How to "date" as a Christian

Athanasius

Pelican
The Bible often speaks of the comeliness of certain women. Sarah, Rachel, and Rebekah were all noted as beautiful women. Nothing wrong with seeking an attractive, trim woman. But... you have to live with them the other 23+ hours of the day and that initial Hallmark-movie excitement will fade. Characteristics to definitely look for: feminine, self-controlled, trustworthy. After being married 20 years, I see these flaky chicks and harpies and I don't care how "hot" they are, they would be insufferable in a marriage. If you're thinking "what am I going to do when we've been married 15 years and she doesn't look as good as she did when we met... what if I lose attraction for her." Even as she ages with you and isn't how she looked when younger, her femininity will remain a key "stimulant." There's also a certain comfort that comes from just being with someone you know well, who's been through those battles with you over the years.
 
The Bible often speaks of the comeliness of certain women. Sarah, Rachel, and Rebekah were all noted as beautiful women. Nothing wrong with seeking an attractive, trim woman. But... you have to live with them the other 23+ hours of the day .... After being married 20 years, I see these flaky chicks and harpies and I don't care how "hot" they are, they would be insufferable in a marriage. If you're thinking "what am I going to do when we've been married 15 years and she doesn't look as good as she did when we met... what if I lose attraction for her." Even as she ages with you and isn't how she looked when younger, her femininity will remain a key "stimulant." There's also a certain comfort that comes from just being with someone you know well, who's been through those battles with you over the years.

Agreed. Looks are important, but deceiving as the most important criteria.

Popular culture likes to portray women as romantic—not true. Men (certainly those married) are more romantic than women. This is because men are idealistic; few women really understand this. Marriage is more sacrifice for a man than a woman—especially today. Only an idealist would marry. Men will bear this burden out of the idealism of building a legacy and shaping a family.

One of the most beautiful sights is seeing a healthy family (mom & dad) with children. One of the saddest sights is seeing an older single woman, post-wall, desperate for children. But, take that same woman—now married & with children—and her long-standing husband often sees her closer as she *was* rather than *is*. This is “wife goggles.” This is the beauty of male idealism. This is what all women seek with all cosmetics—to be seen as youthful & beautiful. Yet, that is the very thing denied and made impossible by feminism, which attacks marriage & family.

Too few women realize this before it’s too late. We might think those old marriage advice books—frequently aimed at women—were too harsh. But, they were generally right: women are happiest married and in service to a husband. Too many women today feel they “could do better” at the time (with other men or careers), until their beauty fades. What remains will be how they spent that beauty—for “flings” or family.
 

KingDavid

Sparrow
What does her attractiveness have to do with a marriage centered around faith? Do you want her to elicit lust from you or keep you in a state of sexual arousal?

A thin, average body, with a beautiful face will not elicit lust, but love. Generally it's the body that's the problem - women are obsessed with doing squats for that very reason - power hungry women that want to control men.
 

Roosh

Cardinal
A thin, average body, with a beautiful face will not elicit lust, but love. Generally it's the body that's the problem - women are obsessed with doing squats for that very reason - power hungry women that want to control men.
Says who? Who is that taught by?
 

KingDavid

Sparrow
Says who? Who is that taught by?

If you look only at women's faces it greatly reduces temptation, it is therefore a woman's body that brings lust.

There is also Deuteronomy 21:11 'if you notice among the captives a beautiful woman and are attracted to her, you may take her as your wife.'
 

Roosh

Cardinal
It's clear to me that YOU want a beautiful woman, and are looking for some kind of justification to follow your own will. The Bible quote you shared doesn't at all apply to your situation.

In such a case, you will indeed get your beautiful woman, and the "reward" that comes from that.
 

KingDavid

Sparrow
It's clear to me that YOU want a beautiful woman, and are looking for some kind of justification to follow your own will. The Bible quote you shared doesn't at all apply to your situation.

In such a case, you will indeed get your beautiful woman, and the "reward" that comes from that.

You're not wrong, but I'm also making a case for the value of a beautiful woman. Deuteronomy 21:10-14 is about marrying a captive woman of the people you've just conquered, your enemies, who are at your mercy. What would be more in line with the natural order would be to simply marry a woman of your own people, but it's made clear that if a beautiful woman you're attracted to is made available - even in such horrible circumstances - you may take her as your wife. There is a clear message about the value of a beautiful woman.


10 When you go to war against your enemies and the Lord your God delivers them into your hands and you take captives, 11 if you notice among the captives a beautiful woman and are attracted to her, you may take her as your wife. 12 Bring her into your home and have her shave her head, trim her nails 13 and put aside the clothes she was wearing when captured. After she has lived in your house and mourned her father and mother for a full month, then you may go to her and be her husband and she shall be your wife. 14 If you are not pleased with her, let her go wherever she wishes. You must not sell her or treat her as a slave, since you have dishonored her.
 

bucky

Ostrich
"Have quality conversations..."

With today's women???

I had pretty good conversations with women I was seeing when I was single. They were mostly European and intellectual or Latina and spiritual though. I admit it would be a challenge with most Anglo women.
 

Blade Runner

Kingfisher
There is a paradox here and one must face facts: if not for the overwhelming effects of testosterone not many of us would not even be around. Because of its importance in humanity and sexual dimorphism - trial and error with fixing and tinkering, profundity of thought, motivation and procreation - God worked with it and us in order to help us get reasonable outcomes, of course we must offer up repentance as another way to work through it. I'm not making excuses, just being honest. Molyneux even had that one speech which pointed this out, it was quite funny: "If women were so captivating and interesting why did I need all that hormonal burst/induction to really go after them?"

He nailed it.
 

Mike_Key

Robin
Interesting, one of my posts was moderated but I have no clue why. Not that I care to know why, but I'll say this much. Moderation is tricky because people are so far apart on the spectrum of World views, experiences and convictions (that which they are sensitive too, spiritually or through their own code of ethics).

Also, these topics on Roosh V Forums are very tricky too because they deal with the nature of women or the true nature of women. Start speaking on that and you immediately have to consider Blue Pill, Purple, Red and Black Pill topics.

Then if you say something, anything, you might be moderated.

Take for instance two moderators; one is RP (Red Pilled), divorced, wholesome, etc. The other moderator is a guy (Blue Pilled) raised by two clean and decent Christian Parents, he himself is married, probably married a virgin, good clean family, hasn't seen anything in his life that resembles "Ghetto, ratchet or wretched, or the evil aspects of female nature".

The divorced (Red pilled) moderator comes through and allows some posts to slide or be accepted. The wholesome life-long Religious (Blue pilled) guy comes through and moderates and deletes otherwise good posts/good advice or good experiences to learn about and through - this, simply because he's never seen this in his clean life.

Anyhow, this is good thread.

John 3:16
 

Arcanist

Newbie
I stopped fornicating with a woman after reading Heller’s book: The Meaning of Marriage, in the midst of our “relationship” of less than half a year. I never once introduced myself to her father.
Drama has ensued despite an agreement to be friends. It’s not likely to remain a friendship at all.

The other major component to my shift was calculating when I’ll be able to own a house, on my own income, so I can properly homeschool my children. Truly idealistic. Though seriously, I believe God has told me to pursue this. However, I won’t be able to get into that market for 3 years. So, I reasoned that I shouldn’t bother with courtship as my marriage planning should wait until then. I’m curious to hear the thoughts about my reasoning.
 

redbeard

Hummingbird
Moderator
However, I won’t be able to get into that market for 3 years. So, I reasoned that I shouldn’t bother with courtship as my marriage planning should wait until then. I’m curious to hear the thoughts about my reasoning.

Possibly overkill. I don't know if you actually make money or not. But. I know many 20 something men who tell themselves, "Oh, I'll settle down once I reach x financial goal."

I got news for ya...you never reach that goal. You're never wealthy enough. And you're never truly ready to have kids.

Instead, do what our ancestors did. Work hard and trust God.
 

Arcanist

Newbie
Possibly overkill. I don't know if you actually make money or not. But. I know many 20 something men who tell themselves, "Oh, I'll settle down once I reach x financial goal."

I got news for ya...you never reach that goal. You're never wealthy enough. And you're never truly ready to have kids.

Instead, do what our ancestors did. Work hard and trust God.
Thank you for the feedback.

I’m an Hispanic, brown-skin male in the end of my 20’s in the Tech Industry of your favorite liberal Texas city and have arrived at a modest salary, though, I’m still developing my skills with certification studies by night. It sadly doesn’t feel like enough, and I’m praying for my eyes to open about what’s truly under this feeling.
I attempted to focus on lifestyle goals instead of financial goals but the two seem tied tightly knit together. After all, goals should be met for a man to “get serious about the business”, as that original video mentioned, right? Back to the meet-the-dad example, it makes sense to attempt to put that as checked on the list.
 

redbeard

Hummingbird
Moderator
I attempted to focus on lifestyle goals instead of financial goals but the two seem tied tightly knit together. After all, goals should be met for a man to “get serious about the business”, as that original video mentioned, right? Back to the meet-the-dad example, it makes sense to attempt to put that as checked on the list.

Lifestyle goals - like what?
 

Arcanist

Newbie
Top 3:
  • Daily, my extra-work time is spent on activities besides studying. To expand, I plan to grab two more certs, so that's 6-9 more months.
  • I'd have been a long-time member in a Christian community, specifically part of social circle of single/married Christian men. To expand, I've been working on this by regularly attending a non-denom-but-Baptist-leaning Church for 2 months.
  • I'd have few months of income in a savings account
 

redbeard

Hummingbird
Moderator
Those don't seem necessary to settling down.

The better question to ask is, if I got married RIGHT NOW, how would my budget change?

The truth is most guys can afford getting hitched. But, you'll have to change your priorities (less investments, eating out, etc.).
 

Arcanist

Newbie
Thanks for that question, Redbeard, or as our affectionate Italians would say, Barbarossa.

I don’t have an immediate answer for that. Mostly because other questions follow. Which is fine, I’m in no rush. I have more to offer God in His due time, I think.
 
There was a sermon by Chad Ripperger in which he stated that the ideal time of courtship should be no less than three and no more than six months. Let's say you find out that you get along well with a girl, do some touching and kissing, then it would be insane to prolong that state of affairs. From my experience, if making out is involved I think about how to get the sex immediately. The more you talk in the beginning before getting physical, the deeper the emotional connection.
 
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