Home
Forums
New posts
What's new
New posts
Latest activity
Log in
Register
What's new
New posts
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Home
Forums
Living
Living general
My younger brother just passed away
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Bienvenuto" data-source="post: 1242625" data-attributes="member: 12860"><p>Thats terrible. Wishing you well at this time..</p><p></p><p>We're all trying to say the right things but we will all, inevitably, fall short in what we want to say to you.</p><p></p><p>I cant stand my brother, have days when I feel positively violent toward him, it pains me. I cannot imagine how painful it would feel to lose him though. Here you were living with him and trying to help him. If you experience guilt and regret bear in mind that it is a totally natural response. Feeling those emotions doesn't actually indicate anything objective about you. Except that you are human.</p><p></p><p><strong>Maybe</strong>.. bear in mind the example of a man that visited a buddhist teacher I know of. He was walking with his young son, 6/7 years old. Empty street. A propos of nothing, the kid excitedly stepped off the kerb. Just as a speeding car came flying, hugging the corner. The guy sees his son's hair fly up as he gets hit - over and over and over. </p><p></p><p>And every day he replays it. Grabbing his son. Giving his son a stern talking to before the walk. Giving his son a loving lecture. Making sure the kid was still walking on his inside just before it happened.</p><p></p><p><strong>The Buddhist teachers response: that is what the mind does. And it will keep on doing it.</strong> </p><p>Maybe one day when the father is able to fully experience all the pain and sadness he will no longer replay it all the time. </p><p></p><p>At first it is natural. Over time it is a way that the mind protects itself until it is able to fully experience the pain. </p><p></p><p><strong>In my experience:</strong> I didn't want to do that. In my life I kept replaying the pain and the images. </p><p></p><p>Two dipshits out of nowhere saying to me that they were going to kill me. </p><p>Just the glee in their faces when they were screaming to Allah and attacking me.</p><p>Fighting them off but more and more of their friends coming. Just the noise, the echoing noise in the street of their footsteps, when I was keeping them at bay and they circled me and tried to get around behind me.</p><p>The dark blackness and the feeling that my head was a stone that was being pierced by a needle.</p><p>The voice calling to me, telling me to leave this life behind. Such a sweet voice, telling me its okay to let go.</p><p>The harsh white lights when I came to.. the medics working on me. The scraping sound of everyones footsteps, the look of disgust on bystanders faces when they looked at me.</p><p></p><p>When I finally faced up to the pain of my whole life being turned upside down I was left in pieces. the replaying went at that time, <strong>maybe it would have gone with the course of time anyway</strong> but in my case but in my case it went with an emotional catharsis and at some cost to my ego, my self esteem, my ability to hold it together for a few days.</p><p></p><p><strong>I had PTSD </strong>- it is not beyond the bounds of probability that the trauma you just experienced will leave you with PTSD.</p><p>In the Uk they leave a gap of a few months between the trauma and diagnosis and treatment. Getting help and support is great.<strong> If you get frustrated with the pace of things or your own inbuilt resistance to treatment/ moving forward don't be surprised.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>You will have an inbuilt timetable for recovering that in many ways will be taking care of you, allowing you to deal with things at a pace that you can sustain. </strong></p><p></p><p></p><p>There is a tension between acknowledgement and resolution - you have to get on living and part of you will both want and need to 'get past' this.. of course. But as you already know your brother and his memory is not something to get past or put behind you, </p><p></p><p>the trauma is.. </p><p></p><p><strong>it will take time and it will follow its own timetable,</strong> but if you find yourself struggling remember that a) you are struggling because you are a human being .. b) you are probably going through into an even deeper level of acceptance which, no matter how weird and strange, even angry, stupid, lazy, irritable, even drunk and drugged, it seems.. in the long run will allow your brother to live on inside your heart in a much fuller and stronger way into the future.</p><p></p><p>I hope this helps.</p><p>(Disregard if it doesn't.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Bienvenuto, post: 1242625, member: 12860"] Thats terrible. Wishing you well at this time.. We're all trying to say the right things but we will all, inevitably, fall short in what we want to say to you. I cant stand my brother, have days when I feel positively violent toward him, it pains me. I cannot imagine how painful it would feel to lose him though. Here you were living with him and trying to help him. If you experience guilt and regret bear in mind that it is a totally natural response. Feeling those emotions doesn't actually indicate anything objective about you. Except that you are human. [b]Maybe[/b].. bear in mind the example of a man that visited a buddhist teacher I know of. He was walking with his young son, 6/7 years old. Empty street. A propos of nothing, the kid excitedly stepped off the kerb. Just as a speeding car came flying, hugging the corner. The guy sees his son's hair fly up as he gets hit - over and over and over. And every day he replays it. Grabbing his son. Giving his son a stern talking to before the walk. Giving his son a loving lecture. Making sure the kid was still walking on his inside just before it happened. [b]The Buddhist teachers response: that is what the mind does. And it will keep on doing it.[/b] Maybe one day when the father is able to fully experience all the pain and sadness he will no longer replay it all the time. At first it is natural. Over time it is a way that the mind protects itself until it is able to fully experience the pain. [b]In my experience:[/b] I didn't want to do that. In my life I kept replaying the pain and the images. Two dipshits out of nowhere saying to me that they were going to kill me. Just the glee in their faces when they were screaming to Allah and attacking me. Fighting them off but more and more of their friends coming. Just the noise, the echoing noise in the street of their footsteps, when I was keeping them at bay and they circled me and tried to get around behind me. The dark blackness and the feeling that my head was a stone that was being pierced by a needle. The voice calling to me, telling me to leave this life behind. Such a sweet voice, telling me its okay to let go. The harsh white lights when I came to.. the medics working on me. The scraping sound of everyones footsteps, the look of disgust on bystanders faces when they looked at me. When I finally faced up to the pain of my whole life being turned upside down I was left in pieces. the replaying went at that time, [b]maybe it would have gone with the course of time anyway[/b] but in my case but in my case it went with an emotional catharsis and at some cost to my ego, my self esteem, my ability to hold it together for a few days. [b]I had PTSD [/b]- it is not beyond the bounds of probability that the trauma you just experienced will leave you with PTSD. In the Uk they leave a gap of a few months between the trauma and diagnosis and treatment. Getting help and support is great.[b] If you get frustrated with the pace of things or your own inbuilt resistance to treatment/ moving forward don't be surprised. You will have an inbuilt timetable for recovering that in many ways will be taking care of you, allowing you to deal with things at a pace that you can sustain. [/b] There is a tension between acknowledgement and resolution - you have to get on living and part of you will both want and need to 'get past' this.. of course. But as you already know your brother and his memory is not something to get past or put behind you, the trauma is.. [b]it will take time and it will follow its own timetable,[/b] but if you find yourself struggling remember that a) you are struggling because you are a human being .. b) you are probably going through into an even deeper level of acceptance which, no matter how weird and strange, even angry, stupid, lazy, irritable, even drunk and drugged, it seems.. in the long run will allow your brother to live on inside your heart in a much fuller and stronger way into the future. I hope this helps. (Disregard if it doesn't.) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Home
Forums
Living
Living general
My younger brother just passed away
Top
