How bad is is to marry an older woman?

Blade Runner

Kingfisher
We talk around this a lot, but I wanted to emphasize something that is very well understood by us, but only in "lore" out there in the "real world."

Women who are not in their 20s are unappealing, boring, or both. Yes, 20s girls may be boring, but they aren't unappealing --- you know the reason why you are putting up with their nonsense, at least on some level (youth, fertility, possibility, etc).

The degree to which 30 year old and even 40 year old women are unaware of what actually attracts men (or their denial of it) is just stupid. They basically ask us to be mean to them (tell them the truth) for being so stupid. And of course it's not worth it, it's much easier to just change the topic and let them wine themselves through the next few years when nothing happens.

A short version of what I'm saying is that, at this point, these older types think guys just want a buddy or companion, but aren't honest about how unbelievably needy women are (we don't talk a lot because we're only interested in interesting shit) and never seem to ask, or be able to answer, "What do I bring to or add to a man's life?"

It's not that hard - add something that a man can't, or doesn't want, to do. And stop talking so much.
 
The decision to marry an older (or younger) woman falls in the realm of physical attributes that you, as the man, personally desire for a potential wife to possess. Race/IQ/height/breast size/etc, also are examples of physical/material attributes.

After satisfying his physical preference, any man must then use the dating experience to size up her true worth as a potential wife. Does her attitude (moral attributes) indicate she is the type of woman who can fulfill the following scripture:

Proverbs 31:10-31 ?

If the answer is "yes", then marrying your physical preference (in this case, "older") is not anymore "bad" (or good) then marrying a women with blonde hair, vs brunette.
 

Waverer

Robin
On the one hand, younger women are somewhat more physically attractive, will stay attractive for a few years longer long term

A 28 year old reveals a LOT more than a 20 year old about how she will look in her 30s and 40s. A girl in great shape at 20 could be any shape by 35. A girl in great shape at 28 is telling you she has at least enough self-discipline to stay slim for those extra 8 years - and hopefully more.
 

infowarrior1

Hummingbird
A 28 year old reveals a LOT more than a 20 year old about how she will look in her 30s and 40s. A girl in great shape at 20 could be any shape by 35. A girl in great shape at 28 is telling you she has at least enough self-discipline to stay slim for those extra 8 years - and hopefully more.

Sure but those years are already gone. And they aren't coming back. A better measure is their mothers. That gives a decent indication.
 
I think that the older you get, the less reason you have to marry an older woman. Imagine that you are an 18-year-old man. If you want to take a 23-year-old wife, that is probably fine; you will still get to spend 7 years married to a woman in her twenties. Also, at age 18 your options are quite limited. You can't just dip down for a woman who is 10 years younger than you, or 8 years younger you. If you are a man in your fifties, on the other hand, you have a wide range of options of younger women. I don't see any reason why a 50-year-old man would marry a woman who is 54. If you are 50, you might as well choose a woman who is 35 or 30 or something like that.
 

Deepdiver

Crow
Gold Member
BEWARE: What all of you old wrinkle necked trouts and younger swinging dicks are up against in the age of social media.... The Affluence Academy for Women...

 

...

Crow
Gold Member
Eastern Europe beauty, those two phrases do not go together lol. EE women age quickly, especially if they live in mountain like climate or Siberia. Not to mention, she has a bad lip job.
 
When it comes to IQ, keep in mind that talents/aptitudes are also important. My significant other is gifted at organizing documents, files, homes, etc., and I consider this a very valuable trait.

Marrying an older woman definitely has its pros can cons. I thought I was robbing the cradle by being with a woman who is about a decade younger than me. But still, being in her late thirties, her prime fertility years are gone, and were spent with another man, who she had children with. We have so far had three miscarriages, which always happen a few weeks into the pregnancy. This is sad and frustrating beyond belief. I could have gotten with her three years earlier than I did, but I wanted time to really get to know her, and I also wanted her to get an annulment, before I moved over here. But as they say, no good deed goes unpunished. Those three extra years of youth on her part, might have allowed us to have a child together. At this point we need a fertility doctor and divine intervention.

She has a cousin, barely in her thirties, who is marrying an American guy my age. We have done video calls together, as couples. This sweet woman has a young son, almost a teenager. The couple have plans to have one or two kids together, in large part because she wants them, though the guy already has two grown children from a previous marriage. She still has the youth, to easily make this happen. I love my significant other, but I went on emotions, rather than logic, in finding a partner.

And yes, an aging woman seems to feel her aches and pains, more than a man, or at least talks about it much much more. My significant other fairly routinely visits the doctor, for mysterious stomach ailments, headaches, dizziness or whatever is at the time bothering her. We tend to focus on her health challenges, of course, and not mine, though I am still in generally good health.

As for holding off the wall, my woman looked utterly amazing undressed when I first visited her for two weeks. But only one year later, when I made the big move here, I discovered that her muscle tone was gone, and she had a definite gut. I was shocked that she could go downhill so much, over just a single year! But that is aging for you, and the slowing of the metabolism. I have gotten sedentary since coming here, since they don't have decent places to run, where I live. And so I have gained some weight myself, and gotten out of shape.
 

infowarrior1

Hummingbird
When it comes to IQ, keep in mind that talents/aptitudes are also important. My significant other is gifted at organizing documents, files, homes, etc., and I consider this a very valuable trait.

Marrying an older woman definitely has its pros can cons. I thought I was robbing the cradle by being with a woman who is about a decade younger than me. But still, being in her late thirties, her prime fertility years are gone, and were spent with another man, who she had children with. We have so far had three miscarriages, which always happen a few weeks into the pregnancy. This is sad and frustrating beyond belief. I could have gotten with her three years earlier than I did, but I wanted time to really get to know her, and I also wanted her to get an annulment, before I moved over here. But as they say, no good deed goes unpunished. Those three extra years of youth on her part, might have allowed us to have a child together. At this point we need a fertility doctor and divine intervention.

She has a cousin, barely in her thirties, who is marrying an American guy my age. We have done video calls together, as couples. This sweet woman has a young son, almost a teenager. The couple have plans to have one or two kids together, in large part because she wants them, though the guy already has two grown children from a previous marriage. She still has the youth, to easily make this happen. I love my significant other, but I went on emotions, rather than logic, in finding a partner.

And yes, an aging woman seems to feel her aches and pains, more than a man, or at least talks about it much much more. My significant other fairly routinely visits the doctor, for mysterious stomach ailments, headaches, dizziness or whatever is at the time bothering her. We tend to focus on her health challenges, of course, and not mine, though I am still in generally good health.

As for holding off the wall, my woman looked utterly amazing undressed when I first visited her for two weeks. But only one year later, when I made the big move here, I discovered that her muscle tone was gone, and she had a definite gut. I was shocked that she could go downhill so much, over just a single year! But that is aging for you, and the slowing of the metabolism. I have gotten sedentary since coming here, since they don't have decent places to run, where I live. And so I have gained some weight myself, and gotten out of shape.
Good diet and exercise. They slow down aging. Otherwise that goes to show why marrying younger is better. More years of youth. It's less a good deal when that time of youthful exuberance is too short like in the case of the woman you went with.
 

infowarrior1

Hummingbird
Eastern Europe beauty, those two phrases do not go together lol. EE women age quickly, especially if they live in mountain like climate or Siberia. Not to mention, she has a bad lip job.
Too harsh a life for women leads to rapid aging. Like greenhouse planet. She needs more care and protection from the elements. Good nutrition,high quality rest and good exercise

Men on the other hand handle hardships better without said aging.
 

infowarrior1

Hummingbird
When it comes to IQ, keep in mind that talents/aptitudes are also important. My significant other is gifted at organizing documents, files, homes, etc., and I consider this a very valuable trait.

Marrying an older woman definitely has its pros can cons. I thought I was robbing the cradle by being with a woman who is about a decade younger than me. But still, being in her late thirties, her prime fertility years are gone, and were spent with another man, who she had children with. We have so far had three miscarriages, which always happen a few weeks into the pregnancy. This is sad and frustrating beyond belief. I could have gotten with her three years earlier than I did, but I wanted time to really get to know her, and I also wanted her to get an annulment, before I moved over here. But as they say, no good deed goes unpunished. Those three extra years of youth on her part, might have allowed us to have a child together. At this point we need a fertility doctor and divine intervention.

She has a cousin, barely in her thirties, who is marrying an American guy my age. We have done video calls together, as couples. This sweet woman has a young son, almost a teenager. The couple have plans to have one or two kids together, in large part because she wants them, though the guy already has two grown children from a previous marriage. She still has the youth, to easily make this happen. I love my significant other, but I went on emotions, rather than logic, in finding a partner.

And yes, an aging woman seems to feel her aches and pains, more than a man, or at least talks about it much much more. My significant other fairly routinely visits the doctor, for mysterious stomach ailments, headaches, dizziness or whatever is at the time bothering her. We tend to focus on her health challenges, of course, and not mine, though I am still in generally good health.

As for holding off the wall, my woman looked utterly amazing undressed when I first visited her for two weeks. But only one year later, when I made the big move here, I discovered that her muscle tone was gone, and she had a definite gut. I was shocked that she could go downhill so much, over just a single year! But that is aging for you, and the slowing of the metabolism. I have gotten sedentary since coming here, since they don't have decent places to run, where I live. And so I have gained some weight myself, and gotten out of shape.

If a woman in her 30's is ideal to you. It's likely she is pretending to be something she is not and as soon as you marry her real personality comes out and you are locked in with her.
 

If a woman in her 30's is ideal to you. It's likely she is pretending to be something she is not and as soon as you marry her real personality comes out and you are locked in with her.

I would say this is a problem at any age. I've known plenty of guys burned by wives who they married when the women were in their twenties. And as they entered into divorce, the men wondered what the hell happened to the sweet women they had courted and had a great few years with. But yes, a woman is more likely to have much more psychological/spiritual baggage, by her thirties, and a notch count which will interfere with pair bonding. And if she has already been through one nasty divorce/break-up, a second one won't be so daunting for her...

I feel like my own relationship is death by a thousand paper cuts. Well, and a few sword thrusts! Lol I felt an ominous vibe when my significant other complained that her ex always wanted to be in control (the man), and this deeply bothered her, because she always wants to be in control (the woman). It took several months for me to really pick up on this, as she began to show the behavior of her true nature. I don't mind a woman largely being in the driver's seat, if that is what she really wants, but there are going to be those times when I want things done exactly my way. And this has already lead to conflict.

I did have a talk with her, which caused her eyes to get very wide with surprise, where I explained that I want her to always talk to me first, before making a major expenditure. I took a serious and dominant tone as I had this conversation with her. Before this, I would basically just go along with whatever she wanted, as long as it did not seriously bother me in some way. But since that talk, her obedience to my rule has been hit and miss.

It is definitely a myth that Filipina women are docile and subservient wives! Lol They tend to be strong-willed & outspoken, and expect the man to basically turn his money over to her, as she runs the household with an iron fist. I think with many couples in this country, the woman is the dominant one. The man's role is to be the plowhorse, and secondarily, a hopefully good role model for the children.
 

infowarrior1

Hummingbird
I would say this is a problem at any age. I've known plenty of guys burned by wives who they married when the women were in their twenties. And as they entered into divorce, the men wondered what the hell happened to the sweet women they had courted and had a great few years with. But yes, a woman is more likely to have much more psychological/spiritual baggage, by her thirties, and a notch count which will interfere with pair bonding. And if she has already been through one nasty divorce/break-up, a second one won't be so daunting for her...

I feel like my own relationship is death by a thousand paper cuts. Well, and a few sword thrusts! Lol I felt an ominous vibe when my significant other complained that her ex always wanted to be in control (the man), and this deeply bothered her, because she always wants to be in control (the woman). It took several months for me to really pick up on this, as she began to show the behavior of her true nature. I don't mind a woman largely being in the driver's seat, if that is what she really wants, but there are going to be those times when I want things done exactly my way. And this has already lead to conflict.

I did have a talk with her, which caused her eyes to get very wide with surprise, where I explained that I want her to always talk to me first, before making a major expenditure. I took a serious and dominant tone as I had this conversation with her. Before this, I would basically just go along with whatever she wanted, as long as it did not seriously bother me in some way. But since that talk, her obedience to my rule has been hit and miss.

It is definitely a myth that Filipina women are docile and subservient wives! Lol They tend to be strong-willed & outspoken, and expect the man to basically turn his money over to her, as she runs the household with an iron fist. I think with many couples in this country, the woman is the dominant one. The man's role is to be the plowhorse, and secondarily, a hopefully good role model for the children.

That's why Dates that involves having good times all the time isn't really a good barometer. Its easier for the mask to slip when the woman is under enough pressure. Or if you hang around her for a much longer time. The act is harder to keep up for long periods of time and old habits are more likely to slip.
 
That's why Dates that involves having good times all the time isn't really a good barometer. Its easier for the mask to slip when the woman is under enough pressure. Or if you hang around her for a much longer time. The act is harder to keep up for long periods of time and old habits are more likely to slip.

A year before my permanent move here, I visited her for two weeks. But that was just not long enough to properly get to know her. A woman can fairly easily be on her very best behavior, for just a two week period. My big unpleasant surprise with her was when at the last minute, she told me about her massive debt, which I am expected to pay. I have already spoken about it, but her desire to always be in charge of the relationship, vexes me. The miscarriages are a painful blow, but I should have seen that coming, due to her age. I really wanted a child, or even two. The big challenge is her *four* kids, which I knew would be fraught with difficulty, but I did not realize the depth of resistance and attitude I would be getting from them. It is just unreal, and she lets them get away with it, despite family therapists saying in articles and books that doing so is a bad thing. Also, she likes to drink from time to time, but so far, only in moderation. Filipinos, even educated ones, like to binge drink, which deeply bothers me. And my significant other used to binge drink with co-workers. But she senses my concern regarding the matter, and has never gotten drunk, since I arrived here. But even just seeing empty beer bottles around the house, bothers me. Lastly, there is the "box of dicks" problem. Every time I see a cell phone in her hand, I wonder if she is up to no good. This is because she had an emotional affair with some western guy, who a few months ago, actually came to the Philippines to see her! She claims, and I believe her, that at the last minute she said no to going to his hotel room and having sex, and then came home. But even though she did the right thing at the last minute, I am still in shock about it. I suspect the root of her doing this is wanting to get her huge debt paid off. Oh, and she seems to be bi-polar, I must not forget about that.

I do see our relationship as fixable. But it will take alot of love, effort and money to get to smooth sailing.
 

infowarrior1

Hummingbird
A year before my permanent move here, I visited her for two weeks. But that was just not long enough to properly get to know her. A woman can fairly easily be on her very best behavior, for just a two week period. My big unpleasant surprise with her was when at the last minute, she told me about her massive debt, which I am expected to pay. I have already spoken about it, but her desire to always be in charge of the relationship, vexes me. The miscarriages are a painful blow, but I should have seen that coming, due to her age. I really wanted a child, or even two. The big challenge is her *four* kids, which I knew would be fraught with difficulty, but I did not realize the depth of resistance and attitude I would be getting from them. It is just unreal, and she lets them get away with it, despite family therapists saying in articles and books that doing so is a bad thing. Also, she likes to drink from time to time, but so far, only in moderation. Filipinos, even educated ones, like to binge drink, which deeply bothers me. And my significant other used to binge drink with co-workers. But she senses my concern regarding the matter, and has never gotten drunk, since I arrived here. But even just seeing empty beer bottles around the house, bothers me. Lastly, there is the "box of dicks" problem. Every time I see a cell phone in her hand, I wonder if she is up to no good. This is because she had an emotional affair with some western guy, who a few months ago, actually came to the Philippines to see her! She claims, and I believe her, that at the last minute she said no to going to his hotel room and having sex, and then came home. But even though she did the right thing at the last minute, I am still in shock about it. I suspect the root of her doing this is wanting to get her huge debt paid off. Oh, and she seems to be bi-polar, I must not forget about that.

I do see our relationship as fixable. But it will take alot of love, effort and money to get to smooth sailing.

Sounds bad. I don't think its personally worth it.
 

wannable alpha

Woodpecker
I would consider any woman over 35 as older. They all have baggage by this point in their lives. The most common thing is that they are independent minded and will not listen to anyone, even their parents, siblings, friends when it comes to life advice. If they had, they would have all been married by this time. I have seen that these women have pretty much given up on marriage, at least in India, since they know they are on the wrong side of 35 and just want some fun+drama in their lives. Women between 30-35 are still salvageable. They still have hopes of getting married and being a mother although they are also drama queens.
 
I don't believe her.

Aloha!

I do, because despite her problems, she is still a fairly principled person. And beyond that, she has the "confessor" type personality. I have been involved with women with far deeper flaws, than my Filipina significant other. They were the ones beyond hope, that I got rid of for my own good.
 

bmw633

Robin
When it comes to IQ, keep in mind that talents/aptitudes are also important. My significant other is gifted at organizing documents, files, homes, etc., and I consider this a very valuable trait.

Marrying an older woman definitely has its pros can cons. I thought I was robbing the cradle by being with a woman who is about a decade younger than me. But still, being in her late thirties, her prime fertility years are gone, and were spent with another man, who she had children with. We have so far had three miscarriages, which always happen a few weeks into the pregnancy. This is sad and frustrating beyond belief. I could have gotten with her three years earlier than I did, but I wanted time to really get to know her, and I also wanted her to get an annulment, before I moved over here. But as they say, no good deed goes unpunished. Those three extra years of youth on her part, might have allowed us to have a child together. At this point we need a fertility doctor and divine intervention.

She has a cousin, barely in her thirties, who is marrying an American guy my age. We have done video calls together, as couples. This sweet woman has a young son, almost a teenager. The couple have plans to have one or two kids together, in large part because she wants them, though the guy already has two grown children from a previous marriage. She still has the youth, to easily make this happen. I love my significant other, but I went on emotions, rather than logic, in finding a partner.

And yes, an aging woman seems to feel her aches and pains, more than a man, or at least talks about it much much more. My significant other fairly routinely visits the doctor, for mysterious stomach ailments, headaches, dizziness or whatever is at the time bothering her. We tend to focus on her health challenges, of course, and not mine, though I am still in generally good health.

As for holding off the wall, my woman looked utterly amazing undressed when I first visited her for two weeks. But only one year later, when I made the big move here, I discovered that her muscle tone was gone, and she had a definite gut. I was shocked that she could go downhill so much, over just a single year! But that is aging for you, and the slowing of the metabolism. I have gotten sedentary since coming here, since they don't have decent places to run, where I live. And so I have gained some weight myself, and gotten out of shape.

I think the lockdown has added 5-10 pounds on all of us, not being able to go out and exercise.

Hope your situation improves. Looks like the GF got a good deal connecting with you. Make sure you are more than just a walking ATM in their eyes, and if you get disrespected by her or her kids, time to move on. Life is too short to have to deal with BS.
 
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