I'm torn and lacking discernment on a major decision

[Brebelle3]

Brothers, I am reaching out to you for help.

I will try to keep this short and sweet, as I can easily find my words to be long-winded.

I'm currently in Vietnam with my fiance and our 4 month old son (I know, I know). I have attempted 4 times to have my divorce decree (previously married) mailed from the US to Vietnam. None of the 4 requests have arrived, even with me paying for priority to ensure quick and accurate delivery. My plan was to marry in Vietnam and either live here or eventually bring my family back to the US.

My father, who is in his 70's, fell and broke his hip a couple of weeks ago. He is currently in a nursing home and I don't think he can take much more of being there. He cannot walk without assistance and the nursing facility will not release him without proof of home care. His wife (my stepmother) died 6 months ago and my brother works full time in a hospital and has a child of his own. Most of my father's siblings are still working and cannot commit around the clock care for him.

I've spent the past 48 hours fasting, praying, and consulting with my son's mother. During this time, I have absolutely felt the love from the Holy Spirit, perhaps on a level never experienced before. I have made the decision to travel back to the US before my father's release date in a couple of weeks. I have faith that God will reunite my family, but I am really struggling with leaving my boy. If it's a couple of months and their documents are approved for travel, then that would be wonderful. But I can't stand the thought of not seeing my son for anything more than 3-4 months. I love him so much that I weep every time I lift him in the air, smell him, kiss him, or hold him while thinking about leaving. I hurt deeply to know that I'll miss his milestones and realize the only way to endure is through God.

I have an 18 year old daughter back in the US that I haven't seen in more that a year and a half. She is lost and I know that I've failed raising her. I pray that our Heavenly Father will reunite us upon my return to America. I know I have an incredible opportunity to work on making our relationship whole again.

As you can see, I have a chance to do some good work and bring my entire family together.

I'm looking for some advice, not so much "what would you do", but I really do rely on this place for the amazing spiritual guidance/discernment. With the covid farce, I couldn't know what next month will bring as far as travel, let alone a few months when the possibility of my family arriving would entail. I can't lose my family. I can't lose my son. I do know, however, that it's God's will not mine. Perhaps I haven't fully submitted my life to Him, due to the fear of making the wrong decision. Perhaps I need to pray relentlessly knowing that He will answer my prayers.

I want to thank the men of this site, particularly Roosh, for the overwhelming advice and counsel from my brothers in Christ. I wouldn't have my boy and future wife if I hadn't found this site in 2016. I wouldn't have gone from 240lbs to 180lbs. I wouldn't be in the gym 7 days a week. I wouldn't know about intermittent fasting or the truth about this world. This place led me back to God and with his blessings, answered my prayers. I would love to share my testimony with you and really go into detail with what this site has done to totally transform my life.

God Bless

 

[Roosh]

Unless there is a chance you can't re-enter Vietnam, I don't see the problem with seeing your father during his time of need, especially if your fiancee and boy can handle your absence (i.e. they have family help).

Your situation does highlight the downside of the expat lifestyle if you want to create a family abroad. You will always be pulled in different parts of the world. In other words, this will keep recurring.

 

[Brebelle3]

Thank you brother.

I'm 46 and handsome, but I felt it nearly impossible to find a 25-28 year old partner in America that had the values I was searching for.

I prayed for God to give me a family in 2019. The way in which the Lord brought me and my lady together in Vietnam is truly humbling. Many people have had a hard time believing the circumstances in how we met.

I struggled with having a mixed race child, but I have no doubt this was Gods work. Surprisingly he looks just like his pop.

I love you man and thank you for your response.

 

[nagareboshi]

I have an 18 year old daughter back in the US that I haven't seen in more that a year and a half. She is lost and I know that I've failed raising her. I pray that our Heavenly Father will reunite us upon my return to America. I know I have an incredible opportunity to work on making our relationship whole again.

As you can see, I have a chance to do some good work and bring my entire family together.

I notice that you talk about having such an "opportunity" of doing some good work in the context of your family. You also talk a lot about love and the Holy Spirit. But did you change yourself and do the interior work on the heart to amend and repent for the mistakes that led for this situation in the first place? In your own words you have diagnosed the upbringing of your flesh-and-blood daughter as a failure. Love is not just the assurance of forgiveness but also provokes the interior self-sacrifice, repentance, and humility to do what is right in the name of God.

As myself someone who has seen so many ugly and frankly immoral expat relationships in this world, characterized essentially by ego and a desire for comfort, I am obliged to say that you would be a lucky one (almost a miracle) if things will actually go well. I have also seen many who are quick to say "God spoke to me" or "this was God's will" which coincidentally overlapped with what they wanted to hear all along and what they had already decided to do anyway. I say this not to condemn you but to offer a perspective in the search of truth.

I hope that all the men in expat relationships can grow in God, see the truth, and become virtuous men who do the right thing, not for themselves but for others too. I hope most especially that the children who are influenced the most strongly by the consequences of such relations can love God and never forget Him despite their undoubtedly tremendous crosses which they have to bear.