Lessons learned from past relationships

Lessons learned from past relationships:

- Never try to be a nice understanding man who telegraphs too much interest into what a woman is saying. Or be very keen to hang out with a woman every weekend or whenever an opportunity arises. We men may think logically and rationally and believe that "we are giving women our time and therefore she will value us." But women are guaranteed likely to interpret such behaviour as "needy". I once had a woman dump me for this reason couple of years ago thinking that I have serious communication problems and issues and that I need help (which she was offering).

- Never be conflict averse when it comes to your gf / wife. Keeping your feelings within and trying to get along is good in the short term, but absolutely not good in the long term. If you feel that there is a difference of opinion between you and your other half, share and convey your opinions in a civil, respectful but firm manner. Of course not all couples will agree on every topic or on every point but if one is pretending to get along with their other half's opinion for the sake of maintaining peace, let me tell you that there won't be any peace in the future. On the contrary, they will get emboldened and this behaviour could manifest itself more and more frequently.

- If a woman is picking up fights or is constantly arguing with you off late, it might be the case that she is looking for an excuse to break up from you. If this is the case, start your search for another woman in the background and quietly detach yourself from the current woman.

- If you are with a woman and if it happens that she seems more into you than you into her (due to her looks / some aspect of her behaviour), it is totally unfair to lead her on and give her false hopes through either your actions (non verbal cues) or words. Make it very amply clear to her (in front of friends if possible) that there is no future and that the couple should move on. It is totally unfair to lead a girl on and if she still persists (let's not forget: for women, commitment is EVERYTHING), as a man we need to define our boundaries effectively.
 
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Samuel

Pigeon
Psalm 23 is a good pattern to follow, if we consider that the husband is the head of the wife AS Christ is the head of the church.

Psalms 23
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:
thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
 

SlickyBoy

Ostrich
Some girls keep lists of the dudes they've been with, and usually record details beyond a mere name and number.
It's actually pretty common, as it is with the sodomite soy boy who wrote this. Believe it or not, there are (or at least, were) third party sites where some women would be dumb enough to log their encounters.

After reading that article it's difficult to see the difference between a slutty woman and a sodomite, but then again that's the whole purpose behind the social engineering we've been experiencing for the past several decades.
 

R.G.Camara

Woodpecker
Some girls keep lists of the dudes they've been with, and usually record details beyond a mere name and number.
It's actually pretty common, as it is with the sodomite soy boy who wrote this. Believe it or not, there are (or at least, were) third party sites where some women would be dumb enough to log their encounters.

After reading that article it's difficult to see the difference between a slutty woman and a sodomite, but then again that's the whole purpose behind the social engineering we've been experiencing for the past several decades.

Women are nasty whores until proven otherwise. Assume every woman you meet is a gutter trash slut until she proves otherwise. Make her prove herself worthy of your investment of time as being more than just a sexual release---and most of them don't treat themselves as anything more than that. If you do this, you will have far FAR better odds of finding a worthy woman for dating and marriage. Have a checklist, too, of unacceptable things (e.g. had an abortion, not your religion, not your ethnicity, communist) to stop you from getting involved from the start.

Your future children, a lifetime commitment, and a sacrament before God is worth such harsh, high, quick-to-dismiss standards.
 

Mr Freedom

Sparrow
That's interesting; I actually learned that lesson dating rich girl. Her parents had a distinct set of expectations for me, and when it became clear that I was not interested in adopting their way of life, they told their daughter they'd disown her if she married me. They were new money, not high cotton, so perhaps their desire to move up the social ladder affected the situation. But it made me realize I needed someone whose way of life was similar to mine.

Perhaps they were running a "parental test" and you failed it?

Quiet frankly I prefer the good old days when you had to drive up to a girls house, knock on the door and speak to the parents for a while before you took her out. Shit tests where hardly run with the girl herself. You basically met most credentials by having the balls to show up to her front door in the first place.

Now with traditionalism out the window relationships are based on "lying" or projected realities. A man has to pretend he is an "alpha" by use of "negs" or "pua tactics" and a women has to pretend she is not that available for you by throwing out "shit tests".

If you have ever tried to run "game" in a more traditional society you will know what I mean. I once went to a majority Muslim country and ran typical western game tactics with some of the local women and let's just say most of them thought I was complete retard after a few minutes. This despite the fact that I was doing well with my interactions in the West.

Nowadays when I am meeting potential partners I no longer bother with "shit tests" because I know where they eventually lead to. Once I meet a girl and send her that first message she won't get any more unless she replies back within 48 hours. If no reply is received I delete it. Some of my friends call me crazy and stupid for not using "text game tricks" to rectify the situation but I have reached the stage where I am not bothered with faux-alpha Chasing. On Average Out of 50 potential partners I meet only 2 or 3 would probably be intrigued that I have not sent them multiple messages right away like your average simp would and that is how I narrow down the "good girls" from the "train-wrecks".

Relationships which are not based on honest foundations are not likely to last. Men and women are using "game" and "shit tests" for the purpose of exchanging sexual favours with each other. Once that "fun" has evaporated and reality sits in both become unhappy and that is when the breakup starts. You can blame this on a combination of things - consumerism, porn use, lack of god in society..
 

Sol-lek

Pigeon
Listen to what she says about her past relationships.

If all she does is trash talk them, guess who's next?

If shes able to next them like they were nothing, guess who's next?

Do not make this mistake I did. While she fell for you now, keyword, NOW. You are not a demi-god, you are human, just like every single other man in her past!
 

Louis IX

Pelican
Western women these days take PRIDE in not being able to cook, being sluts, getting drunk, not having children, murdering their children, and manipulating men while denigrating them in front of others.

Let me repeat that: they are PROUD of being so disgusting, anti-social, and unfeminine.

A woman of the 1950s (outside of those in brothels) would be ashamed and horrified of their sex's behavior if you put one in a time machine and zoomed them here. The 1950s women would be embarrassed for their gender's poor behavior today, and try to apologize for it.

That's pretty much the only thing you need to say about the worth of women today versus the 1950s.

It's easy to see why the monk/anchorite/recluse life became so attractive to many men during the heyday of the Roman orgy.

Great post. The main thing is inverted values. In 1950 , men who would get involved in thuggery or any stupid activities were seen as problematic. The "model" was the man who doesn't get involved in fights , in drugs , in sex parties , and would work hard to get his diploma. Considering that there are a lot of men who are deeply upset about the promotion of the gangster/crooked/alpha guy in women's eyes , there must be women who are also upset at this tinder/sex/work/divorce/e-thot lifestyle .But the difference is that male can resist to peer pressure in a more efficient way , while women cannot always.

It s really sad that a big majority of our women became a pale version of prostitutes (at least prostitutes have a certain "honesty")

Let's be vigilant and protect our daughters from all this.
 
One of the contradictions I struggle with concerning relationships is that while I generally believe that dating doesn't work, I also learn a lot from each failed relationship and feel I am better equipped for the next relationship.

As long as you get out unscathed then yes. However most of the best relationships I see around me are those between people who didn't do a lot of dating.
 

bmw633

Robin
Western women these days take PRIDE in not being able to cook, being sluts, getting drunk, not having children, murdering their children, and manipulating men while denigrating them in front of others.

Let me repeat that: they are PROUD of being so disgusting, anti-social, and unfeminine.

A woman of the 1950s (outside of those in brothels) would be ashamed and horrified of their sex's behavior if you put one in a time machine and zoomed them here. The 1950s women would be embarrassed for their gender's poor behavior today, and try to apologize for it.

That's pretty much the only thing you need to say about the worth of women today versus the 1950s.

It's easy to see why the monk/anchorite/recluse life became so attractive to many men during the heyday of the Roman orgy.

There were sluts back in the 1950s. The weren't celebrated, as they are today.
 

TheMaleBrain

Kingfisher
Gold Member
My lessons learned:
1. Frame is key - you must set the frame in the relationship.
2. Be ready to walk away - he who is scared less, has hand.
3. Sex is critical because let's face it - there is no (modern) relationship unless sexual attraction is there.
4. Initiate the dates - girls (at least most if not all) don't initiate on a regular basis. Be the man with the plan, and they will follow.
5. Be forgiving, up to a point - women relapse more. Accept it, but if she crosses the border either punish or leave.
6. Let her vent - yes it's annoying for us, but this is how they are. If they don't vent, they'll be at your throat.
7. If she tells you that someone in her social circle bad mothed you - Agree and Amplify. That way she has no ammo to attack your status. Done it so many times, and the result is a "dear-in-the-headlight" eyes looking at me.
8. Make sure that she tells you what she feels. Then walk her to the conclusion or to what is really bothering her. This takes some time, is annoying and is a key to ensure frame, venting and the relationship lasting on your own terms.
9. Part of the rules is alone time - for you and her. She'll huff and puff but thank you later.
10. Everything she says, she means NOW and you may not be able to hold her to it in the future. Accept it and work with it.

There are probably more, but those are the ones coming to mind.
 

homersheineken

Kingfisher
My lessons learned:
1. Frame is key - you must set the frame in the relationship.
2. Be ready to walk away - he who is scared less, has hand.
3. Sex is critical because let's face it - there is no (modern) relationship unless sexual attraction is there.
4. Initiate the dates - girls (at least most if not all) don't initiate on a regular basis. Be the man with the plan, and they will follow.
5. Be forgiving, up to a point - women relapse more. Accept it, but if she crosses the border either punish or leave.
6. Let her vent - yes it's annoying for us, but this is how they are. If they don't vent, they'll be at your throat.
7. If she tells you that someone in her social circle bad mothed you - Agree and Amplify. That way she has no ammo to attack your status. Done it so many times, and the result is a "dear-in-the-headlight" eyes looking at me.
8. Make sure that she tells you what she feels. Then walk her to the conclusion or to what is really bothering her. This takes some time, is annoying and is a key to ensure frame, venting and the relationship lasting on your own terms.
9. Part of the rules is alone time - for you and her. She'll huff and puff but thank you later.
10. Everything she says, she means NOW and you may not be able to hold her to it in the future. Accept it and work with it.

There are probably more, but those are the ones coming to mind.
#1 and 10 conflict..
 
1) Avoid women who dress immodestly. You can tell the world about a woman from the way she presents herself.

2) Focus on how a woman acts and behaves, not on what she says.

Point 2 is of supreme importance, but I only half-agree with Point 1. You won’t find many women who dress like slobs but are inwardly proper women...but you will find a whole lot of women who present as proper and feminine but are basically just a good-looking succubus.
 

Max Roscoe

Kingfisher
I think some example of #8 would be helpful. I think I understand what the OP is saying there.

As for the conflict, #10 can make it more difficult to maintain frame, when she is contradicting what she just said the day before, but the point is to never put much faith into what she said in the first place because you realize it is not really valid as she is only TELLING YOU HOW SHE FEELS and nothing more. Maybe she FEELS like having kids right now because of some passing thought and the next day she doesn't feel that way because she looks at her bank account and it's too low, or she looks too fat already, or she reads something about a family having a problem, or something totally different. You can call it inconsistent or unreliable, but it's nothing more than an emotional statement of their feeling at that time and thats how you must treat everything they say.

Some people think maintaining frame means being an asshole. That's not my style at all. Was 007 an asshole? When I think of frame, I immediately think: WWBD? What Would Bond Do? JB was a very playful, fun and funny, easy going, happy, laid back guy. And he never stressed or got angry because of women. There's a great clip in the Steve McQueen movie Bullitt where his girl is trying to jealously pry, the phone rings, she asks him who it is, and he places his hand over the receiver, smiles, and responds ".. Not for you, baby."

I can't find that clip online but the below is a good example. Girl: What will happen to us, in time? Bullitt: Time begins now.

What a perfect response. It's completely emotional and means whatever they want it to, and gets their hamster running.

 

Dr. Howard

Peacock
Gold Member
Lessons learned from past relationships:

- Never try to be a nice understanding man who telegraphs too much interest into what a woman is saying. Or be very keen to hang out with a woman every weekend or whenever an opportunity arises. We men may think logically and rationally and believe that "we are giving women our time and therefore she will value us." But women are guaranteed likely to interpret such behaviour as "needy". I once had a woman dump me for this reason couple of years ago thinking that I have serious communication problems and issues and that I need help (which she was offering).

- Never be conflict averse when it comes to your gf / wife. Keeping your feelings within and trying to get along is good in the short term, but absolutely not good in the long term. If you feel that there is a difference of opinion between you and your other half, share and convey your opinions in a civil, respectful but firm manner. Of course not all couples will agree on every topic or on every point but if one is pretending to get along with their other half's opinion for the sake of maintaining peace, let me tell you that there won't be any peace in the future. On the contrary, they will get emboldened and this behaviour could manifest itself more and more frequently.

- If a woman is picking up fights or is constantly arguing with you off late, it might be the case that she is looking for an excuse to break up from you. If this is the case, start your search for another woman in the background and quietly detach yourself from the current woman.

- If you are with a woman and if it happens that she seems more into you than you into her (due to her looks / some aspect of her behaviour), it is totally unfair to lead her on and give her false hopes through either your actions (non verbal cues) or words. Make it very amply clear to her (in front of friends if possible) that there is no future and that the couple should move on. It is totally unfair to lead a girl on and if she still persists (let's not forget: for women, commitment is EVERYTHING), as a man we need to define our boundaries effectively.

A great example. My wife and I are still together and with each other because we can get into conflict and out of conflict with each other. When I get into an argument with my wife I don't think "oh, no, how will this affect my relationship". I think, "here we go again" I know that we will get through it and at some point the other side will have resolution. It's like a sparring partner or a sibling, you aren't ever afraid to fight with them. There is comfort/confidence in the conflict.
 

TheMaleBrain

Kingfisher
Gold Member
#1 and 10 conflict..
No it is not.

Setting frame means that you determine the context and how to refer to situation in the relationship.
Understanding that female emotions "compel" to her to make promises that she'll have a problem with in the future means that you are:
A. Aware of it.
B. Work with it - don't let her promise things she can't handle.
C. If she did promise, you make her own it.

No conflict
 

Easy_C

Crow
Don't do anything sexual unless you're married and trying to get your wife pregnant (i.e. follow Biblical sexual morality).

That is not something I learned from a specific relationship, but rather from life in general.

And yes, it is way easier said than done.

I should note that isn’t quite the case. Catholic teaching includes NFP practice and it’s worth going to the classes regardless of your religion because monitoring it is a good practice that keeps a woman in touch with how her body is behaving.


The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that it should be easy to be with someone. If it always feels like a struggle either it’s a bad sign or you both enjoy the drama.

Other lesson to repeat myself: sometimes a girl might seem “boring” because she’s stable. Sane girls are going to have higher lows and lower highs than the crazy ones and consequently they will very rarely provoke the same emotional highs and lows you get from a crazy chick. Embrace that. What you should feel from being with them isn’t an edge of the seat excitement but warmth and comfort.
 

homersheineken

Kingfisher
No it is not.

Setting frame means that you determine the context and how to refer to situation in the relationship.
Understanding that female emotions "compel" to her to make promises that she'll have a problem with in the future means that you are:
A. Aware of it.
B. Work with it - don't let her promise things she can't handle.
C. If she did promise, you make her own it.

No conflict

If you're setting frame, then "you may not be able to hold her to it in the future" can't happen.
 
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