Need life advice - very bad situation

JohnD777

Pigeon
Orthodox
I'm 23 years old and am a complete loser and on the verge of suicide. I was born in a former Soviet country and at about 6 years of age I was taken to Canada by my immigrant parents and as a result I have citizenship here. I am also currently stuck here because I am unvaccinated. I am a single child. My parents were entirely secular and although they stayed together and did not divorce, they did not raise me at all but basically just threw me into the public school system where I degenerated. My parents are toxic people who only care about themselves and are completely miserable. Because of my father's careerism, I was forced to switch schools and cities around 7 times, so I was made a complete rootless cosmopolitan with no friends. Some of the schools were ghetto, and I really hate those times. In fact, I cannot remember a single happy moment from my childhood or earlier life. I don't have any resentment or anger towards my parents, but they were not competent enough to be raising kids and should not have had me.

Since I was a single child and all of my relatives live overseas and we were constantly on the move across the country, the only people that I have any significant relationship with are my parents, who are very distant and live far away. They are also radically pro-vax. I was always unhealthy, because my parents fed me junk food in huge amounts growing up and made me get massive amounts of vaccines (including the annual flu vaccines), after which I would always get terribly sick. I am visibly unhealthy and I have narcolepsy. I am trying to treat all of my health problems but it is very hard without decent cash.

I finished the full 12 grade retarded Canadian "education" system with a 4.0 GPA, even though I exerted zero effort. I went to several Universities over a couple of years but higher education never interested me in the slightest and I couldn't finish it (part of the reason was because my mental faculties declined after I developed narcolepsy, but it also had to do with the fact that University has become insufferable now with all the wokeness), so I dropped out. I worked some dead end jobs but quit and have been a NEET ever since. My parents have provided me with an apartment in the middle of nowhere in Canada where I currently live and eat the cheapest junk available at Walmart because of no money. I never had a car, and was never taught to drive, nor do I have a licence. I have never had a girlfriend and am a virgin, moreover - my health conditions have made me ugly with grey hair, huge black bags under my eyes, extremely skinny, etc.

But my main problem is my masturbation and pornography addictions, starting from age 14. For 5 years I have tried to beat this addiction but cannot do it for the life of me. My reality is simply too depressing and I need some kind of drug to cope. I know for a fact that if I were stupid enough to get into alcohol or hard drugs as a teen, then I would be addicted to that as well. I feel that my addiction to lust is a coping mechanism for this dull reality that I live in. My porn addiction is really bad, and if I could choose one thing that I want out of this life, I would choose to overcome my lust forever.

I have been praying to God since about the time when I realized what porn is doing to my brain. I have been praying every morning, day, and evening for a long time now, but God has never helped me once over the last 5 years. Attending Church does not help either. It doesn't matter how much faith I have, when the urge strikes, nothing can stop me from relapsing.

My life is horrible and I don't see a point in continuing. I've told my story to multiple people and they say the obvious advice like "dude, just get a job, dude, just get an education, dude, just get a haircut, etc.". But I have really ran out of options at this point. It is quite appalling that my parents have witnessed my deteriorating condition for the last 5-8 years and don't care in the slightest. They are simply busy working and consuming product.

At this point, I have reached the end of the road with no real hope for the future. And the ongoing coronavirus and wokeness idiocy gives me no hope for society either. I'm seriously considering killing myself just to end this suffering.

I'm writing this to you in hope that you might have some unique advice to offer me. Maybe not, but it's still worth a shot.
 

Thomas More

Crow
Protestant
Don't commit suicide. You are depressed, and think the pain is unbearable, with no solution. As your friend's advice shows, other people can see that a solution is available to you. You need to see what they are seeing.

Basically, their advice comes down to the fact that you need to start doing things that work. Haircuts are a simple example. You can certainly get a decent haircut every 4-6 weeks. It is a thing to do. Just do it. Likewise, eat right, exercise, and do a job in which you do productive work that is useful to other people.

If the vaccine situation is holding you back, trust God and hold on. It will pass. Meanwhile, just do things that work, even if it feels like this goes against the grain.

Perseverence is continuing on in the face of despair. This is one of the most noble virtues. Seek after this. In time, you will be in a different phase of life, and the current situation will be in the past.
 

MikeV12

Sparrow
Protestant
I would start small. You mentioned your health. Commit to something small. Maybe 3 litres of water a day. Also, fast until 12 pm to start with. Tey to go for a 72 hour fast. Dont spend money on trying to fix problems. Try to prevent them. Spend money on good food.
Get a job. I struggle with identity in periods where i didnt work.
When i am down ill watch a video from a guy like Elliott hulse. Or i will listen to a zig ziglar tape.
Just some ideas
 

Earplugs

 
Banned
Orthodox Inquirer
Finding a means to provide for yourself, perhaps at a semi physical job would hugely beneficial.

If you're stuck at home all day doing nothing, of course you will be depressed.

Is there anywhere in the world that excites you? What are your hobbies? Are you at least into video games?
 

Tom Slick

Kingfisher
Orthodox
Many people were in similar, apparently hopeless situations as yours and, in addition to praying to God, they spoke to Mary, the Mother of God, to ask for her intercession and prayers to her son, Jesus, in order to help you. You can speak to her openly. Pour out your heart to her as you have done in your OP.

It may help to print or buy an icon of her that you place on a wall or book shelf in order to help focus your mind on her. She loves you. Her son Jesus loves you. They will help. Pray and do not despair.

Theotokos carries God on her back.jpg

Mary and her young son, Jesus.
 

Simple Man

Kingfisher
Catholic
Gold Member
I have dealt with periods of unemployment and feeling hopeless. I will try to give you the most simple advice I can give without knowing you personally - I would try my absolute best to find some kind of work that is physically demanding and at least somewhat social. If you are working your body hard and being social throughout the day, I think it will greatly improve your state of mind. Having a bit of money in your bank account and being independent is also a nice feeling.
That would be my primary focus. The next steps can come later,
 

Don Quixote

Ostrich
Orthodox Inquirer
I'm 23 years old and am a complete loser and on the verge of suicide. I was born in a former Soviet country and at about 6 years of age I was taken to Canada by my immigrant parents and as a result I have citizenship here. I am also currently stuck here because I am unvaccinated. I am a single child. My parents were entirely secular and although they stayed together and did not divorce, they did not raise me at all but basically just threw me into the public school system where I degenerated. My parents are toxic people who only care about themselves and are completely miserable. Because of my father's careerism, I was forced to switch schools and cities around 7 times, so I was made a complete rootless cosmopolitan with no friends. Some of the schools were ghetto, and I really hate those times. In fact, I cannot remember a single happy moment from my childhood or earlier life. I don't have any resentment or anger towards my parents, but they were not competent enough to be raising kids and should not have had me.

Since I was a single child and all of my relatives live overseas and we were constantly on the move across the country, the only people that I have any significant relationship with are my parents, who are very distant and live far away. They are also radically pro-vax. I was always unhealthy, because my parents fed me junk food in huge amounts growing up and made me get massive amounts of vaccines (including the annual flu vaccines), after which I would always get terribly sick. I am visibly unhealthy and I have narcolepsy. I am trying to treat all of my health problems but it is very hard without decent cash.

I finished the full 12 grade retarded Canadian "education" system with a 4.0 GPA, even though I exerted zero effort. I went to several Universities over a couple of years but higher education never interested me in the slightest and I couldn't finish it (part of the reason was because my mental faculties declined after I developed narcolepsy, but it also had to do with the fact that University has become insufferable now with all the wokeness), so I dropped out. I worked some dead end jobs but quit and have been a NEET ever since. My parents have provided me with an apartment in the middle of nowhere in Canada where I currently live and eat the cheapest junk available at Walmart because of no money. I never had a car, and was never taught to drive, nor do I have a licence. I have never had a girlfriend and am a virgin, moreover - my health conditions have made me ugly with grey hair, huge black bags under my eyes, extremely skinny, etc.

But my main problem is my masturbation and pornography addictions, starting from age 14. For 5 years I have tried to beat this addiction but cannot do it for the life of me. My reality is simply too depressing and I need some kind of drug to cope. I know for a fact that if I were stupid enough to get into alcohol or hard drugs as a teen, then I would be addicted to that as well. I feel that my addiction to lust is a coping mechanism for this dull reality that I live in. My porn addiction is really bad, and if I could choose one thing that I want out of this life, I would choose to overcome my lust forever.

I have been praying to God since about the time when I realized what porn is doing to my brain. I have been praying every morning, day, and evening for a long time now, but God has never helped me once over the last 5 years. Attending Church does not help either. It doesn't matter how much faith I have, when the urge strikes, nothing can stop me from relapsing.

My life is horrible and I don't see a point in continuing. I've told my story to multiple people and they say the obvious advice like "dude, just get a job, dude, just get an education, dude, just get a haircut, etc.". But I have really ran out of options at this point. It is quite appalling that my parents have witnessed my deteriorating condition for the last 5-8 years and don't care in the slightest. They are simply busy working and consuming product.

At this point, I have reached the end of the road with no real hope for the future. And the ongoing coronavirus and wokeness idiocy gives me no hope for society either. I'm seriously considering killing myself just to end this suffering.

I'm writing this to you in hope that you might have some unique advice to offer me. Maybe not, but it's still worth a shot.
Definitely resonate with a lot of this. Especially the porn as an escape from dull reality. I remember reading animals in a zoo will masturbate but wild animals don't. Feels the same way with humans.

When I was trying to emulate PUA's and doing "game," the excitement of that and its goal-driven nature basically replaced my desire of wanting to watch porn. At least for a short time while I was engaging in the PUA stuff. I also recall a time where I had another goal, to start a "business," and was lifting weights and overall had tons of drive – at this point my porn habits were also very low.

Ironically, when I got a girlfriend, porn habits ticked back up, and has become more of a struggle. I became like a domesticated animal. It definitely feels like society is just a zoo and we are the animals caged within. There is no sense of that pure freedom I guess, or that thrill of possibility. That being said, I think game, or any "masculine" replacement, is still coping mechanism in the end. Obviously it is, otherwise it would have permanently cured me of lust. But all this stuff is like eating or drinking, it satiates you only temporarily. Eventually you will need to eat or drink again to satiate hunger or thirst.

So anyways, I have no advice really as I am in the same boat as you. I sympathize whole-heartedly. The only thing I can think is "escape," but escape to where? You can never escape yourself. Not trying to be black pilled here, I just don't think escape is an adequate possibility/cure. I do think there is hope though. Don't despair. Things can change.

Edit: I agree with Mountaineer. If you commit suicide you will regret it. It is better to fight to the bitter end and keep praying.

 
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tikkasakko

Pigeon
Orthodox Catechumen
I'm 23 years old and am a complete loser and on the verge of suicide. I was born in a former Soviet country and at about 6 years of age I was taken to Canada by my immigrant parents and as a result I have citizenship here. I am also currently stuck here because I am unvaccinated. I am a single child. My parents were entirely secular and although they stayed together and did not divorce, they did not raise me at all but basically just threw me into the public school system where I degenerated. My parents are toxic people who only care about themselves and are completely miserable. Because of my father's careerism, I was forced to switch schools and cities around 7 times, so I was made a complete rootless cosmopolitan with no friends. Some of the schools were ghetto, and I really hate those times. In fact, I cannot remember a single happy moment from my childhood or earlier life. I don't have any resentment or anger towards my parents, but they were not competent enough to be raising kids and should not have had me.

Since I was a single child and all of my relatives live overseas and we were constantly on the move across the country, the only people that I have any significant relationship with are my parents, who are very distant and live far away. They are also radically pro-vax. I was always unhealthy, because my parents fed me junk food in huge amounts growing up and made me get massive amounts of vaccines (including the annual flu vaccines), after which I would always get terribly sick. I am visibly unhealthy and I have narcolepsy. I am trying to treat all of my health problems but it is very hard without decent cash.

I finished the full 12 grade retarded Canadian "education" system with a 4.0 GPA, even though I exerted zero effort. I went to several Universities over a couple of years but higher education never interested me in the slightest and I couldn't finish it (part of the reason was because my mental faculties declined after I developed narcolepsy, but it also had to do with the fact that University has become insufferable now with all the wokeness), so I dropped out. I worked some dead end jobs but quit and have been a NEET ever since. My parents have provided me with an apartment in the middle of nowhere in Canada where I currently live and eat the cheapest junk available at Walmart because of no money. I never had a car, and was never taught to drive, nor do I have a licence. I have never had a girlfriend and am a virgin, moreover - my health conditions have made me ugly with grey hair, huge black bags under my eyes, extremely skinny, etc.

But my main problem is my masturbation and pornography addictions, starting from age 14. For 5 years I have tried to beat this addiction but cannot do it for the life of me. My reality is simply too depressing and I need some kind of drug to cope. I know for a fact that if I were stupid enough to get into alcohol or hard drugs as a teen, then I would be addicted to that as well. I feel that my addiction to lust is a coping mechanism for this dull reality that I live in. My porn addiction is really bad, and if I could choose one thing that I want out of this life, I would choose to overcome my lust forever.

I have been praying to God since about the time when I realized what porn is doing to my brain. I have been praying every morning, day, and evening for a long time now, but God has never helped me once over the last 5 years. Attending Church does not help either. It doesn't matter how much faith I have, when the urge strikes, nothing can stop me from relapsing.

My life is horrible and I don't see a point in continuing. I've told my story to multiple people and they say the obvious advice like "dude, just get a job, dude, just get an education, dude, just get a haircut, etc.". But I have really ran out of options at this point. It is quite appalling that my parents have witnessed my deteriorating condition for the last 5-8 years and don't care in the slightest. They are simply busy working and consuming product.

At this point, I have reached the end of the road with no real hope for the future. And the ongoing coronavirus and wokeness idiocy gives me no hope for society either. I'm seriously considering killing myself just to end this suffering.

I'm writing this to you in hope that you might have some unique advice to offer me. Maybe not, but it's still worth a shot.
Being active will make you feel better. Gym membership is out of the question if you are not vaxxed, as we are in Canada. Start with push ups, buy a pull up bar. Set goals. Put some money away and slowly invest in some free weights, squat rack, bench. I know they are very expensive right now, but spend what you can. I guarantee you will feel better. Trust me brother, all of the poison you are eating is affecting you mentally and physically. Focus on God, focus on your health. Strengthen your mind. strengthen your body. Continue praying. Show God that you are making an effort. Also, this forum is full of really great guys. All with our own struggles. Do not feel like you are alone. We all see this world crumbling around us. What sets us apart is our lack of fear. The fact that you reached out for help shows that you have not given up. You will feel better brother. You are in my prayers. God Bless.
 

Poche

 
Banned
Catholic
I would suggest to you that it is not necessary to live in a monastery to live as a monk. What can I say. How easy it is to fall, but very hard to get up. By having this problem you can see that it is best to not sit in judgement on others. The fathers of the desert have said, "He who said Thou shat not fornicate, also said Thou shalt not judge."
The greatest difficulty that Jesus faced in his passion and death were not the nails from which he hung. Nor was it the whippings. The greatest suffering of Jesus was his agony in the garden. I would suggest that you unite your sufferings to his.
Be busy. The Abba Anthony said, "An idle monk has many demons, while a busy monk has but one."
 

Joachim-Gaius

Pigeon
Catholic
I'm 23 years old and am a complete loser and on the verge of suicide. I was born in a former Soviet country and at about 6 years of age I was taken to Canada by my immigrant parents and as a result I have citizenship here. I am also currently stuck here because I am unvaccinated. I am a single child. My parents were entirely secular and although they stayed together and did not divorce, they did not raise me at all but basically just threw me into the public school system where I degenerated. My parents are toxic people who only care about themselves and are completely miserable. Because of my father's careerism, I was forced to switch schools and cities around 7 times, so I was made a complete rootless cosmopolitan with no friends. Some of the schools were ghetto, and I really hate those times. In fact, I cannot remember a single happy moment from my childhood or earlier life. I don't have any resentment or anger towards my parents, but they were not competent enough to be raising kids and should not have had me.

Since I was a single child and all of my relatives live overseas and we were constantly on the move across the country, the only people that I have any significant relationship with are my parents, who are very distant and live far away. They are also radically pro-vax. I was always unhealthy, because my parents fed me junk food in huge amounts growing up and made me get massive amounts of vaccines (including the annual flu vaccines), after which I would always get terribly sick. I am visibly unhealthy and I have narcolepsy. I am trying to treat all of my health problems but it is very hard without decent cash.

I finished the full 12 grade retarded Canadian "education" system with a 4.0 GPA, even though I exerted zero effort. I went to several Universities over a couple of years but higher education never interested me in the slightest and I couldn't finish it (part of the reason was because my mental faculties declined after I developed narcolepsy, but it also had to do with the fact that University has become insufferable now with all the wokeness), so I dropped out. I worked some dead end jobs but quit and have been a NEET ever since. My parents have provided me with an apartment in the middle of nowhere in Canada where I currently live and eat the cheapest junk available at Walmart because of no money. I never had a car, and was never taught to drive, nor do I have a licence. I have never had a girlfriend and am a virgin, moreover - my health conditions have made me ugly with grey hair, huge black bags under my eyes, extremely skinny, etc.

But my main problem is my masturbation and pornography addictions, starting from age 14. For 5 years I have tried to beat this addiction but cannot do it for the life of me. My reality is simply too depressing and I need some kind of drug to cope. I know for a fact that if I were stupid enough to get into alcohol or hard drugs as a teen, then I would be addicted to that as well. I feel that my addiction to lust is a coping mechanism for this dull reality that I live in. My porn addiction is really bad, and if I could choose one thing that I want out of this life, I would choose to overcome my lust forever.

I have been praying to God since about the time when I realized what porn is doing to my brain. I have been praying every morning, day, and evening for a long time now, but God has never helped me once over the last 5 years. Attending Church does not help either. It doesn't matter how much faith I have, when the urge strikes, nothing can stop me from relapsing.

My life is horrible and I don't see a point in continuing. I've told my story to multiple people and they say the obvious advice like "dude, just get a job, dude, just get an education, dude, just get a haircut, etc.". But I have really ran out of options at this point. It is quite appalling that my parents have witnessed my deteriorating condition for the last 5-8 years and don't care in the slightest. They are simply busy working and consuming product.

At this point, I have reached the end of the road with no real hope for the future. And the ongoing coronavirus and wokeness idiocy gives me no hope for society either. I'm seriously considering killing myself just to end this suffering.

I'm writing this to you in hope that you might have some unique advice to offer me. Maybe not, but it's still worth a shot.
I don't have any advice, only an observation. Something you won't read or hear from mainstream culture is that this is just the beginning not the end. The current ways of materialism and transhumanism are ending and those who benefit from the current mainstream culture are freaking out. You strike me as intelligent and articulate, so you have bared the brunt of their wrath and jealousy. What is beginning is a world where people like yourself will lead. I hope you stay with us, we'll need a lot of help in the future.
 

A F Henry

Chicken
Catholic
Sir,
You have sought help I believe in good faith and trust you will consider my reply likewise in good faith, though it must be a curt reply of necessity and I do not mean to ignore the scope of your difficulties

You say that you are looking for "unique advice". There is none.

There are no magic solutions to any of the problems you set out and in reality you know this.
And you already know how to do what you need to get done. You are sufficiently capable and have enough agency

The problems is maybe - why bother with getting things done when you will be alone anyway?

You say that "my main problem is my masturbation and pornography addictions, starting from age 14. For 5 years I have tried to beat this addiction but cannot do it for the life of me. "

And so you know what must be done and where you need to start.

This coping mechanism - understandable though it is - you know that it is killing you - it is not helping you.

You cannot do a damn thing about coronavirus, wokeness idiocy or the state of the world - God will see to setting these things to right in time. Matthew 3:12 "His winnowing fork is in his hand. He will clean up his threshing floor and gather his grain into the barn, but he will burn the chaff with inextinguishable fire."

If you must take the vax - fine do it - Matthew 15:11 "What goes into a man's mouth does not make him `unclean,' but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him `unclean.'" You can be defeated, regroup and fight on against the system forcing you into it

Finally - and I hope you can bear to hear this , you said that " It is quite appalling that my parents have witnessed my deteriorating condition for the last 5-8 years and don't care in the slightest" and much of your negative traits you have said are plainly visible -hair, eyes, skinny etc - so that you want them to see how broken you are is obvious. But they do not.

Neither will killing yourself make them see.
And if you did kill yourself as you describe them they would still put the spotlight on themselves and how it has affected them. It is no solution

Praying is not magic and if God has never helped you once over the last 5 years does not mean that he will not.
You are 23, being lost now is fairly normal and you are living in one of the worst times in human history !

If you can knock anything out of this life in your 20s in this era - you are certainly no loser

I will sign off with Psalm 12 - hope it helps

A Prayer for Help​

12 Help us, Lord!
There is not a good person left;
honest people can no longer be found.
2 All of them lie to one another;
they deceive each other with flattery.
3 Silence those flattering tongues, O Lord!
Close those boastful mouths that say,
4 “With our words we get what we want.
We will say what we wish,
and no one can stop us.”
5 “But now I will come,” says the Lord,
“because the needy are oppressed
and the persecuted groan in pain.
I will give them the security they long for.”
6 The promises of the Lord can be trusted;
they are as genuine as silver
refined seven times in the furnace.
7-8 The wicked are everywhere,
and everyone praises what is evil.
Keep us always safe, O Lord,
and preserve us from such people.
 

thetruewhitenorth

Kingfisher
Orthodox
I'm 23 years old and am a complete loser and on the verge of suicide. I was born in a former Soviet country and at about 6 years of age I was taken to Canada by my immigrant parents and as a result I have citizenship here. I am also currently stuck here because I am unvaccinated. I am a single child. My parents were entirely secular and although they stayed together and did not divorce, they did not raise me at all but basically just threw me into the public school system where I degenerated. My parents are toxic people who only care about themselves and are completely miserable. Because of my father's careerism, I was forced to switch schools and cities around 7 times, so I was made a complete rootless cosmopolitan with no friends. Some of the schools were ghetto, and I really hate those times. In fact, I cannot remember a single happy moment from my childhood or earlier life. I don't have any resentment or anger towards my parents, but they were not competent enough to be raising kids and should not have had me.

Since I was a single child and all of my relatives live overseas and we were constantly on the move across the country, the only people that I have any significant relationship with are my parents, who are very distant and live far away. They are also radically pro-vax. I was always unhealthy, because my parents fed me junk food in huge amounts growing up and made me get massive amounts of vaccines (including the annual flu vaccines), after which I would always get terribly sick. I am visibly unhealthy and I have narcolepsy. I am trying to treat all of my health problems but it is very hard without decent cash.

I finished the full 12 grade retarded Canadian "education" system with a 4.0 GPA, even though I exerted zero effort. I went to several Universities over a couple of years but higher education never interested me in the slightest and I couldn't finish it (part of the reason was because my mental faculties declined after I developed narcolepsy, but it also had to do with the fact that University has become insufferable now with all the wokeness), so I dropped out. I worked some dead end jobs but quit and have been a NEET ever since. My parents have provided me with an apartment in the middle of nowhere in Canada where I currently live and eat the cheapest junk available at Walmart because of no money. I never had a car, and was never taught to drive, nor do I have a licence. I have never had a girlfriend and am a virgin, moreover - my health conditions have made me ugly with grey hair, huge black bags under my eyes, extremely skinny, etc.

But my main problem is my masturbation and pornography addictions, starting from age 14. For 5 years I have tried to beat this addiction but cannot do it for the life of me. My reality is simply too depressing and I need some kind of drug to cope. I know for a fact that if I were stupid enough to get into alcohol or hard drugs as a teen, then I would be addicted to that as well. I feel that my addiction to lust is a coping mechanism for this dull reality that I live in. My porn addiction is really bad, and if I could choose one thing that I want out of this life, I would choose to overcome my lust forever.

I have been praying to God since about the time when I realized what porn is doing to my brain. I have been praying every morning, day, and evening for a long time now, but God has never helped me once over the last 5 years. Attending Church does not help either. It doesn't matter how much faith I have, when the urge strikes, nothing can stop me from relapsing.

My life is horrible and I don't see a point in continuing. I've told my story to multiple people and they say the obvious advice like "dude, just get a job, dude, just get an education, dude, just get a haircut, etc.". But I have really ran out of options at this point. It is quite appalling that my parents have witnessed my deteriorating condition for the last 5-8 years and don't care in the slightest. They are simply busy working and consuming product.

At this point, I have reached the end of the road with no real hope for the future. And the ongoing coronavirus and wokeness idiocy gives me no hope for society either. I'm seriously considering killing myself just to end this suffering.

I'm writing this to you in hope that you might have some unique advice to offer me. Maybe not, but it's still worth a shot.

Im from a former Soviet country myself, can relate to a lot of what you wrote. I was also very, very lonely, depressed, seriously considered suicide.

What helped me sometimes during tough moments is creating something to do. Motion moves emotion. Just get out of the house, even for a little while, go for a walk, hop on a bus to ride to the other end of town to grab a coffee or tea.

Dont commit suicide. You're very young, only 23. You have the whole life ahead of you. You're only beginning to live.

The fact that you've been going to church and praying, tells me you're on the right path.

God Bless brother.
 

Athanasius

Pelican
Protestant
I'm over twice your age. When we get into 'woe is me,' one thing to do is step back and take a few breaths. Realize that you're alive and you have your faculties. Go for a walk and just look at the creation. Observe the people and places and things you see. Think about them. Read Psalm 42.

Have you thought about volunteering or finding a way to do things for others? Get to know people at your church.

The overall point here is to develop an outward focus instead of navel gazing. This outward focus is on loving God and loving your neighbor. Are these not the two greatest commandments?

Hang in there. You're not alone.
 

Galaxy_Traveler

Robin
Other Christian
My impression that you won't like but that i think is important for you to realize is that you are too weak, and there is noone around you who tells you that most of this is your own fault, and only you can fix yourself. You need to fix up yourself, otherwise you will not be a man.
There are some things that are out of your control, like your parents, the politics of Canada etc. But guess what, society will always be difficult to deal with. You say you have a high GDP but dropped out of university because of politics. To me this sounds like an excuse for mental weakness. You will face difficulty wherever you go, and most people will react to you unkindly. Do you know why? Because you are a young man with no means and poor health. It is what it is, but whining and doing nothing about it is effeminate. Being a man means to try, even when the odds are 0. Being a man means to keep going in the face of harsh difficulties, and when resentment is thrown into his face like every so often, he does not slow down but continues forward, for he knows that this is what life has in stall for him, this is what it means to work the soil of the earth. You talk as if you are expecting things to be easier for you. I tell you that they will never be easier, and the only way to pick yourself up is to grow from a boy into a man. Do not point the finger at others, even if it makes sense. Point it at yourself.
You live in a first world country. How many billions of people who live in shitholes would give their right hand to do that. You do not need help, for help will make you weak and dependent. You need a kick in the ass, so that you can see the harsh reality. Embracing nihilism will lead you nowhere, but finding meaning in even your smallest actions, like changing your diet and habits, will. Every time you think that this is hard, remember: it is supposed to be hard in the beginning, but it will become easier as you continue. Good luck.
 

Tippy

Woodpecker
Other Christian
I would say set yourself an achievable goal. Try to go 24 hours without porn. Too difficult? Try then to use it only once at night before you sleep.

I would strongly recommend using blockers for it.

Porn use is something that will negatively impact all areas of your life. You won't have motivation to make friends, meet a potential wife, develop skills or hobbies. Why would you when your brain thinks you are basically an awesome king with a harem of girls?

Get this porn thing under control and then start making other manageable changes.
 
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