called to being single so I can reflect and repent for years of sin and going against the will of God.

My past has caught up with me. I was in a profession dominated by leftism. I participated in and promoted left wing philosophies. I left that profession but doing so has made me poor as a provider. Is it right to share a life of near poverty with a Christian women who is also poor? I don't know if I can begin a new career at this stage. I have a lot of love to give. Perhaps I should be single and devote myself to contemplation and also to my brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews. I've been humbled and and waiting for God to show me the way. His will be done. I cant do it on my own anymore.
 
^^You may wanna take a trip to Eastern Europe man or LATAM. It might give you a breath of fresh air and give you some hope that feminism has not fully infiltrated the whole world yet.
 

Gasman12

Chicken
I need to strengthen my faith and get myself right with God before I begin dating again. I don't want to make the same mistakes again. I know that if and when I do begin looking for a wife she will have to be Christian.

Perhaps I should be single and devote myself to contemplation and also to my brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews. I've been humbled and and waiting for God to show me the way. His will be done. I cant do it on my own anymore.
I believe the same is true for me as well. I would add that after my last relationship I came to the realization when I broke down during a confession with my priest about ending this relationship, I was devastated because I realized that I still entered it with the mindset of dating her while she entered it with the mindset of courtship. It feels like a daily battle to undue all the harmful conditioning that our secular society has done to us, and it's humbling to know that for many of us it cannot be done alone. God's help is required. Two books I would recommend are Theology of the Body and Trustful Surrender in Divine Providence.
 

Joe316

Robin
I need to strengthen my faith and get myself right with God before I begin dating again. I don't want to make the same mistakes again. I know that if and when I do begin looking for a wife she will have to be Christian.
[...]
My past has caught up with me. I was in a profession dominated by leftism. I participated in and promoted left wing philosophies. I left that profession but doing so has made me poor as a provider. Is it right to share a life of near poverty with a Christian women who is also poor? I don't know if I can begin a new career at this stage. I have a lot of love to give. Perhaps I should be single and devote myself to contemplation and also to my brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews. I've been humbled and and waiting for God to show me the way. His will be done. I cant do it on my own anymore.

After a week of prayer I've seen God moving inmidst the pandemonic dropping me into a congregation of young healthy families, who are not all saved Christians, but open to the gospel and skeptical of the vax. Whatever that means for my own path, it's an environment to heal. Trust Him!
 
Two books I would recommend are Theology of the Body and Trustful Surrender in Divine Providence.
Thanks for the recs Gasman12. I put in an order for Trustful Surrender. I've read Theology of the Body once before. Really amazing work. I will need to reread Theology of the Body because its so rich its hard to internalize it all in one pass.
 

Blade Runner

Pelican
Good posts here, I always check back in after a while in order to see the quality and type of responses to the current situation for men vis a vis women. As most know my forte is pointing out that the real issue here is the excess sex ratio. There are a lot of male losers on the bell curve, but there are many winners and with the pure numbers of men largely unchanged along the distribution, think of it, for 70+ years now (no real war, famine, plague yet), the biological realities set in: women have a short window, society legally made it shorter (18), then society made it functionally shorter by inducing careerism for women to lose their most important, desired years. Meanwhile, men bloom late and keep their bravado if they have it, since the intangible is as important as the tangible regarding attraction from women (the opposite isn't true we basically only care about youth, fertility, etc). The issue beyond this is that the female curve shifted leftward drastically to exclude an even greater portion of suitable women based on pure looks (most agree that these girls are usually 15-40 lbs overweight which is huge), let alone personality and competing careers. The final point is that men can always improve and no one cares if they don't, they'll just be a bum no one looks at - whereas women have a different type of intrinsic value where making 6s 5s or lower, or 7s now 6s, etc on down the line you just put extreme stress on reasonably available women at all. The only fix on this is major selection pressure to do the opposite (see former soviet union, if they have population to support it), which is that looks and not being fat are required or you don't get someone to take care of you. Of course, welfare states threw more fuel on to the shit show fire we are seeing. I'm still stupefied by a lot of comments I hear from women who are 50 pounds overweight talking about the quality, or lack thereof, of men. Literally no one has told them the harsh truth about biology and attraction for their whole lives. Surely they can't think that men who are 30-40+ and have resources want a relatively boring conversation with a chubster when they can have the same annoying convos here and there, but have a chance at a family and a boner for much longer ... with a woman with actually something to offer besides cubicle and wine stories.
 

Bright_Sun

Chicken
I haven't necessarily given up on women, but I don't plan on looking for one to marry at the moment.

I thought about the prospect of courting/dating with the intent of finding a potential wife, and I eventually realized that the main reason I desired a woman was that 1) I felt insecure about myself, and 2) I desired sex.

When I was younger, my father taught me not to date and not to have sex before marriage. As a result, I've actually never dated a woman, nor have I had sex, and I'm in my mid-20s. This actually makes me feel very insecure, because it is the one area of my life where I almost completely lack experience. Knowing that most of the women I meet have much more sexual and relationship experience than I do makes me feel inadequate.

I know it's silly to feel that way. I know chastity is a virtue for both men and women, and I've been working on letting go of that feeling.

My father told me that I should look into courtship, but I don't believe anyone does that anymore outside of strict Catholic or Orthodox churches. I am a Christian, and I do my best to live a godly life, but I don't belong to any particular denomination.

For a long time growing up, I desired a girlfriend, but once I realized why I wanted one, my desire began to weaken. My life is somewhat busy right now, and courting would take more of what little free time I have. I don't want to have children anytime soon, so there really is no reason for me to court.

Honestly, the whole idea of dating/courting sounds like a hassle to me. When I do have free time, I'd rather spend it riding my motorcycle instead. Maybe that sounds immature, but I guess I'm just not ready for a family yet.

I've decided to focus on improving my life in every area (family, finances, friends, spirituality) while praying to God to help me find a good woman to marry and have a family with some day, if it is His will. If He desires I live this life as a celibate (and I have no problem with that), then so be it.

I realize that most of the women nowadays are lost and confused, just like most men, but it is our duty as men to lead by example and live virtuous lives. I know there are still some virtuous women out there seeking men like us.
 
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The_Trigg

Robin
Proverbs 31:10-31

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

10 b A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
 
I never really tried. Don't know if I ever will, I'm in my mid 20s and lost a lot of formative years to drugs and mental issues. One thing I am trying to do is detoxify myself, throw up all the incel talk I've seen on message boards and videos. I would rather be naive and get hurt than live somebody else's forged path of hate and anguish. Quitting porn and winding down the fapping this year has brought clarity.
 
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