How important intellectual compatibility in a relationship is to you? So I’ve met this girl and she’s kind, sweet and loving. I’m attracted to her physically as well. But she just does not stimulate me intellectually. All is good and well now that we see each other couple of times a week for a limited time, but trying to project how our relationship or marriage would look like, I can imagine how bored I would probably be with her. Ok someone can say you can try to satisfy your intellectual curiosity talking to other people live or online, reading, having your side projects…and while that’s true, I don’t think I can truly connect with someone I cannot share my intellectual interests. And I’m not saying I expect her to have a degree or know a lot of trivia, but I’m the kind of person who gets interested and quite enthusiastic about a certain topic, devours a tonne of literature on the subject and then want to share that knowledge and enthusiasm with the person I love. And if she’s not receptive to it, it would find something in a relationship severely lacking and it would reflect on my attitude towards that person. Do any of you have personal experience on this topic and what are your takes?
Intellectual compatibility in a relationship
- Thread starter Zagor
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Caduceus
Ostrich
This depends on how good a teacher you are, and how quickly (and willing) she is to learn from you.
If she's a good and fast learner and is happy for you to guide her, there should be no problems long term.
But if she is of a significantly lower IQ with clear limits to how much she can intellectually take on, then all the best teaching in world won't help her be on the same level as you.
If she's a good and fast learner and is happy for you to guide her, there should be no problems long term.
But if she is of a significantly lower IQ with clear limits to how much she can intellectually take on, then all the best teaching in world won't help her be on the same level as you.
Women are less intellectual than men, generally speaking. If you get into an interesting topic with a woman and try to parse the details, pointing out things each other failed to take into account, or flaws in each others logic, as part of a dialectical process to get to the root of the matter, she will cry because you hurt her feelings, and you've always been mean to her.
You can relate to women on a very deep level, but this is not the same as relating to them on a very intellectual level. Think of how you relate to a child or a teen that you are close with. Someone who's company you can enjoy for hours, because you love them, and you can relate to them as a person, even though you are on different levels. I think you have be able to relate to women with an understanding of being on different levels. That's not to say women are like children, but they are different to a similar degree.
Save the intellectual conversations for other men. Like I said, that doesn't mean you can't have a deep relationship with a woman. It's just on a different level.
You can relate to women on a very deep level, but this is not the same as relating to them on a very intellectual level. Think of how you relate to a child or a teen that you are close with. Someone who's company you can enjoy for hours, because you love them, and you can relate to them as a person, even though you are on different levels. I think you have be able to relate to women with an understanding of being on different levels. That's not to say women are like children, but they are different to a similar degree.
Save the intellectual conversations for other men. Like I said, that doesn't mean you can't have a deep relationship with a woman. It's just on a different level.
I don't really care about intellectuality since I'm kinda retarded myself, like Alex Jones says. It's not like women are that intellectual in the first place, like Thomas said above me. I'd just be worried about my power level around women since it's pretty hard to get through a LDR without eventually slipping it a bit, and hiding it sucks in general.
If you find a Christian woman who isn't obese and lefty, I'd say go for it. Who cares if you can't really debate high IQ stuff? What matters is if she has Christ in her heart or not.
If you find a Christian woman who isn't obese and lefty, I'd say go for it. Who cares if you can't really debate high IQ stuff? What matters is if she has Christ in her heart or not.
Well said Thomas! I agree. The only reason I'd care about the IQ of my woman would be to have smart sons. But for women IQ just isn't necessary to thrive in life. That being said there's different areas of IQ: practical IQ, intellectual IQ, emotional IQ, problem solving IQ, social IQ, caregiving IQ. In a normal situation it'd be valued that a woman would have things like emotional/social/caregiving IQ, and as being said not so much intellectual IQ. They don't care about the intellectual anyways man, women care about the context of a conversation men about the content, two entirely different things which is why women can blabber for hours about apparant nonsense but for them it's worthwhile, whereas men to towards problem solving straight away.
In the West especially by the way the higher IQ i.e. the higher educated she is the more ballast she'll bring to your relationship. The higher educated you are nowadays the more of the feminist/SJW nonsense she'd have taken in therefore more difficult to be around, plus she also expects more from a man because of her educational achievements whereas the man doesn't care at all, which will make it also a bad deal. Overall it's just a bad deal so take that into account please for anyone who still is out there in a Western context looking for serious relationships/marriage.
I was typing a reply of my own, but this is far more elegant and succinct than I could put it.
I remember the old Rollo Tomassi saying that “men are the romantics and women are the realists” and I think this extends to a general lack of curiosity from women beyond what immediately affects them.
Also their agreeableness makes it more likely for women with a certain level of intelligence to conform to socially acceptable views and to “trust the science” and so forth.
I wouldn’t say she’s low iq, in some regards she’s more intelligent than me (socially, emotionally… and she’s quite wise I would say) but she lacks in education and has no intellectual interests or pursuits, doesn’t read ecc. I mean how can people not read? For example we’re talking about something and I say word like intrinsic and she’s like I don’t know what that means. And then in order to explain what I was saying usually I have to dumb myself down quite a bit and I don’t like that. Also I think she’ll get quite annoyed with me as well, for not wanting to spend time with her, for example, watching mindless television, engaging in mundane boring everyday conversations or hanging out with other people who also bore me to hell.
Please stop listening to my private conversations, and I'd appreciate if you would remove the hidden microphones...
Trust me brother, this was based on first hand experience!
This is very true. To add to this, its very nice to have a woman you can discuss political policy with, but there's a huge trade-off. If she considers you her intellectual equal, she has no reason to be submissive to your views, so you will be stuck having to "agree-to-disagree" all the time to keep the peace. That may be fine at first, but once you have kids its necessary for you to be on the same page about your beliefs. Another point is that highly booksmart women tend to not care much for feminine things, so you'd be trading softness for intellectual stimulation. I suggest you challenge her to try new things you can enjoy together and see how open she is to them. If she possesses openness, you can be the one to make her more productive, as she may have just never had anyone to encourage those things. In the end, she may not be as studious as you, but over time you can alter the way she views the world.
Exactly, equality is the biggest scam ever sold. No wonder, for who wanted to be equal? Satan was the first equalitarian!!! Think about that and then realize the complete and utter scam we live in. Moreover, if a woman truly looks up to you (like is natural and God's hierarchy) then if you like red she'll like red, if you like the Jets she'll like the Jets, if you like the Republicans she'll like the Republicans, if you like fast cars she'll like fast cars. She becomes you. Women have no own opinions to begin with, they mold entirely with their surroundings, something that is obviously completely overlooked in Satan's ''equal'' lie society. And the most interesting thing is that the woman is most content and fulfilled in this role for she was made to be that way, like a bird flying, or a fish swimming. All this society wants is that we are everyone but who we truly are.
Don't look for a woman that is intellectually your clone. Because besides your strong sides, you have a lot of weaknesses too, and with the replica of you, it just multiplies.
Instead, appreciate when she is different and brings to the table other qualities you lack.
A woman that is faithful to God, and her family and takes care of her household is enough, and a wise man will value such one.
Having common interests is good, and you should have some, but still, the wife's role is not to be your beer buddy or intellectual one.
Much more important is to have the same goals and go in the same direction.
You can share your thoughts about the philosophy of history with strangers, but no one can replace your family dinner discussion about what new shoes to buy for your kids. And as you will find later, that matter more.
Also, I would recommend suppressing that little voice telling us sometimes that we are intellectually superior to others because such an attitude will bring only troubles.
Instead, appreciate when she is different and brings to the table other qualities you lack.
A woman that is faithful to God, and her family and takes care of her household is enough, and a wise man will value such one.
Having common interests is good, and you should have some, but still, the wife's role is not to be your beer buddy or intellectual one.
Much more important is to have the same goals and go in the same direction.
You can share your thoughts about the philosophy of history with strangers, but no one can replace your family dinner discussion about what new shoes to buy for your kids. And as you will find later, that matter more.
Also, I would recommend suppressing that little voice telling us sometimes that we are intellectually superior to others because such an attitude will bring only troubles.
Only advice i can give, having made the mistake before of marrying an intellectually lazy, and irrational but "intelligent" person:
Do not involve yourself with someone who you can't communicate on high levels with. You'll only be frustrated and resent the person for not being on the same wave length.
Doesn't mean you have to marry a genius, just someone whom you can have a deep conversation with, without the fear of them not getting it or not participating. This happened with my exwife and it was terrible. I would just go to the garage and drink until sleep every night since talking to her about anything or substance was like talking to a horse stall mat... Totally dense.
My wife now doesn't know about all the intricacies of business or all my hobbies or all my interests, but if I want to explain them to her, I can and she is able to keep up with out much explaining once I explain things in a way that relates to things she is already familiar with. She also has unique knowledge and experience with things I didn't know, so I've learned things from her also.... I think this is crucial to happiness in marriage, obviously assuming you're both on the same faith path...which has to be number 1.
Do not involve yourself with someone who you can't communicate on high levels with. You'll only be frustrated and resent the person for not being on the same wave length.
Doesn't mean you have to marry a genius, just someone whom you can have a deep conversation with, without the fear of them not getting it or not participating. This happened with my exwife and it was terrible. I would just go to the garage and drink until sleep every night since talking to her about anything or substance was like talking to a horse stall mat... Totally dense.
My wife now doesn't know about all the intricacies of business or all my hobbies or all my interests, but if I want to explain them to her, I can and she is able to keep up with out much explaining once I explain things in a way that relates to things she is already familiar with. She also has unique knowledge and experience with things I didn't know, so I've learned things from her also.... I think this is crucial to happiness in marriage, obviously assuming you're both on the same faith path...which has to be number 1.
Feyoder
Pelican
I have dated a few women like this who were good in many other respects (self drive, attractive, principled) but talking to them was pure pain. For at least one girl, family time involved saying nothing and turning on the tv.
It honestly sounds like you just don't like her that much. If you did, then you really wouldn't care about this "intellectually stimulating" lies you've been fed about what is required of a female. Most important is a women's emotional IQ. Does she understand why and how she responds to certain triggers/situations/surroundings? Is she level headed and pretty logical?
Save the political discussions and the intellectual thoughts for your guy friends. From what I've seen, most feminine/marriage material women could really care less about intellectual convos.
Girls are gonna watch TV shows that you find ridiculous. At least she'll never tell you "Oprah says .....", as every man of a certain age has heard. Just surf on your phone or read a book while she watches that stuff, and occasionally tell her you want to watch a ball game, or an Orthodox internet interview, or whatever you like. Assume 50/50 is the way it will be, and hold frame.
I would not consider what you described as show stopper. Frankly, to me she sounds like a dream I'll never have in my life again. For what it's worth from an older guy.