Making the most of a relationship without damaging a good girl

Hephaestus

Sparrow
I accidentally started a relationship with a cute 28 year old absolute virgin.

I was doing the usual playful teasing and kino escalation with a cute international student. Normal, We got on great. It felt so natural to kiss her.

As we were making out in the botanic garden, she mentioned she's never been kissed(!). Ooops, it turns out she was from a very strict family and she used to be twice her body weight(the pics check out).

I really enjoy her company, and she seems to be a good match. I'm just mindful she'll graduate in a year, and continuing will be unfeasible. How would a 'good' first first boyfriend behave? even I'm not heartless enough to go along with my original rush to the bedroom.

I've dated a sheltered (much younger) virgin before, but she ended up in a bad place due to my carelessness. (virgin to massage shop in the space of a year). How can I avoid my past mistakes?

Maybe I think too much.
 

kinjutsu

Pelican
End things now.
Don't hesitate.
If you are this concerned about damaging her, leave her now.

There is no outcome where you can stick around and fuck her and she wont be heartbroken when eventually it ends and either one of you has to move away.

I'm also guessing you're not willing to move back to her home country when she's finished school?
 
Make it clear that you're not going to be around for long, and teach her how to choose a good guy (I'm not saying you're not a good guy, I just mean teach her so she doesn't make a mistake).
 
Hephaestus said:
cute 28 year old absolute virgin.

making out in the botanic garden

graduate in a year

I dated virgin before... virgin to massage shop in the space of a year

I'm assuming it's a Chinese girl and you think shes a virgin because she said so, acts like it, and she's cute.

If I am incorrect, please say so and I won't continue with what I was going to write. (because I, and a lot of guys here often jump to conclusions and AWALT everything)
 

Hephaestus

Sparrow
kinjutsu said:
There is no outcome where you can stick around and fuck her and she wont be heartbroken when eventually it ends and either one of you has to move away.

I'm also guessing you're not willing to move back to her home country when she's finished school?

I haven't given it any thought. I know almost nothing about Thailand, but perhaps the possibility of location-flexible work will keep me motivated to learn to program.

I don't have the strongest of sex drives, so I guess I can tolerate waiting until I'm more sure.

Vladimir Poontang said:
Make it clear that you're not going to be around for long, and teach her how to choose a good guy (I'm not saying you're not a good guy, I just mean teach her so she doesn't make a mistake).
Okay, I'll try steer her in the right direction if I see a deadline approaching.

JackinMelbourne said:
I'm assuming it's a Chinese girl and you think shes a virgin because she said so, acts like it, and she's cute.

If I am incorrect, please say so and I won't continue with what I was going to write. (because I, and a lot of guys here often jump to conclusions and AWALT everything)
The ex-girlfriend was Hakka Chinese, and possibly lying.

The current girl in question is Thai. I believe her because I've seen the pictures, she was a legit 3 before, make that a '2' in South Korea where she studied. She still seems to have a lot of self-doubt despite slimming down, perhaps a bit clingy
too but I don't know many Thai people to compare her with.
 
Hephaestus said:
Have you tried Thai food?

Haha, good one. But you see, right?

There is no way for you to know if she's been a "good" girl and is an older virgin because she is actually "good" but haven't found a decent guy or because she actually spent her best years being a very unattractive fatty?
And for what we know she could have just been like a locked up wild animal at zoo by her parents, you don't know if she's a cock-hungry predator in another environment with freedom and male attention.

I've seen it before where really fat girls make a big transformation and they raise their SMV with many several points. Often these are the ones that can turn into fitness instahoes and will jump on the cock-carousel to make up for those lost years of male attention, validation, excitement etc.
 

Hephaestus

Sparrow
No More Mr. Soy Boy said:
Hephaestus said:
Have you tried Thai food?
And for what we know she could have just been like a locked up wild animal at zoo by her parents, you don't know if she's a cock-hungry predator in another environment with freedom and male attention.

You know, as soon as I read your post, she messaged me before our swimming date.
b4LR3OK.jpg

My heart sunk for a second. She mixes Australian and American English.

The date went well, I'll spare the details, but it's so refreshing to be with a girl who doesn't check social media all the time.(She used to be bullied a lot, so grew away from it)

All in all, I'm happy with the way things are going, and will continue. We slept together but didn't "sleep together", the first time I've done that since I was 18.
 

Hephaestus

Sparrow
Update:
We started sleeping together but she LJBF'd me after Bipolar mood changed. (Worst new flag ever)

She didn't like how unmotivated and passive about life I was.
I'm not interested in saving it, she generally made me happier but her mental illness adds unnecessary instability to my life. I want a girlfriend not a roulette wheel.

Sadly she was right about how much I procrastinate. At this current minute I am feeling like a broken broken person apparently beyond help. Maybe I should try stimulant medication again before doing anything too final. I used to be prescribed dextroamphetamine, but stopped because of what I saw were 'complications'.

It's worth a try at least. Sorry for hijacking my own thread.
 
Young men need to stop worrying about some fantasy of the girl's purity and get on with their business. At this point you are a handbag for her (an accessory) and whether the story is true or not that she is a virgin is irrelevant. The story is a device that has controlled a long line of guys and caused them to react and treat her in a certain way. She will replace you with another one until the story has no more traction, ie when she has wrinkles or children.

You are being played is the point. I know it is hard to see but the game revolves around "believing" or "not believing" she is a virgin. Against all odds, you believe. You get special oooohs and aaawwwws from her in reward for your faith. As soon as you say it doesn't fucking matter at all at her age then you can start to actually remove the fog from your eyes and see her behaviour for what it is and see your childish clowning for what it is. This one you found gets an extra kick out of being the virgin who gives you a little flash of what could be (the texts and other stuff you haven't told us and don't need to.) You hold her on the highest of pedestals but she is just trash, and manipulative trash at that.

Whenever I meet an older girl that indicates that she is a virgin, I immediately say explicitly and verbally do you want to fuck now and get it done with. This lets them know that they cannot use the story real or imagined to play me in any way. I will end her virginal status with a push only a real man can provide her. If she chooses the status quo, it means she wants to keep the gig going and is gaining more from the play on the type of men who behave like the little puppy in the bag she carries.

This does not apply to a younger girl who is genuinely looking for a husband and life partner and is saving herself, but that chick will never go around "dating" and advertising that she is a virgin. The "idea" if her virginity isn't a device for manipulation, is is a physical fact and indicates her choices which are the private matter for her and her future husband.

Your little Thai whore has had pencil dicks in every hole and is enjoying your foolishness.

Edit: I just read your last post after I wrote this - it changes nothing. How you feel should confirm that.
 

realologist

Ostrich
Gold Member
If she's 28, a virgin and mildly attractive she probably already is damaged.

Edit: Read the entire thread. Was correct. Mental illness. See above statement. I think about 21-22 is the top of the still sane and still a virgin range.
 

BBinger

Kingfisher
Hephaestus said:
Update:
We started sleeping together but she LJBF'd me after Bipolar mood changed. (Worst new flag ever)

She didn't like how unmotivated and passive about life I was.
I'm not interested in saving it, she generally made me happier but her mental illness adds unnecessary instability to my life. I want a girlfriend not a roulette wheel.

Sadly she was right about how much I procrastinate. At this current minute I am feeling like a broken broken person apparently beyond help. Maybe I should try stimulant medication again before doing anything too final. I used to be prescribed dextroamphetamine, but stopped because of what I saw were 'complications'.

It's worth a try at least. Sorry for hijacking my own thread.

Crazy girls will make you feel like whale shit at the bottom of the ocean if you aren't prepared. They know what to say so that it cuts deep when they say it. They won't attack your biggest defects, they attack the ones you care about most. That's how they hurt. Do what you can to get your mind off of her and on to your next problem.

Stimulants are an awful solution to poor motivation. You might get more energy, but without any direction the best case is a very clean room. The worst case is your anxiety and present discomfort which is likely to naturally pass instead because of the stimulant gets dialed up to 11.

Rejoice, you found out she's crazy now, however painful the discovery was it would have been more painful if you'd have wife'd her up. This sort of incident is one of those red pills everyone talks about.

Do some exercise with a purpose! Chase some endorphines! Once you settle think about some small goals you can work on. Have you thought about motorcycling? It's a hobby and a practical mode of transportation. Even if you beat up your first bike quite a bit, it can hold its value when the time comes to sell it to the next person looking for a starter bike they don't feel too bad about if they beat it a bit. Look for concrete things like this that offer fun and utility.
 

Hephaestus

Sparrow
Off The Reservation said:
The story is a device that has controlled a long line of guys and caused them to react and treat her in a certain way. She will replace you with another one until the story has no more traction, ie when she has wrinkles or children.

You are being played is the point. I know it is hard to see but the game revolves around "believing" or "not believing" she is a virgin. Against all odds, you believe. You get special oooohs and aaawwwws from her in reward for your faith. As soon as you say it doesn't fucking matter at all at her age then you can start to actually remove the fog from your eyes and see her behaviour for what it is and see your childish clowning for what it is. This one you found gets an extra kick out of being the virgin who gives you a little flash of what could be (the texts and other stuff you haven't told us and don't need to.) You hold her on the highest of pedestals but she is just trash, and manipulative trash at that.
I wouldn't go as far to say trash, but I'm 90% sure she was lying.

Goes through bouts of impulsivity, parents are divorced + sister is gay, shaved etc.

Whenever I meet an older girl that indicates that she is a virgin, I immediately say explicitly and verbally do you want to fuck now and get it done with. This lets them know that they cannot use the story real or imagined to play me in any way. I will end her virginal status with a push only a real man can provide her. If she chooses the status quo, it means she wants to keep the gig going and is gaining more from the play on the type of men who behave like the little puppy in the bag she carries.
Good strategy, it is just a control tactic
This does not apply to a younger girl who is genuinely looking for a husband and life partner and is saving herself, but that chick will never go around "dating" and advertising that she is a virgin. The "idea" if her virginity isn't a device for manipulation, is is a physical fact and indicates her choices which are the private matter for her and her future husband.
Good distinction

BBinger said:
Crazy girls will make you feel like whale shit at the bottom of the ocean if you aren't prepared. They know what to say so that it cuts deep when they say it. They won't attack your biggest defects, they attack the ones you care about most. That's how they hurt. Do what you can to get your mind off of her and on to your next problem.
Yes, what I need are things with that have a clear link between action and outcome to improve my work ethic. A girlfriend isn't this. A bipolar girlfriend who swings from messaging me she wants to come at 11pm to dumping me the next afternoon certainly isn't that.

Stimulants are an awful solution to poor motivation. You might get more energy, but without any direction the best case is a very clean room. The worst case is your anxiety and present discomfort which is likely to naturally pass instead because of the stimulant gets dialed up to 11.
So if I understand you what you are saying, ADHD drugs are just like extra strong caffeine pills. That makes sense, when I last benefited from them, I was in a very supportive environment with a clear course of action.

Outside of that, I can't expect miracles.


Rejoice, you found out she's crazy now, however painful the discovery was it would have been more painful if you'd have wife'd her up. This sort of incident is one of those red pills everyone talks about.
100%, you know she was pressuring me to rent somewhere together. Now I know how those who missed a flight on 9/11 felt.

Do some exercise with a purpose! Chase some endorphines! Once you settle think about some small goals you can work on. Have you thought about motorcycling? It's a hobby and a practical mode of transportation. Even if you beat up your first bike quite a bit, it can hold its value when the time comes to sell it to the next person looking for a starter bike they don't feel too bad about if they beat it a bit. Look for concrete things like this that offer fun and utility.
Good suggestion
 

Louis IX

Pelican
Hephaestus said:
I accidentally started a relationship with a cute 28 year old absolute virgin.

I was doing the usual playful teasing and kino escalation with a cute international student. Normal, We got on great. It felt so natural to kiss her.

As we were making out in the botanic garden, she mentioned she's never been kissed(!). Ooops, it turns out she was from a very strict family and she used to be twice her body weight(the pics check out).

I really enjoy her company, and she seems to be a good match. I'm just mindful she'll graduate in a year, and continuing will be unfeasible. How would a 'good' first first boyfriend behave? even I'm not heartless enough to go along with my original rush to the bedroom.

I've dated a sheltered (much younger) virgin before, but she ended up in a bad place due to my carelessness. (virgin to massage shop in the space of a year). How can I avoid my past mistakes?

Maybe I think too much.

1) play it safe , if you have feelings ,b ehave good and marry her
2) tell her from the beginning that you re not the right guy for her
 

BBinger

Kingfisher
Hephaestus said:
BBinger said:
Stimulants are an awful solution to poor motivation. You might get more energy, but without any direction the best case is a very clean room. The worst case is your anxiety and present discomfort which is likely to naturally pass instead because of the stimulant gets dialed up to 11.
So if I understand you what you are saying, ADHD drugs are just like extra strong caffeine pills. That makes sense, when I last benefited from them, I was in a very supportive environment with a clear course of action.

Outside of that, I can't expect miracles.


Rejoice, you found out she's crazy now, however painful the discovery was it would have been more painful if you'd have wife'd her up. This sort of incident is one of those red pills everyone talks about.
100%, you know she was pressuring me to rent somewhere together. Now I know how those who missed a flight on 9/11 felt.

Do some exercise with a purpose! Chase some endorphines! Once you settle think about some small goals you can work on. Have you thought about motorcycling? It's a hobby and a practical mode of transportation. Even if you beat up your first bike quite a bit, it can hold its value when the time comes to sell it to the next person looking for a starter bike they don't feel too bad about if they beat it a bit. Look for concrete things like this that offer fun and utility.
Good suggestion

Pills are pills. They affect your brain chemistry, but without some other lifestyle and behavior work the end result is that your brain adapts to treating the drugged state as normal. The ADHD stims are more stimulating than caffeine. If you have the right brain chemistry they could help, but pills alone won't do it. For every Paul Erdos doing amphetamine fueled mathematics, there's several million people who don't get anything more from the stims but a new itch they have to scratch.

Weird how quick girls are to propose you take over their major expenses and how quick to leave they can be when you won't. Playing innocent and trying to get everything to work out so they don't have to is the core of girl game.

I'm serious about the motorcycle suggestion. It takes work, but in return you get skills and a motorcycle. Yes there is risk, but there's risk if you let yourself stagnate into depression. Ownership of things is good for the male psyche, gives you a little bit of material domination over the world. A car could work, but driving a car is very passive. A motorcycle (or even a sportier jap commuter scooter) forces activity and alertness. It's also the sort of step that can lead to treating your life more like an adventure than a burden.
 

BBinger

Kingfisher
BroodingSea said:
Get it smashed, its life. She will have other heartbreaking episodes.

Sometimes getting smashed works for some people. It's not a cure all. It you got the sort of strong social circle that keeps each other out of jail this tends to cut down on the risk. Otherwise taken to as a regular crutch for setbacks getting smashed tends to lead to jail, the gutter, the grave, or AA meetings.

Polniy_Sostav said:
1) play it safe , if you have feelings ,b ehave good and marry her
2) tell her from the beginning that you re not the right guy for her

To your number 1, good girls still need to be gamed. Heartiste has some good material on relationship game. You've got to be charming, playful, and keep her from turning into a fat couch tumor. As far as marriage, there's still gotta be something of a test drive no matter how good her first, second, and third impressions are. Once she's been screened for crazy let her start spending a couple consecutive days a week at your place. How does she care for your space? Do you get clean floors and two to three home cooked meals a day when she's over? Does she enthusiastically take a dicking whenever you are inclined to give one? Maybe, maybe start thinking about comitting to bring her into your household as a wife/concubine/etc.

Your number 2 is an option at anytime. A lot of deal breakers won't make themselves known as dealbreakers in the beginning. If she breaks crazy, lowers your quality of living, or seriously threatens your livelihood and liberty... you need to be able to cut ties.

The principle attribute of a mature woman is their ability to endure. If you catch one when they are pleasant, agreeable, and trainable this can make her an extraordinary asset to you. If you catch one when they've realized they can endure the consequences of any stupid thing they come up with, you get a dangerous ratchet bitch, a dangerous timebomb waiting to explode and destroy you. This is why even if the young women appears to be a prize, you need to screen for your own self preservation.

Heartbreak happens to both sexes and there is no reason to go out of your way to prevent it happening to a girl who is "special" simply because she's uncommon. Some times the particular "good girl" just isn't a fit. Or she's stupid in an uncorrectable way. Or she's crazy/toxic.

The worst thing you can do to a "good girl" is not pump and dump her. The worst thing you can do to her is treat her like a delicate glass flower coddling and protecting her, especially protecting her from yourself. Exposure to things is how women mature in a healthy manner.
 
Top