Is it a red flag if a woman has been sexually abused?

If a woman had been sexually abused when they were younger (rape) and they don’t want to work through it in therapy, is this a red flag?

They had trouble talking about emotions and being emotionally intimate even though we could joke around together and that seemed like emotional intimacy to me in retrospect...

She broke up with me a month ago and I’m having a hard time processing things. No idea why I’m still infatuated with her (in limerence) and thinking I messed everything up. This question is mainly to figure out if I’m being irrational in not considering this red flag (if it is one) a major dealbreaker long term (if it even worked out since she broke up with me and everything anyways).

She also wanted traditional marriage roles, was of the same faith tradition as I am, etc. - but, the unresolved trauma broke us up, I think due to her projecting her trauma response onto me when was was trying to repair the relationship. Her having these values (which are so hard to find in America) is making it hard for me to move, on on top of the infatuation I still feel. We were talking about marriage and everything and we were both on board it seemed like...
It's well known that sexual abuse passes down through the generations. Just watch any of the heart-wrenching videos from 'Soft White Underbelly' on YouTube. So, yes, it's a huge red flag; you don't want your own kids to have to live through it.
 
I think you will detach in time. This all sounds very recent and raw from what you've described. So the first thing I can say I "learned" is that these accounts can be shocking and disturbing, and you'll probably always remember the one you heard, but you will eventually "digest" it, for lack of a better term. We live in a terrible and fallen world, filled with cruelty and depravity. Thankfully, this girl survived this horrible crime and it sounds like she's a decent person. So if you care about her still, just be grateful for that, and try to find peace again in your own life. The world is full of pain and hurts. Take what you've learned from her story and apply it to your future wife and daughters in terms of helping them stay safe.
Yes, it happened a month ago (maybe I’m taking to long to move on and detatch, but maybe not considering the circumstances). But yes, I’m glad she survived since she is a kind woman deep down. Yeah, I think you’re right though, just have to endure the pain and take it with me to correct my present and future actions and to protect those who I’m responsible for (and really anyone I can protect). The “digestion” towards peace I think is the next step in the process. Thanks for the insight man.
 
Yes, it happened a month ago (maybe I’m taking to long to move on and detatch, but maybe not considering the circumstances). But yes, I’m glad she survived since she is a kind woman deep down. Yeah, I think you’re right though, just have to endure the pain and take it with me to correct my present and future actions and to protect those who I’m responsible for (and really anyone I can protect). The “digestion” towards peace I think is the next step in the process. Thanks for the insight man.
The key phrase you used here is "protect those who I'm responsible for." I wasn't responsible for any of the women who told me their abuse/rape stories, and you are not, never were, and never will be responsible for this particular woman. There is a clear white knight instinct in most men. I'd be lying if I said I'd never had glimmers of it. But, to be perfectly frank, this was someone else's problem. Trust me, life will throw you enough problems, and towards those you will genuinely be responsible for. Digest and move on.
 
I think she and her whole family are mediocre actors, at best. I think that you don't have anywhere near enough experience to recognize this. I'm not at all saying that's bad, we were all there at one point or another.

Granted I've been out of the game for a few years, and I know nothing about this online relationship nonsense other than it's the Jews behind it, I see so many red flags here I could set up a virtual slalom course.

I and everyone else here wants to see you succeed. I'm more than happy to go over every red flag I see so that this doesn't happen again. First, we need to stop this fire from spreading. Read what I'm about to type very carefully, and follow each step to the letter.

The bulk of the communication between you and this girl took place digitally. I'm going to assume you have all of it saved and have watched the videos and read the texts repeatedly. Under normal circumstances, we'd tell you to delete it all and put it past you. These are not normal circumstances.

Go through all of the communication and document every spot where she acknowledges that any and all sexual or physical contact between the two of you was totally consensual. Archive it, and then stop reading it. You keep saying "Eh" so I'm gonna assume you are in Canada. When the RCMP shows up at your door to investigate a rape that her manipulative golfer brother and drug addict father both confirm happened, you have your defense ducks (geese in Canada) in a row.

When the poster on this forum formerly known as Papaya Tapper was in the CIA academy they taught him that "Once is circumstance, twice is happenstance, three times is enemy action." The "trauma responses," family of manipulators, and well-documented communication all lead me to believe the idea of setting you up crossed one of their minds at some point or another.

Take care of that, then get back to us and we'll walk you through all of these big red flags.

Aloha!
I think you’re right, I’m a newbie to all of this and have a lot to learn. Never had the thought that online dating apps are a plot that the Jews cooked up. But, I wouldn’t put that past them (Zionists).

To the bulk of the letter part of your resonance, I only have documented texts. I have no videos. I only have texts that talk about our mutually agreed upon boundaries post-mistake in my part of going too far sexually with her. There was never a time that text or video the word “consensual” came up or anything like it. There was sexual innuendos. However, since we didn’t text much between FaceTime dates there was only check in’s to see how each of our days were going. Everything that was digitally archived (texts) that I can reference are on my iPad messaging (since I don’t text or delete anything on that or use it for messaging) but deleted on my iPhone so I don’t break no-contact.

All of that is good to keep in mind, I didn’t even think they were trying to set me up... could have been the case.

Also, just for reference for you. We never had sex. It was just heavy petting. Also, she said she didn’t want to have penetrative sex, but was okay with everything else. I was wanting to move things back to only making out (1st base). I just give this for more context.

I have all of the texts documented and saved to prevent being set up by them.
 
It's well known that sexual abuse passes down through the generations. Just watch any of the heart-wrenching videos from 'Soft White Underbelly' on YouTube. So, yes, it's a huge red flag; you don't want your own kids to have to live through it.
Yeah, the rape was a co-worker, not her family. I haven’t watched those videos. I’ll have to check them out. Thanks so much.
Yeah, I was hoping that she’d eventually get therapy to work through it so it didn’t get passed down, but that’s my fault for thinking that would happen as an expectation.
 

Manteca

Chicken
This reminds me of another Red Flag scenario where a man discovers a girl he likes has slept around in the past. Could be a red flag but definitely not a hard rule. You know her better than anyone here does and life is more complicated than many people here make it out to be. Good luck to you man I hope you can find peace.
 
The key phrase you used here is "protect those who I'm responsible for." I wasn't responsible for any of the women who told me their abuse/rape stories, and you are not, never were, and never will be responsible for this particular woman. There is a clear white knight instinct in most men. I'd be lying if I said I'd never had glimmers of it. But, to be perfectly frank, this was someone else's problem. Trust me, life will throw you enough problems, and towards those you will genuinely be responsible for. Digest and move on.
Agreed, that’s a good deliniation. I’m only responsible for myself and the others in my family regarding stuff like this. And even then, I can only do so much aince I can never control another human being even if they are in my own family.
 
This reminds me of another Red Flag scenario where a man discovers a girl he likes has slept around in the past. Could be a red flag but definitely not a hard rule. You know her better than anyone here does and life is more complicated than many people here make it out to be. Good luck to you man I hope you can find peace.
Yeah, you’re right. Life is a lot of grey. I think I need to think less about this and just move on and focus on my own recovery based on what I’ve learned about myself through this experience. Thanks man, I appreciate it. Likewise.
 
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