Marriage/serious relationship 2021

Viktor Zeegelaar

Ostrich
Orthodox Inquirer
Are there men here who are pursuing marriage/serious relationship at the moment? What do you find? How does it differ from let's say 5 or 10 years ago, if you can compare? As society degrades and the gap between men and women is widened by the year, I'm curious how your efforts are going.

 

The Beast1

Peacock
Gold Member
Been married since 2016.
Getting married as you get older is like trying to buy a house. If you don't marry someone who shares your values at starting a family early, you will get priced out of the market by societal forces that embitter you.

Do the opposite of what the boomers say and get married as quickly and as young as possible. The world, bars, nightlife, and other silly things boomers say to do before you get married will always be there.

As I said earlier, what won't be there, is you and your future significant other's ability to approach each other in a non-jaded way.
 

DeusLuxMeaEst

Pelican
Orthodox Inquirer
Gold Member
I agree you should get married while young.

I'm trying again to find someone, but it's becoming increasingly difficult. It's really a struggle. I may have to accept it's not God's will to get married, but at the same time I am feeling minute progress, like he has something planned marriage wise for me. I also put out several prayer requests with this is mind. Time will tell!
 
Been married since 2016.
Getting married as you get older is like trying to buy a house. If you don't marry someone who shares your values at starting a family early, you will get priced out of the market by societal forces that embitter you.

Do the opposite of what the boomers say and get married as quickly and as young as possible. The world, bars, nightlife, and other silly things boomers say to do before you get married will always be there.

As I said earlier, what won't be there, is you and your future significant other's ability to approach each other in a non-jaded way.

Amen! I love my current partner, but she just turned forty and despite our best attempts, we still don't have any children together. And quite obviously, several decades ago I should have been having my children. But I made the excuses that I had seen the several ugly divorces of my mother that tore at me, and that I did not want to get divorce raped, as I saw done to so many men around me.

Getting married at a relatively young age is smart, but marriage experts say right around 25 is best, so that you better know yourself and your needs & wants. But I realize there are many happy marriages (at least in the Mormon and also Evangelical community) where they married while barely in their twenties. The good thing about this is that it greatly reduces the amount of time a young person has to get morally corrupted by the ways of the world as a carefree single. Even by age 25, many women will have a definitely excessive sex partner body count, and they will be a ticking time bomb of multiple infidelities for their future husband!

The comment about not being jaded is so true. In my own relationship, with a middle-aged Filipina, she has so much emotional baggage/scarring from her ex. And this makes things so much harder for me/us. I wish her big psychological "imprint" had been with me, and not him, a cheating lying deadbeat (based on what everyone in the extended family tells me). She has huge trust issues to say the least. But at least she does seem to still have the capacity to strongly love, which has kept us together.

And so marry in your early to mid twenties, with a woman who is a virgin or has a very low body count, and who feels real sexual chemistry with you. Remember, you don't have to act upon it, but you both better feel it.
 

MichaelWitcoff

Hummingbird
Orthodox
I got married a week and a half ago. I’m 34 and she’s 33. I couldn’t have been looking for a relationship any less when we met; I hadn’t so much as asked a girl at church for her number in at least two years. I think a lot of Orthodox guys come off as more desperate than they realize and it repels the women they want to start families with.
 

Hermetic Seal

Pelican
Orthodox
Gold Member
I got married a week and a half ago. I’m 34 and she’s 33. I couldn’t have been looking for a relationship any less when we met; I hadn’t so much as asked a girl at church for her number in at least two years. I think a lot of Orthodox guys come off as more desperate than they realize and it repels the women they want to start families with.

Congrats Michael, I thought I remembered a year ago or so you making a comment on a stream that you intended to stay single and celibate so I was surprised when you mentioned you were engaged. That's great news.

What I have observed at my parish is that there is simply a dramatic lack of single women of marriageable age. There are tons of single guys in their twenties, but virtually no girls in this age range. They're no older than early high school, or older and married. I don't even know of any older single women at my parish, either. There are simply no prospective marriage partners for these young guys converting to Orthodoxy. I have no idea what they're supposed to do, other than hope single women start converting too.

Of course I'm already married so this isn't an issue for me, but I feel for the guys who'd probably like to get married but have literally no options.
 

Penitent

Woodpecker
Orthodox
I feel for the guys who'd probably like to get married but have literally no options.
Young men should consider entering monasticism before they consider marriage. That should be their first option. Having considered it, if they discern that this is not their path, they should start to pray for help finding a wife.

It seems like I'm seeing a groundswell of enthusiastic young men joining the church. I'd love to see some of these young men band together and begin forming brotherhoods which aspire to become monastic communities.
 
Last edited:

Blade Runner

Ostrich
Orthodox
Congrats Michael, I thought I remembered a year ago or so you making a comment on a stream that you intended to stay single and celibate so I was surprised when you mentioned you were engaged. That's great news.

What I have observed at my parish is that there is simply a dramatic lack of single women of marriageable age. There are tons of single guys in their twenties, but virtually no girls in this age range. They're no older than early high school, or older and married. I don't even know of any older single women at my parish, either. There are simply no prospective marriage partners for these young guys converting to Orthodoxy. I have no idea what they're supposed to do, other than hope single women start converting too.

Of course I'm already married so this isn't an issue for me, but I feel for the guys who'd probably like to get married but have literally no options.
In many of the parishes I've even visited, besides a place where I considered my home for a while as well (which was the same), I've noticed the same thing. I can't say in many of these I've noticed a lot of young men, but definitely more young men than women (because of converts?), so I think it fits that now more than even, beyond demographics, secularization has led to just as many girls leaving the church. What's more, they don't live with their parents, so that would be the reason why. Do you agree, Hermetic?

I watched the video above for a bit with DPH (Church of the Eternal Logos) and I think that serves as a good example. I don't know him so I'm just guessing here, but you're telling me that that guy has that much trouble getting a reasonable girl? He's above average looking, he seems relatively successful, he's orthodox (perhaps this is the "problem"), etc. A commenter on his page said that feminism was Lucifer telling women (referring to men) "You don't need him, he's an idiot!" and (referring to God) "You don't need Him, you're a goddess!" I'm sad to say, that seems to be totally the case these days, regardless of whose fault it really is.
 

Blade Runner

Ostrich
Orthodox
Young men should consider entering monasticism before they consider marriage. That should be their first option. Having considered it, if they discern that this is not their path, they should start to pray for help finding a wife.

It seems like I'm seeing a groundswell of enthusiastic young men joining the church. I'd love to see some of these young men band together and begin forming brotherhoods which aspire to become monastic communities.
Forgive me, an issue with the culture in the USA (at least), is that it lacks a history of this being normal or an extension of the culture, so not only does it attract such people, it is common to see social and professional outcasts largely comprise it.

That said, the talented socially or professionally, if faithful, will soon see their lives (it seems) turn monastic all of a sudden - whether they like it, will it, or not.
 
I agree you should get married while young.

I'm trying again to find someone, but it's becoming increasingly difficult. It's really a struggle. I may have to accept it's not God's will to get married, but at the same time I am feeling minute progress, like he has something planned marriage wise for me. I also put out several prayer requests with this is mind. Time will tell!

And have children young. You'll never have as much money as you want but trust me, you'll have even less energy as you get older.
 

DeusLuxMeaEst

Pelican
Orthodox Inquirer
Gold Member
Forgive me, an issue with the culture in the USA (at least), is that it lacks a history of this being normal or an extension of the culture, so not only does it attract such people, it is common to see social and professional outcasts largely comprise it.

That said, the talented socially or professionally, if faithful, will soon see their lives (it seems) turn monastic all of a sudden - whether they like it, will it, or not.

Agreed. Monasticism would be a tough tough path for any man in the West above the age of say 22 unless he's had a very sheltered life. Some Catholic monastic communities have 40 as the age cut off since after that time a man is 'too of the world.'

I think that's way too old unless the guy grew up in a small village with no tv, internet, and had limited access to women.

What's been seen can not be unseen. I have repented, I live a more pure life than most, but still struggle with worldly sins.

I believe there has to be a return to earlier times with some type of worldwide technology catostrophe for things to reset. As in computers and communication destroyed by a large scale EMP and the blackout lasting a few years. That might do it. Sounds extreme, but I don't see technology reverting back.
 
Last edited:
Congrats Michael, I thought I remembered a year ago or so you making a comment on a stream that you intended to stay single and celibate so I was surprised when you mentioned you were engaged. That's great news.

What I have observed at my parish is that there is simply a dramatic lack of single women of marriageable age. There are tons of single guys in their twenties, but virtually no girls in this age range. They're no older than early high school, or older and married. I don't even know of any older single women at my parish, either. There are simply no prospective marriage partners for these young guys converting to Orthodoxy. I have no idea what they're supposed to do, other than hope single women start converting too.

Of course I'm already married so this isn't an issue for me, but I feel for the guys who'd probably like to get married but have literally no options.
A big reason I deviated into PUA was because of the abysmal lack of women my age in church when I was in my 20s and early 30s, of course that just created new problems. Once I get back to Poland, trying to find a wife in a chaste courtship way, will be my priority. I am not going to limit myself though by only trying to find one in church. Values will certainly have to be aligned, and she should be a baptized Catholic (as the majority of women in Poland are), but I accept that part of the challenge of masculine leadership in this day and age may be to lead her back to Mass and a Christ-centered life.

Living in America adds a whole other layer of complexity to the pursuit since most women have little if anything to do with Christianity beyond perhaps some weak Protestant roots, and apparently the Orthodox pool of marriageable women is shallow. Trying to convert a woman on top of the challenges of a relationship seem like a low-success option. Honestly, for Orthodox men seeking marriage I would suggest trying to find a wife in Russia, Ukraine or another historically Orthodox country and bringing her back. Don't stop praying and exploring options here, but recognize that you have to take action at some point if it's important enough to you. I was 30+ before I realized that finding a culturally and religiously compatible woman for marriage would mean searching ~6,000 miles east of where I happened to be born.
 

Pantheon

Robin
Orthodox
I agree you should get married while young.

I'm trying again to find someone, but it's becoming increasingly difficult. It's really a struggle. I may have to accept it's not God's will to get married, but at the same time I am feeling minute progress, like he has something planned marriage wise for me. I also put out several prayer requests with this is mind. Time will tell!

If I ever get married and have children, I will encourage them to marry as early as possible. Between 16-20 years old is probably the optimal interval. Both for boys and girls. It will also be optimal for their children, who will have their parents (and grandparents) around for a long time. Let's say a woman has a child when she is 20; that means that the kid will be 60 when the mother is 80. Both will grow old together, which is a beautiful thing.

Arranged marriages shouldn't be a foreign concept for Orthodox people in the west either. There's a lot of propaganda against it which is unjustified.
 

Lightning

Chicken
I am on an active pursuit, although I'm quite young (21) and in university. Unfortunately the dating pool has shrinked tremendously for me, as I only consider pure-bloods as potential wives. I've got an interesting situation though: Near all pure-blood females in my country are devoutly religious thankfully, but that religion is Islam.
I wonder your opinions about the subject, as Roosh repeatedly urged us to find Christian women to date, instead of trying to convert them afterwards. I agree with that, but I don't think I can find even a few. Can women be converted after marriage?
 
Last edited:

newcomer

Sparrow
Orthodox Inquirer
I am on an active pursuit, although I'm quite young (21) and in university. Unfortunately the dating pool has shrinked tremendously for me, as I only consider pure-bloods as potential wives. I've got an interesting situation though: Near all pure-blood females in my country are devoutly religious thankfully, but that religion is Islam.
I wonder your opinions about the subject, as Roosh repeatedly urged us to find Christian women to date, instead of trying to convert them afterwards. I agree with that, but I don't think I can find even a few. Can women be converted after marriage?
After Mohamedan or Orthodox marriage? Why would you risk something like that ever?
 

Cr33pin

Peacock
Gold Member

Marriage/serious relationship 2021​

morgan-freeman-good-luck.gif
 

Lightning

Chicken
After Mohamedan or Orthodox marriage? Why would you risk something like that ever?
After a secular marriage. Do you think the risk is too big to take? Would it be wiser to stay single? Should I commit to courting with a young non-GMO Christian woman, even if I am not attracted? Realistically that number would be 1 or 2 if not zero, out of 4.5 million inhabitants of my city.
 

newcomer

Sparrow
Orthodox Inquirer
After a secular marriage. Do you think the risk is too big to take? Would it be wiser to stay single? Should I commit to courting with a young non-GMO Christian woman, even if I am not attracted? Realistically that number would be 1 or 2 if not zero, out of 4.5 million inhabitants of my city.
It would be definitely wiser to stay single until you find a good Christian woman.
I know its hard, I live in an overwhelmingly atheist country, in which Orthodox make up about 0,2 %, so it is very hard to find a good girl to be with. I am one year older than you and study uni as well.

Although I would want to lead a family life, I feel like I am just not fully ready yet.
I feel more like a little boy than a man and recently I am noticing lots of things I need to improve or remove from my life if I want to be a good husband and a head of the family.

Focus on your studies, overcoming your passions, growing a thick skin, making connections with your parishioners, reading spiritual books. Most importantly, focus on Christ - attend Liturgies, have a prayer rule (I use St. Seraphim's simple prayer rule he recommends for busy people), say the Jesus Prayer. At least thats what I try to do just now. Seek the kingdom of Heaven first, and everything will be added to you. This is something I need to repeat to myself often, as I tend to slip into hopelessness regarding these things.

If you are a believer I would advise against secular marriage.
Dont despair, stay strong, you'll get there.
 
Top