How bad is is to marry an older woman?

Dilated

Robin
I am seeking not advice, but view from different point about my current situation.
To begin, even though it´s not okay to say such things on this forum anymore, to do not be seen as someone, who is desperately looking for attention of some woman to love me, I must admit that over last 2 and half years I have met with maybe hundreds of women and slept with dozens of them. Without having stronger sympathy for any of them and without desire to spend with them any extra time than necessary for reaching my sinful goals. During this period, I was opened for creating some deeper bond, but it just never worked, not even a close. I considered myself to be emotional-dead.
A little less then 2 months ago I met this woman, who lives 1 kilometer from my place. The thing is that I am 28 and she is 36. And she has got two children from 10 years LTR with some guy from USA, who stayed their whole relationship not really close to their family. If I told myself this 2 months ago, I would call myself crazy. But since the first moment, we clicked with each other very much. I mean I have never felt like this with any other girl in my life and it´s really intense. She´s not typical desperate single mother. She takes care of herself very well and you wouldn´t say she´s older than 30 and has vibes of much younger girl. Also, she´s not dependable on anyone, she earns a lot of money (from home), while she has really good approach to raising her kids. She also built a big house without any contribution of her ex (which is super difficult in my country thanks to current real estate crisis). We read the same books, talk about them and I would say we push each other forward a lot lot in terms of working on ourself to become better versions of us.
She´s very family oriented and she would like to have one more child soon, since it´s going to be her last chance. She´s probably very fertile, because both her children were born after 30 on "first attempt", according to her.
I know that this sounds crazy and if it wasn´t me, I would laugh. But I feel some kind of genuine connection I´ve never felt before. And to add, I am in military and currently being answered to new unit which will make me be away a lot and it would be nice to have someone to come back. We are not making any decisions and just let it "flow" and let the time show us and we both understand that to make any serious commitments, it´s still to early.

I’m in the exact same position...it almost feels like I wrote this. Met the best woman I have ever met several months ago- 37 years old and very feminine.

I think you take a crack at it- better to go after the best, most feminine woman you can get and potentially fail with starting a family. Going with a sub-standard one will lead to regret.

You only get one chance- take your best swing.
 

Laner

Hummingbird
Gold Member
I am seeking not advice, but view from different point about my current situation.
To begin, even though it´s not okay to say such things on this forum anymore, to do not be seen as someone, who is desperately looking for attention of some woman to love me, I must admit that over last 2 and half years I have met with maybe hundreds of women and slept with dozens of them. Without having stronger sympathy for any of them and without desire to spend with them any extra time than necessary for reaching my sinful goals. During this period, I was opened for creating some deeper bond, but it just never worked, not even a close. I considered myself to be emotional-dead.
A little less then 2 months ago I met this woman, who lives 1 kilometer from my place. The thing is that I am 28 and she is 36. And she has got two children from 10 years LTR with some guy from USA, who stayed their whole relationship not really close to their family. If I told myself this 2 months ago, I would call myself crazy. But since the first moment, we clicked with each other very much. I mean I have never felt like this with any other girl in my life and it´s really intense. She´s not typical desperate single mother. She takes care of herself very well and you wouldn´t say she´s older than 30 and has vibes of much younger girl. Also, she´s not dependable on anyone, she earns a lot of money (from home), while she has really good approach to raising her kids. She also built a big house without any contribution of her ex (which is super difficult in my country thanks to current real estate crisis). We read the same books, talk about them and I would say we push each other forward a lot lot in terms of working on ourself to become better versions of us.
She´s very family oriented and she would like to have one more child soon, since it´s going to be her last chance. She´s probably very fertile, because both her children were born after 30 on "first attempt", according to her.
I know that this sounds crazy and if it wasn´t me, I would laugh. But I feel some kind of genuine connection I´ve never felt before. And to add, I am in military and currently being answered to new unit which will make me be away a lot and it would be nice to have someone to come back. We are not making any decisions and just let it "flow" and let the time show us and we both understand that to make any serious commitments, it´s still to early.

Perhaps a large part of you just sees the family and her happiness and you see yourself being that happy one day. And would not be wrong, as families can be the biggest source of happiness on this earth. But, it can also be the biggest source of pain.

If you are making a large part of the decision based on how she looks now, keep in mind that her aging and appearance will begin to accelerate in the coming few years. For you not to feel uncomfortable with her fading looks, you will need to love her children like your own. As a 41 year old man I know that the only way I can find my wife attractive is through her dedication to kids and myself. Being there for pregnancy, childbirth and witnessing her body feed our son for his first year changed something in the way I see her. Other fathers have said the same thing.

There is a lot of loneliness in the world right now, so I would never say to anyone to walk away from something wonderful. Two people meeting, being happy, and sharing some love is what the world needs right now. But that age gap and raising another man's kids is perhaps the most important decision you will ever make. She knows this, which is why she is dangling the "I want a third kid soon" in front of you. She knows it would be the glue needed to make this work.
 

tomzestatlu

Kingfisher
Perhaps a large part of you just sees the family and her happiness and you see yourself being that happy one day. And would not be wrong, as families can be the biggest source of happiness on this earth. But, it can also be the biggest source of pain.

If you are making a large part of the decision based on how she looks now, keep in mind that her aging and appearance will begin to accelerate in the coming few years. For you not to feel uncomfortable with her fading looks, you will need to love her children like your own. As a 41 year old man I know that the only way I can find my wife attractive is through her dedication to kids and myself. Being there for pregnancy, childbirth and witnessing her body feed our son for his first year changed something in the way I see her. Other fathers have said the same thing.

There is a lot of loneliness in the world right now, so I would never say to anyone to walk away from something wonderful. Two people meeting, being happy, and sharing some love is what the world needs right now. But that age gap and raising another man's kids is perhaps the most important decision you will ever make. She knows this, which is why she is dangling the "I want a third kid soon" in front of you. She knows it would be the glue needed to make this work.
You are right at this, since the beginning I am looking at her/them like onto something I wish to have one day.

Definitely I am not making decision based on the looks. Maybe the opposite is true. She´s not first women with children that I had something with and this one has the body affected by children far the most. Not in that way she doesn´t try to keep her fit, but stretched skin and another "damage" is visible very well (and it´s causing her big insecurity). But I don´t mind it and that´s interesting for me. Before, I could meet girl with perfect body, but still find some little detail that doesn´t allow me to fall into her. I like how imperfect she is, because it´s just the result of motherhood.
If I was making decision based on looks, I wouldn´t date woman who is 9 years older than me with 2 children. I can date 10 years younger girls with fresh body and promise of high fertility. But her value in my eyes is far beyond her looks.

Children are another interesting part for me. Before, I never liked any children and didn´t want to do anything with them. I was thinking to myself, that once I have my own, I will probably like them. But I was convinced I can never look after someone else´s children. I got to know them and I must admit I like them a lot. That´s all I can say at this moment. But definitely I want to have my own. If there wasn´t opportunity for her to bring me a child, it would be probably done to me.
 
I am seeking not advice, but view from different point about my current situation.
To begin, even though it´s not okay to say such things on this forum anymore, to do not be seen as someone, who is desperately looking for attention of some woman to love me, I must admit that over last 2 and half years I have met with maybe hundreds of women and slept with dozens of them. Without having stronger sympathy for any of them and without desire to spend with them any extra time than necessary for reaching my sinful goals. During this period, I was opened for creating some deeper bond, but it just never worked, not even a close. I considered myself to be emotional-dead.
A little less then 2 months ago I met this woman, who lives 1 kilometer from my place. The thing is that I am 28 and she is 36. And she has got two children from 10 years LTR with some guy from USA, who stayed their whole relationship not really close to their family. If I told myself this 2 months ago, I would call myself crazy. But since the first moment, we clicked with each other very much. I mean I have never felt like this with any other girl in my life and it´s really intense. She´s not typical desperate single mother. She takes care of herself very well and you wouldn´t say she´s older than 30 and has vibes of much younger girl. Also, she´s not dependable on anyone, she earns a lot of money (from home), while she has really good approach to raising her kids. She also built a big house without any contribution of her ex (which is super difficult in my country thanks to current real estate crisis). We read the same books, talk about them and I would say we push each other forward a lot lot in terms of working on ourself to become better versions of us.
She´s very family oriented and she would like to have one more child soon, since it´s going to be her last chance. She´s probably very fertile, because both her children were born after 30 on "first attempt", according to her.
I know that this sounds crazy and if it wasn´t me, I would laugh. But I feel some kind of genuine connection I´ve never felt before. And to add, I am in military and currently being answered to new unit which will make me be away a lot and it would be nice to have someone to come back. We are not making any decisions and just let it "flow" and let the time show us and we both understand that to make any serious commitments, it´s still to early.
I’m in the exact same position...it almost feels like I wrote this. Met the best woman I have ever met several months ago- 37 years old and very feminine.

I think you take a crack at it- better to go after the best, most feminine woman you can get and potentially fail with starting a family. Going with a sub-standard one will lead to regret.

You only get one chance- take your best swing.


This is addressed to both of you. First, you have to ask yourselves, why is it that you are gathering the attention of older women about to lose their fertility completely instead of young, fertile women in the 18+ age range?

Second, If you are only getting attention from women past their prime, why are younger women ignoring you? No, I am not referring to women who only want to fornicate with you. I want you to ask yourself why is it that young, fertile women, who are ready to get married and have children, why is this segment of women invisible to you?

If you are invisible to the 18-28 age range of women, why is this? Is there something in your life that you are falling short on? Is this financial? Is this in terms of masculine growth? Why are you attracted to women who have other children and may not even be able to bear your own children because of their age range?

You both are rationalizing your poor decisions based on emotions...doing so is feminine and it completely goes against what men need to do, which is base their decisions on rational, logical thought. Not only are these women older, but they already have children from another relationship...What makes you both think she is a great catch? Perhaps she is and she is completely reformed, but it didnt seem so from previous post. As someone else already pointed out, the woman merely wants a father figure for her children and MAYBE have one more kid. Why didnt this woman make a good decision in her prime years? Why isnt her fornication partner with her? Yes, women "smarten up" in their late 30s because they know the "wall" (old red pill term) is about to hit, hard. The looks is not even what im too concerned about, it is the fertility wall that they are about to hit.

Again, ask yourselves why you are about to get yourselves stuck in a situation with a woman almost past her fertility window, stuck taking care of other men's children, and possibly not even have children of your own...is this all because you are that desperate for female attention? Can you not be more patient and wait for a more ideal woman, who doesnt have children from other men due to acts of fornication?

Please, do some serious, serious introspection.
 

Sawanna25

Newbie
Dating chats are an excellent chance to meet a girl you may have never met otherwise. Why I like dating in the chat? Because I can answer when I have a free minute and I don’t need time while getting to the place of a real date. Of course, with time we plan to meet personally but it will be another story. First we have to get to know each other better. russian women dating
 

tomzestatlu

Kingfisher
This is addressed to both of you. First, you have to ask yourselves, why is it that you are gathering the attention of older women about to lose their fertility completely instead of young, fertile women in the 18+ age range?

Second, If you are only getting attention from women past their prime, why are younger women ignoring you? No, I am not referring to women who only want to fornicate with you. I want you to ask yourself why is it that young, fertile women, who are ready to get married and have children, why is this segment of women invisible to you?

If you are invisible to the 18-28 age range of women, why is this? Is there something in your life that you are falling short on? Is this financial? Is this in terms of masculine growth? Why are you attracted to women who have other children and may not even be able to bear your own children because of their age range?

You both are rationalizing your poor decisions based on emotions...doing so is feminine and it completely goes against what men need to do, which is base their decisions on rational, logical thought. Not only are these women older, but they already have children from another relationship...What makes you both think she is a great catch? Perhaps she is and she is completely reformed, but it didnt seem so from previous post. As someone else already pointed out, the woman merely wants a father figure for her children and MAYBE have one more kid. Why didnt this woman make a good decision in her prime years? Why isnt her fornication partner with her? Yes, women "smarten up" in their late 30s because they know the "wall" (old red pill term) is about to hit, hard. The looks is not even what im too concerned about, it is the fertility wall that they are about to hit.

Again, ask yourselves why you are about to get yourselves stuck in a situation with a woman almost past her fertility window, stuck taking care of other men's children, and possibly not even have children of your own...is this all because you are that desperate for female attention? Can you not be more patient and wait for a more ideal woman, who doesnt have children from other men due to acts of fornication?

Please, do some serious, serious introspection.
Thanks you for your reply.
I see all your points valid. I know that from any logical point of view, it's non sense for me to date such woman. That's why I started to talk about this happening in my life.
I don't think I am person, who lacks woman's attention and my recent years I was living with this abundance mentality, that provides me unlimited amount of women. And I must say I met plenty of them, who were interesting as persons, but I couldn't focus my attention for any single of them (all ages, but the most of them were younger).
As I evolve somehow towards deeper and better version of myself, I am lacking someone similar minded and deeper about the reality of life with intention to get the most out of it and she is far the most in compliance with this something inside of myself. And it's addictive. And also it's something I wish my partner provided me.
Anyway, without doing any conclusion, at least she provides me clear image of what I seek for. Unfortunately, the bar had been set even higher than before.
 

Tytalus

Pelican
One way to get access to women is simply take a course or two a semester at a university to upgrade your credentials. Take something serious, like Math/Science/Engineering/Programming/Business... But they you can join clubs, go to the gym as a legitimate student.

The other point is to simply just work on your charisma, and do something like Charisma on Command. I'm in my mid 30s and am doing this. Pre Covid I went to the univerisity gym regularly and always made a point of being chatty and friendly - basically applying the stuff from my lessons.

At the gym, I simply made a point of talking to every person at the front desk and remembering their names - male and female. Always super happy, super positive, and it's remarkable how interested certain girls acted in me, despite (IMO) not being terribly good looking. There's a certain degree of social proof when the guys are happy to see you because you treat them like people and not part of the scenery.

Doing club activities is interesting, you get to know people who have similar interests, and practicing being happy and positive -- it's pretty amazing how young women look at me and I did not expect that.


As for marrying an "older" woman, it makes sense if you're both relatively young. If you're 24 and she's 26, (my case) it's not the end of the world. My wife and I have many other problems, but they do not stem from her being 2 years older than me.

But at 28 marrying a 37 year old, -- ouch. It can work, with the right woman for the right reasons. But that is a lot of innate stress on the relationship. In 10 years you're 38 and she's 47, and when you have ~30 year old women still smiling flirting with you, the relationship stress gets more pronounced.
 

SlickyBoy

Ostrich
With respect to the IQ discussion, I can't help thinking of the old Heartiste blog where he noted that high IQ guys generally do less well with women than mid to high-ish IQ guys. In other words, they are too smart for their own social good. In that vein, there seems to be a lot of overthinking and validation seeking behavior going on in some of these posts. As others suggested, quit trying to spec out your wife choice like a new gaming PC - pick the one off the lot with the lowest miles on the clock, a decent frame with an interior yet not worn out and a computer that isn't fried from abuse.

As far as the OP question about older women, keep in mind even that well-kept late thirties woman only has about five more years tops before she regresses to the mean, physically. This is before you even get to the fact most older women are set in their ways, in and out of the bedroom. BTW the eggs start to disappear in the mid-20s, and the decline is not linear, it falls off a cliff from there and what's left only gets older.


On a related note, the difficulties of finding suitable women for marriage are the result of so much societal "progress." I was in a meeting recently when someone presented a variation of this chart:



As the presenter blathered on, I realized all of those things look great on the surface, but they are also detrimental to family formation and stability. These developments make for a safer existence, but it's safe to the point where that safety is taken for granted. Women have far too much choice, do not value their fertility and beyond the charts above are socially manipulated into unnatural existences counter productive to their maternal instincts. They figure it's safe enough to chase a career, buy a bunch of crap and live the Sex in the City life. Then they wake up at 30+ wondering why it's hard to conceive or why no man wants to marry them with three kids from three different dudes.

A western man looking for a wife today is almost completely resigned to the reality of choosing a woman who's had previous sexual partners numbering well into the double and sometimes triple digits. That wasn't the reality as recently as the early 2000s. The social effect is as if Columbus gave crate loads of AR-15s to the Indians the moment he arrived, with the results as predictable.

But that's not where it stops - you'll notice there's a push to get "men" to accept the idea of polyamory, open marriages and willing cuckoldry. Sure, we are laughing at the idea of that becoming popular but we also laughed at gay marriage barely two decades ago. The Overton window is being moved as we speak.

A modern man not only has to choose between women with as many partners as prostitutes from the olden days once had, but he's got to allow the prostitution to continue throughout his marriage. Oh yeah, and at least the prostitute in the old days didn't have an Instagram account where she could keep whoring. Tattoos? She wouldn't even think of ruining her body.

It isn't over yet, but you need to choose more carefully than ever and eliminate that which can be eliminated. Less time on the planet for her means less time for her to have made terrible decisions. Good luck.
 

AntoniusofEfa

Woodpecker
^ I was surprised to find an open marriage how to article on welt.de, which is a large, mainstream newspaper. A 28-year-old guy marrying an older woman with two kids is wrong. That is the very definition of a cuck, regardless of how society will market this.
 

Blade Runner

Kingfisher
The problem is also that technology creating a great life has gone hand in hand with something unsustainable, so that begs for a reset indeed. With the technocracy, though, the natural "fix" of collapse can far more easily be turned into elite enslavement of the common man. It is a difficult thing indeed to grasp the paradox of always desiring a better life, but at the same time realizing that the way we evolved is most wholesome in an environment of hard work and greater difficulty in survival.
 

SlickyBoy

Ostrich
^ I was surprised to find an open marriage how to article on welt.de, which is a large, mainstream newspaper. A 28-year-old guy marrying an older woman with two kids is wrong. That is the very definition of a cuck, regardless of how society will market this.
Noting coming out of Germany on that subject should surprise you. Berlin in particular is ground zero for social engineering - it didn't become the gay capitol of Europe by accident, it was practically planned after WW2. EMJ goes into this in his books and many interviews.
 
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