Even if you are a bad friend, sometimes it takes extreme measures to maintain your sanity and the sanctity of your day to day life, and I don't think you should beat yourself up about it.I realized recently that I'm really bad at processing emotions (which is a familial trait, unfortunately); having something from 15 years ago bubble up.
I also ran into a friend I hadn't seen awhile. She messaged me later that we should hang out. I like her. I would like to catch up. I never did, for no reason at all.
So I realized I'm a bad friend, too.