My wife left me and it's my fault

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Rob Banks said:
For now, I am choosing to work on myself and focus on God. However, I highly doubt that this will change her behavior. She is not going to care if I am changing my ways, finding God, or whatever. That makes it extremely hard to stay motivated to stay on the right path. I am spending more and more time drinking alcohol and doing degenerate things like watching porn, and less and less time being productive. I am close to flunking out of school. It seems the only thing I am motivated to do is to go to church on Sundays. I know that this is bad and I should be stronger than this, but it is simply where I'm at right now.

Another thing people around me have pointed out is the possibility that my wife might be acting this way out of hatred and that she wants me to suffer. This is very hard to believe. I do not believe she would do that. But multiple friends and family members have told me this. Maybe I am being naive to think she would not do this. Maybe she even does it subconsciously.
First, you should be focusing and meditating on God more for God's sake...not to have "good things" happen in your life, etc. Right now, it seems that you are "focusing on yourself" SOLELY for the sake of getting your wife back, not for you to get better/healthier, grow in virtue and much less, to get closer to God. You can increase your "focus" on God, but if that focus is not sincere and for the sake of wordly things like your situation, you will not be helped, as you yourself are finding out first hand. You cannot expect things to change in your life when you are not being truthful with yourself. Example, you are falling back on all these vices even though you are supposedly focusing on God more. This is happening because you are not actually focusing on God for God's sake. If you continue down this path, nothing will change.

Colossians 3:23 Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition (DRA)
23 Whatsoever you do, do it from the heart, as to the Lord, and not to men
You have to change the way you think/behave. First, start getting more sincere with your focus on God and do it for His sake. Second, you have to accept whatever outcome it is that may come from you detaching yourself from things of this world. This should be one of your main focuses. Fr Ripperger has two great videos on Attachment & Detachment. He will explain why we should be Detached from people better than I can.

Stages of Attachments:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=woHJtSz_KEw
Detachment :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NPXTV4yJ18

Start to actually meditate on God for real, and start becoming outcome independent of the things around you.
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
↑ You're absolutely right.

To be honest, lately I haven't really been trying to get closer to God. I seem to have given up on that, which is why I am falling into all these vices.

You mention Fr. Ripperger. In one of his videos he talks about how, if you sin too much, God can permanently withdraw divine grace, which means that you are condemned to hell even if you repent and change your ways. There comes a point where it is simply too late.

If and when I find out for sure that my wife isn't coming back (e.g. if I receive divorce papers or I find out she's dating someone else), I feel like people will tell me "that was God's plan all along," but that is hard to believe. I believe it is far more likely that God's plan was for me to have a family with my wife (which is why He gave her to me in the first place and made me feel the way I do about her), but I fucked up that plan by sinning too much, so now God has withdrawn divine grace and is only interested in punishing me.

When you say I should do it "for God's sake," does that mean I should be OK with the possibility of losing my wife for good, never having children, ending up old and alone and bitter, etc. as long as I am walking with God and not committing sins?

I know the answer to that question is probably "yes," but I am just not there yet.

Is wanting unity with my wife (and someday children and a family) -- as opposed to growing old and alone with no family -- equivalent to caring about "worldly things"?

It seems to me that you would have to be a very special kind of person to grow old and be alone with no family but still be able to say "I am content and I sleep well at night because I know I am right with God.", and if I'm being honest, I don't know if I'll ever be at that point.
 
Rob Banks said:
↑ You're absolutely right.

To be honest, lately I haven't really been trying to get closer to God. I seem to have given up on that, which is why I am falling into all these vices.

You mention Fr. Ripperger. In one of his videos he talks about how, if you sin too much, God can permanently withdraw divine grace, which means that you are condemned to hell even if you repent and change your ways. There comes a point where it is simply too late.
I have seen you mention this here before. I'm not going to pretend here and act as if i'm well versed in theology, as i'm still fairly new to all of this myself. The thing is, you JUST started going to church and i'm going to assume you're not baptized yet? or have done the other Sacraments of Initiation? You are finally becoming aware of sin and the teachings of the RCC. To ASSUME that you have "sinned too much" and that Divine grace has been taken away (what makes you think you've been graced in the first place if you just started your path towards God) seems prideful. I cant quite put it into words quite properly, but you are relishing in assuming these things that you do not know of. I believe fr ripperger is speaking of those who have been in the church, knowingly Sin over and over without any change in sight, regardless of advise and times they go to confession, and eventually divine grace is taken away. However, again, you are new to this and I am assuming you have not been initiated yet, so what he said does not pertain to you. Do not make yourself out to be your own god and assume that you know what the future holds for you. It seems you're doing that at the moment. A priest in your church would be in a much better position to help you as he would know your spiritual journey and if I were you, I would start the initiation process.

When you say I should do it "for God's sake," does that mean I should be OK with the possibility of losing my wife for good, never having children, ending up old and alone and bitter, etc. as long as I am walking with God and not committing sins?

Yes, you should be ok with the possibility of losing your wife for good. Now, on the latter, do you mean you ending up that way, or her? If you are stating she will end up never having children, ending up "alone and bitter" etc, again, you are assuming A LOT here. what makes you think she'll end up this way? If you mean yourself, then again, you are letting emotions get the best of you and are looking at the future in a black-pilled manner. For whoever you meant it, we cannot assume that person will end up a certain way.

I've never been married. The closest relationship I had to that was my first ex of 5 years way back when. We were both virgins, first fornication experience of one another, saw a life together etc. When she left me after 5 years to monkey branch to a higher SMV man, i was completely devastated. I even thought about suicide and she was on my mind constantly for 6 months and I did not get fully over her till after a year. I would contact her during the first 6 months, but nothing worked and my life seemed hopeless. Eventually I got over her, but that experienced led me down the dark path of Game and the next almost decade proceeding to fornicate and completely waste my time. Fast forward to now and now, my eyes are opened thanks to God. The point of the story was that my ex left me because i never increased my value, i was completely ignorant of my actions and I did not take it seriously. Later in life, i looked back at this and realize why this happened and how to become a stronger person from it.

Is wanting unity with my wife (and someday children and a family) -- as opposed to growing old and alone with no family -- equivalent to caring about "worldly things"?
Does she want unity with you? Did you and your wife get married in a Church, or was it civil? I am not trying to say that the marriage is a failure, but given all the details you have told us so far, it seems that this is a marriage in name only. You are caring about these things with a person who does not see a future with you because of your past mistakes. This is the price we pay and you have to open your eyes to see this. In the future, you could very well find another woman to create a family with. Or maybe your wife finally changes her mind, but you cannot hope on this as just about everything is indicating that she doesnt want to have a future with you.

It seems to me that you would have to be a very special kind of person to grow old and be alone with no family but still be able to say "I am content and I sleep well at night because I know I am right with God.", and if I'm being honest, I don't know if I'll ever be at that point.
It seems you have a lot of work to do on the spiritual side, but again, you are trying to pre-determine your destiny. This quote is what i meant earlier when I stated "wordly things". If we were still a secular Game forum, I would tell you that you need to work on being completely outcome independent, and to be content with yourself first and foremost before anything. The foundation for this marriage was rocky from the start.You made choices and now the results of those choices have bared fruit. Suffer for them, but grow from this suffering and dont relish in it, rather, grow stronger and become more spiritual. It is a "shortcut" to the "outcome independence" that Game/Red-pill guys used to teach. I would've also suggested reading Stoic philosophy. But again, Catholic teaching is superior to Stoic philosophy.
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
Augustus_Principe said:
Yes, you should be ok with the possibility of losing your wife for good. Now, on the latter, do you mean you ending up that way, or her? If you are stating she will end up never having children, ending up "alone and bitter" etc, again, you are assuming A LOT here. what makes you think she'll end up this way? If you mean yourself, then again, you are letting emotions get the best of you and are looking at the future in a black-pilled manner. For whoever you meant it, we cannot assume that person will end up a certain way.
I meant myself.

Augustus_Principe said:
Does she want unity with you?
Deep down, yes. I explain below.

Augustus_Principe said:
Did you and your wife get married in a Church, or was it civil?
No, we did not get married in a church. It is civil. This is because at the time neither of us was religious.

Augustus_Principe said:
I am not trying to say that the marriage is a failure, but given all the details you have told us so far, it seems that this is a marriage in name only. You are caring about these things with a person who does not see a future with you because of your past mistakes. This is the price we pay and you have to open your eyes to see this. In the future, you could very well find another woman to create a family with. Or maybe your wife finally changes her mind, but you cannot hope on this as just about everything is indicating that she doesnt want to have a future with you.
You are getting this impression because I've spent most of this thread talking about the negative aspects of the marriage.

I will provide a list of reasons why it is not a "marriage in name only" and why it has value. I didn't do this earlier because it seems overly simplistic to try and use words to describe it. What I feel towards her (and what she feels or felt towards me) is not something you can really put into words accurately. But here goes:

- Before she received her visa, we lived in separate countries and I could still trust her 100% to not cheat on me, etc. (no, I am not being naive when I say this, although I can see why someone might assume I am if they've never met her personally).

- My relationship with her was 100x closer than my relationship with anyone else, including friends and family. We had tons of inside jokes and terms that we would use with each other that were only understandable to us. We would even joke about how if other people heard the way we talk to each other, they would assume we were idiots.

- When I would talk to her, it felt like I was just thinking out loud (as opposed to talking to someone). I'm not sure if that makes any sense the way I'm explaining it, but it is something I have only experienced with one other person, and that person is a close family member I grew up with since I was 3 years old.

- When I saw her last June (I showed up unannounced -- i.e. stalked her -- at a doctor's appointment after 4 months of almost no contact), she could not hide the fact that she was happy to see me and immediately we were engaging with each other just like old times (of course we addressed the issues of our separation, my bad behavior, and what I was doing to change). We spent hours together and it was not awkward at all. Afterwards, SHE texted ME and asked to see me again. When I saw her again, I held her hand and told her I wanted her back and her body language told me she was 100% open to the possibility.

- She has not filed for a divorce, dated other men, or told me not to contact her anymore.

- She has always come back to me every other time she has left (even though I'll admit this time feels different).

Also, she would never have left me "in order to find a higher-value man." I could have worked minimum wage my whole life and she would have stayed with me provided that I didn't do drugs or behave violently (not that she would have been happy about me being poor, but she would not have left me).

I know for a fact that if I was able to locate her like I did last June (or even talk to her on the phone), she would at the very least give me the time of day. That is precisely what makes this so frustrating.

If I knew she was indifferent towards me, had zero attraction to me, wanted a higher-value man, etc., it would be 100x easier for me to get over her.

Her behavior is motivated by her anger towards me, her pride, and her belief that I will never change. She is also very depressed herself and she blames me for it. Her attitude is DEFINITELY NOT one of indifference towards me and desire to find someone better.

What she feels in her heart (deep emotional connection to me) contradicts what she tells herself rationally (Rob is bad news. My parents warned me to stay away from him. I can't let him get away with everything he did to me. Etc. etc.). This is why she reacts negatively when I write to her (which she analyzes rationally) but she reacts a lot more positively when she sees my face or hears my voice (which speaks to her innermost feelings and emotions). This is also why last summer she would turn me down if I invited her to dinner and a movie (claiming "I don't want to be in a relationship with you after all you did to me") but at the same time she would allow me to take her by the hand and tell her how much she meant to me, with her body language showing she still felt a strong connection to me.

Sorry for the long post, but I just felt like I needed to clarify that.

I appreciate your responses and I agree with everything you said in regards to God and religion.

It's just that you said yourself that you have never been married or experienced such a close relationship with a woman. A lot of people seem to assume that male-female relationships are transactional by nature and that the only thing that matters is the other person's "value" when in reality, with me and my wife, we cared about each other like family.

It is like if I had a child who grew to hate me and wanted no contact with me. If anybody told me "Forget about him. Go out and have/adopt another child to replace him." that would sound ridiculous to me. Even if my child was serious about never wanting to see me again, the notion of replacing him would still seem ridiculous.

Just to clarify, I am not disagreeing with your opinion that I need to focus on God for God's sake and be detached and outcome independent, only with your assertion that mine is a "marriage in name only" and the implication that my wife is indifferent towards me and that I can/should eventually replace her with another woman.

P.S. You mention talking to a priest, and I actually did talk to my priest yesterday about this. He told me to focus on my duties (which right now are school and church) and to trust in God that the situation with my wife will resolve itself on His time. He told me "It will get resolved on God's time, not yours. In 10 years, you might have a beautiful Catholic family with your wife, but you have to fix yourself and your soul first." or something to that effect. (Not that he was guaranteeing any outcomes, just saying that God does things on His time and not mine).
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
So I was talking to a friend about all this yesterday and he brought up the fact that it is possible for my wife to still love me and have deep feelings for me but still not ever want a relationship.

He compared it to a situation where a father abuses his son and the child grows to hate the father. The father then reforms himself and tries to rebuild the relationship with the son. The son forgives the father and grows to love him again, but still does not want any sort of father-son relationship (or any contact for that matter).

Does this make any sense?
 

TheBadGuy

Sparrow
Rob,

I did not read through the whole post but did read through a good chunk of it. First off, sorry man. Sounds like a rough situation. I will give my 2 cents. I think that perhaps you are over thinking certain aspects of this and aspects of HER thinking and HER actions. You need to focus on things you can do/control. You are going to drive yourself mad.

- You say you know WHY she left and that she is not seeing other people - how do you know that if you did 30 days of no contact? I am not saying that she is, but there is a difference between KNOWING something and hoping desperately for something to be true.
- You stalked her... You can't do that man. You cannot devote your life to following her around and make getting her back your life's goal. Your goals should be something tangible about bettering yourself or getting closer with God. The BEST way to ensure you do not get her back is by making it your overt goal. It makes you seem weak to her.
- She talks to you so poorly/disrespectfully and you seem to not stand up for yourself and let her get away with it
- Work on yourself man. It has been said here many times. Do not make changes for her though, make them for yourself.

I wish you the best of luck, friend. I will continue to follow this thread and check in on your updates. I know the feeling that you have right now, but you need to work on getting over that feeling. The state of longing for something/someone and caring about it more than yourself when that something may not work out is a miserable state to be in. Try to get out of that.
 

Easy_C

Crow
In my (albeit limited) experience with this kind of person, I've found that what matters to them the most is family impressions.

A: the weak behavior makes actual improvement impossible and it's kind of hard to have a healthy relationship with any girl who inspires simp behavior. A huge part of my my marriage works is that my wife isn't like the kind of emotional, intense, rollercoaster experience that makes guys simp. Instead being with her is to the emotions what being curled up in a cozy cabin, in front of a fireplace, with a warm mug of hot buttered rum is to the body.


B: I don't know if this is possible, but if you can figure out how to get over the simp behavior then what would make sense is to figure out from the family what they would want to see in order to believe in you. The importance of them approving can't be overstated. Not only do you get more enthusiastic support in times of need but it makes a difference to the relationship in my case that her mother and siblings have a lot of respect to me. I even get along with some of them well enough that on the last visit me and all her brothers were sitting around playing board games for hours.
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
Easy_C said:
In my (albeit limited) experience with this kind of person, I've found that what matters to them the most is family impressions.
...
This is absolutely 100% true for her.

As I said earlier in the thread, she is very close with both her parents (who are very conservative and traditional).

For years, I had terrible behavior but her parents were unaware of it and so she never dreamed of leaving me. That was until her father said the magic words: "I think you would be happier without him." The next day, she left me ON THE SPOT. Of course, she later came back to me, but I haven't had any contact with her family since then.

Unfortunately, that bridge seems to be burned beyond repair.

Even when my wife moved in with me last year, she did not tell her parents. She would shush me whenever she was on the phone with them because she was embarrassed about them finding out she was with me.

They eventually found out when she finally moved back to South America with them because she couldn't take living with me anymore. I literally drove her out of the country and she moved back home with her parents. Now, she moved back to the US but she lives alone and her parents pay her rent (which is very expensive, but they are doing it to keep her from moving back with me).

Her father believes I beat her. I never have, but she led him to believe that and now that's what he thinks. (I have been violent but never hit her).

She has warned me that her father will report me for harassment if I ever try to contact him.

It is actually very sad. Aside from the influence that they have over her, I actually respect her parents a lot. They are good people who for years welcomed me into their family with open arms. And now they think I'm a monster.

I have thought about maybe going to talk to them the next time I am in South America, but it is very possible they will just call the police as soon as they see me (or at the very least tell me to fuck off).
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
So in my previous post here (2 posts above this one), I explain why the opinion of my wife's family is so important to her.

A few days ago, I found out that she moved back in with her parents in South America (due to her kidney transplant, she has a lowered immune system which makes her way more susceptible to coronavirus).

So far, she has stopped responding to my messages altogether. She didn't even respond when I asked about her health in regards to the virus.

Would it be advisable at some point to maybe try to talk to her family (maybe not right now, but at some point in the near future)?

I don't seem to be getting anywhere by messaging her. If I could get her family to forgive me and stop seeing me as a bad guy, that would go a long way in getting her to feel comfortable talking to me again.

Her parents treated me like part of the family for 8 years. They rejected me after my wife told them I had been violent. However, they believe I beat her (I didn't), and they have no idea that my behavior was mostly caused by a drug habit.

They are very reasonable people. If I can explain to them that I never beat their daughter, and that my violent and irresponsible behavior was caused by a drug habit that I have since overcome, and I explain how much their daughter means to me, it is likely they will be understanding and forgiving.

On the other hand, I have not spoken to her family in over 3 years, and the last I heard, they just wanted to be rid of me. If I call them out of the blue, their reaction will probably be "What the fuck? I thought we got rid of you years ago. Your crazy ass is still obsessed with our daughter?"

I know that, based on what I wrote in the "God pill" thread recently, you guys will probably tell me to worry about fixing myself first. If I ever speak to her family, it is obviously better if I am doing it from a position of strength (which I'll admit is not the case right now). I guess what I am asking is, should I ever consider speaking to her family if nothing else works? And if so, how should I go about doing it?

The reason I am thinking about this now is that she recently moved back in with her family and stopped responding to my messages altogether (probably because she feels weird talking to me in secret while living under her father's roof). It seems like the only way to get to her might be to go through her family.
 

etwsake

Woodpecker
Gold Member
You really don't seem to be understanding that it's completely over.

She doesn't love you. She's not coming back. You will never be together and be happy with her.

Is this your first real break up? I can understand what you're going through if it is. It might take years for it to truly sink in.

Read my next sentence carefully and slowly, a few times......

She doesn't like you.

How did that make you feel? Did you want to reach in to the computer and choke me, even though I'm just an anonymous stranger? Are you filled with rage, hurt, denial? Mostly denial, I'd wager. I know that feeling.

"Of course she LIKES me...she's my wife!" you think to yourself.

I'm sorry man. But no. If she liked you....if she cared about you....if you were in any way important to her.....she'd be with you.

Women aren't like us. They can just turn it off like a light switch. Even after being together for years, they can just wake up one day and think "I don't like this guy any more." and they walk away and never give it a second thought. And we're wired differently, cause we just devoted years of our life to this person, and we just can't accept that it all meant nothing in the end.

I'm sorry for what you're going through but you're going to be utterly miserable for the rest of your life until you accept the fact that she simply doesn't like you any more. You no longer matter to her. Swallow that bitter pill and start to put your new life together. A life that no longer includes her.
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
if she cared about you....if you were in any way important to her.....she'd be with you.
Uh, this isn't exactly true. There's plenty of reasons why someone would care about someone else but still choose to distance themselves.

She herself has done so many times in the past.

It is possible to hate someone and love them at the same time.
 

etwsake

Woodpecker
Gold Member
You're clearly not ready to accept reality.

I think it's gonna be a long time for you. Years.

When the realization sinks in that she's with someone else and has moved on finally sinks in, are you gonna turn back to drugs? It'll probably kill you this time.
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
Is this your first real break up? I can understand what you're going through if it is.
You say this as if divorce is normal and to be expected. Modernism at its finest.

She is not indifferent towards me. In fact, she feels VERY strong emotions towards me (mainly negative, but positive as well). Also, she is not with anyone else at this point. She might be someday, but it would take her a long time (possibly years).

It is very likely that she is not coming back, but it would not be due to indifference towards me and a desire to be with other men. It would be due to intense hatred and resentment towards me and a desire to honor her family's wishes.

In any case, I bumped this thread to give an update and see what people thought of the idea to speak with her family at some point (last post on the previous page).
 

etwsake

Woodpecker
Gold Member
What difference does it make whether it's indifference or hatred?

Only one things matters: she left you a year ago. And you told us the only reason you've even seen her in the flesh in that year is because you literally "stalked" her. Your words, not mine.

She left you and made no attempt to see you or be with you for a year. But you think she's sitting there in South America, just patiently waiting for you to clean up your act so she can come back to you?

Maybe you need to start thinking about her as if she had died. Because the woman you're idolizing and worshiping and dreaming of coming back? That girl IS dead. She's gone. Your ex-wife has had a life away from you for an entire year now. She's a stranger to you. She's not coming back.
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
the only reason you've even seen her in the flesh in that year is because you literally "stalked" her.
This is not true. We saw each other more than once and it was because she wanted to.

In any case, thank you for reading the entire thread and offering your opinion. I appreciate it.
 

etwsake

Woodpecker
Gold Member
You're welcome.

I only chimed in because I've been where you are, I've done what you're doing, I thought the way you're thinking, and I know how it's all going to end up.

But nobody could tell me either. I had to find out on my own. Just like you will.

I honestly suspect it's going to take a few years in your case, and I'm not saying that just to be a dick, it's just evident in what you've written over these months how far gone you are and how long it's going to take you to claw your way back to reality.

Plenty of others have said this and you've ignored them, and chosen only to focus on the few posts that vaguely offer you reinforcement in what you want to hear. You have people in your real life that know you that are trying to talk some sense into you and you ignore them too, cause you simply aren't ready to entertain the idea that what they're saying is true.

I feel bad for you, cause it's only gonna get worse from here. It's gonna be a long road of suffering the longer you prolong it with denial.

I hope you're a stronger man than I was and don't lose years of your life chasing ghosts like I did. I really hope you don't turn to drugs to ease the pain either, cause that will only kill you, nothing more. Good luck.
 

TheBadGuy

Sparrow
etwsake said:
You're welcome.

I only chimed in because I've been where you are, I've done what you're doing, I thought the way you're thinking, and I know how it's all going to end up.

But nobody could tell me either. I had to find out on my own. Just like you will.

I honestly suspect it's going to take a few years in your case, and I'm not saying that just to be a dick, it's just evident in what you've written over these months how far gone you are and how long it's going to take you to claw your way back to reality.

Plenty of others have said this and you've ignored them, and chosen only to focus on the few posts that vaguely offer you reinforcement in what you want to hear. You have people in your real life that know you that are trying to talk some sense into you and you ignore them too, cause you simply aren't ready to entertain the idea that what they're saying is true.

I feel bad for you, cause it's only gonna get worse from here. It's gonna be a long road of suffering the longer you prolong it with denial.

I hope you're a stronger man than I was and don't lose years of your life chasing ghosts like I did. I really hope you don't turn to drugs to ease the pain either, cause that will only kill you, nothing more. Good luck.
Heed this mang's advice. You really need to accept the reality of your situation. Move on dude. Just move on. Focus on bettering your life and rebuild yourself.
 

bucky

Pelican
etwsake said:
You're welcome.

I only chimed in because I've been where you are, I've done what you're doing, I thought the way you're thinking, and I know how it's all going to end up.

But nobody could tell me either. I had to find out on my own. Just like you will.

I honestly suspect it's going to take a few years in your case, and I'm not saying that just to be a dick, it's just evident in what you've written over these months how far gone you are and how long it's going to take you to claw your way back to reality.

Plenty of others have said this and you've ignored them, and chosen only to focus on the few posts that vaguely offer you reinforcement in what you want to hear. You have people in your real life that know you that are trying to talk some sense into you and you ignore them too, cause you simply aren't ready to entertain the idea that what they're saying is true.

I feel bad for you, cause it's only gonna get worse from here. It's gonna be a long road of suffering the longer you prolong it with denial.

I hope you're a stronger man than I was and don't lose years of your life chasing ghosts like I did. I really hope you don't turn to drugs to ease the pain either, cause that will only kill you, nothing more. Good luck.
I was one of those who gave him a glimmer of hope, mainly because I recently saw a divorced couple I know get back together. Still, that's very rare and I agree with you, Rob needs to accept that it's unlikely that he'll get back together with his wife and stop hoping and move on.

My more general advice to all men is to accept that all women are replaceable. All of them. God is not replaceable and your children, if you have them, are not replaceable, but all women are. It's a little different if the woman you love is also the mother of your children and in that case some more effort and prayer in an attempt to get back together with her might be warranted, but if she's not the mother of your children, she's entirely replaceable. There's nothing special about her that you can't find in millions of other women out there in the world. You have no "soul mate," so don't waste your life on that one particular "special" girl. Time is too precious and life is too short.

Oneitis is poison, one of the worst traps a man can fall into. I'll do everything I can to hammer this into my sons when they're older. I wish someone had done it with me when I was young. It would have saved me so much pain and suffering.
 
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