How to have less “pressure” in dating as a guy?


This is sad to say, but most women hate themselves. When you shower them with love and attention right off the bat, they begin to think something is wrong with you, because the way you're treating them does not line up with their self-image. When you're cool, collected, charming, non-needy and make them "earn" your attention a bit by actually behaving properly towards you, they subconsciously (consciously?) believe that you "understand them" better than the guys throwing money/attention/love/favors their way. Then, when you reward them with attention and affection, they believe (correctly) that they've actually earned it after putting effort in to please and impress you, knowing (again correctly) that you're selective and not desperate enough to throw attention at any woman who happens to be nice to you.

Something I once read on the internet: "Don't deprive her of the struggle towards yin fulfillment."

Also note that this should be natural and genuine for you, not some act you're putting on to pretend you're a selective guy. Women can sniff out the difference quickly. You should be an authentically selective person for who you allow into your life, not just with women but with people in general. When you're like this with everybody, you're already the guy she's looking for.

Well said, when I was younger I had zero confidence in myself, and this led me to the whole 'getting too attached too soon' thing with any girl that showed me any attention, basically because I figured 'if not her, I'll probably die alone'. Where this approach did not fail miserably (as it often did) I would end up with people who were either using me, or pretty damaged themselves. Needless to say this never ended well.

I can see now that the way around this is twofold. Firstly to come to the understanding that the whole dying alone thing isn't as terrible as it sounds. So you have to enjoy your life on your own. Again, this is not something you can feign to get around your fear of being alone. You have to just genuinely enjoy your own life, and find your own peace. A lot of what you think you need from a woman, you actually get from a healthy participation in parish and church life. Learning that there is more to existence than 'when is my next orgasm' is also important, so cutting down on masturbation and eliminating porn is definitely important to have the right mindset. When you enjoy and are grateful for your single life, it becomes robust, and it actually makes you more picky because you don't want to sacrifice it all for totally the wrong person.

The other thing is of course to increase your self-confidence, not only through looking after your body, but being a man of God to the best of your abilities. Becoming an Orthodox Christian has radically reduced my neurotic anxiety that was a big factor in my poor dealings with women in the past. Everything is in God's hands. Not only that but this plays into what I said above. When you desire to serve God above all else, you lessen your focus on finding the 'other' that is needed to complete you, and you work on your own salvation. Confident that God has put you where you are with the greatest possible intentions and love, and confident that if He deems it important for your salvation that you walk the path of married life, He will lead you to it.

I'm definitely not fully there with all this stuff, but I realise that being a man of God is where our aim should be, rather than 'finding a woman'---which was basically the aim of my pre-Christian life, and leads to a stink of desperation that women smell a mile off. 'Will this woman help me to serve God?' is the selecting factor, and that unfortunately cuts out 99% of them, but will ultimately save you a lot of trouble.