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<blockquote data-quote="JohnQThomas" data-source="post: 1391650" data-attributes="member: 17134">Does her biggest concern seem to be that she doesn’t want living in the area to be permanent? Had you led her to think you might be willing to move to the part of the country she’s from (or somewhere in between)? Or that this might be negotiable? (IS it negotiable?) Maybe she really would like to be with you—AND really doesn’t want to live where you want to live. She seems to be genuinely conflicted. Not that you should chase her, but maybe—at least if she contacts you first—ask her once whether, IF you were willing to relocate (not that you should offer to if you don’t mean it), she would think differently about staying together and marriage. If she doesn’t have an immediate answer, ask her to think about it for a few days. At least you can find out whether the issue is location or something else.If you can’t work out where to live, or if the issue is anything else, then it’s over. And nobody is really the a-hole here. (She let you know in a civil manner that she needed some time and space to think. Unless she has cheated, nobody has done anything wrong.)Whatever you do, DON’T marry her if she agrees (only reluctantly and due to your excellent debating skills) to keep living where you know she really doesn’t want to live. Because sooner or later she will decide that she is indeed not happy and that you pressured or manipulated her into staying. Then it’s buh-bye; and how will cross-country joint custody work out for the kids?</blockquote>

[QUOTE="JohnQThomas, post: 1391650, member: 17134"] Does her biggest concern seem to be that she doesn’t want living in the area to be permanent? Had you led her to think you might be willing to move to the part of the country she’s from (or somewhere in between)? Or that this might be negotiable? (IS it negotiable?) Maybe she really would like to be with you—AND really doesn’t want to live where you want to live. She seems to be genuinely conflicted. Not that you should chase her, but maybe—at least if she contacts you first—ask her once whether, IF you were willing to relocate (not that you should offer to if you don’t mean it), she would think differently about staying together and marriage. If she doesn’t have an immediate answer, ask her to think about it for a few days. At least you can find out whether the issue is location or something else. If you can’t work out where to live, or if the issue is anything else, then it’s over. And nobody is really the a-hole here. (She let you know in a civil manner that she needed some time and space to think. Unless she has cheated, nobody has done anything wrong.) Whatever you do, DON’T marry her if she agrees (only reluctantly and due to your excellent debating skills) to keep living where you know she really doesn’t want to live. Because sooner or later she will decide that she is indeed not happy and that you pressured or manipulated her into staying. Then it’s buh-bye; and how will cross-country joint custody work out for the kids? [/QUOTE]

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