How long does it take to plan a wedding?

big poppa

Kingfisher
Gold Member
The general ‘rule’ seems to be anywhere between 6 and 12 months. Enough time to plan things without stressing out too much, perhaps have pre marriage counselling with your church and make certain that it is the right thing for both of you. Not so long that it becomes more drawn out than it needs to be.

You are planning on a 5 month engagement. If you’re happy with that I don’t really see anything wrong with it.
 

DanielH

Pelican
Orthodox
Took us almost a year. My wife was in nursing school during that period so I think you could bump that down into your timeframe if you did more of the planning. Covid will probably help you because more venues/photographers/dj's will be available. Ignore the rest if you don't want advice.

We had a fairly fancy (expensive) reception. My father in law still complained to us the day after about where he was seated (he was the closest table to my wife but complained because it was also one of the closer ones to the bathroom). People are going to complain or something will go wrong no matter what, so my advice is to go cheap and get a church hall/ VA hall, something like that. Women don't know what they want so don't take your fiancee's protests too seriously - i.e. if she wants a photographer who might be 5% better, and costs double, just say no. If she wants the chairs to have dresses just say no.
 

Cervantes

Woodpecker
Woman
Took us almost a year. My wife was in nursing school during that period so I think you could bump that down into your timeframe if you did more of the planning. Covid will probably help you because more venues/photographers/dj's will be available. Ignore the rest if you don't want advice.

We had a fairly fancy (expensive) reception. My father in law still complained to us the day after about where he was seated (he was the closest table to my wife but complained because it was also one of the closer ones to the bathroom). People are going to complain or something will go wrong no matter what, so my advice is to go cheap and get a church hall/ VA hall, something like that. Women don't know what they want so don't take your fiancee's protests too seriously - i.e. if she wants a photographer who might be 5% better, and costs double, just say no. If she wants the chairs to have dresses just say no.
Spend appropriately for the wedding. Don't go overboard - but don't be cheap either.

The wedding, and the wedding photos will be one of the things that sets mythological foundation for your family. For your children and grand children the wedding photos will be something that happened before they were born and was the origin of the family. You want that origin to be noble.

Don't do anything tacky and trendy that will look dated and ridiculous in 20 years. Do a wedding that looks classic and would not have been out of place in 1980 or even 1940.

Don't allow the best man do a humourous "roast" type of toast where he brings up everyones past degeneracy. That is a tacky hollywood invention that nobody should emulate.

Do your utmost to show respect to your parents and grandparents. These things help set a good relationship with each side of the family. A wedding is not just the joining of two people - but the joining of two families. You chose each other - but the families probably did not. So you want that joining to go well. So be extremely sensitive to family traditions and sensibilities on each side.

I'd do the reception in an old house, a barn, in the church hall of an old church or any place with a more authentic feel than in a globohomo hotel.

I regret not having my wedding be a full mass.
 

DanielH

Pelican
Orthodox
Spend appropriately for the wedding. Don't go overboard - but don't be cheap either.

The wedding, and the wedding photos will be one of the things that sets mythological foundation for your family. For your children and grand children the wedding photos will be something that happened before they were born and was the origin of the family. You want that origin to be noble.
The best photos from my wedding were in the church itself and at a farm next to a creek along the way to the reception which were free. I get what you're saying though. My wife and I are not exactly from the most traditional or functional families so we didn't have any expectations or traditions to uphold.
 

Feyoder

Kingfisher
The wedding, and the wedding photos will be one of the things that sets mythological foundation for your family. For your children and grand children the wedding photos will be something that happened before they were born and was the origin of the family. You want that origin to be noble.

Wow, I'm glad I read this. Well said. My instinct is to buck the trend, go super cheap on the wedding, save everything for the deposit / household but you make a very, very good point.
 

SingularityOne

Robin
Orthodox
Keep the covid restrictions in mind.

Churches and banquet places may have capacity limits. Travel can be tricky for out-of-town guests. All kinds of other stuff.

None the less, congratulations, my man. Why you waiting until May to ask the father?

Aloha!
Thanks brother!
I’m waiting because we are currently long distance and that’s the next time I will be seeing her dad. I think asking for his blessing in person rather than by FaceTime or text is more respectful!
 

SingularityOne

Robin
Orthodox
Right, but what I'm really asking about is the reception.

What is your budget, and what are your plans for it?

(Also, don't dox yourself by giving away specifics)
That’s a good question. Is that something that I should already have a plan for prior to asking her dad for her hand in marriage in May?

I’ll need to think on this.
 
I think ours only took a couple of months to plan; my wife is very laid back on those kids of things. I second having quality, classic photos taken; you’re making memories. We did the ceremony in a public square in my town; it was really nice. We did the reception at my grandmothers house with catered food. It was relatively cheap and we got to focus on having fun with family more than the cost. 10/10 would marry again.
 

An0dyne

Robin
Just FYI I’m getting married on a tighter-than-normal schedule too, and also thought that COVID would actually be a boon for wedding planning... it’s not. Saturdays in October were already booked here at most venues and caterers (the ones still open) more than a month ago. I guess we have to remember that everyone that was trying to get married the last year had to reschedule (if they didn’t do an immediate -family-only ceremony).

As for more general notes... I’m in the unusual situation that I’m the one more interested in the “big” wedding than my fiancé (she does not like to be the center of attention and hates the modern mentality that it’s her “big day.” She also hates large crowds).

My perspective, which she’s come around to, is that marriage is a mystical representation of Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5). The Apocalypse (literally means unveiling btw!) describes New Jerusalem as a bride most beautifully adorned for her husband. If there is any event that should reflect the highest level of pageantry, ceremony, and dignity, it is the marriage rite celebrated within the Divine Liturgy.

I also believe this should be a melding of lives, so literally everyone should be invited that is important to us. This is especially true of our Church family. We are having the banquet on the Church grounds. We are pretty thrifty and crafty, so I’m confident we can make the venue classy and elegant as befits the solemn event. I suggest seeing if the church where you’ll be married has a fellowship hall, gymnasium, or some other facility you could use for this purpose.

Finally, make sure the entertainment is tasteful. Don’t use globohomo pop music. Think about hiring a live instrumental ensemble to play dignified music. Or at least a DJ with a rigidly curated list of music.

In short, stay within your means, but don’t be cheap. Treat this as the most important event of your life, because it is up there, and is more importantly a microcosm of the heavenly mystical union of the Church and the King of kings and Lord of lords.
 

KingCorfu

Pigeon
Yep
Spend appropriately for the wedding. Don't go overboard - but don't be cheap either.

The wedding, and the wedding photos will be one of the things that sets mythological foundation for your family. For your children and grand children the wedding photos will be something that happened before they were born and was the origin of the family. You want that origin to be noble.

Don't do anything tacky and trendy that will look dated and ridiculous in 20 years. Do a wedding that looks classic and would not have been out of place in 1980 or even 1940.

Don't allow the best man do a humourous "roast" type of toast where he brings up everyones past degeneracy. That is a tacky hollywood invention that nobody should emulate.

Do your utmost to show respect to your parents and grandparents. These things help set a good relationship with each side of the family. A wedding is not just the joining of two people - but the joining of two families. You chose each other - but the families probably did not. So you want that joining to go well. So be extremely sensitive to family traditions and sensibilities on each side.

I'd do the reception in an old house, a barn, in the church hall of an old church or any place with a more authentic feel than in a globohomo hotel.

I regret not having my wedding be a full mass.
this is solid advice. I got married 3 years ago. I genuinely had a great time. Try and remember that the wedding isn’t about you and your wife, it’s more about the two families coming together and your close friends. 6-12 months is reasonable.
 

lskdfjldsf

Pelican
Gold Member
Don't bury yourself in debt over an event that lasts less than a day and will quickly be forgotten. Many friends and family members of mine spent between $10-30k on their weddings. Fortunately my wife kept things as small as possible (church ceremony, immediate family going out to dinner) and we invested the money in our house instead.
 

Max Roscoe

Pelican
Orthodox Inquirer
Wow, I'm glad I read this. Well said. My instinct is to buck the trend, go super cheap on the wedding, save everything for the deposit / household but you make a very, very good point.
The best wedding I went to was my brother's. It took place in a European church hundreds of years old, with only our immediate family and the bride's best friend in attendance. After the wedding there was a "celebration party" a month or two later back home where everyone was invited. It was still a simple thing, just some food and music were all that needed to be coordinated. The holy event itself, the photographs documenting it, all the tradition of marriage, was already complete. The cost is simply whatever any larger party costs, maybe a couple thousand dollars, none of the wedding markup is involved.

Many of the people attending the party were not religious, just friends or family, and it was not appropriate for them to be present in the small church anyway.

Blowing tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding has always seemed absurd to me. Yes it's possibly the most important thing you will do on this earth, and it is a special and important day so you should dress well and have photographs of it, but a huge party with DJs and booze does not make it special, and it's particuarly stupid considering statistically there is a greater chance that the union fails than succeeds in the west.
 

Handsome Creepy Eel

Owl
Gold Member
I did everything in 1 month due to the constraints imposed by brutal immigration regulations for my wife, and you really could feel it in the stressful pace of preparing the various aspects from the wedding, from finding a place, to inviting people (though there were like 20 people total), to thinking about the schedule and details we wanted. In the end we barely made it - for example, her wedding dress was ready to wear literally a few hours before the wedding ceremony!

Looking back, I think 3 months would have been ideal to do everything at a relaxed pace. More than that, and you're simply wasting time on pointless crap, making the wedding more about vanity than about the actual marriage.
 
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