I Got Married

redbeard

Hummingbird
Gold Member
A long, long time ago, on "the old forum," one of the senior members got married and posted an "I Got Married" thread. I can't remember who it was, but I do remember that he nailed the ideal relationship we were looking for at that time. She was a young, wholesome girl from an Eastern European country and they met through day game, outside a train station or something.

At the time, that thread was pretty inspiring. A lot of us were so caught up with hooking up that it seemed like settling down and getting married were farfetched goals. That thread gave me hope that one day, I could possibly meet my unicorn and start a family.

Needless to say, things have changed a lot since then. I'm pretty sure that thread was deleted in the Great Game Purge, so I figured I'd post my own version, to help the RVF class of 2020.

Our backstory is that about a year ago, I met this girl at a church event. We talked for about an hour and went on our first coffee date that Sunday. She was intelligent, feminine, and mild-mannered. Her modest dress and crucifix necklace immediately showed me that she was not of the world.

Our date went off without a hitch. We started spending more time together and I soon realized that "wow, I could marry this girl." After a few months we got engaged and as of this weekend, we're married.

For those who don't know me, I've been around the RVF since 2014. I was pretty deep into the travel/pickup life, and if you had told me six years ago that I'd be a a practicing Catholic and a married man, I would've laughed in your face.

If there's anyone who's black-pilled about meeting a woman in America, keep your chin up. If I can do it, anyone can.

I wish I had some earth-shattering tips to share about how to meet a nice church girl. I don't. The truth is that we met exactly as Roosh describes in his recent article Do You Deserve A Good Woman:

"I have no will but God’s will. I aim to serve God fully and completely, and through this faith, if He suits it, I will meet a wife, not through secular effort or confidence. In the process of honoring God, whether in my church, participating in fellowship with other Christians, or serving my neighbor will a God-sent woman appear, as if out of thin air. Women of this country don’t have to change themselves to please me or be more attractive to me. They only need to serve God, and if He sends me a match, we will serve Him together in the little church of our home."

I didn't approach a dozen girls after Mass. I didn't church-hop until I found a congregation that was 64.3% female. And I didn't "flirt to convert," by trying to drag some materialistic girl into church with me. Instead, I showed up to listen to the priest's lecture, and we happened to sit at the same table. Simple as that.

Over the past year, I've wanted to chime in on so many relationship threads but haven't had the time until now. Since meeting her, I've learned a TON about discerning marriage, wife hunting, and traditional courtship...and I'd love to be able to share my experience with you guys. So if anyone has any questions about what the process was like, fire away.
 

Deepdiver

Crow
Gold Member
As an old Christian Nuclear Warrior I congratulate you.

Curious your age gap, ethnicities and if a rural, suburban or urban church... Assume Catholic yet being Raised Roman Catholic I only sat in pews during Mass ... Only tables were in the basement for the Church Bingo fund raisers so curious the type of table event?

Wishing you all of the Blessings of God and may your first Child be a manly child who will grow to help protect his mother and younger brothers and sisters and grow to fill your shoes.
 

NoMoreTO

Ostrich
Congratulations! May you and your wife be blessed by God.

Question about the wedding Ceremony itself - did you celebrate the sacrament of marriage at a Traditional Latin Mass ?

If so I'd be curious as to how your friends/ family outside of the Latin Catholic community react to the ceremony (eg. Veils, latin, gregorian chant etc).

Any interesting little specifics about the mass itself or how the Priest helped to prepare you?
 
A long, long time ago, on "the old forum," one of the senior members got married and posted an "I Got Married" thread. I can't remember who it was, but I do remember that he nailed the ideal relationship we were looking for at that time. She was a young, wholesome girl from an Eastern European country and they met through day game, outside a train station or something.

At the time, that thread was pretty inspiring. A lot of us were so caught up with hooking up that it seemed like settling down and getting married were farfetched goals. That thread gave me hope that one day, I could possibly meet my unicorn and start a family.

Needless to say, things have changed a lot since then. I'm pretty sure that thread was deleted in the Great Game Purge, so I figured I'd post my own version, to help the RVF class of 2020.

Our backstory is that about a year ago, I met this girl at a church event. We talked for about an hour and went on our first coffee date that Sunday. She was intelligent, feminine, and mild-mannered. Her modest dress and crucifix necklace immediately showed me that she was not of the world.

Our date went off without a hitch. We started spending more time together and I soon realized that "wow, I could marry this girl." After a few months we got engaged and as of this weekend, we're married.

For those who don't know me, I've been around the RVF since 2014. I was pretty deep into the travel/pickup life, and if you had told me six years ago that I'd be a a practicing Catholic and a married man, I would've laughed in your face.

If there's anyone who's black-pilled about meeting a woman in America, keep your chin up. If I can do it, anyone can.

I wish I had some earth-shattering tips to share about how to meet a nice church girl. I don't. The truth is that we met exactly as Roosh describes in his recent article Do You Deserve A Good Woman:

"I have no will but God’s will. I aim to serve God fully and completely, and through this faith, if He suits it, I will meet a wife, not through secular effort or confidence. In the process of honoring God, whether in my church, participating in fellowship with other Christians, or serving my neighbor will a God-sent woman appear, as if out of thin air. Women of this country don’t have to change themselves to please me or be more attractive to me. They only need to serve God, and if He sends me a match, we will serve Him together in the little church of our home."

I didn't approach a dozen girls after Mass. I didn't church-hop until I found a congregation that was 64.3% female. And I didn't "flirt to convert," by trying to drag some materialistic girl into church with me. Instead, I showed up to listen to the priest's lecture, and we happened to sit at the same table. Simple as that.

Over the past year, I've wanted to chime in on so many relationship threads but haven't had the time until now. Since meeting her, I've learned a TON about discerning marriage, wife hunting, and traditional courtship...and I'd love to be able to share my experience with you guys. So if anyone has any questions about what the process was like, fire away.

Congratulations! I feel I must ask this for the others here who may be a bit shy. So I'll spit it out:

Did you feel you engaged in any "game" other than blue pill gentlemanly conduct (paying for (modest) dates, holding doors, officially asking out, etc?)
 

redbeard

Hummingbird
Gold Member
As an old Christian Nuclear Warrior I congratulate you.

Curious your age gap, ethnicities and if a rural, suburban or urban church... Assume Catholic yet being Raised Roman Catholic I only sat in pews during Mass ... Only tables were in the basement for the Church Bingo fund raisers so curious the type of table event?

Wishing you all of the Blessings of God and may your first Child be a manly child who will grow to help protect his mother and younger brothers and sisters and grow to fill your shoes.
Thanks Deepdiver.

I'm 6 years older than her. I think 4-6 is perfect. It's enough gap for her to be "young" to me, and me to be "old" to her, but there isn't that big of a generational gap. She's young enough that she's still in her prime, but not so young that she's immature.

I"m white and she's white/hispanic. We will have slightly castizo children similar to Nick Fuentes.

Roman Catholic Church. Major urban city. My diocese is very active and has many young adult social events.

I know a lot of people here probably want to move to a rural area to meet a wife. There's certainly benefits to that, but urban areas have the advantage in sheer numbers. You will run into 10x as many single girls in the city than you will in the country. Will you have to be more selective? Sure, but you'll probably have more opportunities. I know many young Catholic couples getting married right now, who met in the big bad city.

The event we met at was like an adult catechism class, where the priest comes in on a weekday and talks about a specific topic for an hour. I don't think it's appropriate to talk to girls at Mass, since it distracts you away from prayer. However "extracurricular" events like this are awesome for meeting people (men and women alike), since everyone's ready to socialize. If you see a young girl...alone...at one of these events? She's probably a keeper.
 

redbeard

Hummingbird
Gold Member
Congratulations! May you and your wife be blessed by God.

Question about the wedding Ceremony itself - did you celebrate the sacrament of marriage at a Traditional Latin Mass ?

If so I'd be curious as to how your friends/ family outside of the Latin Catholic community react to the ceremony (eg. Veils, latin, gregorian chant etc).

Any interesting little specifics about the mass itself or how the Priest helped to prepare you?
Great question. Yes, we received our sacrament in the Old Rite.

Our friends and family outside of the community received it quite well. We had a Sung Mass so the schola was chanting for most of the Mass. This helped people who had no idea what was going on. Instead of thumbing through the missal trying to read the prayers, they could just sit back and soak up the liturgy. We received a little blowback about veiling, but if you explain it well ("it's in the New Testament") and hold frame, they'll start to understand.

On the Nuptial Mass, I can't recommend the TLM for marriage enough. In a Novus Ordo marriage, they do the marriage service halfway through the Mass. That means that you have to wait 20-40 minutes to actually become "married," kneeling there the whole time, nervous that you'll mess up your lines. In the TLM, you do the marriage service first, then stay for Mass. At least in my perspective, this was so much easier, because we could get the hard part done first, then kneel and enjoy the Mass. There's a million and one reasons I prefer the TLM, but specific to the marriage, that aspect really stood out.

For marriage preparation, we did a lot. We read a ton of the encyclicals on marriage, including Casti Connubii, Humanae Vitae, and others. I was really thankful we had so much homework to do, since this allowed us to take time to study together and talk through the concepts, to make sure we're on the same page. If your priest assigns you a lot of work for marriage prep, don't roll your eyes like I initially did. The work you do now will pay off in the long run.

One word of advice for the single guys here. If your girl has any remnant of feminism in her, try to get married at a traditional parish. In our marriage prep, there was a good amount of material on healthy family dynamics, the role of the wife, and the perils of feminism. They explained it in a logical, faith-centered way that made it easy to digest.
 

redbeard

Hummingbird
Gold Member
Congratulations! I feel I must ask this for the others here who may be a bit shy. So I'll spit it out:

Did you feel you engaged in any "game" other than blue pill gentlemanly conduct (paying for (modest) dates, holding doors, officially asking out, etc?)
Great question, and one I've thought about a lot over the past year.

The answer is yes, but not in the sense that I used "techniques" or "canned routines." I didn't try to "dread game" her, I didn't approach 12 dozen girls to meet her, and I didn't tailor my stories to licit a specific response from her. Overall, I behaved like myself.

The only "game" I used is that I started the initial conversation with her, and after it went well, I asked her out for coffee. I told her where and when to meet me. That was about the extent of the "game" I used. Even though I did "make a move," it still feels like she fell out of thin air and into my life.

I would argue that these aren't actually game, it's just called being a decent man. I understand how to talk to people and I know what true gender roles are. That's about it.

I do believe that some "game" experience is helpful, but literally just enough to do the above. In previous times, these skills would've been something fathers taught their sons at age 12. However in today's isolated, internet-addicted world, they've been majorly lost, and only utilized by a small percent of men.

There is no reason to waste years of your life chasing tail in order to "gain experience." But, for many men, it might be worthwhile to develop your social skills and learn the truth about the genders.
 

jarlo

Woodpecker
Orthodox
I've got several questions, no worries if you don't want to answer all of them.
  1. What did your dating/courtship look like in terms of what you did on your dates, and how often you would meet or talk?
  2. What sort of physical boundaries did you set prior to marriage?
  3. How early along did you meet each other's families? Did anything about her family weigh positively in deciding to marry her?
  4. Do you have any thoughts on how much time one ought to spend in different stages of courtship/engagement?
  5. How did you come to the faith, and where were you coming from (e.g. Protestant/agnostic/non binary Muslim Scientologist)?
 
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