Looking for work? - Translating Leftist codespeak in job descriptions.

The (lack of) legitimacy of this thread may make it (in)appropriate to put in the Living section, so I'll respect the Forum and put it here by default.

A few of these "codespeak" translations are slightly exaggerated(?), but you get the point. This is all I've got, for now; feel free to add to this list.

"We are an equal-opportunity employer."
Heterosexual white males step to the back of the line.

"We are proud of our diverse and inclusive workforce."
Any complaint against a heterosexual white male will result in his immediate discipline/termination. Any complaint from a heterosexual white male will result in his immediate discipline/termination.

"We're looking for a Team Player."
When the affirmative-action employees are slacking off, the heterosexual white male *will* be responsible and do all the work, so we meet the project deadline.

"We are an employer that believes in giving back to the community."
We support abortion clinics, pride day, and safe-injection sites.

"We support both the abolishment of gender stereotypes, and the elevation of women to senior-level positions."
If you're not a CHAD, be prepared for a sexual-harassment lawsuit for the crime of being unattractive.

"We believe in strengthening our workforce, by recognizing the positive contributions of BLM, POC, indigenous peoples, and the LGTBQ2 community."
We support the murder of cis-scum white men, and the torching of Christian churches.

"Diversity is our strength."
Tyrone and Janiqua are god! Death to whitey! F*ck da police!
 
Top