Modesty

Leeloo

Woodpecker
Woman
I have a few non-negotiable rules for myself.

1. No showing cleavage when standing or sitting. If it's a shirt that will show cleavage when I bend forward, I am very aware of it and will do things to offset it if I should happen to need to bend forward. (Hold my arm in front; bend forward facing away from people, etc.)
2. No showing thighs. This means I don't wear shorts or skirts that go above the knee. If a skirt is shorter than tea-length, I wear shorts or leggings underneath.
3. No wearing leggings as pants. I only wear them under skirts or under long sweaters. They gotta cover the butt.
4. No showing stomach. This is pretty self-explanatory.

My modesty standards also extend to my home. The only child of mine who I wouldn't necessarily feel embarrassed in front of is my seven-year-old daughter, but I may as well dress modestly in front of her, too, because it sets an example.

For the last six or seven years, my modesty standards have also extended to my bathing suit. I had a bathing suit custom-made for me by a Christian seamstress I found online. It looks more like a bathing dress, with shorts underneath.
Your custom bathing dress sounds adorable. Does your seamstress have an Etsy shop or a website? I would be interested if you feel comfortable PM’ing me.
 

islandgirl

Chicken
Woman
Personally I like a balance of covering up completely with my hair in a French braid, and tanning at the nude beaches. Quite the contrast but there’s a time and place for everything.
 

Luna Novem

Woodpecker
Woman
Your custom bathing dress sounds adorable. Does your seamstress have an Etsy shop or a website? I would be interested if you feel comfortable PM’ing me.
She closed up shop! She used to be called "Stitchin' Times". I think I got my suit in maybe 2015-ish and she stopped selling maybe 1-2 years later. There are two other ones who make similar styles. One is called Meant to be Modest and the other is Modestly Yours Swimwear.
 

Starlight

Woodpecker
Woman
Most of my wardrobe is based on function not so much modesty, at least when I’m at home, but I think the two overlap. I’ll admit, I do have several pairs of very cute crop leggings: some with mesh, some with bows, some with lacing. I’m a SAHM for heavens sake. Most of my day revolves around cleaning and changing diapers and the cute leggings and tops make me feel “girly” and cute and I like them. I guess I’m trashy lol ;). However, I usually don’t wear them outside of the house unless I’m wearing a tunic type top. Otherwise, I change into jeans. I actually still wear some of my old maternity tops because they’re just so comfortable and if they get ruined I won't feel bad just throwing them out lol.

Outside of the home, I’m definitely not comfortable in any kind of leg wear or skirt that is shorter than below the knee or that is very form fitting. And for tops, I prefer more roomy less form fitting ones that have at least short sleeves. I wouldn’t wear anything that exposes my shoulders or chest below an inch or two of the collar bone.

As for “influencers,” I don’t really do any social media or follow anyone. I’ve used some YouTube workout videos and their attire doesn’t usually bother me. I was hardcore into ballet for nearly 17 years so seeing another woman’s body while being athletic doesn’t bother me.

Again, I think this comes down to what the function or purpose of the clothing is and the intent of the person wearing it. A woman wearing a leotard and tights in a room full of women perfecting ballet technique is much different than a woman walking around the store in butt shorts and a crop top.
 

Jessie

Sparrow
Woman
My dad was very picky about my clothes, so I was always used to dressing modestly. One time my mom bought me a shirt that didn’t have sleeves, and he made her return it. I was so bummed, because it didn’t show anything. But it set a standard that I wasn’t allowed to cross. My problem is more that I like to play with fashion, so I do stick out a little bit compared to a lot of my friends, who are content to wear baggy jeans and their husband’s college sweatshirts. I don’t want to stick out, but old sweatshirts are not fun to me. I do have a few pairs of yoga/workout pants, but I wear them around the house to actually work out. It takes too much time to drive to the gym and back, so I mainly use exercise videos at home. I pick ones with modestly dressed instructors because I don’t like my kids seeing women in tiny clothes working out. My husband isn’t as picky as my dad was, but leggings, yoga pants, or other tight clothes are definitely not acceptable to him for out in public. He doesn’t care if I wear them at home to exercise. As far as influencers, I don’t have Instagram so I’m not sure what they look like.
 

Gracie

Pigeon
Woman
My dad was very picky about my clothes, so I was always used to dressing modestly. One time my mom bought me a shirt that didn’t have sleeves, and he made her return it. I was so bummed, because it didn’t show anything. But it set a standard that I wasn’t allowed to cross. My problem is more that I like to play with fashion, so I do stick out a little bit compared to a lot of my friends, who are content to wear baggy jeans and their husband’s college sweatshirts. I don’t want to stick out, but old sweatshirts are not fun to me. I do have a few pairs of yoga/workout pants, but I wear them around the house to actually work out. It takes too much time to drive to the gym and back, so I mainly use exercise videos at home. I pick ones with modestly dressed instructors because I don’t like my kids seeing women in tiny clothes working out. My husband isn’t as picky as my dad was, but leggings, yoga pants, or other tight clothes are definitely not acceptable to him for out in public. He doesn’t care if I wear them at home to exercise. As far as influencers, I don’t have Instagram so I’m not sure what they look like.
I wouldn't mind wearing more "immodest" sportswear/leggings/sportsbras at home to work out in so I get you there. Any suggestions on exercise videos? Might lead me down the right path. :)
 

Jessie

Sparrow
Woman
I wouldn't mind wearing more "immodest" sportswear/leggings/sportsbras at home to work out in so I get you there. Any suggestions on exercise videos? Might lead me down the right path. :)
I like the THM Workins. They seem easy, but I totally feel the burn for a few days after. When they get too easy, I add more weights.
 

Lamkins

Woodpecker
Woman
I‘d burn up in those modest bathing suits although they’re cute. I wear a tankini, the types with the loose top. I always have to modify it so my bosoms aren’t tumbling out because apparently even grannies are expected to enjoy flashing their bits.
 

Jessie

Sparrow
Woman
I‘d burn up in those modest bathing suits although they’re cute. I wear a tankini, the types with the loose top. I always have to modify it so my bosoms aren’t tumbling out because apparently even grannies are expected to enjoy flashing their bits.

I like tankinis, too. I wear board shorts with a tankini top. I feel like I can pick cute pieces easily enough and it doesn’t look like underwear.
 

messaggera

Woodpecker
Woman
Questions for you on modesty: What does dressing modestly mean to you? Do you? Does your husband weigh in on what is modest or what he'd rather you wear? Do you cover your head?

Secondly: Does it bother you if your influencers are not modest (social media)? If so, how or what do you do to combat this?
who are immodestly dressed... For those of you in theses circles, what do you all do?


Modesty tends to fall into the conversation of cloths, but glad to hear your second prompt about social media "influencers" and modest behaviour.

Online tutorials are different because valuable information is shared. Video political commentary should be left to the men no matter how informed a woman is on politics.

Why do married women perform [life] streams, just talking about her life experiences for over an hour, for money?
What valuable information is she contributing? Talking about motherhood and marriage is best left to written publications to process the information.

Is it wrong to believe a married woman should not be online streaming for money out of respect for her husband, and family?
Does it not send the wrong message about modesty as a wife?
 

Gracie

Pigeon
Woman
Hi @messaggera,

Is it wrong to believe a married woman should not be online streaming for money out of respect for her husband, and family?
Does it not send the wrong message about modesty as a wife?

I think we may see this slightly differently (and if I'm right, that's ok!) but I believe, if done in the right context and with the audience primarily being women, that a woman using video as a medium for sharing information with women is not inherently bad. That said, I believe it should be done with a modest heart, seeking to teach women. You can't control your viewers by gender on YouTube but you can control your heart and intent. I don't personally have a problem with it and, as a mom who often is running around cooking and cleaning, having the auditory aspect of a video is valuable because I don't have the time to sit and read as much as I can listen. I've definitely learned a lot that has set me on my traditional path from female video-media producers, many who do it part-time while they're at home with their children.

Content is key so that's where my modesty question comes into play. I definitely feel uncomfortable and not ok with a woman streaming or producing videos, regardless of audience, where it's done in her sports-bra. This is where I have the influencer issue. I do think it sends the wrong message about modesty. My sister and I have a different stance about this as she's regularly posting her picture in immodest clothing for her popular-fitness-MLM-"business". I love her deeply, but I think it's disrespectful to her husband and other men on her social media who are not looking for porn on Facebook.

Video political commentary should be left to the men no matter how informed a woman is on politics.

I do disagree on the female-perspective on politics being disallowed but I know that there are women who disagree with me. Again, I think it comes back to "who is your audience?". If it's intended to be a woman discussing concepts with women, fine by me. I always defer to my man on politics, but it's interesting to see other people's perspectives. If I have questions, I usually ask him. Same as faith. I also say this as a woman who thinks that the vote should be done by the H.O.H (read: husband) and not by the wife. I don't see listening to a female on video discussing this as much different from me discussing a political issue with a girlfriend of mine over coffee.

There are definitely examples of immodest streaming - Does it promote greed by promoting constant shopping (greed)? Does it promote lustful behaviour by immodest dress (or prompt someone to dress that way)? Does it put your children on display in a potentially inappropriate manner (pride)? Does it promote being of the world rather than being of God? All of these things (and more) would dissuade me from following a female on YouTube or any other social media platform.

I'm all about "what's the intent? Who is the audience?" and if that passes the bar, then I'm usually ok. I'd be interested in your perspective as to why women shouldn't be commenting on politics or streaming. Perhaps there's something that I'm not considering. Or maybe there might be something I've misunderstood from your perspective. :)

Best!

Edit: I am editing because I felt uncomfortable about how this might come off so I want to make sure I clarify. I'm 39 weeks pregnant, grumpy and not sleeping well. If I'm coming off like a turd, I definitely don't intend it that way. I also am thinking that when I say "what's the intent?" - I can only assume the youtuber's intent so I may be projecting my own perspective on people I view to be "immodest" in their intentions or, vice versa, people who I assume are "modest" in their intentions and, in retrospect, it's not something I can know. I guess all I can do is monitor my own intent in watching.
 
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Lamkins

Woodpecker
Woman
I’ve been watching a lot of youtube while sick with covid!

I watch a YouTube channel that I think qualifies as modest. I think she’s Mennonite based on her modest (but cute) clothing and hair covering. Her channel is all about homemaking, gardening, cooking, and decor. I’m sure the channel is to make some money and promote her Etsy shop, but she works hard on her videos so I don’t mind the business plugs. She’s very industrious, which I find inspiring. If she’s narcissistic she’s good at hiding it. Usually you can spot them a mile off. This lady isn’t comfortable in front of the camera even in her third year of YouTubing. It’s called White Cottage Company.

I enjoy another YouTube channel by the woman who wrote the Madame Chic books. She is a homemaker who homeschools. Her channel has similar content to the one above with a focus on gracious genteel living. She dared to tactfully criticize a celeb slutting it up on tv during the Super Bowl halftime show and got mobbed for it but stood her ground. I immediately subscribed. It’s called The Daily Connoisseur.
 

messaggera

Woodpecker
Woman
Thank you @Lamkins and @Gracie - appreciate your insights.

Gracie congratulations on your blessing, and will pray for your little one's safe delivery into your arms.
Lamkins will pray for a fast recovery and hoping things are not too unbearable.

Ladies, I would like to continue the conversation because your insights provided are valuable.
The channels Lamkins mentioned look like great channels too.

Stopped by to take care of some office plants, but wanted to reach out and express the appreciation.
I will need to return at a later time to continue the conversation. Bless you both.
 

Gracie

Pigeon
Woman
@Lamkins - Will have to check out White Cottage Company! Honestly, with lockdowns being what they are, sometimes it's nice to have someone talking in the background who is similar in mind. Slightly dystopian if that's what passes as sort-of-human-interraction at this point but I'm excited to see more. I've followed DC off and on for a while. Time to check in again!

@messaggera - Thank you for your prayers! I so very greatly appreciate it! I look forward to chatting with you in future!

This is why I love this forum. It's just so great to be able to chat and learn from other women (and men) who are of similar heart and mind. I wish there was a heart react! @Roosh - Can we get a heart emoticon thing? :)
 
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