Marrying a woman who makes more money than you...

bmw633

Woodpecker
Happy New Year Gents,

Over the weekend, I received a wedding invitation for late Summer 2021 from a college friend whom I had not spoken to in a year or so. I gave him a call to congratulate him on his engagement, and we start catching up on things. It appears his wife to be is very successful in her career (think VP level in a large bank), and he admitted she makes about $40K/annually more than him.

I said how does that make him feel, and he feels that he knows her income will go away once she gets pregnant (they have begun to talk about kids post marriage).
When I asked if she has plans to return to work after the child is born, I feel he gave me a blank stare.

Men - would you marry someone who made more money than you?
Would you require your woman (who made more than you) to go back into the workforce after child birth?
Years ago, I talked with an older man, a senior bank VP after my divorce and I said something about finding a rich woman. His reply was that he knew a man who did, and the poor guy said that he paid for it every single day!!!
 
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N°6

Ostrich
Years ago, I talked with an older man, a senior bank VP after my divorce and I said something about finding a rich woman. His reply was that he knew a man who did, and the poor guy said that he paid for it every single day!!!
I’ve read that pre-nuptial contracts are more likely to be required by a fiancée than by a richer fiancé. The romantic and love cards tend to be played by poorer fiancées in addition to the ‘step up to the plate and be a real man’ ace card that women with bastards use.

also, richer women’s pre-nups are more respected than men’s by the courts.
 
A lot of great comments on this thread.

I just had a thought. Say your wife earned more but you are a masculine guy (takes charge of situations, fixes things, etc ), do you still think there would be this type of resentment? I remember one self-help guy saying learning to fix things and carrying a strong frame carries good weight with a lot of women (this was a few years ago before the world went completely insane ;-).
 
I understand your conclusion to what I said but its not close to what I was trying to portray. If thinking money is the problem here then you're wrong in my eyes. Its just part of the larger issue.

The overlaying issues is secular things that poison the masses everyday. Almost everything that is so called good for us is weaponized to spread us thin and have our morals lessened daily. This applies to both sexes. The list is long but for me its fake value is money, fake value is college degrees, social media, and to round it out the constant attacks on God.

My comment is not meant to suggest that money is the main problem.

Instead, the conclusion is that all things being equal, it's better to marry a woman who makes less than you.

This is something even St. John Chrysostom taught.
 

N°6

Ostrich
You‘d have to be the type of husband who makes his wife’s friends envious of her. If she is richer, the husband would likely need to fulfil her hypergamy with other masculine traits which might leave the husband feeling like a white knight or a Nubian palm tree leaf wafter if he didn’t play the dread card by implying competition with younger women.

Divorce is declared round the cauldron with the wife’s friends before her husband sees it coming so if the wise crones think their friend could do better, her husband’s life will become a misery.
 

Mike_Key

Woodpecker
I have 2 kids and I am the head of the family. It's just about setting frame for her and the kids. She respects that. We rarely argue and never disagree in front of the kids.
I think I've seen this twice in my life.

One guy was an ex-Navy seal and his wife worked as an ER physician. The other was an ex-Army soldier and his wife was in real estate, so rich she retired early. For the real estate woman, I can't say that she didn't cheat early on (as in an affair) ... but toward the later years it did appear that the wives respected the Husband's frame, observed in both couples.

Over all, I'm a "thumbs down" on women working and especially earning more if they work.
 

Durden347

Sparrow
My girl makes more than me and she spoils me.

She buys me experiences like engineering a train and a steam engine train. Signed CDs from my favorite artists. Trips out of state fully funded with my friend. She'll take me out to dinner because I got a new job (pre-covid). She created a dvd interviewing my family/friends/colleagues on why they like me for a milestone birthday.

She loves to cook and try new recipes.

She doesn't clean, so she hired a maid.

To each their own I guess.
I guess in your case it is fine. There is nothing wrong with a woman working if she is using her money for the family and is taking care of you. The only way it is an issue if she values her career more than her family and is constantly arguing with you. In most cases, it is better if the man earns more and is the breadwinner while the wife stays home (especially if there are kids).
 

Louis IX

Pelican
I already have issues letting my wife spending small money without warning me before or even working , so I guess it would be out of order to if she would earn more than me.
A woman who earns a lot usually has spent a lot of years studying and/or working to climb the ladder , so my main concern would be her treating the kid as a distraction to her work.
Kids (and husband) should be the main vector of happiness for a woman and the main focus should be to educate them.
 

kel

Ostrich
This hypothetical woman's problem is not her making more money than me, it's her therefore not prioritizing child rearing, family, and community. That's the most important thing in the world to me, and I'm willing to make a space for that to happen, but she has to be committed to that, not to making spreadsheets, however well-paying the spreadsheet gig may be.
 

dicknixon72

Pelican
I've noticed this in the evolution of my married friend's life with his wife. When they married, he made more than her (LGM at a major car dealership, she in school for nursing) and the dynamic was more in his favor. When they moved back to the area and he took a (likely temporary) pay cut to pursue a career he enjoyed more and her schooling was complete, the power shifted in her favor. I see it in subtle ways - he is more beholden to her activities, can't easily spend time out unless she is working a full weekend, etc. I am no way indicting her as a bad person (quite the opposite), but you can see who wears the pants now.

She also watches every penny he spends. I have a dealership myself and I buy old lady cars on the side for fun and profit (I like FWD 80s/90s GM cars, so I buy old snowbird Park Avenues, Cutlasses, Rivieras, LeSabres etc. for $500-1000 out of trailer parks, recondition them, and sell them on my lot to the modern classic community for $2500-5000 depending on the car - I've done it for 8 years and people around here actually know me for these cars). Last time I offered to go in on a car with him, I had to enjoin myself in this big story about he was lending me $500 because I was broke and if she found out he spent this money trying to make money on some car she didn't like, I would have to guarantee his initial investment, blah blah. If I want a floorplan, I'll get a floorplan and if you can't spend $500 without a third degree, please don't involve me in your marital drama.
 

West_001

Pigeon
Never.
If she has her own business or
If she is collage or university educated, even worse.
Ive always held this as a core value.
All my friends and family disagree.
This makes me misogynistic and insecure.
 
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STG

Woodpecker
A woman who has a high paying career is not a woman. She is a pseudo male, taking a man's place in society.

A woman who does not want to stay home to run the domicile and raise children is not a woman.

Same as a man who stays in the house and does not work. He is a pseudo woman.

The career woman will eventually divorce you or cheat on you. She has become corrupted by college.
 

Gazeebo

Pigeon
My comment is not meant to suggest that money is the main problem.

Instead, the conclusion is that all things being equal, it's better to marry a woman who makes less than you.

This is something even St. John Chrysostom taught.
Thank you for the suggestion, ill look into St. John Chrysostom one day. However, I am not here speaking about him or his teaching I'm speaking from my real life experiences. The true issue here is the weakness of the man to find his manhood and lead a successful family. If we are to sit here and think that we are gonna find women that are on "all things being equal" well I got bad news for everyone here.

What needs to be found are women who want to work with their man to achieve something beyond their understanding of life and existence. A true unit cohesion of family and faith that is not bound to this secular world and its evil.

If that is found then we need not worry about anything that we cannot control. Alas the irony of it all is that we cannot even control that simple task anymore!
 

bmw633

Woodpecker
Years ago, I talked with an older man, a senior bank VP after my divorce and I said something about finding a rich woman. His reply was that he knew a man who did, and the poor guy said that he paid for it every single day!!!

A woman who has a high paying career is not a woman. She is a pseudo male, taking a man's place in society.

A woman who does not want to stay home to run the domicile and raise children is not a woman.

Same as a man who stays in the house and does not work. He is a pseudo woman.

The career woman will eventually divorce you or cheat on you. She has become corrupted by college.
I think there are shades of gray between some of your Black and White statements. I agree that guys who stay at home and do not work are not much of a man, but there are women who able to remain feminine and have a career and be good, faithful wives.

YMMV.
 

NoMoreTO

Ostrich
Men - would you marry someone who made more money than you?

I actually would. I think the finance would be a bit of a dance, and you'd have to read the signs about how she views money and if it effects her. For instance, a woman could be a doctor and very focused on medicine, but not obsessed with money. Another woman could take it as her superior identity and wealth (disclaimer: Lady Doctors are usually the latter). All in all I make enough that I think it would be fine. It isn't really preferable.

As funny as it is, I'd rather marry a woman who makes 20K less than me, than 20K more than me. Funny to say that.

Would you require your woman (who made more than you) to go back into the workforce after child birth?

No. I would require the opposite. I had this argument with a woman I was dating who was an engineer. The mother should be off until at least the kids are old enough for Kindergarten - 4 years old. Somethings are more important than money.
 

Gimlet

Kingfisher
My girl makes more than me and she spoils me.

She buys me experiences like engineering a train and a steam engine train. Signed CDs from my favorite artists. Trips out of state fully funded with my friend. She'll take me out to dinner because I got a new job (pre-covid). She created a dvd interviewing my family/friends/colleagues on why they like me for a milestone birthday.

She loves to cook and try new recipes.

She doesn't clean, so she hired a maid.

To each their own I guess.

In other words, she isn't your wife. This thread is about marriage.

To answer the original question, absolutely do not marry a woman who makes more money than you. She will eventually resent you. If her money is used to control you, she will resent you. If her money is incapable of controlling you, she still will resent you.
 
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Depends on her interest in being at home. If you're the beta (she's temporarily compromising her ideals because you fit the bill on social media) for her then don't do it. If she's got great character and wants to raise children at home until at least five years old, (never ever use public schools) then you could be in a decent place but the salary delta should not be much. A few questions. Why does she want to marry you? What value are you providing her besides your personality or social persona? If it's a hyper competitive environment then you have to play by the rules of the globo. Maybe checkout her interest in moving to a small town.
 
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JiggyLordJr

Kingfisher
The plus side of marrying a rich/high-earning woman is that you'd get spared financially in a divorce scenario. If you're lucky, and the salary gap is wide enough, you'll be the one receiving alimony payments. Now wouldn't that be sweet...
 
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