I remember going through a rough breakup the same time as Mace Tyrell. It was insane how badly we were agonizing over these broads.
Let me ask a question: are you not over the woman? Or the breakup?
I think I know the answer.
It's like finding a Craigslist ad for a Cadillac, the caddy costs $50,000. You pay for the car, certified check, and the owner drives away and disappears. You were scammed.
That's how you feel about your ex. That's certainly how I feel about my ex. She came in my life, promised me the world, penetrated my inner circle (family, best friends, my heart), and suddenly disappeared. She had promised me a Cadillac, took my $50,000, and ran. Blocked my number and disappeared.
It was easier for me to soothe the pain by watching her grow old and fat, consistently failing to lock a man down (evidenced by repeated appearances on dating apps.) . Knowing that her value has been permanently diminished, that her last glimmer of beauty is fading, is like watching your scammer finally do a 20 year bid.
I'm still not over the pain and betrayal. How do you get over it?
You have to get that Bentley.
If you start pulling in millions a year, dropping $300k cash for that new Mulsanne, straight from the dealer, are you really going to worry about that used Cadillac and some low level huckster who has to scam $50k?
To put it in perspective, if you find a woman who is hotter, but more importantly, more loyal, caring, feminine, and younger to boot, you've essentially won the game of romance, unless you think your ex is the greatest woman in the world. I sure as hell don't. I'm embarrassed I gave her a shot.
Do I think that I'll find the Bentley in America? Probably not, but if my cryptocurrencies take off, I'll be on the first plane out of here to a land far away to get that Bentley.
My advice is to accept the 'stuff' that comes up but don't dwell on it. Like if you find yourself thinking about her, just kind of listen to your thoughts and let them run themselves out. Don't get into "what if" or "I can't believe" or you will just fester with those thoughts forever. Don't go through old pictures or social media when in these moods.
Read THE RATIONAL MALE!!! Answers all of these questions, and while you are at it, one-itis is curable.With the upcoming forum change, perhaps this is a chance to have a healthier conversation about how to move on from an ex.
2.5 years out of my last LTR. 20 notches since.
Still not over it.
The advice of "just smash other women" hasn't helped. The advice of going "no contact" hasn't helped. Frustrating that after all this time, at times by myself late at night I still find myself slipping into rage thinking of how it went down, how cold she was when she did it and how quickly she seemed to lose her love for me, if she even had any authentic love at all.
What caused you to suspect she was cheating? Your things were on the curb because you were probably right.15 year relationship with my 2nd ex-wife. Had 2 stepchildren through her (yes I know that is a red flag) and loved them very much.
I accused her of having an affair on me while we were in Knoxville, TN. We were there, because I was a club volleyball coach and my stepdaughter was a player. She left me in Knoxville, I had to catch a last minute flight back to where I live, only to come home to all of my belongings in the street.
Here's what I did.
I worked out every day, every damn day. I went from 210 to 170, less than 15% body fat and now in the best shape of my life.
I began meditating first thing in the morning, every damn day.
I went into the woods and camped for days at a time without any cell signal.
I worked as much as I could, volunteering for extra days.
I learned how to dress better, walk better, make eye contact better.
I stopped drinking, I only ate natural organic foods.
I forgave my Dad for leaving me when I was very young.
It's been over one year now and I still miss them, but I am better off today at 44 then I have ever been.
Take care of YOU!
Busy with her job? Probably a BJ with Chad from accounting.....Glad I came across this thread
Recently ended it with my LTR, Ever since she had been "busy" with her job she had been getting really distant and apathetic. For what ever reason she had lost interest in me and we drifted apart. This was the girl i planned to marry and It still hurts. I tried going on dates with other girls but the chemistry just isn't there. Casual sex won't fill the void in my heart.
As beta as this sounds, you really just can't get over love that easly.
You will never get a straight answer, so look at it as enigma. Could be your Johnson was so large, sex was painful for her. You never know......"I would love to have a candid discussion about what went wrong and perhaps how I could have conducted myself differently. But, as we know you can’t have these conversations with women. They will absolutely eviscerate you."
Yes this is what's eating me up inside, she went from living me to cold and distant
I just want to know where i went wrong
That's good advice. I've just realized that's what I've been doing.
I know better. Once you allow your mind to get into a negative loop it's difficult to break.
They say you need to have a positive loop in your pocket to break it... like a default thought you can switch to whenever you catch yourself ruminating.
For me, I always visualize my kid self, with all that potential, and I'm betraying him by living in the past and not building his future.
I do that for other stuff, and I'll start doing it for this...
This tip is GENIUS.
I've been hamstering over my ex for waaaay too long, but after a couple of days of doing this I'm over it.
What a waste of life...
I feel a lot of guilt for breaking things off and hurting a girl I dated for 3,5 years. I broke up with her 5 months ago, minimal contact afterwards. I thought she moved on, like me. What complicates things is that she showed up at my doorstep a few weeks ago to see if there was still a chance. Very brave of her, but I ended up dismissing her, in a rather cold way which also surprised me. She is a good woman and deserves better than I gave her, in the end. Complete NC now, at my urging.
Any tips on steps to take to forgive oneself, moving forward and dealing with the guilt?