Importance of the interior/"the heart"

As much evidence and proofs exist for the Christian faith, I don't think I've ever been a believer because of such. My introduction to the Faith was simply seeing the crucifix, and my mother's short catechism: "That Man is Jesus. He is Man and God and He died to save us." For me, that was enough.

Since then I've learned a lot more thanks to authors like C.S. Lewis, Ravi Zacharias and Peter Kreeft. Apologetics have given me tools to counter objections but at times it wasn't enough to keep me practicing. I had doubts, due to university instruction as well as due to periods of desolation. I resented the restraints the faith of my youth brought me and even turned to drugs and partying (though I could never get into the PUA movement; that was a bridge too far for me). When I was living that life (however briefly) I did have a sense of horror; "This is wrong. Whatever fun you think you're experiencing now will soon end and you will be held accountable."

I'm not sure if I got bored or if I realized the error of my ways, but I finally became more consistent in my faith by attending to something I had been neglecting for years: prayer. It began when I had a bout of suicidal depression and out of nowhere I started praying the Rosary. When I realized that praying it doesn't take much time at all (and always felt relieved at its completion), I couldn't NOT pray daily. At this time while I was still resistant to the harder, more stringent aspects of the faith, the more I prayed the easier it was for me to yield.

I wonder if people turn to the world because they are trying to fill the emptiness inside that can only be healed by the indwelling of Christ. In these recent events, it seems that people are finally realizing that something is wrong with the world but yet are still to attached to open up to God; what's worse is that most of the large Churches (including Rome, sadly) are telling them to trust in this same world.


Sometimes, when we need to find an answer, we are looking for it in the wrong places, and that makes us doubt our faith. The truth is we must look for the truth deep within ourselves.