In Honour of Kona & Busch Beer: Aloha!
Today we celebrate an important milestone in the RVF history. It's been ten years since respected forum member Kona create his user account. It's been a year since we celebrated his 9-year forum anniversary, but today we mark a full decade of Aloha.
It was a different time for the forum then. Roosh was at a different stage of life and the forum was still a tightknit group. There was even a female forum member who participated regularly.
Times is changed since then, but Kona's participation continues and is, in fact, one of the few posting careers that has truly stood the test of time.
Facts about Kona
- Love Busch beer
- Shoplifts from Walmart, not because he is a criminal, but because it is too easy
- Dates a harem of strippers
- Spends a lot of time on boats
- Is a clown who never posts anything intelligent
- Has a sister, but won't say if she is hot or not -- has not offered her to be the wife of another forum member as of yet
- He is a good detective
- He was doxed early in his RVF posting career
- He is a lover of due process
- Is about 45 years old
- Hates jorts
- There is no evidence that Kona has ever written a post without ending it with the word of greeting "Aloha!" -- this practice goes back to 2009
- He is probably Jewish
- We have a pretty good idea about what he looks like
- Fought terrorists in Afghanistan -- this part is sketchy because he was in the Navy and Afghanistan is a landlocked country, but we've decided to allow him some artistic license
- He is a man of deep culinary tastes
- Does most of his forum posting from stripclubs
- Preferred weapon: marine shotgun
- Eager to let visiting forum members crash on his couch
- Regularly engages the services of life coaches - says he swears by their advice
- Discovering that Kona beer was brewed on the mainland sparked a mid-life crisis that he has only recently begun to recover from
- Likes big, sweaty group hugs
Hawaii is a very small island in the southern Indian ocean. The climate there is temperate and it receives a respectable amount of snow each summer. Hawaii has three volcanos which formed about 5000 years ago. The original ethnic people of Hawaii are called Poly-ne-sians, which means "men of multiple wives," but the reason for this is not clear. It has an estimated population of 3056 people, although a census has not been taken since 1994.
Today, Hawaii's main industry is tourism. It's chief exports are iced coconuts and baritone ukuleles. The women are known for having a large build and look quite different than the main cast of the show of Hawaii Five-Zero.
Hawaii is an important tourism center for sex-starved Japanese women. According to Kona, a number of years ago, Japanese men stopped having sex with Japanese women, so they have to come to the Island of Hawaii now to be given an annual tune-up.
The Island of Hawa'ii
Few events in RVF history are as important and yet as poorly commemorated as the Kona-Lumiere forum beef. Other more recent forum beefs have grabbed the spotlight, but few (if any) surpass the greatness of this monumental incident.
Here are the basic facts. Forum member Lumiere, who has also used the username JJRoberts from time to time was visiting Kona's place of abode in Hawaii. Kona had never met another forum member before, but he agreed to sit down with Lumiere for a beer. Details are sketchy, but most eye-witnesses recall Lumiere getting drunk on cheap Chinese-made rum, stripping naked and dancing on the bar top.
Other versions of the story exist, but one thing that everyone seems to agree on is the aftermath.
Lumiere had spent the evening repeatedly dropping hints that he was homeless and broke. This came in the form of regularly and frequently using the phrase "I guess I'd better find a place to crash for tonight."
It's not clear where Lumiere ended up spending the night, but some researchers suggest that it may have been a park bench or some sort of 1990's era cardboard box.
Following that eventful night, Lumiere gave Kona's phone number to some friends of his, so-called "lifestyle consultants." These individuals proceeded to repeatedly call Kona and offer their services, "turning him into less of a loser," for a fee. It's unclear why Lumiere, a homeless, broke, unlikable traveler had never taken his "lifestyle consultant" friends up on their offer, but the answer to that question is sadly lost to history.
There is, however, some recently uncovered footage that is believed to be of Lumiere in the bar that night.
Hawaii Volcano Incidents of 2018
There was much fear and concern for Kona's safety during a series of enviro-meteological events in 2018. Forum members around the world all prayed to their own concept of the creator as the forum community hopefully awaited news from the tiny island of Hawaii that Kona and his loved ones (including his stripper girlfriends and nephew) were unharmed.
There was much relief when Kona logged into the forum on August 24th and reported that he had survived the events of that month.
Kona's Cat "Roosh"
Kona used to have a cat named "Roosh" -- he died tragically. The forum grieved the loss of this important member of the community. He will always be remembered.
Kona is a lover of quality manicured lawns. Although he respects the opinions of people who are wrong about lawns, he doesn't understand how people in urban environments can live without them. He can't understand why people would ruin a perfectly good lawn with "modern" landscaping. However, he is always ready to offer lawn tips to anyone in need. His suggestions and help pepper the forum. It's a topic of passion for him.
Classic Kona Forum Posts
Homeless People & Lady Cops
A Thoughtful Treatise on Heroine Addiction
An Analysis of Starbucks Protests
On Women Over 35
Regarding Offensive Dashboard Hula Dolls
On The Important Topic of Pornstars and Online Bullying
Kona's Confusion Over Tall Asians
Regarding Pornstar Lawyers
On White Nationalists
Wisdom Before Its Time: Female Alt-right Figures And Girls Who Surf
On Lindsay Lohan
Concluding Comments & Greetings
If you're reading this today, you'll know that there's only one proper way to celebrate:
Crack open a free cold Busch from Walmart in the car on your way to the nearest stripclub to watch the game and meet the woman of your dreams.