How do I get her to accept that we wont be together?

[No More Mr. Soy Boy]

I've met a cool woman that is conservative, sweet, can cook and loyal and enriches my life and so on. She's such a sweet and amazing person in a way (and we've slept on two occasions).

I had a serious problem with my eyes a few weeks ago and needed a laser surgery to not go blind while she was on a trip abroad and she cancelled it to fly out and stayed to take care of me and help me with stuff, no questions asked. So that was huge for me and she was wonderful.

We've shared a lot of deep stuff with each other and made bonded a lot and I've helped her too to try and move on from stuff that happened during her childhood (abuse and stuff).

I've tried multiple times to make it clear that it won't happen but unfortunately that hasn't stopped her to constantly try and makes no secret she wants a relationship and all.

But I'm simply not as physically attracted to her as I am to others.

I still want to keep her in my life though since I know there aren't many people I could trust to have my back. So how do I get her to accept the friendzone?

I haven't been with anyone else yet either but soon I will have to tell her that.

 

[RDF]

First, why are you not attracted to her physically? Is she objectively unattractive, or just "not your type"? Is it something that is controllable (ie: she's fat) or something that is uncontrollable? On the surface she seems like a great catch, so its important to think this through before you end it with this girl.

Assuming that you 100% want to end it and have no desire to ever be with her, I'll put it bluntly: When a girl catches strong feels for you, there isn't a way to end it without upsetting her. The only way that you can keep her in the friendzone is to [intentionally or unintentionally] dangle the carrot that one day she may become your girl. Otherwise, it'll be too much for her.

The other alternative is just waiting it out that at some point she will find another dude and fall for him. If what you say is true and she is truly a conservative girl, you might be waiting for a long time.

 

[SlickyBoy]

Assuming she isn't objectively unattractive, how old is she? If she's near the end of her SMV, take stock and figure out whether you're really her first choice. Could be she's running out of options and realizes it.

 

[ThriceLazarus]

I bet if you laid on the beta real thick she’d get sick of you. Especially if you develop strong feelings for her along the way.

She’s already given up the goods in an attempt to lock you down, she’s not as conservative as you think.

 

[kinjutsu]

I'm also interested in know why you find her unattractive.
If it's a weight size then encourage her to lose weight and become more active.
If it's some facial feature then suggest plastic surgery or skin treatments.
Age and situation in life is also something you should know more deeply.

 

[Leonard D Neubache]

If she's infatuated with you then you shouldn't be spending time with her at all, no matter how nice her beta orbiter presence makes you feel.

We rightly condemn women for that kind of behaviour.

 

[MichaelWitcoff]

You probably won't. Just wish her well and move on, because spending lots of time with her is only going to make it worse no matter how verbally clear you make it that you aren't interested in that kind of thing.

 

[Louis IX]

I'm also interested in know why you find her unattractive.
If it's a weight size then encourage her to lose weight and become more active.
If it's some facial feature then suggest plastic surgery or skin treatments.
Age and situation in life is also something you should know more deeply.

Sorry kinjutsu but you cannot seriously recommend a woman plastic surgery unless she had a big accident . A woman must accept the way she looks ; and so should a man .

 

[Louis IX]

I've met a cool woman that is conservative, sweet, can cook and loyal and enriches my life and so on. She's such a sweet and amazing person in a way (and we've slept on two occasions).

I had a serious problem with my eyes a few weeks ago and needed a laser surgery to not go blind while she was on a trip abroad and she cancelled it to fly out and stayed to take care of me and help me with stuff, no questions asked. So that was huge for me and she was wonderful.

We've shared a lot of deep stuff with each other and made bonded a lot and I've helped her too to try and move on from stuff that happened during her childhood (abuse and stuff).

I've tried multiple times to make it clear that it won't happen but unfortunately that hasn't stopped her to constantly try and makes no secret she wants a relationship and all.

But I'm simply not as physically attracted to her as I am to others.

I still want to keep her in my life though since I know there aren't many people I could trust to have my back. So how do I get her to accept the friendzone?

I haven't been with anyone else yet either but soon I will have to tell her that.

In my opinion you should keep this girl and even marry her. With time ; you will find her beautiful .
You are mistaken to compare her and "others".
You might find her unattractive but a lot of things you are saying about her are clear signs that you have a special connection with her .
It would be stupid to reject this deep and profound connection just because she isn't a queen of beauty ( which is yet to be confirmed as you haven't had time to comment ).

Even if you marry a hot girl ; she will not look so.hot after some months and you will get used to her body .
But what will keep you going is the relation you have with this lady .

 

[Bucephalus]

I still want to keep her in my life though since I know there aren't many people I could trust to have my back. So how do I get her to accept the friendzone?

I've had a few similar situations – the attraction being one-way from her. In one case, we've been good friends for over 10 years now. In another, I made sure to progressively distance myself as she didn't "get" the non-verbal messages (she finally isolated me at a party and asked me out, it crushed her when I said no) and it made hanging out awkward. But we work in the same industry and can still catch up as friends. Another girl persisted to the point of obsession (stalking) and needed a no, with an audience of mutual acquaintances to watch. We're not in contact.

Due to the lack of attraction on my part, none of these had ever progressed to anything as intimate as in your case. The exception was the second, who I had made out with years before aged scourged her attractiveness.

By allowing intimacy, you've broadcasted mix messages. If this indecisiveness lingers it will give her false hope and is unfair. Changing your mind is of course fine; now you need to make the boundaries of the relationship (now friendship) clear.

The simple rule is to pass time together as you would with a good male friend, but beware of how she might misinterpret certain things. Unlike a mate, you should never let her crash at your place. She should never take care of you when you're sick (if she offers, you refuse). Obviously no physical intimacy. Catch up over coffee/drink or playing sport etc. together is good. Chatting about "deep" stuff is fine too, although be careful about topics that carry too much emotional weight.

After some consistency in your boundary-setting actions, she will pick up on it. You can make it clearer by lightly discussing her and your dating lives. Avoid details, as it will evoke jealousy.

Doing this will make it clear to you (both) if there is anything left outside of intimacy to be deemed a friendship. And, seeing no prospective romance, she may well decide to hang out less. You should respect that choice.

Occasionally a girl will persist. The options here are to be more direct through demonstrating you've moved on (for example, make it clear to her in front of your mutual social circle that there is no future together) or start distancing yourself (reply to her texts with lessening frequency, see her less etc.). An obsessive girl who doesn't get the message might start interfering with your future dates and will generally escalate misery for you both. Such a girl belongs in the no-contact basket.

 

[Lovinglife]

Be honest! It will eat at you if you don't.

My main girl is the same where I told her that 'I'm not looking for a relationship and want to be with other women. It's been nearly 4 years where I look at her as a part time girlfriend and a best friend. She does anything for me, a real feminine woman! We seem to rotate to each other where I don't usually like people in my space until I met her.

It sounds to me that she might be the type to allow you to be with other women cause she is that into you. My main girl didn't like it at first where I ended it at the time but she wanted to see me again and has grown to accept it. I'm not leading her on where she gets her needs met and I get mine met too.

 

[bucky]

Only advice I have is to break off contact and not waste more of her time. If you're not going to make her the mother of your children maybe someone else will, but as a woman she has a finite amount of time. It's a dick move sure, after all she's done for you, but it's also the best you can do for her at this point.