I Wish I Remained A Virgin

Roosh

Cardinal
Originally posted on RooshV.com


In the past, my advice to virgins was clear: do everything you can to lose your virginity. Improve your look, learn game, and start approaching numerous women so that you get lucky with one and stop being a dreaded virgin. I can no longer advise that. If you are a virgin in this current year, I advise you to stay that way until marriage.

Western culture has inverted the natural order. Sex has been elevated to a virtue and virginity demoted to a sin. If you don’t have a “sex life” then you’re missing out and must do everything within your power to remedy the problem. This is what I believed as I went through four painful years of high school and then four excruciating years of university as a virgin. Everyone was getting laid except for me, it seemed, and I was missing out on reams of pleasure and intimacy. I was in a state of extreme lust but could not get a single woman. I felt like a low-value man, a loser. Upon graduating from university, I implemented game teachings I had found online and lost my virginity within a year. Victory! I was no longer in a “sinful” state, and could “enjoy life” with the rest of my sexually active peers until, nearly twenty years later, I realized all that sex profited me not in the slightest.

Upon receiving the grace of God, I ceased all sexual activity. I don’t look at porn, or even sexy lingerie images. I don’t masturbate and definitely don’t fornicate. If sexual thoughts attack my mind, I pray to Jesus Christ to take them away, and He does. The closest I get to sex today is the occasional sex dream, but even in my dreams, I’ve developed willpower to usually say no to the flesh that is offered me. Aren’t I suffering like the days I was a virgin in school? Aren’t I in utmost pain from all my unmet sexual desires? The answer is no, because I’ve attacked the root cause of sexual pain: lust. Take away the lust, which is amplified in our pornographic culture, and you take away the ache and desire.

If you are a virgin in lust, and fail to gain physical pleasure, you will experience tremendous anguish. You will be angry at all the men who are getting laid, and you will also be angry at all the women for not choosing you for sex. You will masturbate to experience the pleasure of the orgasm, and then experience an immediate emotional hangover of having had to masturbate. This is an unbearable state that most men “solve” through prostitution, yet since a prostitute is not what any man truly wants, the pain and anguish intensify. Even for the sexually active man, the accomplished player, the pain of his lust is transmutated into other forms, such as the simultaneous addiction and hatred of “sluts.”

If the virgin doesn’t have God in his life, he will be in a heightened state of lust just like the fornicator, and suffer ill side effects from his pornography and masturbation habit, though he may sustain less damage to his soul since he is not corrupting women through the sex act. If he does have God in his life, he may feel lonely at times or curious about what sex is like, but these problems can easily be handled with just a mustard seed of faith. He will proceed in treating his body like the Holy Temple it was created for, further strengthening his walk with Christ.



The problem is therefore not virginity—the problem is faith. If you don’t have God in your life, and believe in the lies of the secular world that you need sex to be happy, the only solution is a worldly one. You will eventually get your sex but then new sufferings will begin. If you have faith, there is no problem. You are in a pure state, as God intended, and can give the gift of your virginity to an honorable Christian woman, of which I admit there are few, but this is not for you to worry about, because we do not accept sin into our lives just because the rest of the world is faithless. I can tell you that if I were a virgin, and maintained that virginity to honor God, I would be hesitant to marry a woman who is also not a virgin, but since I have sinned against God and violated my body innumerable times, I have little basis to seek a virgin, and instead seek a repentant woman whose previous sins I must forgive in the same way she forgives mine.

I truly wish I were a virgin. I wish I didn’t learn game and become good at it. I wish I didn’t sleep with all those women, and I’ve prayed to God to not only forgive me for those encounters but to help me forget them. The intimacy I’ve had in the past does not at all serve me in the present. It doesn’t make me feel happier or more masculine. Instead, I feel regret and shame. I can’t stress how the sex I had in my life was in no way an addition. Instead, it was a subtraction, one that occupied most of my free time and intellect while taking my eyes off God.

If you are a virgin, rejoice, for you are closer to God than you realize. Seek Him out to help you with matters of lust, and be assured that your position in the Kingdom of Heaven will be elevated far higher than all the lost souls who think they will somehow be saved by allowing sex to dominate their lives.

Read Next: 5 Layers Of Sexual Temptation


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I don't mean to shill my thread but I made a thread years ago about Christian guys who believe what you currently believe. Maybe this would have added context to it. https://www.rooshvforum.com/threads...emale-friends-non-sexually.29417/post-1024088

I caught up with a bunch of beta Christian guys at a cafe, I knew one of them beforehand. I had nothing going on, so I talked with them. In the conversation, one of the guys was casually talking about the dates he had with many different girls. He was actually the most alpha/dominant/socially savvy in the group. I believe someone else brought up the topic, so it's not like he was trying to brag, he was saying it matter-of-factly. He did talk about how much he enjoyed the dates. A little later, still related to the topic, I was talking about dating and sex, and then it became obvious that while not judging me as a non-Christian for my beliefs, they clearly all believed in no sex before marriage. Ie he didn't bang any of the girls he went on dates with and still enjoyed it.

Another of those guys was actually talking about how bad his experience with sex was. Apparently, a "9"(I don't know if I can believe his ratings) made a move at him at a party. So he "slipped" and regretted it after because he would be breaking her heart and all. And it really messed him up because sex was something that was sacred yadda yadda. I was listening trying to keep a straight face. Later, he said how he mainly has female friends because he relates to them better than male friends.
 

bucky

Pelican
The intimacy I’ve had in the past does not at all serve me in the present. It doesn’t make me feel happier or more masculine. Instead, I feel regret and shame. I can’t stress how the sex I had in my life was in no way an addition. Instead, it was a subtraction, one that occupied most of my free time and intellect while taking my eyes off God.
This is the opposite of how I feel about my past with women. My "notch count" was far lower than yours, and I sincerely cared about and liked all the women I fornicated with during my fifteen years or so of agnosticism between falling away from the church I was raised in and meeting my devout Catholic wife.

I could never bring myself to seek out women to just pump and dump because it seemed cruel and wrong, even though I didn't really believe in the concept of sin at the time. So instead, I only looked for women I considered LTR material and my memories of the ones I was with make me smile even as I write this. Not just the memories of sex, but also of that. You talk of wanting to forget your memories of your past sin, which is understandable and logically seems more righteous, whereas I struggle with that because frankly, in this dreary life i haven't experienced much that truly seems more meaningful than holding a beautiful woman in my arms. I'd never stray from my wife because my family is more important, but letting those memories go is something that, to be perfectly honest, I don't want to do.
 
When I was weeeeeeeell into my twenties, it didn't bother me a whit that I was still a virgin. The dudes getting laid like tile were degenerates; why would I brag about being like them?

It was only when the Christians on the dissident Right were getting all-in on the Game train that I started to feel like crap for not having "lost it" yet. This was the era when Roosh's star was rising. I tried to get into a worldly lifestyle but after many nights of going clubs and bars and standing like an idiot (because ratios or it was too loud to have conversation) and going home frustrated that I questioned, "What was the [censored]ing point?" Regretfully I started doing XTC and psychedelics and being torn between two opposite selves.

I finally lost in in the latter months of my 33rd year, to a long distance girlfriend who I didn't really like that much. My performance anxiety was through the roof and it's debatable if I even "lost it" at all. We broke up not long after.

This CoronaviRaceWar is a blessing in disguise. Since it's next to impossible to meet new people and since most people I see have been frightened into acting like sheep, I no longer yearn for a relationship like I did in the past. My salvation is my number one priority now.
 
What an amazing transformation. Hallelujah!

While sex is one of the most pleasurable physical sensations I have experienced, it is such a fleeting sensation, and even a few minutes after the act, there is no residual pleasure from it, and in fact feelings of guilt or doubt or negativity may already be sinking in.

I've heard that taking heroin is even more pleasurable, but have never been tempted to try. Of course we all have a sexual drive, while there is no "drive" to try heroin, other than the natural tendency to hedonism and pleasure. But while women are harmed more by premarital sexual encounters than men, there are certainly negative side effects for men who are chasing this pleasure.

Taking a wife should be the most special event of one's life, next to fatherhood, one that is uniquely set apart from your interactions with other women. If a couple saves sexual relations for only each other, then their marriage will be truly a unique and blessed union, and they will be able to give each other something that no other human on the planet can. While finding a good wife seems perhaps the most difficult task I face today, if a man does find a good and loyal wife, I think the constant emotional joy one would have knowing that he saved sexual relations for this wife would outweigh the brief physical pleasures of the act itself.

There are times when sexual thoughts occupy my mind for long periods, and I think it is very common for this to happen to men in your 20s and 30s. With age comes wisdom and today it is far easier to see the actions I can take to minimize this temptation, and the ability to quickly put it out of my head and pray for clarity. Thomas Aquinas acknowledges this in his Summa Theologiae:

Augustine says (De Agone Christiano [Serm. ccxciii; ccl de Temp.; see Appendix to St. Augustine's works]) that of all a Christian's conflicts, the most difficult combats are those of chastity; wherein the fight is a daily one, but victory rare: and Isidore declares (De Summo Bono ii, 39) that "mankind is subjected to the devil by carnal lust more than by anything else," because, to wit, the vehemence of this passion is more difficult to overcome.
The elders and great men who built civilization almost universally shun premarital sex. But our modern "free" world has shunned this ancient wisdom and pleaded for us to "Do as thou wilt." The Christian message is clear, and it is echoed by the same admonitions from other religions worldwide, and even most philosophies. The "freedom" to fornicate is a false reward.
 

ABeast

Sparrow
I agree with this in theory, but I think that the more likely scenario is marrying your girlfriend when she gets pregnant. This was pretty much the way of the world for centuries and it worked out ok so long as she didn't show too much at the wedding! But if you aren't willing to marry the girl then don't have sex with her in the first place.
 
Great article. I waited to have sex till I got married but only told a few friends. Most of my friends in their mid 20's viewed me as just "weird" or the "religious guy." I even had some people that questioned my sexuality because I did not look to fornicate with a woman when I went to the clubs. I was 25 when I met my wife who was 23. We both connected in that we put God first and agreed to wait till marriage. The longer we dated the more tempting it was to just have sex as all our other friends were doing so or going on vacations together etc. Before her I almost felt like giving up as I had met dozens of girls but no woman that truly put God first in their life. By both of us waiting till marriage, we developed a patience with each other that I don't think we would have had in our 10 years of marriage. I got made fun of but in the end the lack of experiences with other woman helped me as a husband be patient with her. It is possible finding virgin women but you have to look at the right places and you have to see if God is #1 in their life. It's better to marry a non virgin who has Christ centered in her life than marry a virgin who does not put Christ first as she will eventually get corrupted by the secular world.
 

Blade Runner

Woodpecker
This comment is not to take agency away from people, but rather to say that when we are talking about what happens to people on average, or what they end up choosing in their lives, is just less than ideal - when the culture doesn't support healthy behavior and relationships. I know what Roosh is saying, and it's not excusing anything, but let's be frank: if the community or society (and thus women) don't value marriage at normal/young ages, how long is anyone going to "hold out"? Fr. Josiah would tell you the same thing. If Orthodox can't even match their own together, because "the world" or "career" etc, what do you expect?

I regret every sin I have committed, but I am pleased to know that I've learned something about myself and about our nature that can help myself and others turn to God, as a result. I'm just being honest here. We inherited a generation of really great stuff (materially, convenience etc) but also the madness and destruction of normal or healthy relationships, that typically comes with it. I guess the best we can do is struggle, repent, and move ahead in a healthier way.
 

Roosh

Cardinal
This comment is not to take agency away from people, but rather to say that when we are talking about what happens to people on average, or what they end up choosing in their lives, is just less than ideal - when the culture doesn't support healthy behavior and relationships. I know what Roosh is saying, and it's not excusing anything, but let's be frank: if the community or society (and thus women) don't value marriage at normal/young ages, how long is anyone going to "hold out"? Fr. Josiah would tell you the same thing. If Orthodox can't even match their own together, because "the world" or "career" etc, what do you expect?

I regret every sin I have committed, but I am pleased to know that I've learned something about myself and about our nature that can help myself and others turn to God, as a result. I'm just being honest here. We inherited a generation of really great stuff (materially, convenience etc) but also the madness and destruction of normal or healthy relationships, that typically comes with it. I guess the best we can do is struggle, repent, and move ahead in a healthier way.
You're more describing Mormonism or Islam, which needs a community and social control to maintain the rules. As Christians we don't require that, and don't need to swim with the culture. Where the culture goes is irrelevant if our faith is strong. You have the Gospel, now follow it with God's help, one day at a time. If you need the culture or your own willpower to succeed, you will certainly fail.
 
You're more describing Mormonism or Islam, which needs a community and social control to maintain the rules. As Christians we don't require that, and don't need to swim with the culture. Where the culture goes is irrelevant if our faith is strong. You have the Gospel, now follow it with God's help, one day at a time. If you need the culture or your own willpower to succeed, you will certainly fail.
But no one can go Christianity alone. A new Christian especially needs to put himself under the direction of a priest.
 

Blade Runner

Woodpecker
You're more describing Mormonism or Islam, which needs a community and social control to maintain the rules. As Christians we don't require that, and don't need to swim with the culture. Where the culture goes is irrelevant if our faith is strong. You have the Gospel, now follow it with God's help, one day at a time. If you need the culture or your own willpower to succeed, you will certainly fail.
I'm just describing why things happen, and why we have seen what we have seen. Read my first line again - I'm quite clear about an analysis of things, overall. Fr. Josiah isn't talking about Mormonism or Islam, nor am I - I'm talking about the cultures I've seen in American christian communities, and many international ones even - you're off topic.
 

Rockym

Pigeon
Once the camel’s head is in your boxer shorts, it’s inevitable that you’ll succumb.

When we succumb to demon . There is no time left to pray to the god .

We start worshiping sex instead of god . Sex becomes our master .

You’ll think that just a little bit of porn won’t hurt you, or that masturbating once in a while is no big deal, or that checking out girls can’t be that bad because you’re “in control,” but I can tell you from experience that slipping just slightly opens the door just enough for Satan to flood your mind with filth. Once the camel’s head is in your boxer shorts, it’s inevitable that you’ll succumb.
 
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Roosh

Cardinal
But no one can go Christianity alone. A new Christian especially needs to put himself under the direction of a priest.
What's the problem for YOU specifically to remain chaste? Don't worry about others. Do you not have the Gospel? Do you not have access to a priest or church? Do you not have the ability to pray? If so, why are you worried? People can use their own free will as they want. Most cities in America have churches of the pure faith. If someone wants it, they can find it. If you want to help them then fine, but I do sense in general from some a black pilled attitude as if all hope is lost. Materially, perhaps, but not spiritually.
 
Meh, I think the middle road is the way. Just have high quality interactions that manifest the true you, with high quality women. Yearning to sleep with some club slut after getting near drunk is just a low quality interaction. Don’t do it just because some damaged pua forum guy said to do it in 2012.

You’re right though, not worth obsessing over. Transmute your energy and become who you were all along.
 
" . . . if i were a virgin, and maintained that virginity to honor God, I would be hesitant to marry a woman who is also not a virgin, but since I have sinned against God and violated my body innumerable times, I have little basis to seek a virgin, and instead seek a repentant woman whose previous sins I must forgive in the same way she forgives mine. "

Roosh:

That statement raises alot of questions I have wrestled with on an instinctive level my entire adult life and on a scriptural basis for at least a decade. I have come to my own conclusions through intense study of the scriptures and the observation in my own life, the perspective of which is that of a mid-forties divorced man with children who's only goal apart from entering the Kingdom is ensuring my children do not follow in my sinful foosteps. That said, I would like to know your scriptural basis for a man taking a non-virgin to wife?
 
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