Most Difficult Situation You Were In

Speculation

Kingfisher
The most difficult was when I got into a massive fight against 30+ local white knights outside a club after a girl inside started shoving me.

Obviously I'm gonna shove back. This inspired hatred from WKs on the dancefloor who were trying to group up on me. The bouncers saw the beta behaviour of the WK and told them to calm down.

As the club is closing I hear 5 different people saying there's gonna be trouble waiting for me outside. They were right. 30 or so WK came up talking shit, but were too scared to hit me in the face, instead they went for coward shots to the back of my head.

Despite their numbers, their weakness means I was barely hurt. 2 black eyes and a cut nose, no big deal. I could sense the fear in them so as they were walking I chased them down and told them to "go home". They all left like little girls.
 

Pointy Elbows

Woodpecker
Orthodox
The most difficult was when I got into a massive fight against 30+ local white knights outside a club after a girl inside started shoving me.

Obviously I'm gonna shove back. This inspired hatred from WKs on the dancefloor who were trying to group up on me. The bouncers saw the beta behaviour of the WK and told them to calm down.

As the club is closing I hear 5 different people saying there's gonna be trouble waiting for me outside. They were right. 30 or so WK came up talking shit, but were too scared to hit me in the face, instead they went for coward shots to the back of my head.

Despite their numbers, their weakness means I was barely hurt. 2 black eyes and a cut nose, no big deal. I could sense the fear in them so as they were walking I chased them down and told them to "go home". They all left like little girls.
Is this thread going the direction you hoped?
 

Viktor Zeegelaar

Ostrich
Orthodox Inquirer
To add something to this discussion, I found that suffering is the currency of God. God pays you with suffering. The more you suffer, the richer you become. I hadn't learned anything if it were not for suffering. It is dreadful at the moment, but eventually it always pays out. God gives you what you need not what you want. This idea is completely contrary to the modernist society take on suffering, which is suffering is something that won't happen to me and that shouldn't be discussed. This is a tragedy for life is suffering. My takeaway now is that the bigger the smile on insta the bigger the depression and the bigger the smile on linkedin the more dissatisfaction with their job.
 

magaman

Woodpecker
I'm not sure if this is really my most difficult situation but I am in sort of a pickle right now.

My relationship with my girlfriend has soured and I'm honestly ready to drop her. She is never around anymore and insists on doing travel nursing in other cities of her choice very far away because she wants the money. It's good money for her but her original plan for our relationship was that she was going to work where I live and then that changed to her wanting to try travel nursing for extra money.. and now we're at she only wants to do that and never wants to work where I live ever again or "she'd be miserable". It bothers me because she tries to say that I'm her life and her priority but obviously that's not the case, judging by her actions. She expects that I'm going to change everything about my life to accommodate her and I've tried to meet her halfway and compromise but there's none that comes from her. She doesn't want to change anything and doesn't seem to care much about what I want and how I feel about anything. Then factoring in that she wants to live the lifestyle she lived before and doing who knows what with friends that I don't know but she insists that they're "good people".

My living situation is alright, at least when I'm paying my share of the bills. I live with my father in his house and basically I'm a tenant and he's the landlord. I'm allowed to live here as long as I pay my share and that's "fair". He gets a fixed income so he doesn't work. I've been going through a bad time lately and a lot of new jobs I tried to start, I didn't stay that long or I never went because I've been trying to accommodate other's desires, like my girlfriend's before my own and I know that's a serious mistake on my part, it's messed my mind up pretty bad. I know my Dad is starting to get concerned about whether or not I'm going to be able to pay him and I know I have to but my money is on short supply and I'm definitely going to have to make it stretch until I'm working again. I've realized now that I have to make myself happy and put myself first because no one else is going to. I'm not saying that either of them haven't done good things for me and been generous to a degree but we all need to be honest here; Money is first priority, for Dad and the girlfriend. Me and my well-being is definitely second or maybe even third, at best.

I know what I need to do and I guess I'm just venting right now because of my current situation. I need to put myself, my happiness, my desires and my goals first because no one else is going to and I really don't want others trying to run my life, whether directly or indirectly. People are going to do exactly what they want to do whether it makes me happy or not and I should do the same. Lately it feels like I haven't been. I don't like having people to worry about when I make decisions (like my Dad) or to impress (save for an employer, obviously I need to meet their goals and standards as condition of employment). I'm going to be frank, I'm tired of the bullsh*t fairy tales about how people "care so much" and "are here to help" when at the end of the day, I see what comes first (and hint, it's not me).
 

Edek

Robin
Orthodox Catechumen
I'm going to be frank, I'm tired of the bullsh*t fairy tales about how people "care so much" and "are here to help" when at the end of the day, I see what comes first (and hint, it's not me).
Sounds bad, being in limbo is often worse than having a situation conclude badly.

You aren't married to your girl, and she is behaving in a way that would make her a terrible wife. I stayed in a couple of "fun but going nowhere serious" relationships far too long, and I regret it on several levels. If you aren't clear with yourself about whether you are serious about marriage, or happy to fornicate while the getting's good while she does what she wants, then you can't expect her to respect your leadership, especially when she is out-earning you (happened to me, anyway).

It is practically impossible to put another person first, and I doubt it would even be good if it were (apart from with young children, who are kind of a "dependant extension" of you anyway when they are babies) - I can't operate anyone's mind and body except my own. I can't "make someone happy", that's not realistic. Happiness is an emotion, emotions come and go (thank God), and they are based on all sorts of factors that cannot possibly be controlled by one other human. I had long conversations with two women in my extended family / friends who divorced their husbands. The ex-husbands were loyal, reliable Delta males with no other life plans except working hard and "making their family happy". Outside of work and family time, I estimate that, apart from commuting, they had three or four hours a week of time to themselves mostly at the gym or socialising with groups of colleagues briefly after work.
Both women gave effectively the same reason for divorcing these decent men "I often felt lonely and/or bored around him".

I only know that the purpose of this life is not fulfilling my desires. It is to love the Lord and keep his commandments, which is easier said than done. I am no one to give advice on that score.
 
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Edek

Robin
Orthodox Catechumen
1. the most difficult single situation, as in "my car broke down in the middle of an unlit mountain road at 2am in a particularly heavy winter blizzard and i thought i was gonna die" type
Some Africans murdered their daughter next door to me about 8 years ago. My housemate heard the screams and alerted me. I listened for a moment and agreed those were not normal tantrum sounds, someone was being tortured. I ran outside and began pounding on the door. After some time, a woman opened the door and I asked what was going on, did they need help. She had guilt all over her face, I could see was lying plain as day, although I grew up around working class urban blacks, so I am naturally biased and assume they are lying in any situation where they have a reason to. That's just my experience, and I'm not saying that whites don't lie, I am referring to the behaviour that American cops apparently deal with constantly where they move to arrest a black person, who immediately begins yelling "I can't breathe". She told some story about her daughter hurting her hand on a door, it made no sense. Meanwhile, the screams had stopped. She began to close the door, and I put my hand on it, about to say "bring her to me, we have a first aid kit and can call an ambulance", and I was steeling myself to barge in.

At that moment, my other housemate put his hand on my shoulder. I felt courage: I looked up to and respected this guy. He is a bit younger than me, say 28-29 back then, in much better shape, and more successful in life all round. This was it, we were going to save this girl, right now.

But he pulled me away, saying, "leave it". I was momentarily stunned, and the African woman closed the door. There were no more screams. I don't know why we didn't call the police.

The next day, I saw the woman leaving alone. I ran out to her and asked if her daughter was ok. She was blank, expressionless, dishevelled, clearly hadn't slept, and flatly said "my daughter is gone". Never saw her again.

After a couple of weeks, I noticed that no one had been back there, the lights were always off. Curiosity got the better of me, and I peeped in through the windows. Couldn't see much, but the place was a like a rubbish tip. So I did something stupid. I broke in through an unsecure window using a coat-hanger to waggle the handle open.

It was obvious that someone had been slaughtered there, and probably cooked in the kitchen, which was covered in grease and hair. Everywhere, even on the ceiling. Blood all over the place. And on the doormat, there was some junk mail and two letters from a school, which I took. They said that this girl, I don't remember her name, hadn't showed up, and they were asking the parents to get in touch.

This was a bad time in my life. Before all this had happened, I was already run down, stressed, and using sleeping pills to get rest - not excessively, but they were prescription drugs that I got online. And the two weeks since the murder had been hard. I replayed the events incessantly, beating myself up for letting my friend pull me away, and for looking up to someone who turned out to be a coward. I should have gone to the police, even though I would have to confess to breaking in, in order to tell them anything, although I could have said the window was open to avoid a breaking and entering charge. I have had several petty scrapes with the law before, and had a conditional discharge for trying to steal (I prefer the term salvage) an abandoned, derelict, bicycle for its frame.

Instead, was a coward too, and I ran. Packed up and left the next day. It haunted me for years, and I had nightmares of standing at that door, unable to speak, unable to move without everything spinning around me or like my feet were made of lead.

I have had some tough experiences all through life. I've had no contact with my child going on four years now, who recently became a teenager. I was almost stoned to death in Pakistan by a mob after 9/11, was only saved because another member of my group had a photo of him being buddies with the Taliban. I've been homeless a few times, one time living in a park in a Northern European winter under a 4 metre square plastic sheet wedged against a wall in an overgrown corner. I've been dumped by a fiancée over money doubts in the space of a single morning (woke up in each other's arms; it was all over before lunch), and now I have all the covid stress plus a disagreement over about $5000 of work that I foolishly did for a "friend" with no contract, where I paid for all the materials. Now he has ghosted me, and the actual owner of the property I worked on, my friend's father, is claiming that he knew nothing of this project, and it has nothing to do with him, which is at best less than half true.

But we are not here to fear the darkness. It is a test of our courage. As Roosh has mentioned, if my life were all cakes and sunny meadows, why would I ever have to confront my sinfulness and turn to God?


elder.jpg
 

Edek

Robin
Orthodox Catechumen
I've had multiple deaths in the family back to back, the closest being my younger brother. On top of other heartbreaks at the time. Definitely felt like some malevolent force was reaching to get me too but I put my trust in Christ.
That is heartbreaking, to be sure. Two of my favourite uncles-in-law died during the last year, both inspiring Christian men.

Someone once told me words to the effect of this: we can respond to the endings of the people and things we love in one of two ways. More heartbreak, or less heart. The first is unbearable. The second is much worse.

I know, platitudes are fine, but they don't change anything. God's grace is the real deal.
 
I'll bite with a response like #1 to make up for my sarcastic earlier reply.

One of the most difficult situations (at the time) I have ever been in: One year during college, the lock cylinder on my VW Jetta froze. I could not turn the key in the cylinder to start the car, effectively making my car inoperable. The electronic security system would not allow me to bump-start it or turn the wheel. To make matters worse, I was working at an internship in the town of my college through winter break, and this occurred 3 days before Christmas. I needed the car for a 4.5hr drive to get home to see my family. I was also in the far north, and the snow was comin'
The stress began to build.

Trying to muscle the steering wheel and cylinder, the key soon broke off, flush with the edge so I couldn't pull it out. At this point I was getting desperate and frustrated.
I wildly searched the internet, looking for a solution. The only thing I found was towing it to a shop. This was obviously out of the picture due to Christmas looming. As my education was in electrical engineering, I began to think of how the cylinder interacted with the cars ECU to tell it to start. A day went by. Now it was the day before I had to drive home. Getting home from work that night I got back to business on the car, my mind burning, determined I would make it home in my German sleigh.

I eventually pried at the other side of the lock cylinder, which was attached to a small connector with two or three wires. This cap that was attached had electrical connections on the inside, about three of them in different ring formations. I deduced that the turning of the key (and cylinder) connected different parts of these rings to each other, which corresponded to different modes and eventually ignition. I took a small piece of wire, and began poking at different parts of these pads. At first, the lights of the car came on, and if I held it just right, stayed on.

Then I had my moment. Touching one end of the wire to the inner circle, and then to the outer circle, the car began to turn over and come to life! But I had another problem, it didn't stay on once I removed the wire.

I took the cylinder-end inside, and looked for what I had in the house. I ended up soldering wires to the connections on the cap, and using a light switch to start my car. It felt and looked like a hotwire.

So I began to drive home the next afternoon, elated that this tribulation was behind me. As I was going down the highway, my car died. I coasted it to the side of the road. A policeman came up to my passenger side window, where my girlfriend of the time was sitting. He took one look in with his flashlight and looking at a tangle of wires and a light switch under the steering column, in my lap, he said "are you alright?". My girlfriend was the type to pipe up in this situation and she uttered "He's an electrical engineer!". The cop responded with "Oh come on man, you should be able to figure it out!"

I twisted the wires around, and regaining a good connection, started the car back up. The police officer left, and I drove the rest of the way home.

So ended one of the most difficult moments of my life (at the time).

I say at the time because now I look back and figure I could have just rented a car. Undeveloped, broke, college mind me didn't factor that in.

Not the most serious of circumstances, but to a young man with untested mettle it was a good lesson in self reliance.
Cool. I had my car keys stolen while traveling and had to hot wire my car on the street. Luckily i had a whole box full of tools. I am an engineering student and well it was time to prove myself.... I would not call it my most difficult life situation, but it was a challenge.... felt badass as fuck to first hear the engine turning over.
 
My most difficult experiences took place at school. I am not troubled by the experiences of being bullied (and I went to school with some really sadistic guys), but when I bullied others, that still haunts me. There was that new guy coming to our school and I just joined the bullying and pushed him brutally to the ground when we played basketball and laughed at him when he wanted to punch me. It feels horrible to make people feel lonely and desperate. Even back then acting like that was emotionally difficult for me. Being the victim of others or destiny is easier than being the bad guy yourself, if you are not a sadist.
 

magaman

Woodpecker
Well guys, I think things are going to be pretty bad before they get better. I told my girl earlier that she doesn't run my life and she doesn't need to constantly text to check up on me like she is my mother. She went into meltdown mode and I have no idea how to respond or if I even should. All I know is that I didn't sign up for a long distance relationship and to just be an accessory to someone else's life while she goes off and does who knows what with her friends (and judging by the looks of the activities, they're not good ones!) I'm starting to wonder, has she EVER not had her cake and ate it too? It's like she is used to getting everything she wants from people and nothing she doesn't.

At least my Dad is sort of going easy on me with the bills although I don't necessarily feel good about that either. I know I've been falling short.. but I guess I'm at the point where I need to admit that I need God to give me strength and forgiveness for I've sinned.. I've been totally black-pilled, seeing everything for what it really is now.. but this is what needed to happen. If I could talk to Jesus right now I'd say "you know, they all hate me too man :( Pretty much everyone only wants something from me first, my well-being is definitely not the priority to anyone but me.. And most of the world treats my views on Christianity as you can believe in whatever you want, you still gotta go work, toil for the machine, pay bills and taxes like a good American boy!!"
 

Edek

Robin
Orthodox Catechumen
I told my girl earlier that she doesn't run my life and she doesn't need to constantly text to check up on me like she is my mother. She went into meltdown mode
It has been my experience that the less I describe someone else's behaviour to them, the less pointless drama I create. e.g.

"You don't run my life, so stop constantly texting to check up on me like you are my mother" = drama bomb, makes the other person defensive, we end up fighting about what I said and not discussing the real issue

vs

"Sometimes I feel annoyed when you text me multiple times a day. Would you be willing to discuss how we can communicate in a way that is better for both of us?" = makes it easy for the other person to hear where you are coming from & agree to your request to discuss the real issue.

To be really honest with you, you are in a mess here. You are in a sinful relationship with a woman who doesn't want to be with you that much, and it's distracting you from living your life, hoping that she will change: that almost certainly won't happen. Meanwhile, it is holding back your development, which is holding you back from being a better man who can get a better woman. Lose-lose, and for what? What do you really hope to gain here? Do you think of her and know that she is the ideal woman for you to marry, based on what you have to offer? Doesn't sound that way to me. If you are staying with her out of inertia and fear of loneliness, that's all you need to know to end it.

I apologise for wading in with unsolicited advice. It sounds as though you are quite a bit younger than me (40, almost) and I have made mistakes like this myself. After those relationships (which were a lot more fun than what you describe, it seems) ended, I looked back at all that lost time and energy, for what? Only remorse, and some photos I don't care to look at any more.
 
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magaman

Woodpecker
It has been my experience that the less I describe someone else's behaviour to them, the less pointless drama I create. e.g.

"You don't run my life, so stop constantly texting to check up on me like you are my mother" = drama bomb, makes the other person defensive

vs

"Sometimes I feel annoyed when you text me multiple times a day. Would you be willing to discuss how we can communicate in a way that is better for both of us?" = makes it easy for the other person to hear where you are coming from & agree to your request

To be really honest with you, you are in a mess here. You are in a sinful relationship with a woman who doesn't want to be with you that much, and it's distracting you from living your life, hoping that she will change: that almost certainly won't happen. Meanwhile, it is holding back your development, which is holding you back from being a better man who can get a better woman. Lose-lose, and for what? What do you really hope to gain here? Do you think of her and know that she is the ideal woman for you to marry, based on what you have to offer? Doesn't sound that way to me. If you are staying with her out of inertia and fear of loneliness, that all you need to know to end it.

I apologise for wading in with unsolicited advice. It sounds as though you are quite a bit younger than me (40, almost) and I have made mistakes like this myself. After those relationships ended, I looked back at all that lost time and energy, for what? Only remorse, and some photos I don't care to look at any more.
I'm 28.. and yeah that message I sent her was sort of a reactionary message, if I wasn't so frustrated then I would have worded it differently but it seems as though she's finally listening. If I hadn't worded it like that then she probably wouldn't understand my point, which comes down to communication issues. I realize now that it'd be best to just cut my losses at this point because I'm definitely not gaining anymore and we are both definitely going different directions and trying to meet her expectations has been very mentally taxing and yes, it's been hindering my development too.

Thank you, I appreciate the advice you've been giving me, it all helps in this difficult time brother.. Hope everything is going well for you during these rough days and trying times
 

MtnMan

Kingfisher
You really don't want to be with a woman who is only so-so about you. Sounds like its done to me. I should add, that I am not trying to sound like a jerk. I have been there, and I was blind to it in the moment. It was obvious in hindsight that she hadn't been into me for a while, and the writing was on the wall, but I was unable or unwilling to see it.
 
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magaman

Woodpecker
You really don't want to be with a woman who is only so-so about you. Sounds like its done to me. I should add, that I am not trying to sound like a jerk. I have been there, and I was blind to it in the moment. It was obvious in hindsight that she hadn't been into me for a while, and the writing was on the wall, but I was unable or unwilling to see it.
I see what you are saying. The thing is she wants to have her cake and eat it too and I just don't agree with it. It's not that she's lost interest in the fornicating so much as it seems she's less interested in the other aspects of the relationship. It seems as though she wants to live the lifestyle she used to live with her friends and now doesn't seem to care whether I'm okay with what she does or not, when it sort of did seem like she cared at first and wouldn't do certain things if I didn't like the idea. I'm just not buying that I'm her life and her priority when clearly all of us know that's not true, just based on what she does. She ultimately didn't want to change anything about her life or her plans but expected me to change everything about mine and that obviously isn't how things are supposed to be..
 

get2choppaaa

Ostrich
I see what you are saying. The thing is she wants to have her cake and eat it too and I just don't agree with it. It's not that she's lost interest in the fornicating so much as it seems she's less interested in the other aspects of the relationship. It seems as though she wants to live the lifestyle she used to live with her friends and now doesn't seem to care whether I'm okay with what she does or not, when it sort of did seem like she cared at first and wouldn't do certain things if I didn't like the idea. I'm just not buying that I'm her life and her priority when clearly all of us know that's not true, just based on what she does. She ultimately didn't want to change anything about her life or her plans but expected me to change everything about mine and that obviously isn't how things are supposed to be..
Sounds like you and her arent at the same place.

I'd move on... But that's easy for me to say not being the one in the picture.
 
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