My suburb is getting pozzed and I would like to avoid confrontation and stay out of trouble. Tips?

MajorStyles

Pelican
I've started thinking of America as a fallen Roman empire. The solution now is to find one's "tribe" and then interact within that country-club sphere as much as possible. The goal is that, with enough effort, that tribe becomes a self-sufficient entity with its own financial system, lines of communication, belief systems, activities, etc. Nobody can (or should) enter this tribe unless they have been vetted beforehand.

Re-examine your inner circle and limit your locations. Look to build from the inside out.
 
Short-term, you just need to go into severe avoidance mode when it comes to blacks, LGBT, Latinx, blue-hair wammens. There is nothing you absolutely need from them. E.g. if youre in a drive thru and you hear a black voice, just drive on and say to yourself "Oh well, I guess I dont get my smoothie today. I should probably 'do without' anyway.". ITS NOT WORTH THE RISK OF AN ALTERCATION WHERE YOU'RE INSTANTLY AT FAULT FOR BEING WHITE.
 

kel

Ostrich
I've started thinking of America as a fallen Roman empire. The solution now is to find one's "tribe" and then interact within that country-club sphere as much as possible. The goal is that, with enough effort, that tribe becomes a self-sufficient entity with its own financial system, lines of communication, belief systems, activities, etc. Nobody can (or should) enter this tribe unless they have been vetted beforehand.

Re-examine your inner circle and limit your locations. Look to build from the inside out.
Correct but can be tough. A lot of people, I suspect, are looking up and seeing the friends and colleagues they've had for years have become quite menacing and extreme, now they're trying to figure out how to build their tribe when what they thought was their tribe turned out to be good-time-gals that turned into bad times. And there's (reasonable) paranoia about outing oneself, so it makes it tough to make meaningful new connections. Definitely something I struggle with, I'm essentially living a double life while I try to transition from one to the other (and juggling all that with the normal responsibilities of life, the brass tacks things it takes to build any life, etc).
 

Easy_C

Peacock
Short-term, you just need to go into severe avoidance mode when it comes to blacks, LGBT, Latinx, blue-hair wammens. There is nothing you absolutely need from them. E.g. if youre in a drive thru and you hear a black voice, just drive on and say to yourself "Oh well, I guess I dont get my smoothie today. I should probably 'do without' anyway.". ITS NOT WORTH THE RISK OF AN ALTERCATION WHERE YOU'RE INSTANTLY AT FAULT FOR BEING WHITE.
One thing you learn growing up in some parts of the country even before this is that there are some racial interactions where, if present, should cause you to skip fast food stops. If you’re the only white or Hispanic guy in a Taco Bell just move on.
 

Max Roscoe

Pelican
Orthodox Inquirer
Just some logistics about my suburb - it has close to 100,000 people, so it's definitely large enough to not be a "small town". It's about 80% white and 6% black - probably at least 5% of that white number is hispanic, so I'm dealing with 75% white at best, it could possibly be as low as 70%.
If you are having trouble with 6% of the population, you moved into the wrong apartment complex or neighborhood.

I live in a 60% black city and I frequently don't lock my doors.
It's been dawning on me lately, though, that the happiest I've ever been is when I was abroad. I don't really have any roots in any major metro areas in the US (moved a lot as a kid), and I wouldn't lose much if I was an expat for the rest of my life.
Most other countries, rich or poor, have a greater cohesiveness and center because they have things like a homogeneous population, physical city center, attractive architecture, cities designed for walking, and a system of government, that may be corrupt but is at least Mexican bureaucrats working for Mexican citizens, etc. I felt this many times when I would be in Asia and a Taiwanese taxi driver would assist the Taiwanese girl I was with because they had a common identity and didn't want to screw each other over, unlike the way a Nigerian taxi driver in the US feels no comeraderie with an Indian customer he picks up.

A close friend is in the FSU now and is having a blast, about to get married there. Just ask yourself this: When you are traveling abroad, do you get upset or angry at the behavior of others, and try to influence or change them? Or do you just accept their society for what it is. It sounds like you are trying to fight or save some aspect of US culture and that battle was long ago lost. My family is the only reason I'm still in the US.
 

Leonard

Chicken
I wish! My username is the name of Tony Soprano's boat. (Although I'm mostly southern Italian ethnically and a traditionalist Catholic. My grandmother was an immigrant and spoke all Italian until she hit her late teens.)

If I do end up spending time away from the United States to teach English, it would probably be in Italy or Spain (I'm definitely high intermediate level in Spanish, so Italian wouldn't be that much of a difficulty spike). Maybe an Eastern European country if I end learning one of the languages of the FSU, but those are a lot harder.

I spent nine months in the Middle East as a student and probably wouldn't go back. The pressure to convert to Islam wasn't overwhelming, but pretty constant, and I couldn't make any real local friends there as a result.

It's been dawning on me lately, though, that the happiest I've ever been is when I was abroad. I don't really have any roots in any major metro areas in the US (moved a lot as a kid), and I wouldn't lose much if I was an expat for the rest of my life.
Oh,
I did not know the name of Tony Soprano's boat. (When you pronounce it a certain way it's a vulgar southern Italian expression. Something like: "...my foot!" but referring to another part of the body.
Large cities in Europe, of course, have a large migrant population. Even in Italy there a lot of migrants now, who settled there in the past twenty years. But migrants are not necessarily a problem. Not all of them bother me. For example, in Italy there a lot of migrants from eastern Europe, mainly Romania. They are Christian, very respectful and well integrated.

When I go there (to Italy, I mean), I make a point to search for and rediscover all the things that I hadn't seen before. Italy is, by far, the richest country in heritage of our Christian European culture; but all Europe is a treasure trove. And the Americas too, which I like to call a Magna Europa, are a testimony to the greatness of European Christian civilization. Now we are told that we renege it, and actually be ashamed of our cultural heritage. I think it's worth fighting for; but fight for real. In Italy, Hungary or Minnesota.
Dio sia con te,
L.
 

Nate_Drake

Sparrow
Long term plan relocate out of Minnesota! South Dakota is booming now if you're into cold weather and want to be close by. Otherwise head down south to the new republic.
 

stugatz

Pelican
A close friend is in the FSU now and is having a blast, about to get married there. Just ask yourself this: When you are traveling abroad, do you get upset or angry at the behavior of others, and try to influence or change them? Or do you just accept their society for what it is. It sounds like you are trying to fight or save some aspect of US culture and that battle was long ago lost. My family is the only reason I'm still in the US.
Never. Maybe that comes across as weird due to how angry my initial post was, but I almost never got upset about the behavior of others overseas.

When I lived in Casablanca, there was moderate noise coming from the streets quite often - and I just shrugged at it or put in headphones. Much of it came from the mosques, obviously - that call to prayer can extremely loud depending on who's shouting it. Coffee shops there are interestingly enough, not meant to be quiet like they are here, probably because they're male hangouts that would be bars in the United States. If I had to study there or wanted to read, I learned to tune out the hooting and hollering that went on during soccer matches.

Morocco, while not ridiculously so, has an authoritarian bent to its culture. (Their parliament has some power, but not really any that can make a difference. It had even less before the Arab Spring.) It's actually illegal to say bad things about King Mohammed VI or Islam's prophet Mohammed as well. Every restaurant or coffeehouse has a shrine-like picture of the king greeting you when you enter. As far as Christianity went, any church I attended that hadn't been there historically (so, anything built after 1956) was one that was underground, advertised through word of mouth, and had a different location every week. All of this I disliked or was bothered by, but I considered myself a non-Arab guest in the country and acted accordingly. I'd likely do the same in an FSU or European country.

Reason I push back here domestically is because I'm trying to regain what I see as lost ground...but the more I look around, the more I don't really think it's something I can make a difference about. I think I'm going through the stages of grief in a way, I almost think we're all saying the last rites for the west.
 
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magaman

Woodpecker
Never. Maybe that comes across as weird due to how angry my initial post was, but I almost never got upset about the behavior of others overseas.

When I lived in Casablanca, there was moderate noise coming from the streets quite often - and I just shrugged at it or put in headphones. Much of it came from the mosques, obviously - that call to prayer can extremely loud depending on who's shouting it. Coffee shops there are interestingly enough, not meant to be quiet like they are here, probably because they're male hangouts that would be bars in the United States. If I had to study there or wanted to read, I learned to tune out the hooting and hollering that went on during soccer matches.

Morocco, while not ridiculously so, has an authoritarian bent to its culture. (Their parliament has some power, but not really any that can make a difference. It had even less before the Arab Spring.) It's actually illegal to say bad things about King Mohammed VI or Islam's prophet Mohammed as well. Every restaurant or coffeehouse has a shrine-like picture of the king greeting you when you enter. As far as Christianity went, any church I attended that hadn't been there historically (so, anything built after 1956) was one that was underground, advertised through word of mouth, and had a different location every week. All of this I disliked or was bothered by, but I considered myself a non-Arab guest in the country and acted accordingly. I'd likely do the same in an FSU or European country.

Reason I push back here domestically is because I'm trying to regain what I see as lost ground...but the more I look around, the more I don't really think it's something I can make a difference about. I think I'm going through the stages of grief in a way, I almost think we're all saying the last rites for the west.
Same man.. Some days I feel like I should try to make a difference but then I remember that most people aren't really listening because they've already made up their minds one way or the other. Now I'm just gonna take advantage of what I can get and make things work for me whatever way I can.
 

Lian

Pigeon
Gold Member
Based on what you wrote I second looking into expatriating. It sounds like you don't have such deep connections to any one particular place or part of the US, and in these mini battles you want to regain ground that was lost, all feelings I understand, including your struggles with rage and wanting to react, and I have dealt with the same issues. You can blow on the hull of the Titanic until you're exhausted and struggling to breathe, but it won't make one bit of difference in altering its course, that's the sad reality. Eventually, there will be nowhere there to run. Do you feel like it's your fight to fight when push comes to shove, say on a plot of land your extended family has owned for centuries that is deeply intertwined with your DNA and heritage, or are you just another rootless mutt American, like so many including myself? If the latter, I'd say it's worth it to consider leaving.

Being of predominantly Italian ancestry I think you said, you might even qualify for citizenship. As you said, English teaching is an option. Leaving permanently isn't for everyone. Then again, all of our (US) ancestors did it at one point, many with no guaranteed job, or much money at all.
 
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stugatz

Pelican
Based on what you wrote I second looking into expatriating. It sounds like you don't have such deep connections to any one particular place or part of the US, and in these mini battles you want to regain ground that was lost, all feelings I understand, including your struggles with rage and wanting to react, and I have dealt with the same issues. You can blow on the hull of the Titanic until you're exhausted and struggling to breathe, but it won't make one bit of difference in altering its course, that's the sad reality. Eventually, there will be nowhere there to run. Do you feel like it's your fight to fight when push comes to shove, say on a plot of land your extended family has owned for centuries that is deeply intertwined with your DNA and heritage, or are you just another rootless mutt American, like so many including myself? If the latter, I'd say it's worth it to consider leaving.

Being of predominantly Italian ancestry I think you said, you might even qualify for citizenship. As you said, English teaching is an option. Leaving permanently isn't for everyone. Then again, all of our (US) ancestors did it at one point, many with no guaranteed job, or much money at all.
I feel the need to elaborate a little. I apologize if this turns out to be stream-of-consciousness.

Trying not to doxx myself, but I currently live in crappy, decaying Minnesota (obviously). Lived in Wisconsin around a decade during and after college, and I feel like I have the strongest roots there. Before then, had moved NINE times due to being in a military family, mostly around the southwest. I'm actually originally from Massachusetts. I can't say I know the vast majority of my very large extended family. (Most of them are spread around the US, a good third of them, interestingly enough, in the DC area.)

For example, a cousin is getting married in the fall and I have absolutely no intention on going to the wedding. In fact, the last relative I spoke to was another cousin - he felt the need, right around New Year's, to make a threatening phone call to my dad over a Facebook post they butted heads on. I contacted him within five minutes, and calmly told him that if he ever spoke to my father like that again, I'd put his ass in the hospital. I don't at all regret telling him that, and don't care if my aunt tries to get us to make amends - I'll probably just tell him a second time, and suggest that his kid probably isn't his.

Ultimately - I don't know the majority of my relatives, and don't really care to at this point - I had no chance to get to know them growing up. I have a strained relationship with my own immediate family (my father especially), and really don't talk to my siblings much. (Unless I'm nerding out with my brother over food-related stuff, or we're bonding over talking about what a crappy upbringing we had and how cringe our dad is whenever we're out doing something. My sister renounced all religion and married a non-Christian.)

Last time I was happiest was, to be frank, when I was in a majority Muslim country struggling to learn Arabic for a major I ended up abandoning. I didn't have a penny to my name and, during weekends (where most of my rich classmates RyanAired around nearby Europe), I read voraciously in smoke-filled coffee shops.

It was this odd and comforting feeling that I'd ESCAPED. My problems were on the other side of the Atlantic, and it was like my life up until that point had just been a bad dream. If I decided to maybe just take a ferry to southern Spain, I could disappear, or make a solid effort at doing it. I've always been gifted with languages, and could probably achieve fluency in a Romance language within a year. No more college debt, my family wouldn't be a millstone around my neck anymore, and I'd get to be the interesting foreigner forever.

If I could right now drop everything and leave without any explanation, I'd do it. I just don't really have the money right now, and so much could go wrong.
 
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unit414

Robin
/\ Great post. You're an interesting guy, and you're no dummy. For what it's worth, I believe things will get better for you. Just be patient, and stay red-pilled. You seem pretty adaptable, and could probably do well starting over in a different country, when the time is right.
 
I feel you man. Recently moved across the country and the neighborhood I moved to, although nice, has one to many sketchy looking characters hanging around these days. Just count your lucky stars you didn't purchase an actual house, and can get out when the lease is up.
 

stugatz

Pelican
I must say I am astounded at how fast I sobered up after this incident. I pretty quickly realized that I don’t have a lot of choices outside of avoidance, and I now rarely feel angry at stuff like this anymore. (Maybe I subconsciously realize when I get angry I do really stupid things?)

This said, it motivated me to be more situationally aware, and for that reason I think it’s indirectly one of the best things that’s happened to me recently (I may have said that earlier in the thread).
 

MRAll134

Pelican
Avoidance is almost never the right solution to any problem. It is almost always better to engage with any challenge, or it will just keep coming up.

Being situationally aware is always good. And, I sometimes visually/imaginatively put on my "full armour of God," in the morning. Because, there is just so much evil in the world. My spiritual armour can just deflect most of what comes my way:

"Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground...stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace..." :)

550e93c698337925.jpeg
 

LeoniusD

Pelican
I don't think that you will be able to live with them long-term. And let's face it - the main group you are talking about are blacks on welfare with ghetto culture.

I know Minneapolis quite well, but usually stay around Chanhassen or further up north where the average houshold income is safely well beyond 100.000$ or even 150.000$.

You should consider moving - one of the cheaper places in those areas are better than having your life destroyed sooner or later by the diversity. Luckily some Minneapolis surroundings offer plenty of escape room at least for the coming years.

It does not even matter whether you think that you can live next to them - even the smarter blacks move away and they can blend in more easily. You don't even have that luxury and sooner or later you will have to face the music and move - do it now before their area gets more encompassing and the real estate prices go down more after another BLM riot.
 
Stugatz, your neighborhood situation reminds me of what mine was like, back in America. I lived in a lower middle class neighborhood. I would not have wanted to bring my Filipino family back there, especially due to having four stepdaughters. They would have had good chances of dating local idiots/meat-heads, which I wanted to avoid at all costs. Were there good young men in that place for them to date? Yes, of course, but I often don't trust the decision making skills of teenage girls... They can now instead date local Filipino meatheads! Lol But actually, there are some good young men in this area.

I used to live in a much worse area in the same city, which was close to a public housing project. I was roommates with an older woman who had a beautiful home, not due to wealth, but because she was a professional artist, and her house felt like an art museum. A few years before I lived there, two teen males from the local housing project broke into her home, maced her two big dogs into submission, and then used baseball bats to smash up everything! Years of artistic endeavor destroyed! The barbarians had arrived!

The police did eventually arrest them, but they were under-age, and it was seen as "merely a property crime." They got off easy for what they did. This older woman was a hardcore sjw liberal, who due to a lack of money (she liked to travel and so did not prioritize her home security) did not install, even after all that, a modern cctv security system! I would have put up high fences, gotten more big dogs, bought guns, put up warning signs, put bars over the windows, but not her. She was basically fatalistic about her situation and tried not to focus on it. She actually told me how sometimes at night she would look outside into her beautiful backyard, and see shadowy homeless people there, just hanging out or looking for things. Her yard gave off the false appearance of being safe, due to the many bushes and trees, but if anything, that actually made it unsafe for her and others.

When I first moved in, I brought my fairly large book collection. I had around five big boxes, each weighing around one-hundred pounds. One of the boxes I left outside in the backyard, under the terrace, thinking that I was tired and would retrieve it in the morning. Well, morning came and the box was gone! I thought at first my roommate had moved it, but she had not. As I searched everywhere it dawned on me that some unknown person during the night had walked away with it! Ugh! I felt so frustrated and violated. And I had not at that point created an inventory of my books, so I am still not sure what all I lost. After that early incident, I was paranoid about my security there. Later on, I had a bicycle that I did not bother to lock up while I was eating lunch, and it disappeared during the middle of the day.

The weird thing about this street was that it appeared very nice and solidly middle to upper middle class. But as you moved away from it, within a quarter mile in any direction, you encountered urban blight. If any street/community needed to be gated, it was this one! Lol Break-ins and vandalism were very common, and either youth from the public housing project, or the criminal homeless, were usually the perpetrators. The largely white families living there were just in a state of quiet denial of the situation.

I had some friends who were ex-military and NRA gun lovers as well as dog breeders, who put most of their disposable income into impressive gun collections. When I told them of my situation they said we should all pool our money together, buy the big old house this woman had, and then put up signs saying, "if you are feeling suicidal come on in and try to rob us!" Lol And with them living there, it would have been.
 
I live about 20 miles from Minneapolis, but always suspected that since the nearby Wal-Mart is a far different demographic than most of this suburb, that they weren't coming from six miles away. I've confirmed that I live a mere few blocks away from public housing - gee, no wonder our garage has break-ins that the cops shrug at.

The other day I was walking on a nature trail with my visiting father. I've always noticed that about half a mile down it, we have a group of rowdy children (like 15 of them) that run around and overturn their own trash cans, but I've always just ignored them and kept walking, as it's not my apartment complex and they don't bother us. Well, a couple of days ago, I actually listened to what they were yelling, and it was racial epithets & taunts directed at me and my father. (And I'm talking X-rated stuff that I wouldn't have known at that age - the oldest one was probably 11 at most.) One kid even threw a stick at us as we walked past, as they wanted us to "keep walking and go away". We sadly had to end up turning around at the end of our walk and walking the same way back, as this is a straight trail with no curve. Taunting was worse the second time, and I ended up shooting one of them the bird, knowing that likely anyone they told wouldn't believe them. (I am in no way proud of this.) I stared all 4 of them down on the way out, just in case I ended up getting a rock thrown at my head as I looked the other way.

I've now gotten a lot more nervous about potentially having racial problems come near where I live. An 85% Caucasian demographics listing isn't exactly a fair way to spin it if you're living within proximity of probably two or three low-income complexes. Our local Wal-Mart was boarded up before Floyd verdict dropped for a reason. I'm afraid of three aspects of my personality:

1) I have a very troubling tendency to want to respond to any insults or disparaging comments I hear, and sadly, it doesn't matter how old they are. I was bullied for most of my life (including college) and I have chronic anger & rage problems as a result. I'm really bad at what Active Self-Protection calls "verbal judo".
2) On top of this, I feel a self-righteous indignation when I see someone not acting politely like they ought to, and I feel like I'm entitled to call him out & put a stop to it or even humiliate them. (For example, I've definitely told a person or two in a coffee shop to put their music on earphones so I can study in peace - usually name-calling and a raised voice is a part of this confrontation, and the few times I've done it, the person is too shocked and afraid to tell me no. I guess maybe it's the look on my face or the tone of my voice.)
3) Making *this* worse is the fact that I moved out to the suburbs at a great effort and a great cost, only to have a junior version of the problems I ran away from. I'm just flat out pissed that I lucked out and have all of these amenities at my disposal...and I can't use many of them for fear of a bad confrontation. I can't walk around at three in the morning or dare to leave my car unlocked.

Ultimately, though, I know that all of this stuff is on a collision course sooner or later. I just want to keep my head down and stay out of trouble before I get the opportunity to move out even further when my lease is up.

I guess my question is this - how exactly do I get a thicker skin and just shrug at more things? How do I let things like this roll off my back? Should I just keep a mental log of the clientele of every place I go and only go to certain places? I feel the right to feel angry about all of this, but I also know that someone like me these days is in a world of hurt if he berates the wrong person in this day and age. And it's really only a matter of time.
It seems (that you probably know it) your only solution is to move.
Avoid confronting the problematic group of individuals. (I know it is not easy, particularly if you are a PTSD sufferer) but confronting them could put you in real danger. But don;t bea tyourself up over it. Nowadays almost any neighjbourhood (except where the elite lives) can turn bad very quickly. The only solution is to move away from there as soon as one is able to do so.
Move to better neighborhood as soon as you are able to. Thankfully you did not buy, only rent a property there, so you should be able to move sooner than later.

If I was you, and had the means I would try finding a way to move even before the lease is up.
 

Hannibal

Ostrich
Gold Member
There are plenty of double and triple digit population towns in minnesota that are more or less 95% white, shouldnt be too hard to relocate there.
 
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