Modesty

Gracie

Pigeon
Woman
Hi ladies,

Questions for you on modesty: What does dressing modestly mean to you? Do you? Does your husband weigh in on what is modest or what he'd rather you wear? Do you cover your head?

Secondly: Does it bother you if your influencers are not modest (social media)? If so, how or what do you do to combat this?

For greater clarity on my second Q: Fitness was a HUGE part of my life prior to becoming Christian. I still try to stay fit/healthy and would attend the gym, was a fitness instructor and will likely do some part time post-baby again. My influencers for ideas and motivation in fitness for women are often immodestly dressed, to the point I often feel convicted or uncomfortable seeing their content (Ex: Physical demonstration of movements, sequences, etc. to use). I've had to unfollow a great many who share great informational content but are dressed in sports bras and nearly underwear while they do it. Alternatively, I could view male fitness information which can be less relevant or pose an alternatively different problem looking at men who are immodestly dressed... For those of you in theses circles, what do you all do?
 

Mac

Pigeon
Woman
For me, dressing modestly means that my clothes are appropriate for what I am doing that day, I feel comfortable in what I am wearing, and that I am not choosing an outfit for the purpose of attracting attention.

I no longer use social media and would not follow any ‘influencers’. But if I was in your position and looking online for inspiration for fitness, it wouldn’t concern me if someone was wearing leggings or shorts and a sports bra because for that purpose I would want to be able to see their body to be able to study their technique. Sure, they don’t need to be wearing booty shorts or see-through clothing for this, so if they are and it bothers you, keep looking for someone you are comfortable with. Have you searched online for Christian fitness instructors?

My mother is a group fitness instructor and usually wears long tights and a long singlet/tank top thing to work. I overheard her complaining with her friend last night that another instructor wears bralettes and tiny booty shorts to work and how they thought it was unprofessional.
 

Hermetic Seal

Kingfisher
Gold Member
This is just a random observation only tangentially related to the topic, but in my experience at the gym, women who are serious about working out tend to be dressed in a T-shirt and gym shorts or other boring/practical clothing.

Women in butt-flaunting yoga pants, crop tops, and other form-fitting and/or expensive looking clothes are at the gym to be seen.
 

esli

Chicken
Woman
to me dressing modestly means dressing in a feminine, simple way. So a skirt but not a tight, short skirt but a longer, flowy one. No cleavage, tight or revealing clothes. Very light make up. Nothing tempting, really, or showing off / drawing attention to me. I'm not a man nor a lesbian but I believe that as a woman you more or less know yourself, what is tempting to a man. I don't cover my hair anymore. I do not follow any influencers online I must say, so I have no reply to your second question.

I second the comment of Hermetic Seal, the women at the gym dressed like that, just looking for attention. They are usually the ones I don't see doing any workout, just chatting, walking around, checking their phones and also wearing heavy make up. Whereas I'm there with my head all red and sweaty looking absolutely unattractive but I don't care haha.
 

Leeloo

Woodpecker
Woman
This doesn’t directly answer your questions, but in general, modern society seems to tell women they can wear whatever they want whenever they want, which I find VERY damaging to women.
There’s a time and place for everything.
There is a post in the men’s forum about a Christian mom who got slammed by SJW’s for daring to complain to Notre Dame University about women wearing tight yoga pants to church. This blows my mind that these people are so caught up in their screaming about ‘muh body, my choice’ that they DEFEND going into God’s house to show off their bodies, flaunt them, even.
I guess long story short, it’s a big tell of character that the kind of woman who won’t cover her ass in public, whether sacred or secular, is one to avoid. Even at the gym. You can be attractive, well groomed, and even sexy (for your partner) without dressing cheap or in a flaunting manner.

Edit: I also wanted to add that as modest women, most of us have internalized being very self- aware and self-conscious of our ‘assets’ and go out of our way to downplay them, especially when not with our husbands. I always in public wear things that cover my butt and, as a larger bust woman, I’m hyper aware of not accidentally showing cleavage. I’ve done this my whole life and again, it’s so internalized that I feel very in contrast to how modesty seems to be acutely missing from most of contemporary women’s lives.
 
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Kitty Tantrum

Woodpecker
Woman
What does dressing modestly mean to you? Do you? Does your husband weigh in on what is modest or what he'd rather you wear? Do you cover your head?
I keep the following things covered pretty much at all times when I'm not at home: head, shoulders, underarms, and everything from bust to knees.

It's important for bust and sleeves to be properly and somewhat closely fitted, to ensure full range of arm movement, but everything below that obscures rather than accentuates. I do not wear pants, with the exception of strenuous exercise. Then I usually wear a supportive, thick, entirely opaque capri-length legging (it's hard to find them these days without mesh panels up the leg, but those are SO TRASHY). Then a flowy tunic-style top that at least mostly covers my butt. And then I go walking/running/whatever somewhere I can mostly avoid people seeing me anyway. :cool:

My husband does not get to decide what is or is not modest. My notions of modesty have been honed by a lifetime of paying attention to how people look at me, in a wide variety of attire. I do not ask for my husband's input on the clothes I wear while I am in public unless I will be in his company the entire time. He is much more likely to direct me to dress attractively than modestly. I made a small concession on my wedding dress and got something with a fairly deep V-neck, because I knew he would really like it. But on the daily, my clothes and the way I carry myself are a protection against the male gaze.

That doesn't mean people don't look at me -- I actually get a fair bit of attention for the way I dress because it's not normal -- but they're looking at my clothes, and complimenting my outfit, instead of my form. They can't really SEE me. That's the critical distinction for me, easily observed in the tone of the compliments I receive now, vs. the compliments I would receive when I regularly wore short skirts and form-fitting blouses. A lot of this is because the men who notice me NOW are usually elderly men who tell me I remind them of their wives when they were young - which is (usually) adorable. But I've certainly noticed a difference in other demographics as well. I have learned from close observation that truly modest feminine attire absolutely can and does command respect from men who may very well treat most women with none at all. SHOULD it be that way? I dunno, maybe not - but it is.

Secondly: Does it bother you if your influencers are not modest (social media)? If so, how or what do you do to combat this?
TBH I was so profoundly bothered by the fundamental immodesty of "social media influencers" (no matter how they dress) that I have simply never given any of them an ounce of my attention. Nobody should ever take advice from women who make their living from looking good in front of the camera. Women sell their beauty and their bodies when nothing else they have to offer is worth paying money for, and when they are themselves already slaves to the dollar. That sounds overly harsh because it is. But that's how I roll. There is nothing these women can teach you or show you that they did not learn easily from somewhere else. Go to the source. Ignore these dumb broads. I lost 100 pounds and got in the best shape of my life by learning some basic principles from text-based websites and using a free calorie-counting app. These hoes are literally just shilling stuff they found on Google, while sticking their fleshy bits all up in your face. Gross.
 

Salinger

Kingfisher
This is just a random observation only tangentially related to the topic, but in my experience at the gym, women who are serious about working out tend to be dressed in a T-shirt and gym shorts or other boring/practical clothing.

Women in butt-flaunting yoga pants, crop tops, and other form-fitting and/or expensive looking clothes are at the gym to be seen.

Maybe I'm in the minority as a guy but I don't like seeing women in yoga pants. It looks so lazy, it's the equivalent to a man wearing track pants around town.

When I actually do see a woman wearing a dress or skirt, they really stand out to me since it's much more flattering to the female body and extremely feminine.
 

muhtea

Robin
Woman
I just have to say, "influencers" has got to be the most cringe outgrowth of social media. I'm glad I quit all of it because it mostly just ends up being depressing as well as a time consuming distraction. Do we really need these people? Do they really add anything? I mean, can we not exercise without some "influencer" telling us how to do jumping jacks? Just get a routine of calisthenics and lifts or something and ditch the ridiculous online narcissists. One less thing to worry about.
 

Gracie

Pigeon
Woman
I keep the following things covered pretty much at all times when I'm not at home: head, shoulders, underarms, and everything from bust to knees.

It's important for bust and sleeves to be properly and somewhat closely fitted, to ensure full range of arm movement, but everything below that obscures rather than accentuates. I do not wear pants, with the exception of strenuous exercise. Then I usually wear a supportive, thick, entirely opaque capri-length legging (it's hard to find them these days without mesh panels up the leg, but those are SO TRASHY). Then a flowy tunic-style top that at least mostly covers my butt. And then I go walking/running/whatever somewhere I can mostly avoid people seeing me anyway. :cool:

My husband does not get to decide what is or is not modest. My notions of modesty have been honed by a lifetime of paying attention to how people look at me, in a wide variety of attire. I do not ask for my husband's input on the clothes I wear while I am in public unless I will be in his company the entire time. He is much more likely to direct me to dress attractively than modestly. I made a small concession on my wedding dress and got something with a fairly deep V-neck, because I knew he would really like it. But on the daily, my clothes and the way I carry myself are a protection against the male gaze.

That doesn't mean people don't look at me -- I actually get a fair bit of attention for the way I dress because it's not normal -- but they're looking at my clothes, and complimenting my outfit, instead of my form. They can't really SEE me. That's the critical distinction for me, easily observed in the tone of the compliments I receive now, vs. the compliments I would receive when I regularly wore short skirts and form-fitting blouses. A lot of this is because the men who notice me NOW are usually elderly men who tell me I remind them of their wives when they were young - which is (usually) adorable. But I've certainly noticed a difference in other demographics as well. I have learned from close observation that truly modest feminine attire absolutely can and does command respect from men who may very well treat most women with none at all. SHOULD it be that way? I dunno, maybe not - but it is.


TBH I was so profoundly bothered by the fundamental immodesty of "social media influencers" (no matter how they dress) that I have simply never given any of them an ounce of my attention. Nobody should ever take advice from women who make their living from looking good in front of the camera. Women sell their beauty and their bodies when nothing else they have to offer is worth paying money for, and when they are themselves already slaves to the dollar. That sounds overly harsh because it is. But that's how I roll. There is nothing these women can teach you or show you that they did not learn easily from somewhere else. Go to the source. Ignore these dumb broads. I lost 100 pounds and got in the best shape of my life by learning some basic principles from text-based websites and using a free calorie-counting app. These hoes are literally just shilling stuff they found on Google, while sticking their fleshy bits all up in your face. Gross.
I loved every second of reading this. Thanks @Kitty Tantrum. I find if I seek preferences, I'm often told to dress more attractively than modestly too and I think I've moved towards my modesty is respectful for my fiance/husband-to-be but is done out of obedience to my faith and respect for me. I appreciate the response.
 

Gracie

Pigeon
Woman
I just have to say, "influencers" has got to be the most cringe outgrowth of social media. I'm glad I quit all of it because it mostly just ends up being depressing as well as a time consuming distraction. Do we really need these people? Do they really add anything? I mean, can we not exercise without some "influencer" telling us how to do jumping jacks? Just get a routine of calisthenics and lifts or something and ditch the ridiculous online narcissists. One less thing to worry about.
I might have used a poor word choice - I guess I'm considering even your neighbourhood fitness instructor lady's instagram as an influencer. For the record, I'm in agreement that influencers for the sake of influencers are gross. The benefit of having the visual of new movements is that it encourages hauling in new ideas and as someone who teaches myself, it's nice to have the visual for new ideas. :)
 

Gracie

Pigeon
Woman
Maybe I'm in the minority as a guy but I don't like seeing women in yoga pants. It looks so lazy, it's the equivalent to a man wearing track pants around town.

When I actually do see a woman wearing a dress or skirt, they really stand out to me since it's much more flattering to the female body and extremely feminine.

I stopped wearing yoga pants in public for any reason as my fiancé mentioned the same thing and then I couldn't unsee it - this was before I was even really considering the importance of modesty. They are the equivalent of skuzzy sweatpants IMO. Pizza-clothes for all the FW ladies out there. Laziness.
 

Leeloo

Woodpecker
Woman
I stopped wearing yoga pants in public for any reason as my fiancé mentioned the same thing and then I couldn't unsee it - this was before I was even really considering the importance of modesty. They are the equivalent of skuzzy sweatpants IMO. Pizza-clothes for all the FW ladies out there. Laziness.
May I ask what FW means?
 

Luna Novem

Woodpecker
Woman
I have a few non-negotiable rules for myself.

1. No showing cleavage when standing or sitting. If it's a shirt that will show cleavage when I bend forward, I am very aware of it and will do things to offset it if I should happen to need to bend forward. (Hold my arm in front; bend forward facing away from people, etc.)
2. No showing thighs. This means I don't wear shorts or skirts that go above the knee. If a skirt is shorter than tea-length, I wear shorts or leggings underneath.
3. No wearing leggings as pants. I only wear them under skirts or under long sweaters. They gotta cover the butt.
4. No showing stomach. This is pretty self-explanatory.

My modesty standards also extend to my home. The only child of mine who I wouldn't necessarily feel embarrassed in front of is my seven-year-old daughter, but I may as well dress modestly in front of her, too, because it sets an example.

For the last six or seven years, my modesty standards have also extended to my bathing suit. I had a bathing suit custom-made for me by a Christian seamstress I found online. It looks more like a bathing dress, with shorts underneath.
 

Gracie

Pigeon
Woman
I have a few non-negotiable rules for myself.

1. No showing cleavage when standing or sitting. If it's a shirt that will show cleavage when I bend forward, I am very aware of it and will do things to offset it if I should happen to need to bend forward. (Hold my arm in front; bend forward facing away from people, etc.)
2. No showing thighs. This means I don't wear shorts or skirts that go above the knee. If a skirt is shorter than tea-length, I wear shorts or leggings underneath.
3. No wearing leggings as pants. I only wear them under skirts or under long sweaters. They gotta cover the butt.
4. No showing stomach. This is pretty self-explanatory.

My modesty standards also extend to my home. The only child of mine who I wouldn't necessarily feel embarrassed in front of is my seven-year-old daughter, but I may as well dress modestly in front of her, too, because it sets an example.

For the last six or seven years, my modesty standards have also extended to my bathing suit. I had a bathing suit custom-made for me by a Christian seamstress I found online. It looks more like a bathing dress, with shorts underneath.
That's amazing. I have to look into the bathing suit options. Part of my struggle is working in an aquatic environment and modesty!
 

Lamkins

Woodpecker
Woman
Modesty for me is not attracting attention, and sometimes that has nothing to do with whether an outfit reveals anything or not. I was addicted to attention at one time. I don’t allow myself to tread that path, not that I get much attention at my age anyway, lol. Honestly, I LOVE being invisible these days.

I actually don’t wear revealing clothing at all as it embarrasses me. Cleavage is the biggest issue as I’m bosomy. And here in my early fifties it’s very difficult to find clothing that is neither revealing nor matronly. I’m in no-woman’s land.

I‘ve learned something thanks to my tall husband. What looks modest from my height has my bosoms bulging out from someone a foot taller!

I wear a lot of skirts in the mid calf length, both flowy styles and more fitted. I found some pants I love and bought every color. They can be worn long or rolled up. I have a couple of big-legged linen pants. I love linen tunics, so I wear a lot of those. Even these usually have to be stitched up or another button added as they‘re cut too low (shaking my head). And t-shirts in pretty colors. I tend to wear plain styles and sparkle up with earrings and stacked bracelets. Nothing is tight, cut low, or cut high. I have much better luck thrifting clothes than retail.
 

Starlight

Woodpecker
Woman
That's amazing. I have to look into the bathing suit options. Part of my struggle is working in an aquatic environment and modesty!
My mom is considering getting a “burkini.” The only place we’ve been able to find them is at online Muslim sites which makes it difficult because she wants to be able to try it on. They are surprisingly fashionable. I really like this one
 

Coja Petrus Uscan

Hummingbird
Gold Member
A lot of modesty is in the heart.

This woman is fairly well covered, but is still possessed with high-pride, evident both in her expression and countenance.

e7237f1b4f8cc0d6f78b50a24e4f57aa.jpg


It's less visible, but still registers here:

dre_246_black.jpg


While these girls, though displaying more flesh, their being elicits a different response.

Pentecostal-Dress-Rules-586eb1865f9b584db3ab5728.jpg


I find even Filipinas who are wearing short-shorts can have a more modest affect than the women in the first two photos. Simply because their demeanor is more simplistic and innocent.

I can't describe it properly, but there is an attraction in men to various negative female demeanours/manners/personas. These are various strains of seductresses. At the more extreme you have the types of women who like financial domination or are airhead bimbos. To the more subtle woman who thinks very highly of herself, as if a god, and places all manner of obstacles in men's way to prove their physical and mental worth. I don't really understand why men are such suckers for these things. Maybe it's just a trick of elevating the value of the act with them.

It's not possible to interact with these actual women, you only interact with the layer of worldly concern.

When in EE I met a girl from a poor family. She was dressed as most girls her age, in three quarter-length trousers and a simple t-shirt. We could not communicate much due to the language barrier. She was an attractive girl, though not of the nature that could compete for eyeball minutes with professional turbo-thots. But I was just enamoured with her simple, village girl presence. I enjoyed just to watch her go to the house and bring a jug of water. There was physical attraction, but it was like an introduction. I wanted to know her spirit. Sess thoughts were not on my mind, as they would be with a woman of pride and seduction. I had a similar experience at an airport where there was a large family, obviously from a conservative Christian background as all the women were wearing hair coverings. There was one girl who was tall and slim. Again she would be obscured for attention against the backdrop of modern women, but I was again caught by her energy, her simple movements and modesty, her softness and the way she dealt with children. This is where you want to get to. To attract men who want to get to know your spirit.
 

Kitty Tantrum

Woodpecker
Woman
This woman is fairly well covered, but is still possessed with high-pride, evident both in her expression and countenance.
While these girls, though displaying more flesh, their being elicits a different response.
I'm glad you brought this up and provided examples! Excellent illustration of what I was getting at when I mentioned how I "carry myself." Mannerisms and body language are so important.
 

Gracie

Pigeon
Woman
My mom is considering getting a “burkini.” The only place we’ve been able to find them is at online Muslim sites which makes it difficult because she wants to be able to try it on. They are surprisingly fashionable. I really like this one
Cute! I have only seen some weird looking swim skirts and I don't want to feel frumpy but that is definitely attractive and still covers adequately.
 
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