Help! I'm in love with a naïve Christian girl who wants to go off to the Air Force

Hey guys (and any girls reading this),

I'm friends with this really beautiful, intelligent young woman from a good Christian family. She's 18. I teach both her and her younger siblings piano, guitar, and singing. She's very feminine, likes to care for her younger brothers, cooks, is a good ballroom dancer, and does really well in school.

I'm only 24, so the young woman and I have developed a pretty casual and friendly relationship that also overlaps with other friend groups from Church. Frankly, I've developed some pretty strong feelings for her that I've tried to ignore, but it's been harder and harder every time I see her.

The painting below pretty much sums up our relationship, and we even look similar to both the people depicted in it:

at the piano.jpeg

I need your advice. Even though she's really Christian and quite traditional, and her mom is a homeschooling stay-at-home mom, she's totally dedicating her life towards her grades and getting into college. In fact, she decided to join the Air Force ROTC and study Computer Science because they would pay for her college, which of course entails at least 4 years of military service after. The problem I have is that, based on my conversations with her, she's never really thought about the vocation of motherhood in practical terms, she just goes along with the modern feminist mindset of working tirelessly towards college and career, and hoping marriage will just happen later. She is very pretty and feminine, and knowing her sensitive nature, I just don't think she'll be able to fit into a military situation. If she does, it will be because she will have to force herself to become more masculine, and I think she will not be happy with it. Another thing that is annoying about her is that she and her mom think college is just something fun you have to do and get out of the way. However, I think that's a big waste of time (and money) if all you are going to do is end up like your mom and be a happy housewife anyway.

Now, I don't want to boss her around or anything, and I'm worried my feelings are getting in the way of what's best for her, but I also just genuinely want to advise her and warn her that being in the military as a traditional, Christian woman comes at a cost of either your own femininity or the quality of the military, which should be a very masculine institution for the good of the Nation. I want her to follow God's Will, and it seems like God's will is generally to follow Biblical norms for manhood or womanhood.

What would you guys do in such a situation? Should I try to talk to her about it? How? Should I even try to pursue her romantically? I feel that it's perfectly natural and healthy for me to want to pursue her, but is it a red flag that she hasn't even thought about marriage except as a distant future thing after her career happens? I'm having a lot of trouble forcing myself to stop thinking about her, especially 'cause I keep seeing her.

Only thoughtful answers based on experience or common sense, please. No black pills or MGTOW style crap.
 

J.E.

Robin
Don't use the Lord's name in vain
Jesus Christ, what's with the blogposts about girls lately? What's with the emotional language and picture? What da?! Can't you cut it down to a couple of keywords like:

- I give girl piano lessons
- I like her and she very young mhhmhm
- she stupid and wanna go military
- buys into the college meme
- family supports her stupid decisions
- me wanna make babies with her
- what do?

OP, you are already in a mentor/master position plus you're more than half a decade older than her. She ought to respect you a lot and worship you at this point. So I don't get what's your problem voicing your opinion and discouraging her. She's young and impressionable so steer her away from her twisted ideas. Use 70 % emotion and 30 % logic on her over a period of 3-6 weeks, if she doesn't change her mind and seriously enrolls the Air Force: dömp it.

If you act around her the way you write your OP, no wonder you need advice. Get comfortable being a man, stand your ground, say what you gotta say and show that you want her and that she needs you. You've already proven your worth (practically) but it seems emotionally she has the upper hand - you didn't even mention what she thinks about you. Does she even know? Did you make any moves? I'm not an advocate for killing your emotions but in your case you gotta atleast pretend to but still be friendly to her, but stop your beta-charade or it will end in inaction and regret. Do something and report back.
 

Gradient

Kingfisher
So, is her father not around? If he is, have you spoken to him about this?

You are tutoring her and her siblings music. Is this a paid position?

Should I even try to pursue her romantically? I feel that it's perfectly natural and healthy for me to want to pursue her,

You may feel that way, but if you are being paid as a tutor, then the family might view you as an employee, not a romantic prospect for their daughter. Tutoring gigs seldom provide strong financial foundations.

Do you have a financial plan to support her and the family that you believe you want?
 
Jesus Christ, what's with the blogposts about girls lately? What's with the emotional language and picture? What da?! Can't you cut it down to a couple of keywords like:

- I give girl piano lessons
- I like her and she very young mhhmhm
- she stupid and wanna go military
- buys into the college meme
- family supports her stupid decisions
- me wanna make babies with her
- what do?

OP, you are already in a mentor/master position plus you're more than half a decade older than her. She ought to respect you a lot and worship you at this point. So I don't get what's your problem voicing your opinion and discouraging her. She's young and impressionable so steer her away from her twisted ideas. Use 70 % emotion and 30 % logic on her over a period of 3-6 weeks, if she doesn't change her mind and seriously enrolls the Air Force: dömp it.

If you act around her the way you write your OP, no wonder you need advice. Get comfortable being a man, stand your ground, say what you gotta say and show that you want her and that she needs you. You've already proven your worth (practically) but it seems emotionally she has the upper hand - you didn't even mention what she thinks about you. Does she even know? Did you make any moves? I'm not an advocate for killing your emotions but in your case you gotta atleast pretend to but still be friendly to her, but stop your beta-charade or it will end in inaction and regret. Do something and report back.
I think you're reading more emotion into it than I intended, I just wrote a lot of details partly to help me understand it myself. I'm also pursuing some other girls. Other than that, I think you hit some good points. I like what you say about action. I made a move on her but it took her so aback that she was kind of at a loss. I think I need to take it slow if anywhere.
 
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So, is her father not around? If he is, have you spoken to him about this?

You are tutoring her and her siblings music. Is this a paid position?



You may feel that way, but if you are being paid as a tutor, then the family might view you as an employee, not a romantic prospect for their daughter. Tutoring gigs seldom provide strong financial foundations.

Do you have a financial plan to support her and the family that you believe you want?
Her father's around. Haven't spoken to him yet, cause I haven't decided if she's a good prospect.

Yeah it's paid.

The family views me as both a tutor and a friend. It's not a very formal relationship.

Yeah, I have some opportunities financially, that's not too big of an issue really.
 

J.E.

Robin
Bro, young dudes have emotions about girls, and so have you I'm sure, so get over it. No need to play tough guy.
That's not an excuse to go overboard with a girl you never started something with. Only pointing out that you are too much in your head and need to snap out of it. Count the money only when you have it in your hands, right now you're just imagining things.
 
That's not an excuse to go overboard with a girl you never started something with. Only pointing out that you are too much in your head and need to snap out of it. Count the money only when you have it in your hands, right now you're just imagining things.
That's a solid point and I needed to hear it. Uncomfortable, but something I needed to hear. Emotions are complicated and weird, man.
 

Qivar

Pigeon
Didn't read the post, but the title says enough.

Tell her not to go into the Air Force, because it will destroy her feminine spirit. If she respects you as a man, she'll listen to your advice. If she enlists anyway, she's a lost cause, and you'll have to move on.
You're not getting any advice better than this OP.

You're being too emotional now, it's fine, we've all been there.
 
OP, you are already in a mentor/master position plus you're more than half a decade older than her. She ought to respect you a lot and worship you at this point. So I don't get what's your problem voicing your opinion and discouraging her. She's young and impressionable so steer her away from her twisted ideas. Use 70 % emotion and 30 % logic on her over a period of 3-6 weeks, if she doesn't change her mind and seriously enrolls the Air Force: dömp it.

This is sound advice. Have the conversation, make what you want very clear, expect an answer within a time frame, make a final decision from the answer.

Personally I'd go shorter and less verbose: "No future wife of mine is going into the military. End of conversation."

If this is difficult for you: stop thinking of her and think of the well-being of your future children.

The family views me as both a tutor and a friend. It's not a very formal relationship.

What you've said is confusing. If her parents are paying you and view you as a friend then you aren't dating this girl. If that's the situation you need to get around some dudes IRL who will help you fix yourself because bro, come on.
 

Steiner

Pigeon
Like others have said you're already in a mentorship position, just give her your honest feelings about her joining the Air Force. Don't beat around the bush at all, I'm talking full John Wayne mode with a little Sean Connery added in.
Tell her she may think its a good idea right now (she's drinking the cool aid) but she's going to pay with some of the most important, and best years of her life. Also, it is a sidenote but I'm pretty sure once you do ROTC it is a minimum 6 years as an officer right? So by the time she's done she will be 27 or 28.

Double also, I know you care for this young woman and you may want the best for her. But detach a little bit or you may get burned bad here.

One question I would ask her, which would tell you everything you need to know:
"Do you want to have a family?"
Her answer: "yes"
Insert military divorce rates, the fact she will never be in one place for too long, is a slave to the machine (a very big machine which has shown it no longer tolerates and works actively against Christians)
"You can't have both"
 

Steiner

Pigeon
As a side note, I see she also wants to go study Computer Science. I started in computer science and shifted to Electrical Engineering, more of a hands on kinda guy.

Every single girl I saw in my 4 years that started CS, outside of absolute anti-social freaks, dropped out of the major. You should steer her clear of that too. She will hate her life doing computer science.

However an 18 year old girls mind probably can't handle this many truth bombs in a short period. But she will find out once she starts. Trust me.

Good luck brother!
 
Lots of advice in the right direction in this thread. But frankly, best option is to ask direct questions that get her thinking about her life choices, and the woman she wants to be. Be Socratic, and help her elaborate her positions. Then, should you feel like there are things that she can be swayed on, state what you know and believe in a way that's gentle yet firm.

"If you had to choose between having a career and having a family, what would you choose?"
Good question to ask because it subtlety suggests you can't have both. I asked this question on the first date with my current girlfriend and would not have considered another date if she hesitated to say yes.

"If you have a family someday, are you ok with depriving them of the ability to form a strong community by moving every two years?"
"Are you sure you want to kill people, and how would you feel if you killed a non-combatant? Do you think that you'll be able to live that down?"
"If the military is doing anti-Christian things, should Christians be in the military?"
Most people have forgotten what being in the military actually entails. I wouldn't recommend approaching it with the "only men should be in the military" or the "military is rampant with female infidelity" argument. This is dangerous ground and can make you sound sexist, which is a turn-off for most women. Instead, frame it in a way that shows the high spiritual cost of being in the military. Because frankly, there's incredibly high monetary incentives for being in the military. Gold for your soul.

I would not recommend pursuing her romantically before you ask these questions and help her answer them. You need to know the type of woman she wants to be, and if she's willing to put her money where her mouth is. If she wants to have her cake and eat it too, I'd suggest moving on. Kill the prospect of her being a romantic partner within your mind. You will only be able to move on if she is dead to you in that way.
 

FactusIRX

Kingfisher
That's not an excuse to go overboard with a girl you never started something with. Only pointing out that you are too much in your head and need to snap out of it. Count the money only when you have it in your hands, right now you're just imagining things.
He's still deep in the blue pilled world, which is understandable as society propagandizes young man into a gynocentric worldview. Unfortunately, only experience and reality will wake up him, like it has to so many of us here.
 

FactusIRX

Kingfisher
Hey guys (and any girls reading this),

I'm friends with this really beautiful, intelligent young woman from a good Christian family. She's 18. I teach both her and her younger siblings piano, guitar, and singing. She's very feminine, likes to care for her younger brothers, cooks, is a good ballroom dancer, and does really well in school.

I'm only 24, so the young woman and I have developed a pretty casual and friendly relationship that also overlaps with other friend groups from Church. Frankly, I've developed some pretty strong feelings for her that I've tried to ignore, but it's been harder and harder every time I see her.

The painting below pretty much sums up our relationship, and we even look similar to both the people depicted in it:

View attachment 29786

I need your advice. Even though she's really Christian and quite traditional, and her mom is a homeschooling stay-at-home mom, she's totally dedicating her life towards her grades and getting into college. In fact, she decided to join the Air Force ROTC and study Computer Science because they would pay for her college, which of course entails at least 4 years of military service after. The problem I have is that, based on my conversations with her, she's never really thought about the vocation of motherhood in practical terms, she just goes along with the modern feminist mindset of working tirelessly towards college and career, and hoping marriage will just happen later. She is very pretty and feminine, and knowing her sensitive nature, I just don't think she'll be able to fit into a military situation. If she does, it will be because she will have to force herself to become more masculine, and I think she will not be happy with it. Another thing that is annoying about her is that she and her mom think college is just something fun you have to do and get out of the way. However, I think that's a big waste of time (and money) if all you are going to do is end up like your mom and be a happy housewife anyway.

Now, I don't want to boss her around or anything, and I'm worried my feelings are getting in the way of what's best for her, but I also just genuinely want to advise her and warn her that being in the military as a traditional, Christian woman comes at a cost of either your own femininity or the quality of the military, which should be a very masculine institution for the good of the Nation. I want her to follow God's Will, and it seems like God's will is generally to follow Biblical norms for manhood or womanhood.

What would you guys do in such a situation? Should I try to talk to her about it? How? Should I even try to pursue her romantically? I feel that it's perfectly natural and healthy for me to want to pursue her, but is it a red flag that she hasn't even thought about marriage except as a distant future thing after her career happens? I'm having a lot of trouble forcing myself to stop thinking about her, especially 'cause I keep seeing her.

Only thoughtful answers based on experience or common sense, please. No black pills or MGTOW style crap.
She probably doesn't think about you, and if she does, she probably sees you as a dorky, beta piano teacher. She wants to go into the air force because she's dreaming of banging alpha chad air force pilots. She probably has had multiple casual partners already. You know nothing about her, and you are creating a fantasy about her based on secular propaganda.

Women are, by nature, superficial, destructive, and easily manipulated. That's why the Bible teaches us Eve doomed humanity. That's why religions have developed extensive control mechanisms around women and that why, as soon as you remove these external restrictions, they revert back to this destructive nature.

At 24, you are better off developing your skills and Faith, not daydreaming about some random woman.
 

Slide-Rule

Sparrow
Sounds like she's not that into you.
/Thread.

Girls are like buses, if you miss one, another will be along in ten minutes.

It's hard to hear, but it's the truth: She most likely views you as a "big brother." Should you pursue her? I'd say no.

She wants to pursue computer science, good for her. It's a hard subject, but the payoff for it is good. But my bet is that she won't make it. You say she is "intelligent." Do you really think that, or are you saying that because she's good looking and you're thinking with your little-head?

In colleges across America, for every student on day one who says "I want to go into computer science." or "I want to be an Engineer." or "I want to study Physics." There's somewhere in the neighborhood of 10-50 Accountants, Actuaries, Economic majors, and people with more and more worthless degrees walking across the stage graduating.

How much math has she taken? She's looking at a solid 1.5 years (3 semesters) of Calculus. A solid year (2 semesters, maybe 3) of Physics. And that is before she takes the CS classes. She had better love math. Her beta-orbiters won't be there when she sits down to take a test. High school math is one thing. College math is another thing entirely, and many people, even at the Community College level with much smaller classes, are blown away by it.

Has she ever made a circuitboard? Has she ever used an Arduino? (pronounced "Ar-Doo-Wee-No") Ask her: "Do you know what an Arduino is?" Has she ever built her own computer? Does she even know what the parts to build a computer are? COULD she build her own computer if that were asked of her?

How much programming has she done? Ask her, "Do you know what Hello, World! is?" Can she write a Python Program using "if then" statements? Does she know what a "Boolean" is? Can she write a program in C++? Has she ever heard of MATLAB?

There are guys younger than her who have taken their heartbreak from girls, who are a lot like her, and thrown themselves into computer programming. I knew a 16 year old guy, he is already working in coding, and has over $40,000 in savings. We joked that his mom would have to drive him in his Tesla on autopilot to get his license at the DMV.

All those questions for her above, Computer Science Majors (along with Physics, and Engineering Majors) can answer them all in a matter of seconds.

She wants to join the Air Force, honestly, if you're not going into the military as a medic or a doctor, something that can legit help men wounded in combat, I would advise against it. The US military isn't like it was in 1945, it is something that is more and more being infected by evil.

For you, focus on yourself more.
 
Has she ever made a circuitboard? Has she ever used an Arduino? (pronounced "Ar-Doo-Wee-No") Ask her: "Do you know what an Arduino is?" Has she ever built her own computer? Does she even know what the parts to build a computer are? COULD she build her own computer if that were asked of her?
This is more electrical engineering, most CS programs will give you jack squat in this department lol. Source: I go to a STEM only university where 40% of the student body is CS.
In colleges across America, for every student on day one who says "I want to go into computer science." or "I want to be an Engineer." or "I want to study Physics." There's somewhere in the neighborhood of 10-50 Accountants, Actuaries, Economic majors, and people with more and more worthless degrees walking across the stage graduating.
The amount of people who switch majors from mechanical engineering is crazy. Most people just can't take it. I'd say almost half of all people who start as mechanical engineers at my school end up transferring to computer science, and then a good chunk of those people transfer to data science. If you can't do data science (Right now it's quite literally free money lol) then sorry bro you are just stupid.
 
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