Morbidly obese. Desperate for advice on where to start.

[cascadecombo]

I haven't been in your exact shoes, but when I first got to Japan I put on a good deal of weight despite how others usually drop theirs.
That was due to a few things but it's neither here nor there.

I want to know what you actually do. Are your days spent sitting inside eating baum cakes and moon pies you bought from the super down the street while streaming Netflix in your room?

While people say six pack and are made in the kitchen, a healthy lifestyle keeps the pounds off as you say you have. Sitting around inside only invited more opportunities to over eat.

You have self control issues so you need to start forcing yourself to make the right choices. To the day I still have to force myself to refrain from cleaning out the sweets aisles when I go to the super.

Start staying outside, go out for a walk, stay away from your room and try to find activities you like. For me I liked martial arts so I'd spend my night in the gym. training, sparring, lifting, cycling bike or just talking with the dudes. those sorts of places also make you want to stay fit.

If your control is really hard, make a deal with a friend. give him a man of yen and tell him not to give it back at the end if the month unless you lost like 3 to 5 lbs. then repeat it next month for a few months until that becomes a habit.

Don't shop when hungry of course.

Most importantly don't talk about losing weight, unless it's with a friend like what I mentioned before, people who talk about stuff like that rarely ever do it.

Lastly, where in Japan do you live?

 

[Scrapper]

You are addicted to food, like a person can get hooked on heroin, cocaine, gambling, porn, sex, cigarettes, masturbation, crack, meth, etc...
Realizing you are an addict is the first step to fixing your problem.

The main reason you are susceptible to an addiction is because you lack basic Willpower and Discipline.
These two traits define a man with a lean, powerful, strong, masculine physique.
Below Average and Average Genetic Persons, do not get Herculean Bodies without Great Willpower and Discipline.

Willpower and Discipline are not just traits you are born with, but a skill you can increase.

Start small, every single morning when you first wake simply Jog in place for 5 minutes.
Every week add 30 seconds until you are Jogging in place for 15 minutes every morning 7 days a week.
Example:
First week: 5 minutes
10th week: 10 minutes (2.5 month mark)
20th week: 15 minutes (5 month mark)

Forcing yourself to do something slightly uncomfortable every single day - this will build your Willpower and Discipline.

On the matter of addiction to food, you should consider Intermittent Fasting.
Eat all of your daily calories in an 8 hour window, have whatever you want and however much you want.
Then eat nothing for 16 hours.
Every single day do this until you have absolutely mastered it and integrated it into your lifestyle.
Once you have conquered the basic Intermittent Fasting, start making healthier food choices and restricting calories.

Willpower + Discipline + Intermittent Fasting = Herculean Masculine Physique for any man of damn near any genetic birthing.

 

[MMX2010]

The RVF member, Bear Hands, has lost a significant amount of weight. You should PM him.

 

[debeguiled]

Thanks to everyone for all the replies.

It's a lot to think about and a lot of really great advice. I've already done some of it and that's how I lost the weight the first time around. I just need to find that drive and discipline that I had before so I can do it again.

I'm going to read and re-read all the advice and implement as much of it as I can, immediately.

I don't know if this will work for you or not, but my eating habits, which I couldn't change for the life of me, didn't turn into something I could control until I found a good therapist (male, which is helpful if he is a good one.) and went to him for about a year.

You speak about drive and discipline, and sometimes that is definitely the issue, but sometimes there are just deeper issues that need to be addressed, and once they are, the eating issue just disappears on its own, as in my case.

I always envied people who could go all day forgetting to eat, or get so involved in a project that the forgot to eat, or people who could get into intermittent fasting, because I knew that wasn't me. I always ate, always remembered to eat, and often eat things that gave me instant gratification.

I felt like you too, that there was some fundamental value missing in me, like drive or discipline that was either simply missing, or lacking, and if I just beat myself up more, and shamed myself into trying harder, the problem would be solved.

Not to go into too many details, but my therapist explored all other areas in my life, and asked me a bunch of questions, and really got me thinking about what I needed from people and situations, and guess what, I didn't even know.

I was trying so hard to fulfill what I thought was expected of me, that I couldn't even tell you what I expected of other people. If you asked me what color I wanted to paint my own bedroom, I probably wouldn't even have a preference to tell you.

So, my therapist got me on a program of assertiveness training, (I know, I know, it seemed like a bunch of psychobabble to me at the time too) and he very practically and concretely mapped out what I could ask for and expect from other people, and why sometimes you can't just let the little shit go, you have to speak up for yourself, whether it means telling a cashier in a store not to talk to you in that tone of voice or even asking to see a manager, and ditto with family member or even some stranger trying to bum a smoke on the street.

What I found was that I was so committed to being a decent person, and not making a big deal over the little stuff in life, that people were walking all over me, and it took about a year, and it was awesome to have a non judgmental, ex military dude who was a therapist now , listen to what my life was like, offer supportive comments and insights, and help me work towards having the social skills I needed to get things done in my life.

He and I never spoke about comfort eating or over eating at all. The funny thing though was, as my skills grew in dealing with all the social situations of life, I found that my need to turn to food just disappeared on its own, because it was actually response to the more spiritual problem of loving other people way more than I loved myself.

I know all too well your feelings of shame, and impulse to isolate yourself. In a way it makes sense when a man feels he hasn't lived up to his ideals, to want to hide, it's the most natural thing in the world. It is also a common masculine trait to never ask for help, but to take the responsibility on yourself to fix yourself.

So, my two cents would be, at least consider therapy, and consider it for its own sake, and not just for solving the problem of overeating. Also, make sure you find a good therapist, and if you get weird feelings from one on the first meeting, next them like you would next a borderline girl, and keep looking.

Obviously, there are no guarantees that your situation is similar to mine, but the possibility is still there.

I give you credit for being honest and starting this thread, that takes guts, being honest, and I have seen men on this forum respond to honest requests for help with patience and decency, so you are already helping yourself, even if it doesn't feel like it.

A final observation. Almost everyone in this world does some sort of self medicating of one form or another, it is just that not all sorts of self medicating show themselves visibly on your body. Unfortunately for you, yours does, when you eat you get fat.

There are people out there who self medicate by being narcissistic, or passive aggressive, or secretly cruel, and they are, I suppose lucky there are no physical repercussions from their behavior. Imagine if a guy who masturbated too much suddenly found that his head took on the appearance of a big dick, and everyone would know what his dirty secret was just by looking at him.

He would be up fap creek.

Anyway, my point is, there may be some benefits from coming at this thing sideways instead of head on. I know because that is what happened to me. By addressing the personal and emotional issues, it seemed like the physical manifestations of my distress kind of fell away, little by little, and the same might be true for you if you choose to go down that road.

Just make sure you find a therapist that is truly in your corner though, that is the key.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

 

[etwsake]

I am sincerely grateful to all of you guys already. I want to address all of your responses in depth, but it's 2AM here and I should attempt to sleep.

Insomnia is another factor in my depression and weight problems.

I think I'm going to have to find a good English speaking therapist in Tokyo cause I'm sure all of these things are related and I can't fix my body without fixing my mind too.

I always thought this stuff would just work itself out as I got older but now I'm almost 40 and I can't believe I feel as screwed up as ever. I hope it's not too late to solve these problems.

Thanks again gentlemen.

 

[glugger]

Post your progress and the steps you are taking here so we can keep you honest.

 

[Kurgan]

Defintely get a calorie counter app for this and go into a deficit.

 

[Luke Stranahan]

I lost 80 pounds, and have since put 40 back, but at least I ran a half marathon yesterday.

You need, simply, exercise and discipline. Get a treadmill, or get the use of one. Start extremely small, like walk 1/4 mile, then run 1/4 mile, then walk 1/4 mile.
Get the heart rate up. Do this every damn day. Not much, but every day. Go a little further, or a little faster, every day. After a few months, you'll be burning over 1k calories doing 6 miles on a treadmill.

Eating. Look at every thing you eat. Eat healthy. Keep only healthy things at home. Eat less. This is an every minute of the day discipline thing.

Weight tracking. Get a dry erase board and a marker. Every morning, get up, pee, get on the scale, and write your weight down with the day. Every day you weigh less than the day before is you winning. You can lose a pound a day if you try.

Diet change, the treadmill, and tracking weight WILL show immediate results. I went on my diet 4 years ago. My board still says, in the corner, 7/18 300 lbs. I won't erase that one, although I have filled and erased the board many times since then. It said 257 this morning. My lowest was 218, I think. I stopped running, and starting eating more.

It is time to exert your will on part of the world. Stand up, adjust your balls, and get to work.

 

[Repo]

I don't know alot about weight loss other than the standard eat healthy and excercise advice yoh have heard a million times already.

But I too have sufferred from depression, and as you said it seems the two are intertwined.

I would recommend finding time to meditate each day. As part of your meditation ritual, listen to some self help/life coaching videos on youtube, or wherever else self help/life coaching audio can be found. I'm not talking weight loss audio, but rather life goal orriented stuff.

After going through some shit, this channel helped me a ton, but the important thing is to find someone who speaks to you:

https://www.youtube.com/user/coachcoreywayne

In fact, I would recommend finding and listening to some self help audio before meditating. Gives you something to think about. I'm not religious, but if you are perhaps there are passages that speak to you. Getting over depression is incredibly hard, but it can be done. You have to make time every day for you. I hope this helps.

 

[Rocha]

The best solution is joining a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu academy. Most guys will be half your size or less so the risk of them injuring you is small, also has a humble newbie, nobody will push too much with you on the beggining. The cardio that you will do and the satisfaction of learning something new and also a form of self defence, should be enough to keep you motivated to show up in every practice. Also the guys at the gym normally are cool people to hang out and will pick your head if they see you falling out of line with the food you eat. Don't waste more time, your almost 40. It will be hard in the beggining but I bet that in as less as 3 months you will be happy with the results. Everyone will love you and respect you if you keep the discipline of showing up to the practice, also the insomnia problem will cease to exist since you will feel exhausted in the first months while your body gets hardened up.

 

[SamuelBRoberts]

Not happy about the guy who posted the potato diet. Giving fad diets to people who are in serious need of help is lame behavior. Also, a Brazilian Ju Jitsu academy for a guy who's topped 300 pounds?

Anyway...

There's nothing wrong with coming to people for help. That's what we're here for.

A few thoughts that may or may not be helpful. I'm going to start with the assumption that you've been putting a good faith effort into diet and exercise, and you don't need somebody telling you "Diet and exercise harder!"

1.) You almost certainly have sleep apnea. Any time a guy is 300 lbs or more, he usually does. Do you have a lot of headaches, particularly in the morning? You've got insomnia, right? These are symptoms of sleep apnea, which is a huge cause of weight gain. Put simply, you're so fat that your body is choking itself to death while you sleep. You're constantly waking up and going back to sleep, sometimes 90 times an hour. Sleep apnea will fuck up anything but the most determined dieter because the lack of sleep ruins your body's ability to regulate hunger. A guy who's got bad sleep apnea can eat an entire pizza and feel HUNGRIER than when he started. Does that sound like you? You need to look into this, and fast, because it will fucking kill you eventually. This is the first thing I would check. The Japanese for it is 睡眠時無呼吸症候群 (suiminji mukokyuu shoukougun). Here's a list of sleep apnea clinics in Japan I just pulled off the net. You can look here. This problem is fixable, and it will improve your life in so many ways. America's medical community is much more advanced in this particular area than Japan, mostly because we've got more fat people, I think, but Japan does have resources for it. There's tons of them in Tokyo, and in every major city.

2.) The second issue is a lifestyle one. The big reason people lose weight when they go to Japan is not that the food is healthier, but because it's a walking based society as opposed to a car-based society. This means that just going about your day, you're burning far more calories and keeping your metabolism up. If you want to get food at a place that's a half-mile away, that's 30 minutes of walking there and back. If you need a special computer part from Akihabara, that can be 2 hours or more. Are you ordering demae all day when you should be going out? Doing takuhai instead of going to the store, buying something, and taking it back? Or are you maybe in the ass-end of Tottori or something where you have to drive a car to get anywhere?

3.) The third and most likely: you sound like you have major depression, and have been using alcohol and food to self-medicate. You mentioned being in your late 30s, not getting laid, and wanting an English-speaking therapist, which implies to me that you feel like you'd have trouble communicating your thoughts in Japanese. You also mentioned an alcohol addiction before that. This makes me think that you're just not adapting well to Japan. Some people do, and some people don't, and it's not due to lack of trying. It can be an incredibly isolating place. How is your social situation there? Do you get along with the people at work? Do you have a lot of friends? If not, would things improve at all if you tried coming back to the US? I know it's a big jump, but you sound like you're absolutely miserable, and things seem to be only going downhill. It might be time for drastic measures. Even if you've been here for a long time, could it really be worse?

 

[Rocha]

^^ can you breakdown or give any sustainable reason why BJJ is not recommendable for a 300 pounds guy?

 

[TheMost]

Not happy about the guy who posted the potato diet.

You aren't happy because I posted about something that actually works for me and many others who have been in the same situation as OP? Sour grapes man. At his weight, hard exercise isn't the solution, and may even be counter-productive.

The potato hack isn't some fad. Body builders and movie actors have been doing the potato hack for a long time to get in shape. Until he loses 50 pounds, a daily walk of 30-60 minutes should be his goal, until he feels comfortable doing light weight lifting a couple days a week.

 

[Transsimian]

It's a lot to think about and a lot of really great advice. I've already done some of it and that's how I lost the weight the first time around. I just need to find that drive and discipline that I had before so I can do it again.

Never rely on drive and discipline. They only can take you so far.

Whilst certain diets and metabolic boosters can make an expert lose weight faster. I'd recommend strict low carb for a beginner as it doesn't make you hungry, I'd stay away from cheat days/meals as they can easily make you slip up.

 

[Hannibal]

Every other approach in this thread is going to take you years.

If you do Rapid Fat Loss and you do it honest, you'll be able to drop 100 pounds in five months.

https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-48982.html

If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

 

[cascadecombo]

Not happy about the guy who posted the potato diet.

You aren't happy because I posted about something that actually works for me and many others who have been in the same situation as OP? Sour grapes man. At his weight, hard exercise isn't the solution, and may even be counter-productive.

The potato hack isn't some fad. Body builders and movie actors have been doing the potato hack for a long time to get in shape. Until he loses 50 pounds, a daily walk of 30-60 minutes should be his goal, until he feels comfortable doing light weight lifting a couple days a week.

Where did he suggest to OP to do hard exercise?

Reading his post he was asking if OP is or is not actually walking around daily like most of the people in that country do.

Weight lifting wouldn't kill the guy either, but that would only be if he wants to head there.

What Is The Potato Hack?


Here are the new Potato Hack guidelines courtesy of Vegetablepharm:

1. Plan on eating just potatoes for 3 to 5 days

2. Eat 2-5 pounds of potatoes each day

3. No other foods allowed (this includes butter, sour cream, cheese, and bacon bits!)

4. Salt, pepper, and vinegar allowed, but not encouraged

5. Drink when thirsty; coffee, tea, and water only

6. Heavy exercise is discouraged, light exercise and walking are encouraged

7. Take your normal medications, but dietary supplements will not be needed



Expected results from 3-5 days of the Potato Hack:

Fat loss of 3-5 pounds
Reduction in inflammation, joint pain
Reduction in digestive complaints
Increased insulin sensitivity, lower fasting blood glucose levels
Restoration of healthy intestinal bacteria
Continued weight loss upon resumption of normal diet

http://www.testshock.com/awesome-attractive-truth-potato-hack/

Even if this were to work as it says, it's a short term diet.

OP, from the best of my understanding, needs to get a few things in his life in order in order to fix his mental and physical states.

 

[samsamsam]

OP,

To answer your question if it is too late. No. It is never too late to improve your life. Improving life is like growing. And if you stop growing you are dying.

Also, I applaud you for your humble post with no excuses. It was genuine and sincere. While, I don't wish a weight problem on anyone, I do wish all posters (especially new ones) would be as sincere. Which, is why I imagine you are receiving a huge amount of support.

First of all, give yourself credit for realizing something needs to change. Only when a person wants to change, can he change.

Second of all, you need to find the program that is right for you. You have been offered many different suggestions. It may take a little while to sort out what you are committed to doing. Doesn't matter if you get the most efficient and fastest way to lose weight, if you are not committed to doing it, it is useless. In the short term, I'd suggest walking and eating healthier. I didn't say massive caloric deficits or protein only. Just said, make some healthier choices while you figure it out.

Good luck OP. I am rooting for you.

 

[Kratomite]

Everyone is being far too polite in this thread.

If I were a fat fuck like you, I'd do a 30 day water fast. Probably loose 50-60 pounds right there.

But since you'll undoubtedly not have the discipline for that, I'd advise intermittent fasting...16 hour daily fasts.

Break each fast with a salad that could feed a family of rabbits.

Only drink water, and black coffee/tea.

You'll be a slim jim in no time.

 

[The Beast1]

Have a full blood panel done, checking hormones, vitamin levels (D especially), etc. I know of several people who had severe issues with weight and depression. Both cases turned out to be their thyroid glands weren't functioning properly. This was easily fixed with medication (which isn't expensive).

I had an issue with weight gain and depression as well (mild depression). I addressed the issue with a diet change and supplements. Down 30 lbs of fat so far (20 more to go).

A lot of people here will offer platitudes about self control, positive thinking, and the like.

But really, depression is a negative feedback loop caused by chemical imbalances. No, the solution isn't SSRIs or talking about your feelings. The solution is to find out what the imbalance really is.

Hell is like Newark has this 100%. Most likely you are severely deficient in key nutrients.

Get a blood panel done and see exactly where you stand, especially if you haven't been to a doctor in a long time or haven't had any blood tests done recently.

While you wait for your appointment, start dieting by eating whole clean foods, make an effort to walk everywhere, use the stairs (instead of an elevator). Stuff like that.

 

[thebassist]

I have a suggestion to approach the psychological element of what you're going through. You mentioned that you had already succeeded in the past at losing a good amount of weight, but you messed it up at some point in time and undid your progress.

You were doing so well, and then, starting with one moment of weakness, you turned around all of your progress. I'm going to propose a strategy that will help you get through these 'moments of weakness', and give you the strength that you need to persevere. It centers around reminding yourself WHY you are doing what you are doing, something to snap yourself out of the impulsive desires that can lead to relapses of your unhealthy habits.

It's quite simple: take out a sheet of paper and grab a pen. On this sheet of paper you are going to write out all of these things that you have mentioned in the OP and more: your disgust with your current appearance, how fucked up it is that you're out of breath after a flight of stairs, how it's affecting your sex life and so on.

And most important of all, write down how you will do whatever it takes so that you will never look like this again.

When you're writing all of this you should be pouring out every single emotion that you have bottled up inside of you into this, let it serve as a complete representation of your current mental state.

Now make sure that wherever you are, you always have a copy readily available. Maybe you might not even need it for a few months, but the first second that you feel a moment of weakness coming on you need to take out that piece of paper, sit yourself down, and read through everything that you wrote again, and remind yourself WHY you have made the choice to improve your life, and ask yourself if going on a binge is worth returning yourself to your own personal hell. This is why it it is so important to pour your heart and soul into writing this: when you are contemplating a relapse, it should return you to the feelings that you felt when you were writing it: the disgust and the sadness, but most important of all, an overwhelming commitment to never, ever have to feel this way about yourself, ever again. Once again I stress: the reason that relapses often occur is that in the moment of temptation, distracted by our cravings we forget the WHY of the changes that we have made to our lives.

If you can give yourself this very powerful affirmation of the choices that you have made to change your life, you will be able to get through the moments of weakness, and with time you will find it easier and easier to resist them, until you will never ever be able to forget why you have decided to make this change in your life.