I Wish I Remained A Virgin

port_man

Chicken
Yes that is true, but of course that only applies to fornication. When you fornicate, the sensation disappears quickly, no emotions of closeness emerge, there is often shame, guilt of that "off" feeling, and to compensate for those, you rapidly re-orient yourself to getting a new "fix" as soon as possible.

When you're married and you have sex with your spouse, it is followed by pure satisfaction and closeness, and the pleasant sensation lingers with you for as long as a week. I believe that psychologists refer to it as an "afterglow".

Furthermore, while you may feel like having sex again very soon, the sensation will be relaxed and non-urgent because you know that the two of you will be around for all of your lives.

That difference easily illustrates why it is indeed God's plan for us to enjoy sex only within marriage and nowhere else.
You should try to make a serious effort to never wish something in the past was different. This will only bring regret. This is what repentance is all about. Ask for forgiveness and God allows you to leave all regret behind.
 
Also if you are serious about the faith and few others are (who aren't 5s or worse), it's not easy. The occasional dime pieces were amazing from age 18-22, maybe, but yes numero seis, they were at university doing the BS stuff

and were heifers by age 27
I know it will catch the ire of many on this forum, but I think there is a sound scriptural basis to conclude that a man lying with a maiden (virgin) is the "mariage" ceremony such that the two are not only phsically joined (albeit temporal) but also spiritually joined or entangled, the later of which last the lifetime of each. There were no exchanging of vows or rings or white dresses involved in the first marriage (Adam & Eve) and many of the patriacharchal marriages described in the books of Moses. Therefore, a man and woman once joined, are married whether they live as such or not; their subjective intent is irrelevant in my understanding. If this is a correct reading of scriputure, then a vast majority (probably 90 % in my estimation) of the "marriages" in and out of the church today are in fact adulterous, in that one or both of them has adulterated a spiritual and physical bond previously made with another. I think this is why Paul offered no exception to the re-marriage of a woman after divorce in 1 Corinthians 7. The only exception I see to the requirement of virginity to form a lawful marriage, would be the Levirate marriage, to which no western churches seem to adhere any longer.
 

MBell

Sparrow
Woman
Just to add to this very robust discussion, I wanted to share my perspective as a female who has chosen to remain chaste until marriage. I am over 30, and this decision has been a personal choice from my teenage years. I was raised in the church, and I have been an Orthodox Christian for the past three years. I was raised in a household that prized personal responsibility, and this made me see my body as a temple. I have come to see that God gave me a valuable gift of believing that it was important to not pollute my body, although my current faith gives me a deeper understanding of the religious importance of this concept. However, I would appreciate the perspective from men of the Church. In circumstances where I have heard the views of seemingly Christian men on virginity, I am often surprised that they seem to disregard potential wives of any age that are still virgins. I have found this to be an important choice that I made, and I feel that any partner that I have should also respect this decision. I am gaining a great deal of insight from my participation in this community, and I just wanted to include my personal experiences related to this topic. Thanks!
 

MBell

Sparrow
Woman
"Seemingly" is the key word.
That is so very true. I've been evaluating the motives and authenticity of those around me with a great deal of seriousness in recent times, and I have found views held by men and women in the Christian community that run counter to the Church's teachings. As I consider men for a potential courtship or pursuit of a serious path that leads to commitment, I am finding that the views they hold on sexual behavior are so important. Past instances are in the past, and the convictions and intentions they hold now are what I can use as a basis for screening their piety and dedication to Christ. I sometimes feel discouraged, because I have made conscious decisions in many situations to resist temptation and stay pure with the help of God. However, I have confidence that my future path is known by God and I will be directed to walk as He commands. If he places a man that will honor my purity and recognize this gift I can give to him, I will find a rare and beautiful blessing.
 

Kelly

Chicken
Woman
I hope you don’t remain in guilt for the past because that is why we are given forgiveness. How can we forgive others when we can’t even forgive ourselves? I also see by being in that other side of the extreme, you know being virtuous is the true and right path. You never blindly followed and now you choose the better path.
 
Yes that is true, but of course that only applies to fornication. When you fornicate, the sensation disappears quickly, no emotions of closeness emerge, there is often shame, guilt of that "off" feeling, and to compensate for those, you rapidly re-orient yourself to getting a new "fix" as soon as possible.

When you're married and you have sex with your spouse, it is followed by pure satisfaction and closeness, and the pleasant sensation lingers with you for as long as a week. I believe that psychologists refer to it as an "afterglow".

Furthermore, while you may feel like having sex again very soon, the sensation will be relaxed and non-urgent because you know that the two of you will be around for all of your lives.

That difference easily illustrates why it is indeed God's plan for us to enjoy sex only within marriage and nowhere else.
Are you speaking from experience? If so, that sounds freaking awesome and I believe it. I remember that guilty feeling from when I fooled around in college. I knew it was SUPPOSED to feel intensely good, but the fact that I wasn't committed for life with the woman I was with and that I was actually just using her made me feel horribly guilty, like I had stolen something from her. It was like a thousandfold times the feeling of guilt when you're a child and you sneak some chocolate after your parents forbade you from having any more. You know it's a good enjoyable thing, but the context makes you feel so guilty you can't actually truly enjoy it.
 
You should try to make a serious effort to never wish something in the past was different. This will only bring regret. This is what repentance is all about. Ask for forgiveness and God allows you to leave all regret behind.
What a great point. Self hatred and despair just forms of pride, because we're angry at ourselves for not being perfect. Instead, we should be upset that we wasted time and offended God and hurt ourselves, and use our fall as opportunity to turn to God as quickly as possible in humility, glorifying God's greatness in His Mercy.
 

Blade Runner

Pelican
Yes, I've spoken on the end around that despairing and pessimistic people do with pride. I agree that sins are wasting time and hurting ourselves (or others). Forgive me, but I always wondered if others also thought that (although a sin) sex with a condom on is just a high form of masturbation, as so many have (perhaps jokingly) suggested on the forum. It is sinful, I'm not trying to be provocative or challenge anyone's better judgment here, but I feel like the adaptation of the physical act and contravention of odds to actually procreate makes it just another weird form within the realm of "sexual acts" that actually doesn't really have the "closeness" in every sense.
 
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