Heartbroken and need some advice

[Nate_Drake]

Bro, here's my two cents.

If you want to be fulfilled in life, resign yourself to live alone and be alone for the rest of your life. With that principle firmly in place, you will have success with women. It may not be this one, but you will have success. Loneliness is a rough pill to swallow but you'll realize that if you can't endure loneliness then you can't be a good leader. You must be 100 percent self reliant no matter what under any circumstance. Does that sound fun? No. But it's far better than the alternative and if you can accomplish this you'll attract far better people in your life and you'll have the admiration of others who aspire to be like you. Every day remind yourself that this could be the last day you're on earth or it could be the last day on earth for someone you love. If you can arrive at this point, i believe you can reach your fullest potential while having the fewest regrets when the curtain closes.

Also, regarding depression from stuff like this, hit the gym hard. Hit the sauna. Take ice baths (just did my first ice bath today and it felt great because I'm afraid of it). I can't really toot my own horn though. It wasn't nearly enough ice for my first try so i have a hill to climb but it did feel empowering to take that first step.

 

[Cartographer]

I'm going through something similar. Love of my life, practically engaged, didn't work out, can't stop saying "I can't believe it" under my breath.

I can't not think about how angry I am and how messed up it is. But I don't have to let my mood determine my attitude.

If you're up for trying anything I'd suggest listening to the sappiest love songs that make you think of her for as long as you can stand while looking at your face in the mirror. If it doesn't look like the face of the man you want to be then force it back into what it should look like.

Also, don't murmur against God. Little exasperations under your breath, head shaking and physical motions that show emotional pain are your enemy. Make your body and face look normal and you'll influence your behavior. Change your behavior and you'll change your mentality.

 

[SingularityOne]

Bro, here's my two cents.

If you want to be fulfilled in life, resign yourself to live alone and be alone for the rest of your life. With that principle firmly in place, you will have success with women. It may not be this one, but you will have success. Loneliness is a rough pill to swallow but you'll realize that if you can't endure loneliness then you can't be a good leader. You must be 100 percent self reliant no matter what under any circumstance. Does that sound fun? No. But it's far better than the alternative and if you can accomplish this you'll attract far better people in your life and you'll have the admiration of others who aspire to be like you. Every day remind yourself that this could be the last day you're on earth or it could be the last day on earth for someone you love. If you can arrive at this point, i believe you can reach your fullest potential while having the fewest regrets when the curtain closes.

Also, regarding depression from stuff like this, hit the gym hard. Hit the sauna. Take ice baths (just did my first ice bath today and it felt great because I'm afraid of it). I can't really toot my own horn though. It wasn't nearly enough ice for my first try so i have a hill to climb but it did feel empowering to take that first step.

This is kinda what I’ve come to as well brother (regarding being content being alone being where true outcome independence and strength comes from). My question regarding this is... don’t you still need to approach women, or should one with this date just stop approaching all together? Or is it not that black and white?

 

[Seeker79]

Bro, here's my two cents.

If you want to be fulfilled in life, resign yourself to live alone and be alone for the rest of your life. With that principle firmly in place, you will have success with women. It may not be this one, but you will have success. Loneliness is a rough pill to swallow but you'll realize that if you can't endure loneliness then you can't be a good leader. You must be 100 percent self reliant no matter what under any circumstance. Does that sound fun? No. But it's far better than the alternative and if you can accomplish this you'll attract far better people in your life and you'll have the admiration of others who aspire to be like you. Every day remind yourself that this could be the last day you're on earth or it could be the last day on earth for someone you love. If you can arrive at this point, i believe you can reach your fullest potential while having the fewest regrets when the curtain closes.

Also, regarding depression from stuff like this, hit the gym hard. Hit the sauna. Take ice baths (just did my first ice bath today and it felt great because I'm afraid of it). I can't really toot my own horn though. It wasn't nearly enough ice for my first try so i have a hill to climb but it did feel empowering to take that first step.

This is kinda what I’ve come to as well brother (regarding being content being alone being where true outcome independence and strength comes from). My question regarding this is... don’t you still need to approach women, or should one with this date just stop approaching all together? Or is it not that black and white?

I'm becoming more and more like Nate_Drake. Over time I have learned to manage my loneliness better. I don't really care for having a woman but not having a family with children of my own is the part that hits me the hardest. Every passing day I can feel time and life slipping away slowly.

Work, daily grind of living, working out, and entertainment keep me distracted but out of nowhere I get hit with waves of fear of never having a family that is tough to deal with. Sometimes it's late at night where the thoughts on my condition keep me up. But it also happens when I'm driving from a grocery store or when I see a happy man doing something mundane with his kids.

I don't know if this is the path that God chose for me but I can't help think about God's guidance on marriage and having children. Father Josiah Trenham says that we celebrate God when we have children (he has 10 himself) and being unable to fulfill that also makes me wonder if my own predilection is not aligned with God's design.

 

[Jive Turkey]

I don't know you, but I'm going through something similar. Love you bro! These women really are infernal creatures haha. Always liable to switch on a dime

 

[Nate_Drake]

Man

This is kinda what I’ve come to as well brother (regarding being content being alone being where true outcome independence and strength comes from). My question regarding this is... don’t you still need to approach women, or should one with this date just stop approaching all together? Or is it not that black and white?

Man, I'm not the dude who is a master approach guy. It never resonated with me since whatever i might come up with to say to a chick has nothing to do with her(Assuming we don't know each other). Unless we have some common social connection, then we MIGHT have something to talk about that would be semi sincere. If you manage to get her chatting, she's probably going to expect you to move fast and if that's your thing then that's up to you. I feel like the modern woman wants you to seduce her Into bed rather than give you two two the opportunity to get to know each other slowly. I dabbled with pua but it never sat well with me and was only successful if i had been drinking. I also tried to join co Ed sports and other communal events which had some positive impact. Obviously sometimes you're going to feel some vibes and that's different--some kind of chemistry, then go for it. That said, you gotta take action if you feel the need, not sit on the sidelines of life so i don't have a perfect answer.

This is an untested theory but I'll go ahead and tell it to you. As a man trying to find some balance in his life and not be eternally alone i have always thought the top priority should be in forming a tribe with other like minded men. If you can find loyal dudes around who got your back and are willing to help you(in anything) without aggressively trying to compete, you might have better odds at whatever you attempt to acheive. The tendency of men is to forget the age old adage, bros before the ladies. I think it's American culture. They don't want you in that speakeasy figuring everything out now do they? If you have a tribe, they'll keep you positive when you're down. They hold you accountable and they'll help you when they can, thereby reducing your stress and improving your opportunities in life. That should be very attractive to women, to employers, and to anyone you meet. How to form a tribe in today's day in age? That's the primary problem to solve. For sure, it matters where you reside. If you're not proximal to the type of people you want to associate with, then that's job#1. To tie everything back though, it's the resignation to eternal loneliness that i believe is the key. Everything else is icing on the cake. if you look at women or a woman as the reward for this life i believe that's the wrong path. As a struggling Christian, many of us may end up alone. We may marry miss perfect and she may die tragically. Christianity with a dose of stoicism is my way of dealing with this reality.

 

[scarfaceantonio]

I can feel with you.... you are probably a meek dude with a kind heart.... and that also allows the enemy to shoot fire on you. You are not alone,.... you have a "soul-tie" to this girl. Such dudes have a terrible time with the worldly woman nowadays. I also yesterday spoke with my mum, who came back from holiday.... and in this country there are even STRONG, HANDSAME, INTELLIGENT man.... who got "ran over" by their wifes, who are at least 2 levels under his "value". They get depressed, start drinking.... and would even take her back, if the wife would be willing. But instead, the wifes USE their power so to say. What a (wicked) mess!

Dont make the mistake of starting drinking.... I have done this and you loose your "sound mind". Face the pain.... and be purified by it. I can recommend you the guy called "Vlad Savchuck" regarding the topic of "soul ties".... im yet suspisios about him (a charismatc), but the knowledge he provides is truly deep.

I hope that GOD has a special plan for people like you..... the pressure and pain is intense. But so also ISRAEL was 400 years (!) in slavery UNTIL something HUGE happened, which changed the course of history.

You must also understand you was engaged with a person, who is "spiritually dead".... Flesh and Soul are wicked.... selfish. Its hard to "dofferiantate".... but maybe in your painfull situation you will be blessed with this gift. King David, also Roosh wrote their BEST psalms/ articles in times of trouble.

GROW as a person, in wisdom and love.... and "choke" that "biological machine" out of your mind. I hope you will come to that point where you can say "thank you for that experience", because it opened a door to the TRUTH, which set you free !

 

[Parmesan]

I know how you feel. I was VERY beta in my 20s, but I’m tall so I could still get girls attention on occasion. I’ve been dumped/ghosted by nearly every girl I’ve ever dated. There are 2-3 solid women I still deeply regret losing.

I often did not take rejection well at all. In my early 30s I had a sort of whirlwind romance on a vacation... I know some are probably rolling their eyes, but we had an intense connection and were openly discussing our options in terms of progressing our relationship by the time I left. It felt like this time was different. It only took a week after leaving and she stopped responding to me entirely. I was devasted, and spent the next several months trying to dodge depression by taking all sorts of random road trips, often times just driving a couple hours and turning around.

The black pill in me says part of the reason women like older men, is because by 35 even beta men are somewhat red pilled on female behavior and relationships. The very fact that I felt these girls were too good to lose, made them less attracted to me.

I’m in my late 30s and I can say I didn’t really “grow up” until 36 or so. That is, I didn’t really fully red pill and start to understand what women want in a masculine man, and how to be one.

Of course it’s normal to be sad over a breakup, but unfortuantely I think the depression you are experiencing is probably a sign you still have some self discovery to do if you want to truly lead a woman in a relationship. Of course it isn’t fair, but a woman is likely going to sniff out this weakness in you eventually and come to resent it. I’m not trying to be mean, but unfortunately through 15+ year of failures on my part, I’ve learned the hard way.

 

[Magnus Stout]

I wanted to chime in (lots of good advice) but add something else: where things are headed, you do *not* need a female who can't (1) follow your lead and (2) be loyal. I would say that the spiritual pressure cooker has just started. That might be a blessing in disguise (much better now than in a divorce).

I promise that your 40-year old self would look at things very different than your 30-year old self. I actually found my wife after a similar break up situation (we've been married 11 years so far). I just took a view similar to Nate_Drake above. Women can sense desperation, and there is value to both parties when you can rise above your neediness (read about Stoicism). A good leader must govern himself first before he can lead/govern others.

Don't deny the pain or attempt to dull it (that leads to drug abuse and psychopathy). Recognize it and accept that "it is what it is." Remember that wise phrase, apt in the very best and worst of life's situations: this too shall pass. A woman should never be your mission; your mission should be your mission.

 

[Easy_C]

Same here. I had one hard break up in July 2011. I expected it to take a long time to find another suitable candidate, and instead ended up talking to another one in September. The difference is that me and my now wife place family above career. My ex placed her teaching career above everything else and (saw a post on Facebook from a mutual friend), only recently got married while I've already got several. Also got a definite looks upgrade too vs. the ex

 

[wiseape]

Bottom line, if you ain’t got a ring, it don’t mean a thing. And that goes both ways. You sound young. It’s an ego blow but you’ll bounce back. Dating is just that…dating.