Sometimes I feel very smothered in my relationship as well. But after thinking about it I’m not sure that “I want to bang other chicks” is a good enough reason for me personally to end it with a totally solid RP-oriented chick
Terneuzen said:Couple of years ago, soon after breaking up with my ex she was joking that it would be great to have a child with me without being in a relationship – I did not consider her being serious at that time, but now I would warmly welcome that idea again.
456 said:She'd give me all the space I need to take on new work, be out of sync on meals and hang time due to diet, exercise, and other priorities, but I still felt the MENTAL lack of space knowing that I was actively de-prioritizing someone who was prioritizing me greatly. I felt guilty and it took the wind out of some of those efforts. I craved that "answering to NOBODY" and "nobody cares where I am right now or for how long" singleness that had facilitated some of my greatest life-growth spurts in the past.
I believe it's still possible to be a good father in that setup, but after giving that idea a second thought I realized I do not want to give it a try before trying to set up a full family with a more pleasant girl. Nevertheless, my ex has good genes, plenty of resources and commited grandparents (her parents) that would love to help raising her kids - our race need more offsprings of such people. It's pretty unlikely that my ex will find a husband anytime soon, so I may consider that if she starts to be desperate about having kids, but I will negotiate the terms accordingly.questor70 said:The world doesn't need men deliberately contributing to bastardry and furthering the debasement of marriage and marginalizing the role of fatherhood.
Terneuzen said:456 said:She'd give me all the space I need to take on new work, be out of sync on meals and hang time due to diet, exercise, and other priorities, but I still felt the MENTAL lack of space knowing that I was actively de-prioritizing someone who was prioritizing me greatly. I felt guilty and it took the wind out of some of those efforts. I craved that "answering to NOBODY" and "nobody cares where I am right now or for how long" singleness that had facilitated some of my greatest life-growth spurts in the past.
Did you tell her that you lacked mental space in the relationship? I did, and my girlfriend cannot understand it and says that it isn't normal using the examples of her ostensibly-happily-married female friends. It is a bit of a mystery to me that none of their husbands can say the same.
Being abnormal is her favorite accusation towards me - I do not accept uneven share of monthly bills (rent, food, travel, etc.), I don't share my bank account and information about my finances, I do not spend all my free time with her anymore and restart my social life without her. This is all abnormal to her and her female friends and she cannot accept that reality, hence lots of bitterness and resentment in her - she simply cannot stand that her friends are better off than her in their relationships. On top of that we struggle with lack of trust from her side, because she is jealous of my female friends and believes that not all of them know that I am in a relationship with her. I told her numerous times that it isn't true, but she seems to ignore that.
Terneuzen said:1) I want to have kids and believe that the sooner I have them, the better for me and them. Having kids at younger age means lower risk of complications and diseases for kids. Besides this young age means that we have more energy and balls to shape young human beings. The older we are, the more risk averse and overprotective we become and this is not a role for a father, but grandparents. I am lucky enough to have tons of energy at the age of 31 and feel like I am wasting it only on work-related matters, sports and entertainment.
2) My current girlfriend seems to be a good candidate for a mother – breaking up with her can have the following consequences:
a. I may not be able to find another good girl like her and I may be seeing some serious flaws in all new acquaintances, which means that my plan to have a family and kids will not materialize. Or alternatively I will have kids with multiple, average women and will feel sorry for my kids to have such mothers. Not to mention that in this scenario my contact with kids will be very limited.
b. Finding the right girl can take a lot of time and we all know that maintaining certain level of attractiveness requires a lot of time. I am 31 now and I fear that I get too old before I meet a suitable candidate for having kids. My target is under 25 and they usually prefer guys that are younger than 30, max 35 – at least this is what they say…
c. Prolonging the decision to have kids increases the risk of unpredictable accidents and diseases that can make me unable to pass my genes on.
Bienvenuto said:One day you will be looking back on this with utter relief.
Terneuzen said:I also had an access to her messages on social media and I could see that she was complaining about me to her family female friends and exaggerating stories from our relationship to show me in a bad light.