How bad is is to marry an older woman?

PixelFree

Kingfisher
Augustus_Principe said:
PixelFree said:
BTW, awesome thread. It's really helped me in a current situation I'm in. There is a 35-36 year old 9 who is showing me lots of interest and stacks up in many other ways (no kids, traditional upbringing/values, healthy life, slim figure, pleasant, etc etc) but I was on the fence about the age. Seems like my instinct was correct. I just kept thinking we'd need to fast track our courting and get straight too it - it really would add a lot of pressure to the relationship.

Yes, trust your instinct on this one. Almost 3 years ago, i was in the same boat you were and instead of trusting my instinct and red pill advice of not dating older women that I had read for years, I decided to make this older gal my GF. As I've said before, she was the most amazing women i've met, even to this day and coincidentally, she helped along my journey to find God again. Sadly, she could not conceive after over 2 1/2 years of us fornicating, which is when I cut things off.

OK... update... she just turned 33.

Still a no go? Also, in hindsight, I'll give her a 9.5. She would have been a 10 all throughout her 20's. Lovely woman, just was/is too career focused.

It's sad how each year around this time and really make a big difference...

Even best case would need to be quick courting period, test for red flags/compatibility within 6 months, then fertility tests ASAP, and be prepared break up based on those results or to accept 2 kids max (with 3 would be a blessing).

I suppose I'm really trying to find where this cut off line is.
 
PixelFree said:
Augustus_Principe said:
PixelFree said:
BTW, awesome thread. It's really helped me in a current situation I'm in. There is a 35-36 year old 9 who is showing me lots of interest and stacks up in many other ways (no kids, traditional upbringing/values, healthy life, slim figure, pleasant, etc etc) but I was on the fence about the age. Seems like my instinct was correct. I just kept thinking we'd need to fast track our courting and get straight too it - it really would add a lot of pressure to the relationship.

Yes, trust your instinct on this one. Almost 3 years ago, i was in the same boat you were and instead of trusting my instinct and red pill advice of not dating older women that I had read for years, I decided to make this older gal my GF. As I've said before, she was the most amazing women i've met, even to this day and coincidentally, she helped along my journey to find God again. Sadly, she could not conceive after over 2 1/2 years of us fornicating, which is when I cut things off.

OK... update... she just turned 33.

Still a no go? Also, in hindsight, I'll give her a 9.5. She would have been a 10 all throughout her 20's. Lovely woman, just was/is too career focused.

It's sad how each year around this time and really make a big difference...

Even best case would need to be quick courting period, test for red flags/compatibility within 6 months, then fertility tests ASAP, and be prepared break up based on those results or to accept 2 kids max (with 3 would be a blessing).

I suppose I'm really trying to find where this cut off line is.

At the end of the day, you decide the risk you are willing to take in order to be in a relationship and wed a woman in her 30s. You will in time, find out her personality, femininity, and fertility. At least this one just turned 33, which isnt the worst. She's still in her early 30s and presumably, has some fertility left. Is she willing to have kids ASAP? Best case scenario you start having kids when shes 34, which would at least give you two. If you are OK with that, and she truly is a remarkable woman who would be a lovely wife(I know it's getting harder and harder to find a good woman in The West), care for you,fulfill her womanly duties and most of all, willing to have your children, then be all means go for it. Try finding out her history in a non-autistic manner (make conversation about partying, drugs drinking etc) as we have suggested here, and if she passes, make sure she keeps healthy. if there are no younger girls in the horizon, go for it.
 

Dilated

Robin
Would caution guys with older women vis a vis having kids. If she’s early/mid 30’s without a kid I think there’s a significant risk she could change her mind about having kids despite her verbal insistence on wanting them.

It happened to me.

If you go that route, protect your finances- prenup, trust, whatever. Worst case scenario would be marrying a woman like this...finding out she really doesn’t want to have kids...and now you have to pay her to leave if you want any chance of having kids with someone else.

**EDIT- this is a much bigger risk with Western women.
 
IMO high IQ is an extremely important trait. I've qualified for mensa a have dated dumb high school dropouts who were 10s and their retardation was unbearable. Finding a mate with similar IQ levels and education is crutial. Wtf are you gonna talk about with some village girl, what will she be able to teach your children while you work?

Also IQ is passed almost exclusively through the maternal genetics. Most studies confirm this. It is imporative you breed with a smart girl. Do not compromise for under 130 IQ. Less than two percent of the world has that IQ level and it is much rarer in women than men. Your best best is boning Ashkenazi Jewish chicks, EE girls, STEM, or Asian girls (I wouldn't race mix) or join mensa and sift through the women there. Most are extremely open to dating within the club cause you already have the social proof and most men there are not remarkable specimens in the physical realm

Good luck comrade.
 

SoftFor

Pigeon
how bad to marry an older woman is kinda one-sided concern. Well,based from the 1st hand stories that i encountered, marrying an older woman is not that bad,actually it is the reverse. Most men look and chose to settle with an older woman. This is due to maturity and a more stable emotional condition.
 

C-Note

Ostrich
Gold Member
One of my previous bosses (a white American guy) married a Japanese woman who was in her mid-30s while he was in his mid-20s. I had him as a boss when he was in his mid-50s. I saw him one time with his wife at the grocery store. My first thought when I saw them was that she was his mother-in-law, because she looked so much older than him.

When they got married, her being Asian, she probably looked like she was in her mid-20s. But, it eventually catches up with Asian women. After they hit menopause they'll rapidly age, both physically and mentally. In my boss's case, he dumped her (they didn't have any kids) and a few months later married another Japanese women in her late 30s. I think he should have looked a little harder and found one in her 20s, but maybe he didn't want kids.
 
C-Note said:
One of my previous bosses (a white American guy) married a Japanese woman who was in her mid-30s while he was in his mid-20s. I had him as a boss when he was in his mid-50s. I saw him one time with his wife at the grocery store. My first thought when I saw them was that she was his mother-in-law, because she looked so much older than him.

When they got married, her being Asian, she probably looked like she was in her mid-20s. But, it eventually catches up with Asian women. After they hit menopause they'll rapidly age, both physically and mentally. In my boss's case, he dumped her (they didn't have any kids) and a few months later married another Japanese women in her late 30s. I think he should have looked a little harder and found one in her 20s, but maybe he didn't want kids.

This is actually a good point. If you marry a woman who is your age or older, you have to be ok with the fact that she will age faster than you do once 40 hits.


 
OK... update... she just turned 33.

Still a no go? Also, in hindsight, I'll give her a 9.5. She would have been a 10 all throughout her 20's. Lovely woman, just was/is too career focused.

It's sad how each year around this time and really make a big difference...

Even best case would need to be quick courting period, test for red flags/compatibility within 6 months, then fertility tests ASAP, and be prepared break up based on those results or to accept 2 kids max (with 3 would be a blessing).

I suppose I'm really trying to find where this cut off line is.

My personal experience. My wife had problems conceiving because after moving to the states after living in Ukraine, the different food compositions messed up her hormonal balance. We did natural IVF and have a lovely daughter. So the eggs were ok, but something about the different foods here (even going organic and off of sugar/caffeine) can mess up embryo implantation. She was 40 when she conceived.

So I'd say, this is biologically doable. 33? Get a fertility cycle calendar and start tracking her cycle and get ovulation predictor tests (I bought them in bulk.) Blue ball yourself for a few days before the ovulation cycle and then have a good time for the 5 days in that cycle. If that doesn't work for a year or co, go natural cycle IVF.
 

911

Peacock
Gold Member
to the OP

1- the 130 IQ requirement for the sake of getting smart kids is retarded. That's a pretty immature and low IQ notion to entertain, you're in the wrong framework here. Pick her on the basis of how good a wife and mother she will make, and how well you get along, and how deep your relation is. As long as she's in a decent range, not a retard or super-shallow vacuous materialist, IQ is way lower than other factors like her emotional stability, the strength and quality of her household and values she grew up with (quality of her parents).

The smartest woman I've dated was really smart, an A student premed at a very prestigious college where I went to grad school, very good looking girl, genuine 9/10, but a bit volatile due mostly to her family background - rich parents, divorced while she was 10yo, history of drug use (not just pot).. She actually had a good temperament, but had serious issues with attachment and bonding.

2- settling down with a woman your age or slightly older is not a big deal at all if you're in your early 20s, it's MUCH more of a problem if you're in your mid-30s or older. But the problem here is that you seem to think that an older woman is ideal for you in your situation, when it would be better for you to find a woman your age or slightly younger, all other things being equal.

The point here is that IF you happen to find a great woman who checks almost all the right boxes and it turns out she's slightly older, then it's manageable, but don't START with the mindset that you need an older woman, especially not for the reason you've advanced.
 

Thurisaz

Newbie
If you want a wife and a family, she'd better not be over 30 when you meet her.

Cross-cultural dating is also a bad idea: when the woman hates her culture enough to ditch domestics for you, there are issues underneath I wouldn't recommend dealing with to an enemy.

Go home and find a wife there. Build. Grow.
 

hkhathaj

Pigeon
Would you rather have a domestic woman of your own "culture" who is well versed in "divorce culture"?
I am a "genetics are important" guy and I want children who resemble me. This is also a requirement from my family. It is not a very well discovered area because it is not PC today but a mixed pair and mixed children cause a lot of hardship in life.

On the other hand I have a feeling that taming a young woman to be a wife already gives you a good frame that makes it possible to maintain a marriage even in hostile environment. When you see the statistics you have to keep in mind that 90% of people in those statistics are blue pilled clueless guys. You are better than them and you have much better chance than the average.
 
If you are looking for a virgin bride, you have to look for the young ones. Reason is this: a young woman wants to have sex. If she is reasonably attractive, and a good girl (someone who wants to marry before losing her virginity) will want to get married and have a family quickly. If she is older, either she wants to sleep around for awhile, or she has some serious red flags that other guys couldn't ignore.
 
I've had several friends date older women in the past few years, age differences ranging between +a couple months the friends all the way to +7 years older.

In my anecdotal experience, if they hit about age 30 and they haven't held a long-term relationship at any point in their past, be weary. It's indicative of something either positive or very negative about their character. One moved nations since they realized their job sector was shrinking (pretty good judgement), to another spending years putting half-effort in school for a masters (poor work ethic and judgement).

In the older women as well, I've seen power dynamic issues between them and my friends.
 
Times always change, but here's my perspective from when I came of age 30 years ago.

Back then, there was a plethora of older career women who weren't necessarily bad beyond typical feminine hypergamy, but it was lighter. "At least as tall as her", at "least" in her socio-economic class, etc. But they weren't demanding 6 footers with Nobel prizes either. The reason why the internet apps of full of guys with few women is that a lot of these women don't use the apps. They go to work, visit their parents, church 1x a week (maybe every other week), and before they know it, they're in their 30's. They were taught to "just wait until magic happens" where a guy chats them up at the supermarket and she falls in love, etc, but that doesn't happen (at least not as she hoped it would.)

Just as men can have approach anxiety, imagine what women go through who've spent their lives waiting to be approached and it not working out for them. So many just decide to become spinsters or (yuck!) single-mothers-by-choice rather than risk even the most mild of rejection/emotional risk in pro-active dating.

So what I'm saying, at least for the times I remember, was that a lot of these women weren't bad. They just were exceptionally lazy when it came to getting in a relationship. But this was a different universe, back in the 90's.

Regarding IQ. I suppose if otherwise smart men such as science nerds can't figure out how to meet a woman, then we shouldn't judge women overly harshly for their low emotional IQ. The challenge may be that women whose IQ does appear high may develop more baggage in the modern age: If they are in STEM, they're surrounded by literally hundreds of beta orbiters in their jobs. Even back in the 90's, the women of this caliber that weren't already married had amazingly entitled attitudes worse than a high schooler on Tinder (Not that I know what that is, just a guess :) Seriously, gals who were 5's acted like they were 9's. The smart, pretty ones, though, seemed to actually be more sensible.

High IQ gals who aren't in STEM but in more feminine fields such as literature or liberal arts may become blue haired crazies by the age of 22 or so. This wasn't a huge problem back in the 90's.
 

infowarrior1

Hummingbird
Exactly. Take the Duggar family of 19 Kids and Counting. Clearly they had a good portion of these children after the age of 30.



How could she have these children after 30 if it was "biologically impossible"? It's like looking at birds flying in the sky and then saying that flying birds do not exist.

I am amazed at how many men in the Manosphere think it's impossible for a woman to conceive after the age of 30.

Its not impossible. But the woman already started before the age of 30. Which is what made the difference. If she started having children after being childless at 30 then the odds are not in her favor.
 
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