Marrying a woman who makes more money than you...

lunchmoney

lunchmoney

Woodpecker
Happy New Year Gents,

Over the weekend, I received a wedding invitation for late Summer 2021 from a college friend whom I had not spoken to in a year or so. I gave him a call to congratulate him on his engagement, and we start catching up on things. It appears his wife to be is very successful in her career (think VP level in a large bank), and he admitted she makes about $40K/annually more than him.

I said how does that make him feel, and he feels that he knows her income will go away once she gets pregnant (they have begun to talk about kids post marriage).
When I asked if she has plans to return to work after the child is born, I feel he gave me a blank stare.

Men - would you marry someone who made more money than you?
Would you require your woman (who made more than you) to go back into the workforce after child birth?
 
MKE-Ed

MKE-Ed

Robin
This is something that I would be careful with. I’ve seen three couples that I knew in the past 15 years where the wife leapfrogged her husbands income big time. One was a RN that later went on to become more specialized in her field. Another went back to school and got her MBA and ended getting a job with a federal government agency making $160k a year. The third was the same. All three of these women ended earning more money than their husbands. This became a problem in their marriages and all three of them filed for divorce.

A lot of women tend to lose respect for their husbands once they out earn their husbands. They feel they can do better and they start to look around for other men that they feel are at their new level or above. It’s unfortunate that this happens, but I would be careful about marrying someone that has a higher income. Something to think about.
 
scenicway

scenicway

Sparrow
Situation dependent.

If you have the luxury of dating women in their early 20's, then yeah, go with the stay at home wife.
 
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S

Sargon2112

Robin
My sister's EX made less than she did. Divorced him after 19 years. While I can't say it was the primary reason, I always noticed her profound lack of respect for him after a few years of marriage. Particularly, her running off at the mouth about him when he wasn't around. While he and I likely wouldn't have been friends if he hadn't married into the family, he was a good father to their kids, and had my respect. My sister is 9 years older than me, and he is around 17 years older than me, so I was able to observe quite a bit.

For what it's worth...
 
Eusebius Erasmus

Eusebius Erasmus

Kingfisher
There is only one case in which you'd marry a girl who makes more than you:

If you reasonably expect to make more than her in the near future.

For example, if you're in school to be a doctor or lawyer, and she is working.

Otherwise, no way. A woman should not make more than her husband, if the marriage is to be a successful one.
 
Eusebius Erasmus

Eusebius Erasmus

Kingfisher
It's good to get pastoral advice from the Church Fathers, and so I refer you to St. John Chrysostom, Archbishop of Constantinople:

"The man who takes a rich wife takes a boss rather than a wife... The man, however, who takes a wife of equal position or poorer than himself takes a helper and ally, and brings every blessing into his house... How many wealthy men who have taken rich wives and increased their substance have yet destroyed their happiness and harmony, as they contend in daily battles at table? How many poor men who have taken poorer wives now enjoy peace and look upon each day's sun with joy?"
 
N

Nordwand

Kingfisher
Some time back, I remember reading an article by a guy whose wife earned 3-4 times what he did. As such, they had a VGSOL. The chap related how he gained a somewhat perverse pleasure from going out to make major purchases, e.g. a brand new high end car as, invariably, the salesman would come straight over to him, and completely ignore his wife.
 
Gazeebo

Gazeebo

Pigeon
I read my own personal experiences and they tell me that money is not the issue its the individuals moral compass. My ex-wife made less than I did and still probably does but according to her she thought she ran the house. Well after a lengthy divorce court she lives with her parents again and I do not. I now live with my girlfriend who makes the same as I do and the last thing we worry about is monetary things.

If the individual you are pursuing is worried more about secular things then tread lightly.
 
F

Farid

Chicken
you'll basically be her btich..
and this is not an insecurity, its just pure description of the female mentality,, once she feels the slightest bit of being able to afford complete independence she'll aromatically fantasize about exploring other options and it goes downhill from there...
 
Eusebius Erasmus

Eusebius Erasmus

Kingfisher
Gazeebo said:
I read my own personal experiences and they tell me that money is not the issue its the individuals moral compass. My ex-wife made less than I did and still probably does but according to her she thought she ran the house. Well after a lengthy divorce court she lives with her parents again and I do not. I now live with my girlfriend who makes the same as I do and the last thing we worry about is monetary things.

If the individual you are pursuing is worried more about secular things then tread lightly.
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This is important.

Marrying a woman who earns less than you won't guarantee happiness, but it is a necessary condition for a fruitful and joyful marriage.

A necessary condition, but not a sufficient one.
 
homersheineken

homersheineken

Kingfisher
My girl makes more than me and she spoils me.

She buys me experiences like engineering a train and a steam engine train. Signed CDs from my favorite artists. Trips out of state fully funded with my friend. She'll take me out to dinner because I got a new job (pre-covid). She created a dvd interviewing my family/friends/colleagues on why they like me for a milestone birthday.

She loves to cook and try new recipes.

She doesn't clean, so she hired a maid.

To each their own I guess.
 
Gazeebo

Gazeebo

Pigeon
Eusebius Erasmus said:
This is important.

Marrying a woman who earns less than you won't guarantee happiness, but it is a necessary condition for a fruitful and joyful marriage.

A necessary condition, but not a sufficient
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I understand your conclusion to what I said but its not close to what I was trying to portray. If thinking money is the problem here then you're wrong in my eyes. Its just part of the larger issue.

The overlaying issues is secular things that poison the masses everyday. Almost everything that is so called good for us is weaponized to spread us thin and have our morals lessened daily. This applies to both sexes. The list is long but for me its fake value is money, fake value is college degrees, social media, and to round it out the constant attacks on God.
 
Cervantes

Cervantes

Woodpecker
What is important is keeping headship at home.

Among the many reasons that the enemy wants to pay women more than men is to undermine headship in a family. If you struggle with headship then having a woman who earns more than you makes it harder. But if you can manage to stay the leader in your household despite the income difference then it is ok.

Lions for example stay home and send the lionesses out to hunt, but they are still the leaders.

Just as most men prefer women who earn less than they do - women even more strongly prefer men who earn more than they do. So it is easier to marry a highly paid woman than a low paid one. A waitress will have tons of guys hitting on her - and most employed men will have income that is in her comfort zone - so she will often have an inflated view of her desirability because the pool of men that look desirable to her is quite large.

A woman with a very high income feels like she has fewer good options.

It is much better to come into relationship with a woman who already earns more from the start, than to start with one who earns less and is promoted to earn more, where she feels like you are not keeping up. It's very difficult for women in that situation to not feel resentful.

The ideal is to earn enough to support your family and have a woman at home who is dedicated 100% to the family and wants to have 5+ children. Large families are affordable living in the country with the mother at home.
 
La Águila Negra

La Águila Negra

Pelican
homersheineken said:
My girl makes more than me and she spoils me.

She buys me experiences like engineering a train and a steam engine train. Signed CDs from my favorite artists. Trips out of state fully funded with my friend. She'll take me out to dinner because I got a new job (pre-covid). She created a dvd interviewing my family/friends/colleagues on why they like me for a milestone birthday.

She loves to cook and try new recipes.

She doesn't clean, so she hired a maid.

To each their own I guess.
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Genuinely curious how you see this develop towards kids and your role as the head of the family
 
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