Help! I'm in love with a naïve Christian girl who wants to go off to the Air Force

Steiner

Pigeon
This is more electrical engineering, most CS programs will give you jack squat in this department lol. Source: I go to a STEM only university where 40% of the student body is CS.

The amount of people who switch majors from mechanical engineering is crazy. Most people just can't take it. I'd say almost half of all people who start as mechanical engineers at my school end up transferring to computer science, and then a good chunk of those people transfer to data science. If you can't do data science (Right now it's quite literally free money lol) then sorry bro you are just stupid.
Agree, those things are more engineering. But I think he just meant the background knowledge that most good lads that go into CS/Engineering have by playing with that stuff when they were younger. Hell, I started playing computer games/messing about at 10. I built a computer with my dad at 13. As soon as I had enough saved up from work at 15-16, I built my own without his help. That's not mentioning any of the failed/successful soldering projects, working on cars, building crap etc. before I went off to college.
Most girls will NEVER do these things in their lives, and they are indoctrinated to think that they must go do STEM. The E in big STEM is 100% geared to men. She may be the 1 in however many thousand that can do it, but I doubt it, and even if she succeeds, her life will not be fulfilling as a woman. The attrition in Engineering is insane.

A "happy" career for a woman in Computer Science: spending thousands of hours pouring over thousands of lines of code:like: , sitting at a desk probably getting fat :dislike:, maybe get into management :), maybe not:(, no time for family:confused:, makes a bunch of money to spend on her kitties:nerd, spends her free time telling the next generation about how she broke through so many freakin glass ceilings writing those lines of code :laughter:
 

renotime

Ostrich
Gold Member
/Thread.

Girls are like buses, if you miss one, another will be along in ten minutes.

It's hard to hear, but it's the truth: She most likely views you as a "big brother." Should you pursue her? I'd say no.

She wants to pursue computer science, good for her. It's a hard subject, but the payoff for it is good. But my bet is that she won't make it. You say she is "intelligent." Do you really think that, or are you saying that because she's good looking and you're thinking with your little-head?

In colleges across America, for every student on day one who says "I want to go into computer science." or "I want to be an Engineer." or "I want to study Physics." There's somewhere in the neighborhood of 10-50 Accountants, Actuaries, Economic majors, and people with more and more worthless degrees walking across the stage graduating.

How much math has she taken? She's looking at a solid 1.5 years (3 semesters) of Calculus. A solid year (2 semesters, maybe 3) of Physics. And that is before she takes the CS classes. She had better love math. Her beta-orbiters won't be there when she sits down to take a test. High school math is one thing. College math is another thing entirely, and many people, even at the Community College level with much smaller classes, are blown away by it.

Has she ever made a circuitboard? Has she ever used an Arduino? (pronounced "Ar-Doo-Wee-No") Ask her: "Do you know what an Arduino is?" Has she ever built her own computer? Does she even know what the parts to build a computer are? COULD she build her own computer if that were asked of her?

How much programming has she done? Ask her, "Do you know what Hello, World! is?" Can she write a Python Program using "if then" statements? Does she know what a "Boolean" is? Can she write a program in C++? Has she ever heard of MATLAB?

There are guys younger than her who have taken their heartbreak from girls, who are a lot like her, and thrown themselves into computer programming. I knew a 16 year old guy, he is already working in coding, and has over $40,000 in savings. We joked that his mom would have to drive him in his Tesla on autopilot to get his license at the DMV.

All those questions for her above, Computer Science Majors (along with Physics, and Engineering Majors) can answer them all in a matter of seconds.

She wants to join the Air Force, honestly, if you're not going into the military as a medic or a doctor, something that can legit help men wounded in combat, I would advise against it. The US military isn't like it was in 1945, it is something that is more and more being infected by evil.

For you, focus on yourself more.
tenor.gif
 

911

Peacock
Gold Member
Yeah
Agree, those things are more engineering. But I think he just meant the background knowledge that most good lads that go into CS/Engineering have by playing with that stuff when they were younger. Hell, I started playing computer games/messing about at 10. I built a computer with my dad at 13. As soon as I had enough saved up from work at 15-16, I built my own without his help. That's not mentioning any of the failed/successful soldering projects, working on cars, building crap etc. before I went off to college.
Most girls will NEVER do these things in their lives, and they are indoctrinated to think that they must go do STEM. The E in big STEM is 100% geared to men. She may be the 1 in however many thousand that can do it, but I doubt it, and even if she succeeds, her life will not be fulfilling as a woman. The attrition in Engineering is insane.

A "happy" career for a woman in Computer Science: spending thousands of hours pouring over thousands of lines of code , sitting at a desk probably getting fat , maybe get into management, maybe not, no time for family, makes a bunch of money to spend on her kitties, spends her free time telling the next generation about how she broke through so many freakin glass ceilings writing those lines of code

There is a lot of truth in that, but the bottom line is, the average coder is not that smart, most are hacks, and as a woman, and a decent-looking one at that, she's going to be hired ahead of smarter nerd dudes. She can start as a programmer/analyst then move on as a project manager, or if she's ambitious get an MBA or JD and work in senior management or IP.

Women on average are less smart than men when it comes to STEM, but they tend to be more disciplined and meticulous workers, at least the sample of women that populate academic STEM or professional schools ranks (JD, MD, MBA etc), a bit like Asians, who are also on average less smart than whites in academia, but overachieve due to superior work ethic and discipline.

I'm not advocating she goes full on into the career thing, but that path is there for her.

Lots of advice in the right direction in this thread. But frankly, best option is to ask direct questions that get her thinking about her life choices, and the woman she wants to be. Be Socratic, and help her elaborate her positions. Then, should you feel like there are things that she can be swayed on, state what you know and believe in a way that's gentle yet firm.

"If you had to choose between having a career and having a family, what would you choose?"
Good question to ask because it subtlety suggests you can't have both. I asked this question on the first date with my current girlfriend and would not have considered another date if she hesitated to say yes.

"If you have a family someday, are you ok with depriving them of the ability to form a strong community by moving every two years?"
"Are you sure you want to kill people, and how would you feel if you killed a non-combatant? Do you think that you'll be able to live that down?"
"If the military is doing anti-Christian things, should Christians be in the military?"
Most people have forgotten what being in the military actually entails. I wouldn't recommend approaching it with the "only men should be in the military" or the "military is rampant with female infidelity" argument.
This is dangerous ground and can make you sound sexist, which is a turn-off for most women. Instead, frame it in a way that shows the high spiritual cost of being in the military. Because frankly, there's incredibly high monetary incentives for being in the military. Gold for your soul.

I would not recommend pursuing her romantically before you ask these questions and help her answer them. You need to know the type of woman she wants to be, and if she's willing to put her money where her mouth is. If she wants to have her cake and eat it too, I'd suggest moving on. Kill the prospect of her being a romantic partner within your mind. You will only be able to move on if she is dead to you in that way.

Best advice by far.

I just watched We Were Soldiers, great movie with recommended on the this board. It stars Mel Gibson as an Vietnam airborne platoon leader, a strong Catholic father of five with a beautiful family. It also showed the Viet Congs as humans without getting preachy or anti-American, and conveyed the futility of that war very well, and the damage it did on military families.


The wars we are getting in this decade are even less justified than the VN war, the threat of communism was real back then, and American society was still wholesome and Christian, nothing like today where our military is used to enforce neoliberal talmudic globohomo techno-serfdom on the planet. The USAF is bombing the Syrian Army to protect their saudi-funded jihadis and kurds who they've been using to destabilize that country, slaughtering Christians, burning Syrian crops and taking their oil.

1616088637992.png

This is the best testimony I have ever heard about the moral bankruptcy of the neocon Forever Wars, from Owen Benjamin:

 
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Hey guys (and any girls reading this),

I'm friends with this really beautiful, intelligent young woman from a good Christian family. She's 18. I teach both her and her younger siblings piano, guitar, and singing. She's very feminine, likes to care for her younger brothers, cooks, is a good ballroom dancer, and does really well in school.

I'm only 24, so the young woman and I have developed a pretty casual and friendly relationship that also overlaps with other friend groups from Church. Frankly, I've developed some pretty strong feelings for her that I've tried to ignore, but it's been harder and harder every time I see her.

The painting below pretty much sums up our relationship, and we even look similar to both the people depicted in it:

View attachment 29786

I need your advice. Even though she's really Christian and quite traditional, and her mom is a homeschooling stay-at-home mom, she's totally dedicating her life towards her grades and getting into college. In fact, she decided to join the Air Force ROTC and study Computer Science because they would pay for her college, which of course entails at least 4 years of military service after. The problem I have is that, based on my conversations with her, she's never really thought about the vocation of motherhood in practical terms, she just goes along with the modern feminist mindset of working tirelessly towards college and career, and hoping marriage will just happen later. She is very pretty and feminine, and knowing her sensitive nature, I just don't think she'll be able to fit into a military situation. If she does, it will be because she will have to force herself to become more masculine, and I think she will not be happy with it. Another thing that is annoying about her is that she and her mom think college is just something fun you have to do and get out of the way. However, I think that's a big waste of time (and money) if all you are going to do is end up like your mom and be a happy housewife anyway.

Now, I don't want to boss her around or anything, and I'm worried my feelings are getting in the way of what's best for her, but I also just genuinely want to advise her and warn her that being in the military as a traditional, Christian woman comes at a cost of either your own femininity or the quality of the military, which should be a very masculine institution for the good of the Nation. I want her to follow God's Will, and it seems like God's will is generally to follow Biblical norms for manhood or womanhood.

What would you guys do in such a situation? Should I try to talk to her about it? How? Should I even try to pursue her romantically? I feel that it's perfectly natural and healthy for me to want to pursue her, but is it a red flag that she hasn't even thought about marriage except as a distant future thing after her career happens? I'm having a lot of trouble forcing myself to stop thinking about her, especially 'cause I keep seeing her.

Only thoughtful answers based on experience or common sense, please. No black pills or MGTOW style crap.

Line up, lock down or dump her. What she needs right now is a man who knows what he wants, and can at least provide a source of consistency in her life, that her father cannot. Don't overthink things.
 

Steiner

Pigeon
Yeah


There is a lot of truth in that, but the bottom line is, the average coder is not that smart, most are hacks, and as a woman, and a decent-looking one at that, she's going to be hired ahead of smarter nerd dudes. She can start as a programmer/analyst then move on as a project manager, or if she's ambitious get an MBA or JD and work in senior management or IP.

Women on average are less smart than men when it comes to STEM, but they tend to be more disciplined and meticulous workers, at least the sample of women that populate academic STEM or professional schools ranks (JD, MD, MBA etc), a bit like Asians, who are also on average less smart than whites in academia, but overachieve due to superior work ethic and discipline.

I'm not advocating she goes full on into the career thing, but that path is there for her.



Best advice by far.

I just watched We Were Soldiers, great movie with recommended on the this board. It stars Mel Gibson as an Vietnam airborne platoon leader, a strong Catholic father of five with a beautiful family. It also showed the Viet Congs as humans without getting preachy or anti-American, and conveyed the futility of that war very well, and the damage it did on military families.


The wars we are getting in this decade are even less justified than the VN war, the threat of communism was real back then, and American society was still wholesome and Christian, nothing like today where our military is used to enforce neoliberal talmudic globohomo techno-serfdom on the planet. The USAF is bombing the Syrian Army to protect their saudi-funded jihadis and kurds who they've been using to destabilize that country, slaughtering Christians, burning Syrian crops and taking their oil.

View attachment 29799

This is the best testimony I have ever heard about the moral bankruptcy of the neocon Forever Wars, from Owen Benjamin:


I agree with your CS points.

Also, agree with the military points. No Christian man (or woman) should sign up to fight for this beast currently. It's very hard to justify any of the wars the US has been in post Civil War. Korea and Vietnam at least had the purpose of stemming the communist tide, and South Korea seems pretty great after what we went through to keep it around. I met some SK's and they were good people.

The military used to be an institution filled with our type of people, it has sadly been infiltrated like almost every other institution in this country. The purpose it serves now is outright ghoulish.
I don't agree with women in any military in the first place, especially not this current day military.
 
She probably doesn't think about you, and if she does, she probably sees you as a dorky, beta piano teacher.
Haha, she probably thinks I'm dorky sometimes, but definitely not beta, trust me, based on what she's told me and how she acts :laughter:

Anyway I don't really care if it works out or not with her, she's just got great potential as a young lady that I would hate to see wasted.
 
What you've said is confusing. If her parents are paying you and view you as a friend then you aren't dating this girl. If that's the situation you need to get around some dudes IRL who will help you fix yourself because bro, come on.
Fix what? I'm confused by you, man. They're a family I know, I teach their kids as a side gig for some cash $$$ moolah, cause I am qualified and skilled in what I do, in addition to all the other projects I have going on in life, we have good conversation, and they have nice daughter who's potential wifey material in this shitty wasteland of a dating world. What needs to be fixed?

Either way, I don't care if the dating doesn't work out as much as I want to know what you guys would say to change her mind so she doesn't regret her naive feminist life choices.
 
Your making the mistake of giving a crap, don't do that. Focus on the money (and more importantly what it gets you, which is freedom from the hellhole known as the west) and then move elsewhere. Tis much easier to have a family in Vietnam or Armenia then in the West.
 

ginsu

Woodpecker
If you don't want her to be a career woman then you better have a good offer for why she shouldn't

The nr1 thing to focus on if you want a traditional woman is first being able to provide for her or have a very convincing plan / belief that you will be able to in the near future if she sticks with you

They dont really want to go the career route, its only an insurance for lack of quality men in her life that give her a way out of this.

There are also some girls who just cant be saved no matter what, even at 18

You dont have to be rich, some girls dream about living on a farm and being the wife of a strong farmer surrounded by nature, animals and raising kids that way. In this case you replace money with charm/romantic living. Money is just one tool to provide, there are many things that go into it.

Does it look like you have the potential to develop into a man she can follow, if she thinks yes shell follow if not shell do the career

Dont take it personally, one girls opinion of you is not the be all end all
 
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Augustus_Principe

Woodpecker
If you don't want her to be a career woman then you better have a good offer for why she shouldn't

The nr1 thing to focus on if you want a traditional woman is first being able to provide for her or have a very convincing plan / belief that you will be able to in the near future if she sticks with you

They dont really want to go the career route, its only an insurance for lack of quality men in her life that give her a way out of this.

There are also some girls who just cant be saved no matter what, even at 18

You dont have to be rich, some girls dream about living on a farm and being the wife of a strong farmer surrounded by nature, animals and raising kids that way. In this case you replace money with charm/romantic living. Money is just one tool to provide, there are many things that go into it.

Does it look like you have the potential to develop into a man she can follow, if she thinks yes shell follow if not shell do the career

Dont take it personally, one girls opinion of you is not the be all end all
This. Great responses so far and most have already said what I was going to say. However the highlighted post above is important advice. While you may make "suggestions" to her and warn her of the dangers of career and especially a woman joining the military, THE most important thing is if she sees you as a potential provider. While some of us may not like to hear this, a woman, especially a young one that is lost, directionless and is seeking some sort of ORDER in the form of joining the military, needs to see that a man has his life together, and can at least provide somewhat should they get married and have children.

How are your finances looking? Are you ready to move into a house, or at least apartment, should you two get married? Would she be able to stay home and take care of the children? If not, would you at least be able to locate somewhere close to family so that they may help take care of the kids? Think outside the box here and
see the actual underlying reasons she is joining an institution such as the military.... I already listed some of them, but I will go over it again. She is subconsciously looking for the following in her life:

1) Order (Wants to be told orders and obey)
2) Direction from a Man (While the military allows women, it is still a Male-dominated institution)
3) Structure (The military provides a very structural life, at least that is the impression)
4) Security (The military provides housing and financial security. even the lowest position in the Air Force will get you food, housing and all other amenities)
5) "Alpha" Males. The perception right now still holds that men in the military are "Alpha"

You as a man have to be able to provide all of the above for her. If you are not able to, your effort to make her see will be futile. You're free to make suggestions as you have feelings for this woman, but remember, the moment a modern woman senses you a chasing her, you fail. She should be chasing you instead. If you are able to provide the requirements above, then go all-in and tell her how you feel about her, don't beat around the bush.
 

Old Isham

Chicken
She's stupid and you're the naiive one. No girl can be that "good" of a gal in the first place if she even so much remotely considers joining the military. The only two types of women who join the military are girls who wanna be guys, and girls who want a lot of guys. You're young, and sounds like you got some puppy love for this girl. Let her go to roundhouse kick bad guys like GI Jane in arabic lands and find yourself a gal who doesn't wanna save the world and wants to be a wife and mother. They're out there. Save yourself the heartache, and let it go Indiana
 
Fix what? I'm confused by you, man. They're a family I know, I teach their kids as a side gig for some cash $$$ moolah, cause I am qualified and skilled in what I do, in addition to all the other projects I have going on in life, we have good conversation, and they have nice daughter who's potential wifey material in this shitty wasteland of a dating world. What needs to be fixed?

Either way, I don't care if the dating doesn't work out as much as I want to know what you guys would say to change her mind so she doesn't regret her naive feminist life choices.

Reflect: the title of your post is "Help! I'm in love" but her parents don't even know you're dating. Did she know?

Either way you've made your choice and I could be over-reading your post. It seems rather fawning but this is the internet, so who knows.
 

get2choppaaa

Pelican
Hey guys (and any girls reading this),

I'm friends with this really beautiful, intelligent young woman from a good Christian family. She's 18. I teach both her and her younger siblings piano, guitar, and singing. She's very feminine, likes to care for her younger brothers, cooks, is a good ballroom dancer, and does really well in school.

I'm only 24, so the young woman and I have developed a pretty casual and friendly relationship that also overlaps with other friend groups from Church. Frankly, I've developed some pretty strong feelings for her that I've tried to ignore, but it's been harder and harder every time I see her.

The painting below pretty much sums up our relationship, and we even look similar to both the people depicted in it:

View attachment 29786

I need your advice. Even though she's really Christian and quite traditional, and her mom is a homeschooling stay-at-home mom, she's totally dedicating her life towards her grades and getting into college. In fact, she decided to join the Air Force ROTC and study Computer Science because they would pay for her college, which of course entails at least 4 years of military service after. The problem I have is that, based on my conversations with her, she's never really thought about the vocation of motherhood in practical terms, she just goes along with the modern feminist mindset of working tirelessly towards college and career, and hoping marriage will just happen later. She is very pretty and feminine, and knowing her sensitive nature, I just don't think she'll be able to fit into a military situation. If she does, it will be because she will have to force herself to become more masculine, and I think she will not be happy with it. Another thing that is annoying about her is that she and her mom think college is just something fun you have to do and get out of the way. However, I think that's a big waste of time (and money) if all you are going to do is end up like your mom and be a happy housewife anyway.

Now, I don't want to boss her around or anything, and I'm worried my feelings are getting in the way of what's best for her, but I also just genuinely want to advise her and warn her that being in the military as a traditional, Christian woman comes at a cost of either your own femininity or the quality of the military, which should be a very masculine institution for the good of the Nation. I want her to follow God's Will, and it seems like God's will is generally to follow Biblical norms for manhood or womanhood.

What would you guys do in such a situation? Should I try to talk to her about it? How? Should I even try to pursue her romantically? I feel that it's perfectly natural and healthy for me to want to pursue her, but is it a red flag that she hasn't even thought about marriage except as a distant future thing after her career happens? I'm having a lot of trouble forcing myself to stop thinking about her, especially 'cause I keep seeing her.

Only thoughtful answers based on experience or common sense, please. No black pills or MGTOW style crap.
Sorry guy, but time for some real talk (please read constructive and not destructive)

The fact that you have posted a picture and made comments about the likeness of the image to you shows that you're in way over your head into a romantic and unrealistic view of how relationships work. This is sappy and feminine.

She may be all the things you say... or atleast you've built her up that way in your mind, but as a vet whos unfortunately had to interact with female servicemembers, unless she comes from poverty where the military is one of the only ways out (obviously not the case since PIANO is an expensive ass hobby) I doubt this is the case that she is 100% feminine ect....

If you want to tell her not to go into the military, I would ask her who she knows whose done it, what her life goals are, and how she thinks the military will facilitate that.

If someone wants to go into the military, they are going to... no matter what path people suggest.

I personally think you are more worried about losing your favorite pupil which you have idolized the same way as in the painting, and your fear of that loss is driving your emotions.

If you want to tell her not to join the military, do so and come from a position of concern. If you want to pursue her romantically, have some balls and do so. Just expect that it might likely blow up in your face. She is also 18... so likely has no idea what she wants.

Also, if you havent mastered the "pupil/teacher" element of interaction and frame of communication then you're probably lost.

I really think you need to recognize that this girl might not be so special, but rather just another girl from a good family who is caught up in worldly competition and possessions. I think its more likely your infatuation and frequent visits with her are bringing out your own desires.

Do you participate in any church functions/young Christian activities? You're more likely to find someone who is more mature and has similar desires for a family ect. in that sphere.

Anyway, good luck.
 
If she goes into the military, regardless of what job it is, she will be serving the prince of darkness. They will inject her with so much chemicals, and traumatize her with so much unnecessary training that she will be damaged goods and likely result in turning lesbian or having sex with many men. She has to pick a master in this life, Jesus Christ, or the devil. I know that's harsh, but I'm not going to lie to you here. We are all in for the suffering, but we don't have to be pansies about it.
 

get2choppaaa

Pelican
Imagine if the plumber told her not to join the Air Force. He'd get fired.

Teach her this one and stay out of it:


Aloha!
In all seriousness, see if she can get an MOS in the band. She wont do shit and will get to travel around chauffeured and paraded about to all sorts of gigs. Its no different than being in the marching band...except you get all the gov bennies and college paid for. If I could do it again and was money oriented (and didnt want to blow things up and kill people) in some naïve notion of what the military actually does (like 99% paperwork) I might have pursued that route.


If she goes into the military, regardless of what job it is, she will be serving the prince of darkness. They will inject her with so much chemicals, and traumatize her with so much unnecessary training that she will be damaged goods and likely result in turning lesbian or having sex with many men. She has to pick a master in this life, Jesus Christ, or the devil. I know that's harsh, but I'm not going to lie to you here. We are all in for the suffering, but we don't have to be pansies about it.

Also the comments about the military and serving the Prince of Darkness are a little hyperbolic. Its a mixed bag. I suppose humanitarian missions like disaster relief are serving Satan? You have any experience in this realm? No one is going to deny that the military has been used to promote Globohomo at times, to blanket say that is not really accurate.

I would wash my hands of a chick who wants to join the military that all being said.
 
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