Motivating Your Wife to Workout/Exercise?

Sword

Sparrow
Conventional/old redpill knowledge is to dread game your women, but when you have a family, dread game loses some of its effectiveness, are you REALLY going to walk out on your family? Regardless, anyone here have some good success or experience getting your woman to work out?

I workout nearly every day, looking good, other women look at me and all that but she...just lacks intrinsic motivation to a very high degree. Worse, when I ask or suggest or tell her to do something is causes resentment. I mean ANYTHING. I offer to buy her a gym membership, I offer to do youtube vids with her, to do yoga, to bike ride, ANYTHING.

So I am stuck between her not doing anything on her own, then when I offer anything she gets mad. The whole time complaining how she is fat. Just this morning is a very typical example, I am up 2 hours before her with the children, stretching and playing. She complains how she is ugly, hates being fat. Me -"Do you want to do yoga? Or how about this book I found for women about working out, want to get that?" Her (mad now like always)- "You think I am so ugly, and you are trying to control me. Every time you bring it up, it makes me not want to do it."

If we didn't have kids I honestly might have left her a while ago. I try to be stoic about it, just living my own life, but there is a element of resentment towards her that I even have our toddler having fun in the gym with me, but she won't do anything and I feel resentment because she isn't attractive while overweight. Or open to suggestions either.
 

DanielH

Ostrich
Orthodox
Work on your prayer life. Before you can convince her to work out with you, you will need to convince her to pray with you. Start off with short prayers before bed. Consider the Our Father and another prayer you like. Use this to form a closer bond with your wife. Praying together leads to more intimacy than anything else.

As a husband you're called to be the domestic pastor to your wife. If you can't lead her spiritually, you won't be able to lead her physically.

Also don't do yoga, each one of those poses was intentionally designed as a prayer to a Hindu "god."
 
are you REALLY going to walk out on your family?

Yes, I would. I have standards and I expect my wife to meet them. She is well aware of this.

For this reason my wife has always strived to meet those expectations. This is true in the gym but also with being able to have good conversation, care for our household, or keep up with the news where appropriate.

Your wife should have at least a subtle desire to interact with you in the things you're most interested in or I would reexamine what she believes her role is and what the relationship is about.
 

Lawrence87

Woodpecker
Orthodox
I'd ask her what she actually wants when she complains about feeling fat, because you have offered the logical and practical solution to the problem she is complaining about. It sounds like she is actually trying to say something else indirectly and this is why your response is creating resistance.

Do you always present exercise as the solution to a problem she has put forth? Or have you presented it as something you want from her?
 

ItalianStallion9

Woodpecker
Keep in mind that diet matters just as much as exercise when it comes to losing weight. Japan is thin and is low on caloric intake.

Your wife can exercise but if she still eats high calories every day she'll likely remain to be overweight.

Perhaps it would be easier to get her to eat healthier foods with less calories? If she gets thinner you may not be as concerned on the exercising portion specifically.
 

tractor

Woodpecker
Orthodox
Conventional/old redpill knowledge is to dread game your women, but when you have a family, dread game loses some of its effectiveness, are you REALLY going to walk out on your family? Regardless, anyone here have some good success or experience getting your woman to work out?

It seems to me that your wife is insecure about your relationship. "I'm so ugly, I'm so fat" sound more like asking "Honey, will you still be with me, if my body doesn't conform to some standard of a Jewish swimsuit magazine?" If you play the fitness coach instead of the loving husband, you may lose her trust.

You don't get her to do anything she's uncomfortable with if she feels insecure. Just work on your relationship and try to get rid of your resentment.
 
It seems to me that your wife is insecure about your relationship. "I'm so ugly, I'm so fat" sound more like asking "Honey, will you still be with me, if my body doesn't conform to some standard of a Jewish swimsuit magazine?" If you play the fitness coach instead of the loving husband, you may lose her trust.

You don't get her to do anything she's uncomfortable with if she feels insecure. Just work on your relationship and try to get rid of your resentment.
"Conform to standards of" is classic commie subversion language. Absolutely terrible take. A woman who has let her body go to waste and then explodes with anger at her husband showing the obvious ways out displays a lack of love and trust herself, and deserves punishment.

OP, if your wife is doing the things you say in the harsh way you describe, and she has been doing it for some time and there is no other major (actual) stress in her life to cause such behavior, it's not looking good.

Dread and nuclear options are likely the only way. Or just take a mistress.
 

tractor

Woodpecker
Orthodox
A woman who has let her body go to waste and then explodes with anger at her husband showing the obvious ways out displays a lack of love and trust herself, and deserves punishment.

Since when is bodily constitution/transformation is a reason for punishment in marriage? If the OP likes exercising a lot, there's no "right" to demand the same from his spouse. Let's say his wife would knit 1 hour a day and demand the same from him and complain on the forums if he'd show no "intrinsic motivation" as the OP put it.

By the way, according to OP's profile he's Catholic, so I think he should reminded what his cross is according to the Gospel.

You and some other contributors in this thread have - to put it mildly - very awkward ideas regarding marriage and family life. Try MGTOW lol
 

Feyoder

Kingfisher
Dread game is what works. Show me a girl trying hard to lose weight and I’ll show you a girl who is single, has a boyfriend she’s about to dump, or thinks she’s about to get dumped.

But you could try this

That's very externally motivated. Is it sustainable?

The ideal is for her to be self motivating to want to do it. No idea how you do that though. Spiritually: fatness is gluttony / self abuse.
 
Conventional/old redpill knowledge is to dread game your women, but when you have a family, dread game loses some of its effectiveness, are you REALLY going to walk out on your family? Regardless, anyone here have some good success or experience getting your woman to work out?

I workout nearly every day, looking good, other women look at me and all that but she...just lacks intrinsic motivation to a very high degree. Worse, when I ask or suggest or tell her to do something is causes resentment. I mean ANYTHING. I offer to buy her a gym membership, I offer to do youtube vids with her, to do yoga, to bike ride, ANYTHING.

So I am stuck between her not doing anything on her own, then when I offer anything she gets mad. The whole time complaining how she is fat. Just this morning is a very typical example, I am up 2 hours before her with the children, stretching and playing. She complains how she is ugly, hates being fat. Me -"Do you want to do yoga? Or how about this book I found for women about working out, want to get that?" Her (mad now like always)- "You think I am so ugly, and you are trying to control me. Every time you bring it up, it makes me not want to do it."

If we didn't have kids I honestly might have left her a while ago. I try to be stoic about it, just living my own life, but there is a element of resentment towards her that I even have our toddler having fun in the gym with me, but she won't do anything and I feel resentment because she isn't attractive while overweight. Or open to suggestions either.
I feel your pain brother. My wife has been active and in great shape her whole life, and used to go to the gym regularly. She especially enjoyed participating in classes because she lacks the 'self-starter' ability to structure and track her own workouts. I find most women are more drawn to group fitness aka 'team self-esteem' than us. Since we moved she has not joined a new gym. I bought her a nice stationary bike and we have some gym equipment (mats, dumbells, bench, etc.) in the basement. I think she's used it less than a handful of times. I always try and motivate her but she just doesn't have the spark to go the rest of the way. There are so many options available like short youtube workouts you can follow on your ipad. Even if pressed for time, all it takes is 15-20 minutes of some cardio, some dumbell squats, some kick backs, etc. I don't understand it.

I see healthy women (even older women) in our neighbourhood jogging, walking, mountain biking, etc. and I feel the resentment rise up. I then double down in my efforts to help her rather than let my eyes and mind stray.

What I have found to help her insecurity or reluctance is to do activities with her. Throw the frisbee at the park, go for bike rides together, etc. A little bit here and there. Those are good but lack the intensity needed to really stay in shape. Plus they are fairweather options only.

Maybe start with a simple walk? You can sell it as "we get to walk & talk" or it's "our time" away from the house, responsibilities, etc. You can walk to get coffee or some other reward? Women love doing this with other women...as long as they are gabbing they can probably walk 20 miles.
 
I have struggled with similar issues with my wife. While I agree with posters that spiritual health of marriage is paramount, and reflection should be made as to how important physical appearance is especially when considering the level of pornographic influence in our lives, I don’t think asking the question deserves a bunch of reprimand. He’s not asking if he should divorce his wife, or take on a mistress etc.
 

Sword

Sparrow
Do your wives actually work out or WANT to be helped? Thats an issue with mine, she had a really controlling mother, so whenever I even suggest anything, its this whole huge trigger thing where I am 'controlling her', which is really annoying. Again, I dont care WHAT she does, just do something. Then its an issue where when we have sex its hard for me to get turned on by her and then its issues 'you dont think I am cute!'.
 
Do your wives actually work out or WANT to be helped? Thats an issue with mine, she had a really controlling mother, so whenever I even suggest anything, its this whole huge trigger thing where I am 'controlling her', which is really annoying. Again, I dont care WHAT she does, just do something. Then its an issue where when we have sex its hard for me to get turned on by her and then its issues 'you dont think I am cute!'.
No and no. At least she doesn’t want to be helped in that regard. My wife is a very hard worker, at her job as well as at home. But personal health and fitness is a struggle area for her. She will get on a kick and I do try to help her and work with her but obviously fitness is an independent routine in the long term. You have to want it. While I wish she did better with fitness (perhaps quite selfishly), I do wonder what she’d give up to make it happen. The problem is she spends probably 1-2 hours scrolling on her phone/tv. Even 30 min of light exercise as substitute would help a lot. And then yes, you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t say anything sometimes in regards to her having days of negative self image. It’s an issue I think a lot of guys deal with I think, but likewise we have to have realistic expectations not influenced by previous consumption of pornography.
 

Enoch

Hummingbird
No and no. At least she doesn’t want to be helped in that regard. My wife is a very hard worker, at her job as well as at home. But personal health and fitness is a struggle area for her. She will get on a kick and I do try to help her and work with her but obviously fitness is an independent routine in the long term. You have to want it. While I wish she did better with fitness (perhaps quite selfishly), I do wonder what she’d give up to make it happen. The problem is she spends probably 1-2 hours scrolling on her phone/tv. Even 30 min of light exercise as substitute would help a lot. And then yes, you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t say anything sometimes in regards to her having days of negative self image. It’s an issue I think a lot of guys deal with I think, but likewise we have to have realistic expectations not influenced by previous consumption of pornography.
Not fair to expect her to be a mom, have a job, and look good. Pick 2.
 
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