Met a virtuous Christian woman...but!

Edelweiss

Sparrow
Hey,

I was here since the PUA days and I followed Roosh's conversion which opened my eyes as well. I have always been a Christian but never took it seriously.
However, I am now back on the right track, started reading the Bible again and am willing to attend mass more regularly.

More importantly, I stopped the "game" lifestyle.

Unfortunately, the "game" lifestyle I had, has caused me to have a daughter outside of marriage - a daughter that I love from all my heart.
I even had a "red-pill" blog with dating advice, among other things, in a european language.
For my daughter I want to be good Christian and father role model.

After working on my faith, I decided I was now ready to meet a Christian woman. No more secular dating.
I went on a Christian dating website (I know some discredit that already), however, it is almost impossible to meet Christian women in real life, except maybe in Church.
Alas with all of them requiring masks and the average age being over 50, it is still unlikely.

The site is serious, no recurring billing, managed by Christians

So I message this girl a few times and she seemed very polite and nice.
We go on a date. She never gave me her phone number. She called me with a private number filter. We met somewhere neutral.
She showed up, wearing a conservative feminine clothing.

I decided from the get go not to use "game" techniques deliberately but to be very open with her. Of course, making jokes, keeping it light and fun are things one should do anyway and not think of gaming. But I did not want to give a false image of myself just to seduce her.

So I told her openly about my past PUA lifestyle, my daughter, my blog, my travels, my love for heavy metal music...
I also explained that I changed, that I want to walk with Christ, be a role model for my daughter.

She said that some of the tings are red flags for her but she is willing to get to know me as I am showing genuine willingness to be a better man.
More importantly, we share the same values regarding society, religion, politics, and this "virus" situation and the "vax".

Over the course of the next 7 weeks, I had the best time of my life with a woman. We never had sex., by the way. In case you might think I was referring to this.
I experienced what being a with virtuous woman feels like. I was blown away.

Together, we went to mass - my first time in years. She convinced me to go to confession so we can start "fresh" together - my first time in 20 years!
I went through my heavy metal collection and threw away a couple of albums I judged "not too christian" (most aren't, but the ones I threw awaw were on the antichristian side).

I was like a born-again man. I wanted to have children with her, marry her...

On her part, she was being very cautious with me, due to my past. She wanted to trust me slowly.
Her parents are very strict christians and she was worried they may not accept me because I have daughter our of wedlock.
She herself was not too comfortable with the idea, that my ex-partner is always involved with my life as the mother of my child...

I convinced to meet my daughter, as a friend, to see how she would feel.

She agreed. The day was good, the two had a good time, laughing all the way. I was observing her behaviour and I was convinced.

At the end of the day, when my daughter went back to her mom. She told me that she will now consider introducing me to her parents. But first to her brother, who is more likely to accept me, and then have him as an ally when we talk to the parents.
I was honoured.

Two days later, she contacts me crying, saying that the meeting with my daughter had a different effect on her than what she had hoped for.
I call her immediately and set a date to talk about it.
We meet and she explains that she is not comfortable with the idea, that she she has been thinking about it for a long time, trying to cope with it but that she can't.
She said that she is sorry she did not tell me before which would have spared both of us pain.
I told her that we had a such a wonderful connection, that we were so happy, and if there is love and faith, all problems can be overcome.

She said yes but she is not feeling that she can live with that and is afraid to commit only to give up after a year down the line.
Obviously I was very disappointed.
I tried to reason with her. She then gave me another reason which saddened me deeply.
She mentioned my blog, and a particular article I wrote on how to get women, "game" them and that seduction is a "game".
She sad she read it and felt sad, that I, the man she is getting in love with, can write such stuff.

I was very angry, because I felt this was not fair. I did not show my anger in my presence of course.
I told her that I SHOWED her this blog myself, that I had this lifestyle but not anymore. That I never hid this fact from her, that she should judge me on the way I treated her, not things I wrote 8 years ago.

After this talk I even deleted the articles, telling her that I do not share these views anymore and that I do not want my daughter to read them later on.
She said this was good to do so, but that she just can't continue.
She was afraid that I would go back to my old ways, that I would be bored with her eventually (or miss being with hotter girls), that I would miss flirting and game women.
She had only been with one man sexually before while I have been with numerous women.

She argued that this fact, plus my daughter situation was too much for her.

I was and still am, completely heartbroken, angry and confused.
Heartbroken because I really loved this woman. For what she is.
Angry because I did ALL right. I was honest from day, one, repented, did my best to earn her trust, gave her time, and shown willingness to commit. It was so unfair to be treated like this on her part.
And confused, on how can a person give you love back, give you trust, talk about finally introducing you to her closed circle, and two days later, just take such a decision. She told me herself how happy she was to be with me, how proud of me she was when I went to confession (she even cried of joy), threw away those albums, how lovely she felt when she saw me with my daughter, how I play with her, love her, take care of her...

I can't believe I lost such a woman.
I have been with dozens of women, many way hotter than her.
But the beauty of her soul, her kindness, her virtuous lifestyle. Those I found nowhere before.

I tried to keep her, God knows I tried. I tried everything except begging her to stay. I still have my pride for this.
I can't believe it ended just like this.

---

What do you guys think? Shall I give her time and space and pray to God she might re-consider? Or is it a lost cause?
She has her birthday in a month.
I was thinking to let go now, and then call her on her birthday and see how she would react.
I am ready to marry this woman. Yes even after only sever weeks. I am experienced in life, between 35 and 40. I am not talking out of blind "in love" emotions.
No, I was her lifestyle, her values, her kindness...and I am convinced.

But how to convince her?

Thank you for taking the time to reading this. I needed to let off steam and share this with you.
 

Godward

Robin
I really feel for you, man. It is something that could happen to me, as I am also currently dating a virtuous Christian woman for some months and believe it could go both ways now.

That said, if I were in your shoes, I would not give up quite yet. But I do not think that your focus should be to convince her in going forward with the relationship. In essence, Christian love is wanting the best for the other, and it could therefore mean that you have to let her go for her sake. So, I suggest that the best path forward is making it clear to both her AND --especially!-- you that you will keep following Christ, irrespective of the outcome. And also that you really want her to follow you in your path to/in Christ, and give it one more try.

It is already a gift of God's Grace that you have had the chance of courting a virtuous woman. How many men get this chance? Even some of the most devout men do not often get such a chance (partially because they are often socially awkward, but that is another story). It could very well be that God is giving people like you (and me) glimpses of what is in store for us if we are truly repenting and are willing to sacrifice everything to Him: "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matthew 6:33)

Oh, and I wouldn't call her on her birthday. I recommend calling her the day after (or the day before), as there would be more time for a focused conversation.

I am also eager to hear to what the older and/or married men here recommend doing.
 

Pdalion

Pigeon
Orthodox
Idk, hope Christ leads the way.
I'll preface this by saying, I can't speak to the details of your relationship with her.

There are a couple things I picked up on.

From a secular perspective, would you want to enter a relationship with a woman who has a child if you did everything right in life? Think of the reverse. I understand the sexes are different but is that an unreasonable position for her to have if she is this virtuous woman.

Second, I didn't see any mention of her age. One partner is believable up to a certain age.

Last thing, sometimes these outburst are triggered from some other source i.e. some skeleton in the closet. The older she is the more heavily I would consider this possibility.

She was afraid that I would go back to my old ways, that I would be bored with her eventually (or miss being with hotter girls), that I would miss flirting and game women.
She had only been with one man sexually before while I have been with numerous women.

This little passage raises some flags for me. Is she still yearning for the "first" to take her back?

Roosh has mentioned this often, ask God for help. Say a little prayer, then use your God given mind to decide on what to do.

Sorry if that's a little pessimistic, but at the end of the day trust in God. Seemingly negative things have a way of becoming catalysts for good in his hands.

Viel Glück.
 
Hey,

I was here since the PUA days and I followed Roosh's conversion which opened my eyes as well. I have always been a Christian but never took it seriously.
However, I am now back on the right track, started reading the Bible again and am willing to attend mass more regularly.

More importantly, I stopped the "game" lifestyle.

Unfortunately, the "game" lifestyle I had, has caused me to have a daughter outside of marriage - a daughter that I love from all my heart.
I even had a "red-pill" blog with dating advice, among other things, in a european language.
For my daughter I want to be good Christian and father role model.

After working on my faith, I decided I was now ready to meet a Christian woman. No more secular dating.
I went on a Christian dating website (I know some discredit that already), however, it is almost impossible to meet Christian women in real life, except maybe in Church.
Alas with all of them requiring masks and the average age being over 50, it is still unlikely.

The site is serious, no recurring billing, managed by Christians

So I message this girl a few times and she seemed very polite and nice.
We go on a date. She never gave me her phone number. She called me with a private number filter. We met somewhere neutral.
She showed up, wearing a conservative feminine clothing.

I decided from the get go not to use "game" techniques deliberately but to be very open with her. Of course, making jokes, keeping it light and fun are things one should do anyway and not think of gaming. But I did not want to give a false image of myself just to seduce her.

So I told her openly about my past PUA lifestyle, my daughter, my blog, my travels, my love for heavy metal music...
I also explained that I changed, that I want to walk with Christ, be a role model for my daughter.

She said that some of the tings are red flags for her but she is willing to get to know me as I am showing genuine willingness to be a better man.
More importantly, we share the same values regarding society, religion, politics, and this "virus" situation and the "vax".

Over the course of the next 7 weeks, I had the best time of my life with a woman. We never had sex., by the way. In case you might think I was referring to this.
I experienced what being a with virtuous woman feels like. I was blown away.

Together, we went to mass - my first time in years. She convinced me to go to confession so we can start "fresh" together - my first time in 20 years!
I went through my heavy metal collection and threw away a couple of albums I judged "not too christian" (most aren't, but the ones I threw awaw were on the antichristian side).

I was like a born-again man. I wanted to have children with her, marry her...

On her part, she was being very cautious with me, due to my past. She wanted to trust me slowly.
Her parents are very strict christians and she was worried they may not accept me because I have daughter our of wedlock.
She herself was not too comfortable with the idea, that my ex-partner is always involved with my life as the mother of my child...

I convinced to meet my daughter, as a friend, to see how she would feel.

She agreed. The day was good, the two had a good time, laughing all the way. I was observing her behaviour and I was convinced.

At the end of the day, when my daughter went back to her mom. She told me that she will now consider introducing me to her parents. But first to her brother, who is more likely to accept me, and then have him as an ally when we talk to the parents.
I was honoured.

Two days later, she contacts me crying, saying that the meeting with my daughter had a different effect on her than what she had hoped for.
I call her immediately and set a date to talk about it.
We meet and she explains that she is not comfortable with the idea, that she she has been thinking about it for a long time, trying to cope with it but that she can't.
She said that she is sorry she did not tell me before which would have spared both of us pain.
I told her that we had a such a wonderful connection, that we were so happy, and if there is love and faith, all problems can be overcome.

She said yes but she is not feeling that she can live with that and is afraid to commit only to give up after a year down the line.
Obviously I was very disappointed.
I tried to reason with her. She then gave me another reason which saddened me deeply.
She mentioned my blog, and a particular article I wrote on how to get women, "game" them and that seduction is a "game".
She sad she read it and felt sad, that I, the man she is getting in love with, can write such stuff.

I was very angry, because I felt this was not fair. I did not show my anger in my presence of course.
I told her that I SHOWED her this blog myself, that I had this lifestyle but not anymore. That I never hid this fact from her, that she should judge me on the way I treated her, not things I wrote 8 years ago.

After this talk I even deleted the articles, telling her that I do not share these views anymore and that I do not want my daughter to read them later on.
She said this was good to do so, but that she just can't continue.
She was afraid that I would go back to my old ways, that I would be bored with her eventually (or miss being with hotter girls), that I would miss flirting and game women.
She had only been with one man sexually before while I have been with numerous women.

She argued that this fact, plus my daughter situation was too much for her.

I was and still am, completely heartbroken, angry and confused.
Heartbroken because I really loved this woman. For what she is.
Angry because I did ALL right. I was honest from day, one, repented, did my best to earn her trust, gave her time, and shown willingness to commit. It was so unfair to be treated like this on her part.
And confused, on how can a person give you love back, give you trust, talk about finally introducing you to her closed circle, and two days later, just take such a decision. She told me herself how happy she was to be with me, how proud of me she was when I went to confession (she even cried of joy), threw away those albums, how lovely she felt when she saw me with my daughter, how I play with her, love her, take care of her...

I can't believe I lost such a woman.
I have been with dozens of women, many way hotter than her.
But the beauty of her soul, her kindness, her virtuous lifestyle. Those I found nowhere before.

I tried to keep her, God knows I tried. I tried everything except begging her to stay. I still have my pride for this.
I can't believe it ended just like this.

---

What do you guys think? Shall I give her time and space and pray to God she might re-consider? Or is it a lost cause?
She has her birthday in a month.
I was thinking to let go now, and then call her on her birthday and see how she would react.
I am ready to marry this woman. Yes even after only sever weeks. I am experienced in life, between 35 and 40. I am not talking out of blind "in love" emotions.
No, I was her lifestyle, her values, her kindness...and I am convinced.

But how to convince her?

Thank you for taking the time to reading this. I needed to let off steam and share this with you.
My friend, it's a tough situation. I know how you feel and it can be a very difficult situation in which to manage your feelings. However, here's the reality.

You are probably not going to overcome this situation with this woman. I think she was probably sincere in the beginning and she gave it a shot but when the reality of your life situation appeared and she experienced it for herself, it was probably something that she realized she couldn't deal with. And that's not wrong it's just that it doesn't make it easy.

I think that you will always find a difficulty in a woman being open to this situation who doesn't have children of her own. Asking a woman to receive your child is a lot to ask, and that's the case for anyone.

Does that mean you are doomed forever? No. You'll will find a woman out there who's willing to partner with you and help raise your daughter but it's not going to be easy to find. But don't grow disheartened by this situation. God knows your need and even though you are reaping what you have sown, God is merciful to all who humbles themselves before him because he is kind.
 

Edelweiss

Sparrow
Thanks for all the helpful messages, it does help to read it all.

That said, if I were in your shoes, I would not give up quite yet. But I do not think that your focus should be to convince her in going forward with the relationship. In essence, Christian love is wanting the best for the other, and it could therefore mean that you have to let her go for her sake. So, I suggest that the best path forward is making it clear to both her AND --especially!-- you that you will keep following Christ, irrespective of the outcome. And also that you really want her to follow you in your path to/in Christ, and give it one more try.

Sure, my path with Christ will continue. I know the Lord said to not question Him, but I do wonder why did he allow me to meet such a woman, only to take her away in such a brutal fashion.

Maybe I am indeed reaping what I sow and must still be a better man to deserve such a woman.

Idk, hope Christ leads the way.
I'll preface this by saying, I can't speak to the details of your relationship with her.

There are a couple things I picked up on.

From a secular perspective, would you want to enter a relationship with a woman who has a child if you did everything right in life? Think of the reverse. I understand the sexes are different but is that an unreasonable position for her to have if she is this virtuous woman.

Second, I didn't see any mention of her age. One partner is believable up to a certain age.

Last thing, sometimes these outburst are triggered from some other source i.e. some skeleton in the closet. The older she is the more heavily I would consider this possibility.

This little passage raises some flags for me. Is she still yearning for the "first" to take her back?

Roosh has mentioned this often, ask God for help. Say a little prayer, then use your God given mind to decide on what to do.

Sorry if that's a little pessimistic, but at the end of the day trust in God. Seemingly negative things have a way of becoming catalysts for good in his hands.

Viel Glück.

I would not normally date a single woman so I am judging her. I understand the fear she might have. However, my daughter does not live with me and I told that it is my job to make thigs work and that I can differentiate between both relationships, and that I do not expect her to be a replacement mother.
But your point is valid.

Regarding her age, she is 34 years old.
She had 3 relationships, one as young girl (early 20s, no sex), one mid 20's, only sexual experience, and she says she did not want to become sexual but that the guy insisted and was aggressive, which led to the separation not so long after, and a third one in her early 30's, no sex, but it did just not work out because the guy was very jealous (she lives in a small village where everyone knows everyone and he could not cope with this and became very possessive - so again, bad experience for her)
 

Louis IX

Pelican
As harsh as it might sound , this may be some small punishment from the skies for your past. I often live with this idea that one day i will be punished for my sins in a way or another , although I still have my wife.

Try maybe to say that you need her and the presence of her strong christian family (parents) to never go back to a sinful life again. You might get the opportunity to talk to his father and he could possibly understand that you are very honest. (Or brother first).
 

ScannerLIV

Woodpecker
I do not have much advice other than what has been posted. I will just say one thing-I believe it was a mistake to tell her about your pua past and show her your blog, some of which would have, no doubt, paint you negatively. If you believe you have sincerely changed and are on the right path, then its best to leave the skeletons in the closet.
 

nagareboshi

Woodpecker
I think you did the right thing and you were correct to tell this lady about your past. "Love your neighbor as yourself," I know for a fact that I would care about this if I were dating a woman and she had some horrible secret past she never told me about.

The fact is that you loved that woman for her moral values and those same moral values are upset about the secrets of the past.
 

unit414

Robin
Poster Godward wrote: "I am also eager to hear to what the older and/or married men here recommend doing."

Well, here I am. Older, married, with kids and grandkids. But not your typical "old man." And here is my take. OP, you are doing everything right at present, it sounds like a relatively recent conversion, and your past is going to haunt you if you are candid about it with women now (and you probably should be candid). Especially with this girl who is a longer-time practicing Christian, and is basically chaste for her age and by modern standards. And I assume she is telling you the truth about her past and present.

I understand her reluctance based on your past, and even more so with your daughter in the picture, regardless of who she lives with. So you need to understand things from her point of view. Don't get too hung up on her, and don't push too hard. Maybe she will come around in time, if you two even stay in touch or stay as friends. But don't bank on it. That's my brutal honesty. What's most important here is that you are a new man, a Godly man, and I hope you stay on that path. The alternative is not a lifestyle, but a deathstyle.
 
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Hey,

I was here since the PUA days and I followed Roosh's conversion which opened my eyes as well. I have always been a Christian but never took it seriously.
However, I am now back on the right track, started reading the Bible again and am willing to attend mass more regularly.

[...]

Hello sir, thank you for taking the time to share all that. I found it very captivating and interesting.

Just to offer my opinion: generally speaking, women (secular or religious) are emotionally-driven. You may have done everything right, but you will never be able to crack the code that women internalize to ultimately make a decision, especially when it comes to their lives and relationship-building, etc.

For your actions, yes I would say you should pray -to pray to God for His guidance in the matter, and pray for her.

However, as point of personal dignity I personally would not pine after her any longer (i.e. go to her birthday). I know it's hard and I feel that I've been there myself; I've had deep felt connections with a few women whom I've tried to court seriously in recent years - with whom it hadn't worked out with for their own rationalized reasons - it's indeed frustrating. But the more you try to chase this white whale (Moby Dick reference) the more it will consume you, distract you, and in a worst case scenario not necessarily destroy you, but take your focus on what you really need to do in your life to move forward - and perhaps move on to someone else.

I'm not sure if there is a way to convince her necessarily. If after a point she reaches out to you of her own accord, then you can bet she would have come into her own to reconsider the situation with you. However, any reaching out on your part probably wouldn't provoke that specifically.

Again just my opinion, nothing more.

Best wishes sir!
 
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Jeff

Pigeon
Hi Edelweiss,

Yet man is born to trouble,
As the sparks fly upward.
But as for me, I would seek God,
And to God I would commit my cause-
Who does great things, and unsearchable,
Marvelous things without number. (Job 5:7-9)

Keep The Faith Brother...
And Keep On Keepin’ On...

I have some thoughts on how God works through “forming and filling” that may be of help to you as it pertains to your relationship.
Please let me know if you’re interested in hearing them. Blessings
 

Edelweiss

Sparrow
Thanks again to all the new answers, I appreciate it

I do not have much advice other than what has been posted. I will just say one thing-I believe it was a mistake to tell her about your pua past and show her your blog, some of which would have, no doubt, paint you negatively. If you believe you have sincerely changed and are on the right path, then its best to leave the skeletons in the closet.

I tend to agree with you, because she was wiling to try and accept my daughter, she was telling me that she was so happy to be with me.
But then the issue with the blog started.
I suppose, had I not shown that damn article, she would have kept the courting going and tried to get to know my daughter more.

But I felt the need to be honest with her. Maybe that was naïve from me.

Other poster say I did well to tell her...but what did it bring me?

Hi Edelweiss,

Yet man is born to trouble,
As the sparks fly upward.
But as for me, I would seek God,
And to God I would commit my cause-
Who does great things, and unsearchable,
Marvelous things without number. (Job 5:7-9)

Keep The Faith Brother...
And Keep On Keepin’ On...

I have some thoughts on how God works through “forming and filling” that may be of help to you as it pertains to your relationship.
Please let me know if you’re interested in hearing them. Blessings

Sure, I would love to!
 

ScannerLIV

Woodpecker
You are honest. Sincere. What more does Christian woman needs? Other poster mentions the need to know women's past. Of course! All things being equal-women's pasts predict their behaviors more so than men. Since you ran red pill blog, you should have known that. You said you were naive.....but yet you ran red pill blog. How could you have been this naive? What was even the point to show her your blog which no longer reflects you? Women are irrational and so can find any single reason to turn you down, justified or not.

Learn from this and do not make same mistake again.
 

fireshark

Woodpecker
Orthodox Inquirer
But I felt the need to be honest with her. Maybe that was naïve from me.

Being honest with her was not your problem.

It's right to tell her about your PUA past, in a broad, general way. Your mistake was not having already deleted your articles and moved on from the dirty details of that life completely and then allowing her to know these details. Women can't help themselves when they discover something that alerts them, they will ask every painful question in great detail and ultimately they will lose their nerve to date you.

Tell her the truth about your past and how you have changed from that. Do not tell her the gritty details.

I'm a married man now, but I've made this same mistake before with a different woman years ago. My wife is amazing, and I think I dodged a bullet. It's probably very hard to accept at the moment, but God may have a more perfect woman out there for you. He did for me.
 

Digi

Chicken
Hey,

I was here since the PUA days and I followed Roosh's conversion which opened my eyes as well. I have always been a Christian but never took it seriously.
However, I am now back on the right track, started reading the Bible again and am willing to attend mass more regularly.

More importantly, I stopped the "game" lifestyle.

Unfortunately, the "game" lifestyle I had, has caused me to have a daughter outside of marriage - a daughter that I love from all my heart.
I even had a "red-pill" blog with dating advice, among other things, in a european language.
For my daughter I want to be good Christian and father role model.

After working on my faith, I decided I was now ready to meet a Christian woman. No more secular dating.
I went on a Christian dating website (I know some discredit that already), however, it is almost impossible to meet Christian women in real life, except maybe in Church.
Alas with all of them requiring masks and the average age being over 50, it is still unlikely.

The site is serious, no recurring billing, managed by Christians

So I message this girl a few times and she seemed very polite and nice.
We go on a date. She never gave me her phone number. She called me with a private number filter. We met somewhere neutral.
She showed up, wearing a conservative feminine clothing.

I decided from the get go not to use "game" techniques deliberately but to be very open with her. Of course, making jokes, keeping it light and fun are things one should do anyway and not think of gaming. But I did not want to give a false image of myself just to seduce her.

So I told her openly about my past PUA lifestyle, my daughter, my blog, my travels, my love for heavy metal music...
I also explained that I changed, that I want to walk with Christ, be a role model for my daughter.

She said that some of the tings are red flags for her but she is willing to get to know me as I am showing genuine willingness to be a better man.
More importantly, we share the same values regarding society, religion, politics, and this "virus" situation and the "vax".

Over the course of the next 7 weeks, I had the best time of my life with a woman. We never had sex., by the way. In case you might think I was referring to this.
I experienced what being a with virtuous woman feels like. I was blown away.

Together, we went to mass - my first time in years. She convinced me to go to confession so we can start "fresh" together - my first time in 20 years!
I went through my heavy metal collection and threw away a couple of albums I judged "not too christian" (most aren't, but the ones I threw awaw were on the antichristian side).

I was like a born-again man. I wanted to have children with her, marry her...

On her part, she was being very cautious with me, due to my past. She wanted to trust me slowly.
Her parents are very strict christians and she was worried they may not accept me because I have daughter our of wedlock.
She herself was not too comfortable with the idea, that my ex-partner is always involved with my life as the mother of my child...

I convinced to meet my daughter, as a friend, to see how she would feel.

She agreed. The day was good, the two had a good time, laughing all the way. I was observing her behaviour and I was convinced.

At the end of the day, when my daughter went back to her mom. She told me that she will now consider introducing me to her parents. But first to her brother, who is more likely to accept me, and then have him as an ally when we talk to the parents.
I was honoured.

Two days later, she contacts me crying, saying that the meeting with my daughter had a different effect on her than what she had hoped for.
I call her immediately and set a date to talk about it.
We meet and she explains that she is not comfortable with the idea, that she she has been thinking about it for a long time, trying to cope with it but that she can't.
She said that she is sorry she did not tell me before which would have spared both of us pain.
I told her that we had a such a wonderful connection, that we were so happy, and if there is love and faith, all problems can be overcome.

She said yes but she is not feeling that she can live with that and is afraid to commit only to give up after a year down the line.
Obviously I was very disappointed.
I tried to reason with her. She then gave me another reason which saddened me deeply.
She mentioned my blog, and a particular article I wrote on how to get women, "game" them and that seduction is a "game".
She sad she read it and felt sad, that I, the man she is getting in love with, can write such stuff.

I was very angry, because I felt this was not fair. I did not show my anger in my presence of course.
I told her that I SHOWED her this blog myself, that I had this lifestyle but not anymore. That I never hid this fact from her, that she should judge me on the way I treated her, not things I wrote 8 years ago.

After this talk I even deleted the articles, telling her that I do not share these views anymore and that I do not want my daughter to read them later on.
She said this was good to do so, but that she just can't continue.
She was afraid that I would go back to my old ways, that I would be bored with her eventually (or miss being with hotter girls), that I would miss flirting and game women.
She had only been with one man sexually before while I have been with numerous women.

She argued that this fact, plus my daughter situation was too much for her.

I was and still am, completely heartbroken, angry and confused.
Heartbroken because I really loved this woman. For what she is.
Angry because I did ALL right. I was honest from day, one, repented, did my best to earn her trust, gave her time, and shown willingness to commit. It was so unfair to be treated like this on her part.
And confused, on how can a person give you love back, give you trust, talk about finally introducing you to her closed circle, and two days later, just take such a decision. She told me herself how happy she was to be with me, how proud of me she was when I went to confession (she even cried of joy), threw away those albums, how lovely she felt when she saw me with my daughter, how I play with her, love her, take care of her...

I can't believe I lost such a woman.
I have been with dozens of women, many way hotter than her.
But the beauty of her soul, her kindness, her virtuous lifestyle. Those I found nowhere before.

I tried to keep her, God knows I tried. I tried everything except begging her to stay. I still have my pride for this.
I can't believe it ended just like this.

---

What do you guys think? Shall I give her time and space and pray to God she might re-consider? Or is it a lost cause?
She has her birthday in a month.
I was thinking to let go now, and then call her on her birthday and see how she would react.
I am ready to marry this woman. Yes even after only sever weeks. I am experienced in life, between 35 and 40. I am not talking out of blind "in love" emotions.
No, I was her lifestyle, her values, her kindness...and I am convinced.

But how to convince her?

Thank you for taking the time to reading this. I needed to let off steam and share this with you.
First never delete stuff from 8 years ago because a woman came into your life, neither should you throw away your music collection.
Then, you seem to have committed a lot into the relationship rather than the other way round.
All the introductions should have happened later after sex and such. The Lady is playing you and she is a master at it irrespective of what you tell yourself.
Be proud of who you are at whatever stage of life you are, don't change because of someone. be better if you think it's good for yourself.
 

Jeff

Pigeon
Thanks again to all the new answers, I appreciate it



I tend to agree with you, because she was wiling to try and accept my daughter, she was telling me that she was so happy to be with me.
But then the issue with the blog started.
I suppose, had I not shown that damn article, she would have kept the courting going and tried to get to know my daughter more.

But I felt the need to be honest with her. Maybe that was naïve from me.

Other poster say I did well to tell her...but what did it bring me?



Sure, I would love to!
Let’s start with a couple examples of how God works through “forming and filling” and then seek to demonstrate the importance of understanding and applying this principle in our lives and relationships.

And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being. (Genesis 2:7)

God forms man (Body), then fills him with the breath of life (Spirit).

He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” Simon Peter answered and said, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”
Jesus answered and said to him, “Blessed are you Simon Bar-Jonah, for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven.” “And I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it.” (Matthew 16:15-18)

When the Day of Pentecost had fully come, they were all with one accord in one place...
And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance. (Acts 2: 1,4)

Our Lord forms the Church (His Body), then fills Her with the Holy Spirit.

If you would like to see other examples of God “forming and filling” in the Scriptures through His Word and His Spirit, I will just mention the Tabernacle and Moses, and the Temple and Solomon.

Now the tough part. How does this apply to your relationship? Please don’t think I’m offering a simple solution to all of our problems, as if God works in a mechanical way, and we simply have to plug-in the right formula to get our desired result. The wonder of His Grace is that He meets us where we are, and not where we should be.

You mentioned you met her through a “Christian” dating site, and the two of you decided to get to know one another without the covering or consent of her father/family. You then became vulnerable to “filling” your hearts with feelings towards one another without properly “forming” the relationship within the protection of the family structure.
A Christian man is under the authority of his father until he establishes his own household. A Christian woman is under the authority of her father until she gets married, and then willingly submits to the authority of her husband. Christians in our day, instead of respecting the divine principle of “forming and filling” our families through biblical courtship, have largely ignored it with devastating effects on ourselves, and on the generations to come.
I pray you will consider these things more deeply than this forum allows me to convey, and please feel free to contact me with any further questions or comments.
So Come, and Welcome to Jesus Christ.
Blessings Brother
 

Edelweiss

Sparrow
You are honest. Sincere. What more does Christian woman needs? Other poster mentions the need to know women's past. Of course! All things being equal-women's pasts predict their behaviors more so than men. Since you ran red pill blog, you should have known that. You said you were naive.....but yet you ran red pill blog. How could you have been this naive? What was even the point to show her your blog which no longer reflects you? Women are irrational and so can find any single reason to turn you down, justified or not.

Learn from this and do not make same mistake again.

I was a bit naive because I thought that this woman, being virtuous and so, would be different in this regards. I have never met such women before and wanted to behave differently.
I showed her the blog because I mentioned it in our talks, saying that I used to run a blog to give advice to younger men based on my life experience. There are some good articles that she found very good...except the couple ones on "seduction".

Being honest with her was not your problem.
Tell her the truth about your past and how you have changed from that. Do not tell her the gritty details.

Indeed, I wish I could undo this mistake.

What is preventing you from marrying your daughter’s mom?

It is not possible. She is already with another man with whom she also has a child. Moreover, the pregnancy of my daughter was not planned. I tried to remain with her after the birth of our child. But it just did nit work out. I could have done better, I know.

First never delete stuff from 8 years ago because a woman came into your life, neither should you throw away your music collection.
Then, you seem to have committed a lot into the relationship rather than the other way round.
All the introductions should have happened later after sex and such. The Lady is playing you and she is a master at it irrespective of what you tell yourself.
Be proud of who you are at whatever stage of life you are, don't change because of someone. be better if you think it's good for yourself.

I did not delete the stuff (just 2 articles) because I met this woman. I deleted them because I do not want this stuff online associated with me, and do not want my daughter one day to read those from her father.
This woman made me realise this.

The music I threw away was bordering on satanic anyway and it must go. I still have my hundreds of albums.


Let’s start with a couple examples of how God works through “forming and filling” and then seek to demonstrate the importance of understanding and applying this principle in our lives and relationships.

And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being. (Genesis 2:7)

God forms man (Body), then fills him with the breath of life (Spirit).

He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” Simon Peter answered and said, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”
Jesus answered and said to him, “Blessed are you Simon Bar-Jonah, for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven.” “And I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it.” (Matthew 16:15-18)

When the Day of Pentecost had fully come, they were all with one accord in one place...
And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance. (Acts 2: 1,4)

Our Lord forms the Church (His Body), then fills Her with the Holy Spirit.

If you would like to see other examples of God “forming and filling” in the Scriptures through His Word and His Spirit, I will just mention the Tabernacle and Moses, and the Temple and Solomon.

Now the tough part. How does this apply to your relationship? Please don’t think I’m offering a simple solution to all of our problems, as if God works in a mechanical way, and we simply have to plug-in the right formula to get our desired result. The wonder of His Grace is that He meets us where we are, and not where we should be.

You mentioned you met her through a “Christian” dating site, and the two of you decided to get to know one another without the covering or consent of her father/family. You then became vulnerable to “filling” your hearts with feelings towards one another without properly “forming” the relationship within the protection of the family structure.
A Christian man is under the authority of his father until he establishes his own household. A Christian woman is under the authority of her father until she gets married, and then willingly submits to the authority of her husband. Christians in our day, instead of respecting the divine principle of “forming and filling” our families through biblical courtship, have largely ignored it with devastating effects on ourselves, and on the generations to come.
I pray you will consider these things more deeply than this forum allows me to convey, and please feel free to contact me with any further questions or comments.
So Come, and Welcome to Jesus Christ.
Blessings Brother

Beautiful, thank you. This opened my eyes in a new way.
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
I went on a Christian dating website (I know some discredit that already)
I am curious, aside from the virtuous qualities of this one particular woman, why do you not agree that dating sites are bad news?

I always thought the term "Christian dating website" was an oxymoron.

The reason for this is actually not because I believe dating websites are linked to promiscuity and premarial sex or anything like that.

Rather, it is because I don't think intimacy and romantic connection (sexual or not) is something that should be advertised, bought, or sold.

---

As far as the situation with this particular woman, I agree that this woman has every right to shy away from a man with this kind of past, but it is confusing and kind of unfair that she accepted it for so long and then seemingly chanhed her mind overnight.

Do you think it's possible someone in her family advised her to stay away from you? You mentioned this change of heart happened shortly after she introduced you to her mom and brother, correct?
 
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