My view on dating in the USA.....is this accurate?
- Thread starter Mikeyd03
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Unrelated to the thread title, but related to dating American women in a foreign country or dating comparison between USA vs foreign country (i.e., Serbia, Russia).
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Russian Beauty in the Eyes of an American Beholder
Does adapting to Russia mean choosing to be "beautiful"? As far as stereotypes about Russia goes, "beautiful women" is up there with "vodka" and "cold." When I planned to come to Russia, people with experience in the country told me that American girls can almost neve...
6 culture clashes I had as an American woman traveling alone in Russia
I recently spent 12 days traveling through Russia for Business Insider, and I experienced some bewildering culture clashes.
www.businessinsider.com
Students talk cultural beauty perceptions - The Pitt News
Several thousand international students and foreign-born citizens each bring with them to Oakland different ideas of what makes a person good-looking.
Although that Kat Life in Serbia woman is getting a hard lesson in humility (probably for the best), that samirah lady in a way almost seems worse. She seems to have a very materialistic view of what femininity is. That it's about having long hair, manicures, etc. True femininity is an inner thing the same way masculinity is more about courage, honor, trade mastery, obedience to God, and less about tattoos, beards and pickup trucks.
They both seem off, but at least the Kat lady (no pun intended) is getting her humility lesson and could turn her life around. Things could work out a little TOO well for Samirah and she could just stay in her seemingly shallow outlook.
They both seem off, but at least the Kat lady (no pun intended) is getting her humility lesson and could turn her life around. Things could work out a little TOO well for Samirah and she could just stay in her seemingly shallow outlook.
Yea her combative disposition is not a great look. She seems catty and insecure. Let us hope the Lord guides her
I think you have accurately summed up the situation. I have a son in his twenties who I told basically just forget about women in the sense of looking for one. I think most women now are basically trash (most men too as well) and that it is better to be alone than to be in relationship with a woman who is of the world. My advice is this: keep your standards high and do not compromise. If you meet a prospective wife be disciplined and different from all the unbelieving men she has met before, eg do not cave in because of lust. Tell her that you demand a traditional woman who is a christian and does not live as the unbelievers do, that includes social media. Hold out and if she will not convert and change then move on. Be brutal with yourself. Look I know this is a tall order but frankly I go back to my point about being better off alone than with a Jezebel who is going to try and destroy your faith. Things were bad in my day but social media and the fact that a woman can have a multitude of men giving her dopamine hits off the internet has made the whole thing incredibly decadent and perverse. I personally believe that by adopting this standard you will filter out anybody who is wasting your time immediately but if you meet a woman who can be salvaged you will actually be making yourself a lot more intriguing and valuable because even in the depths of sin righteousness has a natural attraction because it is what everyone wants deep down even if they don't know it.
SlickyBoy
Ostrich
Here's the top selling dating book right now. It's geared towards women, which indirectly affects men trying to deal with it:
Sherry Argov.....
Argov?
hm....
en.wikipedia.org
Call it a (((coincidence))) but wow, how unexpected.
Sherry Argov.....
Argov?
hm....
Argov - Wikipedia
Call it a (((coincidence))) but wow, how unexpected.
Can't really see anywhere else to put this.
My conclusion, that in Western society at-large, the primary metric that women select men on is social status.
While outside of the West, it is much more common for women to select based on a matrix of finances, ability to give good emotional feelings, varying types of dominance, showing traits of being dependable.
Finances don't matter much in the West, as women don't need money. There are only a small number of gold diggers.
Emotional good feels don't matter much in the West as women are not feminine and may be offended by trying to give them emotional good feels. They are also something that will require bringing down a few barriers first, before they may be accepted.
Dominance does matter in the West, but its Trumped by social status. Only a minority of girls will continue to fall for dominance tricks,
Being dependable doesn't matter much in the West, because of the note on finances, and the notion that a man should be leading is degraded.
As a result, women don't really care about commitment in the West. A boring, unattractive street cleaner in the West is pretty much a negative asset to women. While he would still have something to offer in many countries.
Western women skew to only wanting commitment from men of higher social status. While non-Western women skew to wanting commitment from men who provide what should be un-feminine or masculine properties.
I would say that male appearance has very little weight anywhere in the world; unless you are from a preferred race (which is probably just inferred social status*) or in the case of extremely attractive men. I think it's probably about 1 in 1,000 or fewer men are headturners. If you are a top 10% male, some women may have quick looks at you. But it's very much in the nature of women to not put themselves in the initiator position. It's only a very small number of men who women literally can't help but look at. While maybe 10% of women are headturners for men.
* social status gets infered by ethnicity-nationality. People don't tend to think of there being any poor people in countries like Switzerland, especially in comparison to somewhere like Kenya or The Dominican Republic.
In my limited experience, I would say that the four traits listed above are only valued in two Western countries - Serbia and Armenia. An obvious reason for that is because those are two of the poorest countries in that sphere. But they are also maybe the two most insular.
My conclusion, that in Western society at-large, the primary metric that women select men on is social status.
While outside of the West, it is much more common for women to select based on a matrix of finances, ability to give good emotional feelings, varying types of dominance, showing traits of being dependable.
Finances don't matter much in the West, as women don't need money. There are only a small number of gold diggers.
Emotional good feels don't matter much in the West as women are not feminine and may be offended by trying to give them emotional good feels. They are also something that will require bringing down a few barriers first, before they may be accepted.
Dominance does matter in the West, but its Trumped by social status. Only a minority of girls will continue to fall for dominance tricks,
Being dependable doesn't matter much in the West, because of the note on finances, and the notion that a man should be leading is degraded.
As a result, women don't really care about commitment in the West. A boring, unattractive street cleaner in the West is pretty much a negative asset to women. While he would still have something to offer in many countries.
Western women skew to only wanting commitment from men of higher social status. While non-Western women skew to wanting commitment from men who provide what should be un-feminine or masculine properties.
I would say that male appearance has very little weight anywhere in the world; unless you are from a preferred race (which is probably just inferred social status*) or in the case of extremely attractive men. I think it's probably about 1 in 1,000 or fewer men are headturners. If you are a top 10% male, some women may have quick looks at you. But it's very much in the nature of women to not put themselves in the initiator position. It's only a very small number of men who women literally can't help but look at. While maybe 10% of women are headturners for men.
* social status gets infered by ethnicity-nationality. People don't tend to think of there being any poor people in countries like Switzerland, especially in comparison to somewhere like Kenya or The Dominican Republic.
In my limited experience, I would say that the four traits listed above are only valued in two Western countries - Serbia and Armenia. An obvious reason for that is because those are two of the poorest countries in that sphere. But they are also maybe the two most insular.
Unrelated to the thread title, but related to dating American women in a foreign country or dating comparison between USA vs foreign country (i.e., Serbia, Russia).
Russian Beauty in the Eyes of an American Beholder
Does adapting to Russia mean choosing to be "beautiful"? As far as stereotypes about Russia goes, "beautiful women" is up there with "vodka" and "cold." When I planned to come to Russia, people with experience in the country told me that American girls can almost neve...
6 culture clashes I had as an American woman traveling alone in Russia
I recently spent 12 days traveling through Russia for Business Insider, and I experienced some bewildering culture clashes.
Students talk cultural beauty perceptions - The Pitt News
Several thousand international students and foreign-born citizens each bring with them to Oakland different ideas of what makes a person good-looking.
That Kat in Serbia is overweight even by American standards. I highly doubt her tweets about geing desired constantly. Then again the thirst is high.
Here's the top selling dating book right now. It's geared towards women, which indirectly affects men trying to deal with it:
Sherry Argov.....
Argov?
hm....
Argov - Wikipedia
Call it a (((coincidence))) but wow, how unexpected.
Funny story...I was in a bookstore one day back in 2010 or so. I saw a really pretty 20-something reading a book and decided to approach her. THIS was the book she was reading (it was first published back in 2009). It obviously gave me a good opening line. Can't remember what I said exactly but it pertained to the title and it made her laugh.
We ended up going out to lunch but nothing became of it. But this was the one and only time I picked up a girl (and an attractive one to boot!) in a bookstore.
I agree with nearly all of your post except for the part that looks don't matter to most women. Looks matter very much to a lot of these women. This is why the top 80% of attractive women are all trying to date the top 20% of attractive men.
Just look at the dating apps. It's all based on looks. When it comes to choosing who to date, women have become as superficial as teen-aged boys. Social status does play a considerable part, but not as much as looks.
I think with apps the theme is:
- if people are at a football game, and you're a star player, you have status
- if people are at a music venue, and you're one of the musicians, you have status
- at a video game tournament or anything, if you're the winner, you have status in the eyes of the female nerds too
- women don't see "____ champion" or "owns a small business" when they are swiping; looks are the measuring stick.
You're right that women are swiping based on looks, but few of them will meet a single one of the matches.
If you are top 10% of looks, you message the girls, and most won't even read the message, never mind reply.
One girl showed me one of her accounts once. I'd say she was marginally above average and she had 100s of unread messages.
A guy at 10% for looks wouldn't get 10% of those messages.
If they do reply, chances are they won't reply to your reply.
Very often they won't reply to any question you ask them. They just reply something like, "Hi, how are you?"
They are more interested in whoever is at the top of their immediate social circle.
And it's likely not being able to attract the top of their social circle is one of the reasons they go on apps. That, or they are looking to branch above their social circle.
The data posted in one of these threads, quite clearly showed that modern women's behaviour is to eventually settle for someone their level, but this is taking increasingly longer to get to.
I've noted before that things were different in the 50-80s. Not that it's ideal (but this is the topic), women would quite indiscriminately date guys based on the earlier four attributes I mentioned, or something else:
Joey has a nice car.
Bill is really climbing high at the local newspaper.
Steve is such a dream boat...
Many countries around the world are still in this mode.
It's not uncommon to find something like an attractive 22 yo Armenian girl married to a fairly slubish, uncharasmatic 30yo guy, because he is fairly wealthy. You're not really going to find many matches when the main reason the girls has chosen the guy is looks unless the race card is in play.
According to the rubric someone came up with to measure attractiveness from Tinder matches, I am in the top several percent. On the old HotOrNot site they gave you a percentile and I was somewhere in the top 90+%. I'm still going to struggle to get anywhere near my level of attractiveness to meet me on an app. The point at which it gets easier is the point where I have zero interest in them. And even then, they could barely rustle up any interest.
When I've been in various other countries on the other hand, women will just show interest. That is precisely just what they don't show in the West - interest.
Game, IMO, was a tool to methodically try and maxamise interest. Largely by lies or tricks. Primarily it is to mimic attributes of social status, without actually really having any.
Yes. If you out SMV girls, which in the west is the case to get anyone remotely humble, it's not worth any long term relationship or more.
It's all about a healthy culture and them actually needing you, or thinking (at least) that they do. In the west, none applies.
Good comments. To add some sharpness, I'd replace looks with status. Sure, looks is a part of the equation, but it's a minor part. What it's really about is status. Is this guy respected, what is his social circle, does he have an interesting lifestyle, does he make bank, is he going somewhere, is he mysterious, is he confident. So it's nice if you've got a nice shirt and are jacked, bonuspoints, but if it's only that, it's not enough to really get a girl interested.
With the second point, yes, they are spawned with messages all day. It's indeed a battle for attention, but eventually a fata morgana. For as all these women get older, they think that the options will stay around, but they'll decline, and often it was from guys who wanted sex only anyways, besides the sometimes big cohorts of blue pilled simps whom she ignored. A woman will always have the choice to settle down with a man no matter if she's 38 or 45, but with what ''quality'' of man is the question. If you've eaten Michelin for 10 years, and now have to eat Maccie for 60 years, there'll be a big disconnect there. Hence why, as studies have underlined, women with a promiscuous past (read: been with chad at the foam cannon party in Ibiza and at the club weekends) have serious troubles to have a serious, stable relationships if they get out of the grind.
This is true, very well summed up. I am amazed at how some women I see, obese, past childbearing age, tattoo'ed up, etc., can still land some decent men in the USA. Not great men, but still men who deserve better. And still these women are not happy. They had it way too easy 15-35 and they can't accept even a small taste of reality.
If you never had to work for it, you won't appreciate anything. Women are, men become.
SlickyBoy
Ostrich
An interesting experiment (train wreck?) to watch has been the progression of Yeonmi Park, a defector from North Korea. She came to South Korea, then the US when she was about 13. She went to college and got married, had a baby then divorced three years later, in 2020. She's exploded in popularity, is all over social media and even from her wedding photos you can tell she wasn't totally thrilled with the obviously low status guy she married, probably seeing him as a stepping stone to bigger and better things. Check the Bing image search results for her name and Ezekiel (no last name - did she even take his?) to see what I mean.
It's fascinating how quickly a woman can adapt from literally eating grass roots and not knowing anything about the West other than pirated DVD copies of Titanic to motivate her to climb a social ladder she didn't even know existed.
She's not a bad looking but no model even by Korean standards, yet she skipped right past all the app swiping nonsense, just like every girl playing with Tinder really wants to do but knows deep down she cannot.
The internet dating or social media phenomenon isn't really representative of reality in my opinion. That's why guys need to grind it out in real life. It can be used as a supplement.
When I look at my own experience, I can get matches online but since it's a female market, they aren't that great. In real life if I'm around women, I can get interest off the bat from cute women, especially if there are repeat interactions. My problem many aren't Christians.
Online in the US is skewed for several reasons.
1) Too many thirsty guys.
2) The women who choose to go online are worse cause they either can't get attention in real life, have no friends, or the worst kind the ones looking for the perfect guy.
That overweight female who gets 100 messages online, is mostly ignored in real life.
When I look at my own experience, I can get matches online but since it's a female market, they aren't that great. In real life if I'm around women, I can get interest off the bat from cute women, especially if there are repeat interactions. My problem many aren't Christians.
Online in the US is skewed for several reasons.
1) Too many thirsty guys.
2) The women who choose to go online are worse cause they either can't get attention in real life, have no friends, or the worst kind the ones looking for the perfect guy.
That overweight female who gets 100 messages online, is mostly ignored in real life.
I do agree with this. I have never done online dating, I am sure it is a very badly one-sided situation that is only getting worse by the year. But I do see a lot of very average men interacting with average (at least by USA standards) women.
I do believe women will always be hardwired to find men, who make them feel good, to be attractive. And of course being high status will set you up for this situation automatically. But if you can be charming, interesting, but most important show genuine interest in her and be a fun/positive guy, you will get a long way. These are my experiences. I try to always be positive, and women really like it. I interact with these women, not as a potential target to marry, but just as another person who is going through the struggles of life. They still react very well to these things. I don't know if that alone will get you a wife, but it sure is better than being ignored by a fatty online.