Hinge dating app or no dating apps?

man zonder doel

Chicken
Agnostic
I never got any luck with dating apps.
Never got any matches on Tinder and most people on it make me doubt it's actually useful.
Tried OKC, never got any matches and most likes I got were from the Philipines for some reason.
You could give it a shot but don't expect much.
 

Viktor Zeegelaar

Hummingbird
Orthodox Inquirer
If you are good looking and have good photo's it is a great way to expose yourself to a lot of women. Just remember all women you meet through this channel have thousands of men messaging them. They can pick men like they are at a buffet. Even the average looking women. Does not mean you cannot find a good one. But you have to search, test and pick wisely. In this day and age I would not bet on 1.

I think it is more damaging to completely condemn this lifestyle - unless you have a good reason to. E.g. my health was so bad at a certain point I started noticing the dating lifestyle made me unhealthier and unhealthier. I had to leave it for a while. If you are in good health there is no reason not to.

The most important thing is that you don't lose yourself and you are strong and genuine to yourself. If you love yourself and are in tune with yourself no woman can destroy you. It is impossible. If you let a woman destroy your life, which a lot of men do, then no matter where you look, be it church, be it online dating, you will be miserable.

Women are women. Literally. Some women are just more damaged (harder to deal with perhaps) than others.
Good analysis. With the internationalization of the sexual marketplace a 19 year old girl from the hills in Moldova will get flown out to a Russian billionaire ship in Dubai. Now, whether that's the market segment you ought to be interested in is a second of course. But the attention thing is ridiculous, especially Instagram has accelerated this tendency, which is why young (secular) women have nothing more precious than their Instagram. Attention receiving is the core currency for women in the sexual marketplace, giving attention the core currency for men.

Women who've been on the caroussel for a decade are hardened severely, also with all the rejection of men through the attention they are getting endlessly. How can a woman like that be there 100% for her man and family? It's like expecting from someone who's been on heroin for a decade to live a perfect lifestyle and never think of any drugs again. It's just not reality.
 

SingularityOne

Robin
Orthodox
Good analysis. With the internationalization of the sexual marketplace a 19 year old girl from the hills in Moldova will get flown out to a Russian billionaire ship in Dubai. Now, whether that's the market segment you ought to be interested in is a second of course. But the attention thing is ridiculous, especially Instagram has accelerated this tendency, which is why young (secular) women have nothing more precious than their Instagram. Attention receiving is the core currency for women in the sexual marketplace, giving attention the core currency for men.

Women who've been on the caroussel for a decade are hardened severely, also with all the rejection of men through the attention they are getting endlessly. How can a woman like that be there 100% for her man and family? It's like expecting from someone who's been on heroin for a decade to live a perfect lifestyle and never think of any drugs again. It's just not reality.
I agree with this wholeheartedly. Given this is the case, what do you believe is the best course of action for a 26 year old male?
 

Viktor Zeegelaar

Hummingbird
Orthodox Inquirer
I agree with this wholeheartedly. Given this is the case, what do you believe is the best course of action for a 26 year old male?
It's difficult man. It also depends where in life you are. I'm not far from your age but with all this madness going on and all the changes I've been through in the last years, women are the last thing that's on my mind. What are you looking for? Besides that, start inside. Are you where you want to be yourself? Check my post in the how to be a father to your son thread (or something close) and check the boxes: are you that man yourself? That's what I'm focusing on: first becoming a man who could even lead a household and is battle ready for life, then next steps are outwards. But if the inner is not fixed the outer will always crumble sooner or later.
 

SingularityOne

Robin
Orthodox
It's difficult man. It also depends where in life you are. I'm not far from your age but with all this madness going on and all the changes I've been through in the last years, women are the last thing that's on my mind. What are you looking for? Besides that, start inside. Are you where you want to be yourself? Check my post in the how to be a father to your son thread (or something close) and check the boxes: are you that man yourself? That's what I'm focusing on: first becoming a man who could even lead a household and is battle ready for life, then next steps are outwards. But if the inner is not fixed the outer will always crumble sooner or later.
This one?: "Most men nowadays don't understand anything about being a father. They don't know their own role and masculinity as a result of relentless femcentric social programming. That leads to a miserable life for the father, which likely makes him either erupt in an angry person or, more likely, being a fake nice guy who puts a mask on not to rock the boat and get into any conflict. That's the tendency I saw with my own father. Try to understand the problem your father has and see if you can help him, at least by talking, in order to see if you can come together more. It's often not bad will, but inadequacy and helplessness, which is such a tragedy for Western men nowadays."

In responding to both: I'm looking for a woman who will be a good mother (Orthodox ideal set by St. John Chrysostom in his Marriage and Family Life + Proverbs 31), but also someone I'm attracted to and have an affinity with so that I enjoy spending time with them. I am striving to be who I want to be inside by becoming more resilient, repenting towards the Commandments of Christ/virtue, and searching how to become more masculine given my meloncholic+phlegmatic tendencies.
How do you recommend working on the inner life so that the outer life can then be focused on?
I have a much better relationship with my dad than in the past. So working on that relationship may be a good next step.
 

motardpdx

Pigeon
Orthodox
Dear phlegmatic: you, who has no fear of rejection, plus is capable of handling unaffectionate and hostile individuals, the current online dating scene is your oyster. The females dating online have a take-charge temperament, demand to control all activities plus apps move "digital" relationships along at a supersonic speed. Let me explain, online dating is always a numbers game; finding people you don’t match with rather than the ones you do. This endless swiping left and right of human flesh is NOT about compatibility but about mashing body parts together. You’re algorithmically not finding the results that you want because it's frustrating by design...it’s personal, you're getting demoralized, NOT edified based on your search results. The online dating emphases are, "polish up your pics." Or, fine tune (embellish) your profile and you’ll cut the "frustration" factor immensely, just help us.. help you.. find your "best" match. STOP! helping them destroy you... online dating limits one's ability concerning, personal character, virtues, and self control. Instead, devote your life to prayer, fasting, and growing your faith and GOD will bless you in ALL things. AMEN
 

Viktor Zeegelaar

Hummingbird
Orthodox Inquirer
This one?: "Most men nowadays don't understand anything about being a father. They don't know their own role and masculinity as a result of relentless femcentric social programming. That leads to a miserable life for the father, which likely makes him either erupt in an angry person or, more likely, being a fake nice guy who puts a mask on not to rock the boat and get into any conflict. That's the tendency I saw with my own father. Try to understand the problem your father has and see if you can help him, at least by talking, in order to see if you can come together more. It's often not bad will, but inadequacy and helplessness, which is such a tragedy for Western men nowadays."

In responding to both: I'm looking for a woman who will be a good mother (Orthodox ideal set by St. John Chrysostom in his Marriage and Family Life + Proverbs 31), but also someone I'm attracted to and have an affinity with so that I enjoy spending time with them. I am striving to be who I want to be inside by becoming more resilient, repenting towards the Commandments of Christ/virtue, and searching how to become more masculine given my meloncholic+phlegmatic tendencies.
How do you recommend working on the inner life so that the outer life can then be focused on?
I have a much better relationship with my dad than in the past. So working on that relationship may be a good next step.
Well sounds like you're on the right way brother. When I was your age I was downing bottles of wodka wasting my time in nightclubs. What I've done is to identify all key aspects of my life and answer these three questions: 1. who am I? (values, ideals, if I could do anything what would I do, characteristics, worldview etc.), 2. what life do I want? (physical, spiritual, financial, career, social, love, free time, but also mundane things such as what music do I want to listen), 3. who do I want in that life? (woman, friends, tribe, social alliances, mentors, and what do I contribute to them, aka what is your value proposition towards these people, per category). Be creative, add some more categories.

And very important when answering these questions also answer the NOT question, meaning: what are not my values, not my ideals, what do I not want physically, what do I not want for kind of friends to have in my life, what kind of value don't I add.

Sit down in a quiet Saturday afternoon and very relaxed go through these questions spontaneously. Write down all that comes to mind. Then, the next day, reflect on it and elaborate here and there. For me this made a tremendous difference: not only did I understood clearly that I aspire to be a masculine man in Christ and live a Christian life, also did I realize what kind of woman I look for, what kind of friends, what kind of tribe I want to build, and so on. And, because you also know what you don't want, you will have great clarity and a true personal handbook to attack life from. Will give great peace in your hand and now all these other options are eliminated.
 

tifer75

Chicken
Other Christian
I wouldn't waste time with dating apps, majority of the women who use them do it for a self esteem boost. Another thig is that dating apps are almost entirely appearance dependent, in actual interactions a good personality can go a long way but you cannot really show yours with a dating app. Plus like the others said chances are you will find very little quality women even with the increased pool.
 

Kadikoy

 
Banned
Orthodox
I’m a 26 year old and I’ve looked around this forum and have seen that dating apps are not recommended due to the low odds of finding a quality woman. However, I’m trying to figure out if they are totally a bad idea considering they are just another “pool” of women I may not meet in another social setting.

What would y’all say are the major pros and cons to dating apps if you were looking at them from an objective angle (more particularly from that vantage point of a mid-20’s male)? I honestly want to be convinced to not use them, but I think they do have some utility.

If a mid-20’s male would be advised against using dating apps due to more cons than pros, what would be the best way to go about finding a quality woman other than (or maybe, in addition to) Hinge/dating apps?

edit: I’m an Orthodox Christian and want to trust God’s will in this process. However, I know faith is living and active and not passive. So I want to know how I can be active in the dating process so as to be a quality man myself at the same time.

No to any dating apps. If you're serious about marriage and ready to make that step, which you should be before even considering a wife, then ask your local priests for options.
 

vstk

Sparrow
Catholic
I find dating apps to be time consuming and draining (screen time). But I haven't found a more effective way to spend a few hours one on one with an attractive female. Women that i get to interact with in real life are not any better than the ones i see online.
I met some very conservative girls on Tinder.

If i were to look for a wife i would probably give it a go. But i assume it is only worth it if you have a good looking face. And if you can tolerate having plenty of "screening" dates, rejection, ghosting, etc.
 

Blade Runner

Ostrich
Orthodox
Has anyone actually found women in their early to mid twenties actually looking to get married that want to actually invest in the relationship, too? This is the main western world problem, women, even in a desirable age range, not really needing men ... in the sense that they are willing to be true partners with them and not demand way more than they will ever contribute.
 

Blade Runner

Ostrich
Orthodox
I'll give a parish priest at least his due for one savvy move, and it happened to me: a girl (maybe mid to late 20s) called him about coming to the parish. As I was not far from her, I could give her a ride and he thought about me. I don't think he didn't know that there could be a possibility, though he didn't say anything.

What proceeded to occur is classic for clown world. I pick the pleasant girl up, chat with her on the way, go to church. After church in the coffee hour, she gets sorta bum rushed by at least 2, maybe 3 guys that are nice guys but are either awkward or don't have that much going for them, and she's literally the only 20 something you seen around there in months or years that isn't married already or is actually decent looking (6). I drive her home, where she proceeds to complain about how the based priest in the church closer to her urban house is too harsh on gays or something. I hold the line and say isn't that what he is supposed to be? He's an orthodox priest. She, salty in her tone, doesn't like it. I never hear from her again. If you want a further laugh, you can PM me and ask me about my generic bio.
 

vstk

Sparrow
Catholic
Has anyone actually found women in their early to mid twenties actually looking to get married that want to actually invest in the relationship, too?
I guess it depends what you mean by investing in the relationship.

During my secular dating life, I did find one 19 year old several years ago (on Tinder) who would happily cook every day and clean, wanted to get married and have children. Very good looking too. However, she was also very demanding financially and not supportive at all when it came to my professional life.
She was either unhappy because I worked too much and gave her little attention or unhappy because I wouldn't take her to the most expensive restaurant in town. It really turned sour when I told her to have a part time job or to stop buying useless stuff and going out. She became bitter, started hanging out with a transsexual friend instead of preparing dinner. Very disappointing.

With another one (19 year old from Tinder too), it didn't work out because I could not have a conversation and was really unable to connect intellectually. I am not asking for super smart but there is a minimal requirement. It is lonely having a partner who doesn't understand half you say. She is very kind, gentle and submissive but there was nothing she could do that would fix this issue.

So my point here is that it is definitely possible to find a young attractive woman who wants to marry, have children and be a homemaker. However, I would have had to be a millionaire to make the first one happy. And I would have been unhappy myself with the second one.
 

Easy_C

Peacock
I got married from a dating WEBSITE and my sister in law is seeing a guy she met. Both on Catholicmatch. Can't speak to apps but my experience in general was that the higher the barrier to entry the more serious the people on there are.

Here's my suggestion.

-Use Catholicmatch.
-Filter your results for ONLY women who agree with the contraception question. For whatever reason this is the single best litmus test I've ever found for which women are worth your time and which ones aren't. It's a close to 1-1 correlation.
 

DanielH

Ostrich
Orthodox
-Filter your results for ONLY women who agree with the contraception question. For whatever reason this is the single best litmus test I've ever found for which women are worth your time and which ones aren't. It's a close to 1-1 correlation.
That is actually a fantastic barometer. A woman might not agree with all of our political nuance at first, but if you have a shared religion and opinion on contraception, moderate political or practical differences would be easy to overcome and she would eventually come over to your opinions in all likelihood.
 
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