First, you should be focusing and meditating on God more for God's sake...not to have "good things" happen in your life, etc. Right now, it seems that you are "focusing on yourself" SOLELY for the sake of getting your wife back, not for you to get better/healthier, grow in virtue and much less, to get closer to God. You can increase your "focus" on God, but if that focus is not sincere and for the sake of wordly things like your situation, you will not be helped, as you yourself are finding out first hand. You cannot expect things to change in your life when you are not being truthful with yourself. Example, you are falling back on all these vices even though you are supposedly focusing on God more. This is happening because you are not actually focusing on God for God's sake. If you continue down this path, nothing will change.Rob Banks said:For now, I am choosing to work on myself and focus on God. However, I highly doubt that this will change her behavior. She is not going to care if I am changing my ways, finding God, or whatever. That makes it extremely hard to stay motivated to stay on the right path. I am spending more and more time drinking alcohol and doing degenerate things like watching porn, and less and less time being productive. I am close to flunking out of school. It seems the only thing I am motivated to do is to go to church on Sundays. I know that this is bad and I should be stronger than this, but it is simply where I'm at right now.
Another thing people around me have pointed out is the possibility that my wife might be acting this way out of hatred and that she wants me to suffer. This is very hard to believe. I do not believe she would do that. But multiple friends and family members have told me this. Maybe I am being naive to think she would not do this. Maybe she even does it subconsciously.
You have to change the way you think/behave. First, start getting more sincere with your focus on God and do it for His sake. Second, you have to accept whatever outcome it is that may come from you detaching yourself from things of this world. This should be one of your main focuses. Fr Ripperger has two great videos on Attachment & Detachment. He will explain why we should be Detached from people better than I can.Colossians 3:23 Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition (DRA)
23 Whatsoever you do, do it from the heart, as to the Lord, and not to men
Stages of Attachments:
Start to actually meditate on God for real, and start becoming outcome independent of the things around you.