Have you talked with your kids about porn and sexuality?

So I'm not a father yet but I'm curious for those of you who have teenagers in this day and age.

I saw some study saying that 98% of all boys nowadays have watched porn by the age of 15 and considering how easy it is to access the internet in this day and age with smartphones etc. I suppose the future generation have a higher risk of becoming damaged from it.

(Meanwhile back in my days it could take me up to 1-2 weeks to just download an 8 minute low-quality video and that was considered very good here back then since I would be asked to burn CD's and sell them to other guys in school.)

Now, have you talked with your teenager about it or do you plan to do so? When?

What have you told them about it?
 
I first saw a porn magazine at 12 (1996) from a friend that took it to school, at 13 was recording porn at night, and at 13-14 (97-98) was looking at porn on my dads computer.

I watched too much porn as an adolescent, and have been a bit of a porn and sex addict. Has this been due to watching porn so young? I don’t know.

But kids will be infinately more exposed now, even if his phone is porn safe, or doesnt have one, the cool kids will always get kicks showing the most hardcore scenes he finds to everyone.

Its a good question you ask, how to manage this as a parent. My girlfriend is a bit more naive thinking this can be controlled but I know (if the kid is like me) he will find a way. But is it bad? Do parents have to talk about it?.. Good question.
 

Tytalus

Pelican
Somewhat. I've had my kids read these books, at least.

These two books are written by an anti-porn activist. I know a guy, who has met her, and said she is moved to tears by how damaging porn is for kids... But also motivated enough to do something about it.


 

Eric The Awful

Woodpecker
Gold Member
I've explained it to my children as clearly as I can. Our church's high school ministry is also very proactive in discussing sexual sin.

I never quite understood porn myself. Don't get me wrong; I've wasted way too much of my life looking at pictures of naked women. I never understood wanting to watch another man (most likely wearing a prosthetic) banging a skank. I knew early on that was cuckoldry.

Henry Mackow wrote an article years ago about how porn is gay. It makes a lot of sense. https://rense.com/general69/allppor.htm
 

Blade Runner

Ostrich
Orthodox
I agree with you emuelle, but I think the best explanation is that it's just a novelty of imagination for what a materialist would call a "glandular" issue. I don't think it's anything beyond the fact that it is an extension of masturbation. The problem is that it can get out of control and the current environment is awful regarding distractions of every day life, beyond being a sexually overcooked and degenerate society.
 

rainy

Kingfisher
I'm not sure how I'll handle this when the time comes.

But what doesn't help is the crap I've seen in the news. Wasn't there a teacher reading a book to her 5 yr old students showing them how to masturbate and perform anal? I mean WTF.
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
I think you must have that talk with your son around puberty. I think it’s awkward for a dad to tell a daughter though. Probably better for the mom to tell her.
Yet another reason why broken families and fatherless/motherless homes are evil.

With regard to OP's topic, I believe parents need to be very careful in how they choose to talk about this stuff to their kids.

There is the extreme of parents who do not talk about porn or sex except to tell their kids it's bad and must be avoided or else they're going to hell. This leads to repression (I am referring to real repressive disorders, where the person fears everything sexual and becomes neurotic and messed up. This is very differerent from when liberals use the term "repression" to insinuate that everyone should be sexually free and open).

And there is also the other extreme, which is to do what my parents did. My parents gave me the "birds and the bees" talk very early (like when I was 3 or 4), and they never shied away from giving me accurate anatomical and scientific infirmation about sex, along with drilling into my mind that "it is totally normal. Just don't do it without a condom."

Needless to say, this contributed very much to my spiritual unwellness as a teen and later as an adult, including lustful vices and problems with self-control in general.
 
Know who your kids hang out with and what access they have and for Christ's sake don't give your own children a smartphone. If you're not controlling your kids access to information in clownworld....you're doing it wrong. It's not the 1990s anymore.
If your kids are tech savvy, controlling what they can see is easier said than done. My parents had blockers on the router but I was always able to get around them. I think the best option is to just not have internet at home. That or super slow wired only. Enough that you can look at a forum/90s website or download books but videos are unreasonable.
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
If your kids are tech savvy, controlling what they can see is easier said than done. My parents had blockers on the router but I was always able to get around them. I think the best option is to just not have internet at home. That or super slow wired only. Enough that you can look at a forum/90s website or download books but videos are unreasonable.
This.

NetNanny and similar blockers/filters are extremly easy to get around if you are even remotely computer literate.

I know this because, as an adult, I once asked a family member to install these filters on my computer in order to help me avoid bad websites. However, they were all super easy to get around.

A quick Google search of "how to get around NetNanny (or whatever filter you're using)" will bring up tons of Reddit posts with simple step-by-step instructions of how to deactivate the filter.
 
If your kids are tech savvy, controlling what they can see is easier said than done. My parents had blockers on the router but I was always able to get around them. I think the best option is to just not have internet at home. That or super slow wired only. Enough that you can look at a forum/90s website or download books but videos are unreasonable.
NetNanny and similar blockers/filters are extremly easy to get around if you are even remotely tech savvy.

I hear you both and this is something I'm aware of. I'm tech savvy and know it can be bypassed....which gives me the edge, right? If we control the devices and they're only used when we're present, can they really get around the DNS block? Not only that but my kids would have to know how to get into the DNS service to change it, which requires a password that isn't stored anywhere.

I sound like a helicopter parent but we do give our children their space. We just stay on top of the flow of what they're able to be exposed to.
 
I hear you both and this is something I'm aware of. I'm tech savvy and know it can be bypassed....which gives me the edge, right? If we control the devices and they're only used when we're present, can they really get around the DNS block? Not only that but my kids would have to know how to get into the DNS service to change it, which requires a password that isn't stored anywhere.

I sound like a helicopter parent but we do give our children their space. We just stay on top of the flow of what they're able to be exposed to.
A proxy nullifies DNS blocks but its probably still worth trying. What do you mean by devices? I would avoid handheld devices entirely. If your kids have some creative interest in technology (CG or programming, maybe?) then a crappy computer will be just fine. Otherwise you should try to keep them busy with real life hobbies. Phones and tablets exist exclusively to be used for time wasting or perversion.
 

Bird

Pelican
UNICEF believes porn is not harmful to children

A new report from the UN Children's Fund makes parents' hair stand on end: Pornographic material does not harm children, it says. On the contrary, an electronic age barrier on the Internet excludes children from porn consumption. This violates their rights.

The report, titled "Digital Age Assurance Tools and Children`s Rights Online across the Globe," packs a punch. Meanwhile, the report is no longer available on Unicef`s official website. C-Fam has secured it and made it available here: http://c-fam.org/wp-content/uploads...-Childrens-Rights-Online-across-the-Globe.pdf.

In this report, Unicef doubts that porn is harmful to children - diametrically opposed to the professional view of pediatricians and psychotherapists. The child's brain reacts differently to images than the mature adult brain. Studies show that porn consumption leads to fears and false ideas about love and sexuality. The ability to have relationships suffers, and there is a high potential for addiction, especially among minors. Porn promotes sexual violence and poses a high risk to the healthy psychological development of children and adolescents.

Unicef now officially sees it differently. Because accessibility on the Internet to images and videos with explicit sexual content is steadily becoming easier, the general age restriction for pornography should be reconsidered - according to Unicef's intellectually somewhat simplistic reasoning. Not only that, Unicef simply turns the tables on member states that want to protect children from pornography and sexual assault through the criminal code: The legal age restriction on the Internet, it argues, excludes children from uninhibited porn consumption; they can no longer obtain information about sex, lesbians and gays without hindrance. This, the children's aid organization concludes, violates children's rights.

For its argumentation, Unicef draws on an EU-wide study that is supposed to scientifically validate its pro-porn push. For this study, with the innocuous-sounding title "
EU Kids Online 2020," more than 25,000 children between the ages of 9 and 16 in 19 EU member states were selected. The children, some of whom were still in elementary school, were asked whether they reacted happily or sadly to pornographic material on the Internet. Because most of the children indicated they reacted neither sadly nor happily to it, Unicef construed this as a claim to lower restrictions on children online.

The Center for Family and Human Rights (C-Fam) sharply criticizes the Unicef report, which has since disappeared, writing, "The last thing children need is a billion-dollar UN agency, created to protect children, telling them that porn is okay." [...]


by Familien-Schutz.de

More infos about porn: https://c-fam.org/?s=porn
 

DanielH

Ostrich
Orthodox
Unicef now officially sees it differently. Because accessibility on the Internet to images and videos with explicit sexual content is steadily becoming easier, the general age restriction for pornography should be reconsidered - according to Unicef's intellectually somewhat simplistic reasoning.
"Because there's so many drugs on the streets, we should consider making it legal." Pretty much the same argument.

This comes hand in hand with our anarcho-tyrannical system and tech oligarchy.
The legal age restriction on the Internet, it argues, excludes children from uninhibited porn consumption; they can no longer obtain information about sex, lesbians and gays without hindrance. This, the children's aid organization concludes, violates children's rights.
Demons.
 

Cervantes

Woodpecker
Woman
A few conversations about porn when your kids are pre-teens is going to do nothing against the constant promotion of sexualization and pornography.

My strategy is:

1. prevent exposure to porn as much as I can
2. give them a cultural formation that will make them resistant to porn as they get older.

Mainstream society is already completely pornified - and as the years pass this is only going to get worse. So if you want to prevent your kids from exposure to porn you have to withdraw from a lot of mainstream institutions (TV, public schools), and raise them interacting mostly with families that have the same values as you do.

Preventing exposure:

1. Block porn on the internet at home. A tech savvy child when they are older may be able to circumvent it - but not until then. And even then blocking it sends a message that you disapprove of it.
2. Never let kids use a screen of any kind alone. They should only watch videos, play games or surf the web in a public room in the house - like in the living room. Don't get them their own smartphone.
3. Don't allow them to watch TV or use the internet at the homes of friends who are not serious about these issues.


Cultural formation:

Strategies to prevent exposure are only going to work until they are 10-12. After that they will be independent enough that even though you should continue your best to prevent exposure - you have to have already formed them into people who would not consume porn.

The issue of pornography can't be dealt with as separate from the meaning and purpose of sex. You have teach them a healthy and traditional view of sexuality, one in which pornography will naturally be viewed as wrong. This in turn is built on a Christian moral framework. So I'm taking this in layers:

1. Teach them about human dignity: People are made in the image of God. They are different from animals and have a special dignity. We have souls, and have special moral responsibility. As young children you contrast the behavior of people an animals ( people talk, animals don't, people wear clothes, animals don't etc. ) This goes along with teaching the 10 commandments etc.

2. Teach them that people have a spiritual and an earthly side. The soul is the spiritual part, the body is the earthly side. We have a part that yearns for spiritual things (to go to heaven, to please God, to love goodness, to love others) and an animal side that has animal urges (to rest, eat, that gets angry, greedy etc.)

3. Self control: A good model for children is: Your mind is like a horse and rider. The horse is your passions - the animal side. The rider is your reason - the spiritual side. The bridle is self-discipline. Freedom is when the rider can direct his horse to go where he wants. The key here is to get the child to identify with his reason/will and not think of himself as a collection of biological urges. Contrast people showing self control vs people who are out of control when you see them - or pointing out their own behavior. Who is in control right now?

4. Your biological urges have a purpose: You eat when you are hungry, and food tastes good so you will eat and be healthy. What happens with you eat too much? Or just candy? Is this self control? And you can do these lessons with things like anger, rest vs sloth etc.

Before you even get to sex at all you've primed them to understand that animal desires are good and given by God, but for a specific purpose and to be used under the control of reason.

So when they start to get curious about sex you can talk about it in this context. Now lessons about how pornography is against God's purpose, that its unhealthy and represents a lack of self control will fit right in to this prepared moral framework.

The modern lessons on these first 4 points above are different: humans are animals, your subconscious desires are and should be in control, your sexual desires define your identity and cannot be controlled of changed, biological urges have no purpose and should be used for pleasure. If your kids absorb the modernist lessons on these then your lessons on sex and porn won't make sense.

So you have to watch for these counter narratives in the culture and actively counter them (most people think.... but in our family we know that....) And point out the failures in modern people (how sloppily they dress, with no dignity, the poor quality of food they eat, their obesity, their lack of self control). They need to internalize that their moral framework is different and better than what most people are taught and has positive benefits for them.
 

Max Roscoe

Pelican
Orthodox Inquirer
I think preventing children from ever seeing pornography is basically impossible today. I bet most 10 year olds have seen naked women.

Anyway, even by banning the internet, I think it would still happen.
I saw my first naked female image in a dirty magazine someone brought on a boy scout campout (taken from his older brother). There is a certain curiosity of the opposite sex, particularly when you are young and having hormones and don't know what women really look like.

I remember feeling a mixed sense of curiosity and also a feeling that it was wrong. I didn't look at porn or seek out other magazines after that, but I was fascinated seeing that body. I think instilling a feeling that the human body is beautiful and not shameful, perhaps by visiting an art museum, and placing it in the proper context of how people do not reveal their bodies to others, and your naked body is to be shared with your spouse, is a much more helpful attitude. I don't think anyone's tech blockers are actually stopping your kids from looking at porn, either.

The best plan is to instill that pornography is harmful and wrong, but the naked body is not. Then the curiosity can be satisfied but hopefully they will turn away from the evils of porn and all the evil stuff like only fans and whatever sick stuff is coming next, that comes along with it.
 

An0dyne

Robin
Perhaps the hardest part is controlling what goes on outside the home. If you send your children to a school of any kind, including private and Christian (trust me, I have been through Christian education from preschool through college), they will see porn. You have to homeschool. But as others have said, you’ll still face issues when they visit friends. Even families that seem so like-minded can have a bad apple in there somewhere (again speaking from experience).

In-the-home is easier to manage, and is likely where any kind if true addiction would form, so that at least is where you can be most proactive. Dovetailing off what Cervantes said, you really need to emphasize the Divine order of creation. God created man and woman as procreative beings, and this is good. Pornography corrupts this sacred act and is intrinsically designed to foster sodomitic behavior (for the viewer, masturbation, to say nothing of the actions on-screen). This is a grave offense, as Scripture warns (“all other sins are outside the body,” etc.). The relationship between a husband and wife is a microcosm of the relationship between Christ and the Church, which gives birth to many sons of the faith. Any assault on the marital union, of which sex is a chief part, is an assault on that greater mystic Union. Moreover, the family unit, consisting of father, mother, and progeny, is a reflection of the inner workings of the Blessed Trinity. It is a gross perversion of nature and thus an affront to the Creator and His very Being to engage in sexual deviancy.

If you inculcate this moral framework from a young age, I believe it will bear sanctified fruit (no pun intended).

Also, just to point out, the Eucharist and the Apocalypse (literally means “unveiling”) are permeated with marital terminology. “Wedding Supper of the Lamb.” The culmination of our spiritual life on earth in the Divine Service and ultimately in the Parousia are reflective of these truths. These are all things to incorporate into a healthy sexual/marital framework.
 
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alchemical

Sparrow
Enough that you can look at a forum/90s website
This is a good idea. Instead of writing complex algorithms to determine safe/unsafe sites, which the average user will find a workaround anyway, the companies should just set a filter according to date--the 90's is the best era for the internet (the anarchist cookbook was what was considered controversial back then). It'll be much harder to hack your way out of such a restriction.
 
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