Need life advice - very bad situation

[Lawrence87]

With regards to the porn and masturbation thing, it's not going to be solved instantly. Keep going to church. Keep praying. As Christians we are called to bear our cross, Christ never promised to solve everything for us in an instant, He called us to take up our cross and follow Him. Call upon Him, and His saints for help. Be wary of pride, sometimes in this battle we go for a long time without a fall, but then all of a sudden things go back to square one, usually this is accentuated when we think we've achieved something. Give all the credit to God for our success, and don't forget to thank Him every single day. Take nothing for granted.

A very important thing to remember is Christ will not give us more than we can bear. And don't think He has abandoned you because He hasn't removed your struggles with a click of His fingers, Christ loves you more than you possibly have the capacity to understand. Satan tries to convince us that God is more ready to condemn us than he is. God wants nothing more than for us to turn back to Him every time we fall, and He will not abandon us.

Be patient, struggle, keep praying, keep going to church. You exist here on this earth for a purpose, and God has put you where you are because He knows you are strong enough to handle it, He has great things planned for you. Take up your cross and follow Him, if you fall get back up. God loves you, He sees you, and He hears your prayers.

 

[Poche]

I will pray for you.

 

[Zagor]

you blame others for thing that you are responsible for. You have no friends - your responsibility. You are unhealthy - your responsibility. You are uneducated - your responsibility. You don’t know how to drive - your responsibility.
You have no job or money - your responsibility.
You’re addicted to porn - your responsibility. But according to you, you have no friend because your parents moved a lot, your unhealthily because they fed you junk food, you don’t know how to drive because no one thought you, your uneducated because of wokenes ecc…It’s about time that you take the responsibility for your life from other people and put it in you hands. Recognise that all of these things are the results of your choices. That’s empowering, because you can easily choose otherwise.

 

[GreatIrishElk]

Your situation is not rare at all my friend, many have already and many more will get through such situations. But also, sadly, many will not.
There is some great advice already on this thread, try to accept it. Many have already recommended the religious path, which I absolutely agree with. There is great value in the New Testament if you read with an open heart, I can not speak for the Old as I have not been through it yet. But we know there is also grace outside the Church which leads to my next point.
If you like reading, there is a book I would recommend. ‘Lights Out in Wonderland’ by DBC Pierre. It is secular so take it with a pinch of salt, but you may be able to take inspiration from the story. The protagonist basically decides that he will kill himself, but he does not know when, and sets off on a journey to bid a grand farewell to this world of decadence. I do not recommend this mindset, but there is something very freeing in it. In considering suicide, you have accepted your own death as inevitable, in doing so throwing off all worldly cares - which I believe can be a huge step in the right direction, if you allow it to be. The character in the book experiences great growth once he accepts this fact. Again, neither I or the book encourage suicidal thoughts.
When you truly begin learning about and accepting Christs teaching, all of the suffering will make sense and you may even find yourself grateful for it.
Do not give up on Him, for He will not give up on you until the very last day.

 

[STG]

Time for a radical change.

Can you move to the middle of the woods and live off the grid?

 

[OrthoSerb]

Time for a radical change.

Can you move to the middle of the woods and live off the grid?

Lots of good advice on this thread, but becoming a monastic (as suggested by another member) or living off the grid immediately are not even close to being workable solutions to the problems the John is facing. Visiting monasteries or spending more time in nature is great. Moving location, including to a more rural area, could also be beneficial. But monasticism or solitary off the grid life take mental, physical and spiritual fortitude. You already need to be at a certain level. Nothing John said in his opening post could lead anyone to think he could succesfully pursue either option.

 

[Liviu]

Dear John,

I am sorry that the New World didn`t bring the real happiness in your family life. This shouldn`t be a surprise. I live in the same part of world your family lived once, eastern Europe.This is better, at least in my country (Romania) than norther american continent.The initiator of this forum wrote that America (and Canada is no different) are in their DNA a rebellion against the Christian call despite , at least nominally, most of the colonists were Christian at the beginning.

IF YOU`RE A CHRISTIAN YOU`LL NEVER COMMIT SUICIDE. You will have o thousand options to take your own life but none to come back. Your suffering would become everlasting and much bigger if you do it.

The best film all-time, according public votes in imdb is `Shawshank redemption`. It is my favorit film also. Director Frank Darabont said someone in a quite similar situation with yours wrote to him that watching this film stopped him from commiting suicide. I recommand to you to (re)watch it.


In the book `American pilgrim` of Darius Valizadeh, the initiator of this forum you could find similar points of view with yours. Buy it for only 9.99 USD from here.It will help you a lot

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Darius Valizadeh despite being in Armenian Church , realized that wasn`t the real Church Lord said about

Matthew 16,18

And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.

So in two years after the reconversion to Christian life , he chose to become Christian-orthodox. This is the One True Church, and here, YOU TOO, COULD FEEL THE GRACE OF HOLY SPIRIT MUCH MORE THAN IN ANY OTHER CHURCH.

Just follow the steps of Darius. You seem an intelligent young man. In Christian Orthodox Church you will find the grace of Holy Spirit which will help you to overcome all your existential problems. JUST TRY IT!

You know English. You could be a English online tutor. Go on www.italki.com and try to become a community tutor. You just need to talki in English to help other people talking. You will know people from around the world and your life will change much in better. I am a teacher on italki and this helped me a lot to change my life!

 

[Eusebius Erasmus]

Your story pains me brother, but suicide is a sin you cannot repent from. Do not do it.

I’m in Canada too. Yes you’re right that the country is insane, especially now.

The best thing you can do is talk with a priest or spiritual father — especially at a monastery.

 

[JohnD777]

I would start small. You mentioned your health. Commit to something small. Maybe 3 litres of water a day. Also, fast until 12 pm to start with. Tey to go for a 72 hour fast. Dont spend money on trying to fix problems. Try to prevent them. Spend money on good food.
Get a job. I struggle with identity in periods where i didnt work.
When i am down ill watch a video from a guy like Elliott hulse. Or i will listen to a zig ziglar tape.
Just some ideas

Also, forgive your parents

I am working on fixing my health but I am first in need of a fair amount of cash to do so, because the key part is consuming high quality foods and getting on a ketogenic diet. Fasting would only exacerbate my problems because I am already a skeleton.

I've already forgiven my parents, as I mentioned in the original post.

Finding a means to provide for yourself, perhaps at a semi physical job would hugely beneficial.

If you're stuck at home all day doing nothing, of course you will be depressed.

Is there anywhere in the world that excites you? What are your hobbies? Are you at least into video games?

I am attempting to find a job for myself on a farm. I've been pretty much everywhere in the world an nothing really "excites" me. My only long term goal, aside from fixing the obvious problems that I mentioned in the OP is to build an off-grid cabin/ homestead in an extremely remote region and live like Ted Kaczynski.

If you have nothing to lose you have everything to gain. If you see your life so worthless to consider suicide dedicate it to Christ and become a monastic. Suicide is the only sin you can't repent for.

I have already decided that if I survive this situation that I'm in that I will become a "monk in the world", I honestly do not want to bring children into this messed up world and finding a non-degenerate wife is virtually impossible, despite what some naive Christians may think. Even Roosh cannot seem to locate one. I think that all sex is a form of drug addiction and so when I beat this addiction, I intend to remain celibate.

Definitely resonate with a lot of this. Especially the porn as an escape from dull reality. I remember reading animals in a zoo will masturbate but wild animals don't. Feels the same way with humans.

When I was trying to emulate PUA's and doing "game," the excitement of that and its goal-driven nature basically replaced my desire of wanting to watch porn. At least for a short time while I was engaging in the PUA stuff. I also recall a time where I had another goal, to start a "business," and was lifting weights and overall had tons of drive – at this point my porn habits were also very low.

Ironically, when I got a girlfriend, porn habits ticked back up, and has become more of a struggle. I became like a domesticated animal. It definitely feels like society is just a zoo and we are the animals caged within. There is no sense of that pure freedom I guess, or that thrill of possibility. That being said, I think game, or any "masculine" replacement, is still coping mechanism in the end. Obviously it is, otherwise it would have permanently cured me of lust. But all this stuff is like eating or drinking, it satiates you only temporarily. Eventually you will need to eat or drink again to satiate hunger or thirst.

So anyways, I have no advice really as I am in the same boat as you. I sympathize whole-heartedly. The only thing I can think is "escape," but escape to where? You can never escape yourself. Not trying to be black pilled here, I just don't think escape is an adequate possibility/cure. I do think there is hope though. Don't despair. Things can change.

Edit: I agree with Mountaineer. If you commit suicide you will regret it. It is better to fight to the bitter end and keep praying.

Precisely why I have decided to escape this society and build a self sufficient off-grid cabin in the woods in the middle of nowhere.

Being active will make you feel better. Gym membership is out of the question if you are not vaxxed, as we are in Canada. Start with push ups, buy a pull up bar. Set goals. Put some money away and slowly invest in some free weights, squat rack, bench. I know they are very expensive right now, but spend what you can. I guarantee you will feel better. Trust me brother, all of the poison you are eating is affecting you mentally and physically. Focus on God, focus on your health. Strengthen your mind. strengthen your body. Continue praying. Show God that you are making an effort. Also, this forum is full of really great guys. All with our own struggles. Do not feel like you are alone. We all see this world crumbling around us. What sets us apart is our lack of fear. The fact that you reached out for help shows that you have not given up. You will feel better brother. You are in my prayers. God Bless.

Unfortunately, I feel that I have lowered testosterone, perhaps from all of the endocrine disrupting chemicals, especially the cheap food and tap water. This is hindering my muscle building ability and after making no gains for months on end, I just quit any program. My priority in terms of health at the moment is to be able to afford high quality organic food and somehow find a clean alternative to tap water, get rid of all the plastic/ BPA in my home. I think that working out while my health is abysmal will get me nowhere, I need to get that sorted out first.

I would suggest to you that it is not necessary to live in a monastery to live as a monk. What can I say. How easy it is to fall, but very hard to get up. By having this problem you can see that it is best to not sit in judgement on others. The fathers of the desert have said, "He who said Thou shat not fornicate, also said Thou shalt not judge."
The greatest difficulty that Jesus faced in his passion and death were not the nails from which he hung. Nor was it the whippings. The greatest suffering of Jesus was his agony in the garden. I would suggest that you unite your sufferings to his.
Be busy. The Abba Anthony said, "An idle monk has many demons, while a busy monk has but one."

Yes, I intend to be a "monk in the world".

I don't have any advice, only an observation. Something you won't read or hear from mainstream culture is that this is just the beginning not the end. The current ways of materialism and transhumanism are ending and those who benefit from the current mainstream culture are freaking out. You strike me as intelligent and articulate, so you have bared the brunt of their wrath and jealousy. What is beginning is a world where people like yourself will lead. I hope you stay with us, we'll need a lot of help in the future.

I am probably more blackpilled than most on the state of the world because I have dug extremely deep into the transhumanist agenda and the bioengineered DARPA superbugs that we are being sprayed and injected with. I'm a realist, and the state of the world will only get worse from here on out. I am not seeing a "revival". If there would be a revival it would have happened between the end of World War II and the start of the cultural revolution in the West because those generations actually had the testicular fortitude to rise up against the Beast system. Limp wristed soy boys and sluts are not going to overtake the current paradigm.

Are you the John I spoke with on the phone last year?

No.

As they say in the horror movies, "Get out of the house!" Ideally, be around nature - this does help to life your spirits.

This doesn't help long term because walking around the forest during work days doesn't seem right. I'm hoping to get a job as a farm worker, which will give me the ability to get out of the house.

I would say set yourself an achievable goal. Try to go 24 hours without porn. Too difficult? Try then to use it only once at night before you sleep.

I would strongly recommend using blockers for it.

Porn use is something that will negatively impact all areas of your life. You won't have motivation to make friends, meet a potential wife, develop skills or hobbies. Why would you when your brain thinks you are basically an awesome king with a harem of girls?

Get this porn thing under control and then start making other manageable changes.

I have done everything - blocked it completely, tried to brainwash myself with anti-porn material, etc. etc. For the last year or so, my average time on monk mode nofap has been 70 days, after which I always relapse. There just comes a time when a hormone rush hits me and doesn't stop and I have no way to stop it, until I eventually give in. Its almost like demonic possession. I don't want to do it but when the "rush" hits me its almost impossible to get rid of it besides relapsing.

My impression that you won't like but that i think is important for you to realize is that you are too weak, and there is noone around you who tells you that most of this is your own fault, and only you can fix yourself. You need to fix up yourself, otherwise you will not be a man.
There are some things that are out of your control, like your parents, the politics of Canada etc. But guess what, society will always be difficult to deal with. You say you have a high GDP but dropped out of university because of politics. To me this sounds like an excuse for mental weakness. You will face difficulty wherever you go, and most people will react to you unkindly. Do you know why? Because you are a young man with no means and poor health. It is what it is, but whining and doing nothing about it is effeminate. Being a man means to try, even when the odds are 0. Being a man means to keep going in the face of harsh difficulties, and when resentment is thrown into his face like every so often, he does not slow down but continues forward, for he knows that this is what life has in stall for him, this is what it means to work the soil of the earth. You talk as if you are expecting things to be easier for you. I tell you that they will never be easier, and the only way to pick yourself up is to grow from a boy into a man. Do not point the finger at others, even if it makes sense. Point it at yourself.
You live in a first world country. How many billions of people who live in shitholes would give their right hand to do that. You do not need help, for help will make you weak and dependent. You need a kick in the ass, so that you can see the harsh reality. Embracing nihilism will lead you nowhere, but finding meaning in even your smallest actions, like changing your diet and habits, will. Every time you think that this is hard, remember: it is supposed to be hard in the beginning, but it will become easier as you continue. Good luck.

As much as I would like to claim responsibility for my situation, the majority of the bad stuff in my life developed when I was underage, so I cannot really claim responsibility for it, nor would I lay it entirely on my parents. It was more on the lines of unfortunate life circumstances. But I agree with your overall message that I'm a pussy and need to man up. My father didn't really raise or influence me significantly, and to be honest, he himself is kind of a weakling as well. My problem with manning up is that I don't have an example in front of me of how to do this. I would appreciate if you could give me a good book on the subject.

 

[nagareboshi]

St. Paisios the Athonite has a great method for overcoming all addictions: https://www.rooshvforum.com/threads/saint-paisios.39801/page-2#post-1533106

It would also be wise to pray and ask St. Paisios for his help.

You also mentioned that you eat walmart junk. I think that you should try to at least cook for yourself, find some beef and lentils and barley and throw it into a stewpot and leave it sitting around. Once you start feeding yourself properly it also adds to mental clarity and self-control. If you're willing to cook for yourself and sacrifice some flavor, it is possible to eat cleanly on a low budget.

You might be nutrient deficient. There are many threads about this, but some basics would be to supplement Vitamin D and Magnesium which are highly lacking in processed food diets.

 

[nagareboshi]

I am attempting to find a job for myself on a farm. I've been pretty much everywhere in the world an nothing really "excites" me. My only long term goal, aside from fixing the obvious problems that I mentioned in the OP is to build an off-grid cabin/ homestead in an extremely remote region and live like Ted Kaczynski.

Have you considered working in a monastery, or working in an organization associated with the Orthodox Church?

 

[SaintPiusX]

Don't worry too much about porn and masturbation. When you feel the urge, just get it over with and then move on. Don't beat yourself up. Don't hurt yourself. Don't fall into a shame spiral. The more you beat yourself up about it, the more you will want to do it, and the more you want to do it, the more you will feel bad. Instead, just accept it. It's just part of your life right now. It's not your biggest problem. You can deal with it when you fix your other problems.

You're in a very difficult place because of the anti-vaccine discrimination. I felt similar to you at 23, but I was able to travel to another country and live there for a few years, which really gave me a great perspective on life. It's also difficult for you because you cannot go to the gym because I assume they check your vaccination papers.

However, do not fear, I will tell you how to get out of the mess you are in.

First, you have to realize it's not your fault. You have been discriminated against your entire life. You are apart of a system that is designed to humiliate you and make you sick. You have to realize the world is designed to hurt you and that you need to be ruthlessly selfish. In the past, you could at least turn to religion, but even that's been totally subverted. You are really on your own. On one hand, that's scary. On the other hand, it's freeing. It's not your fault.

Second, start everyday with an affirmation. Look at yourself in the mirror and say I deserve to be happy. Repeat it enough until you believe it.

Third, exercise however you can. If you cannot get to a gym, go for a run. If it's too cold for a run, do bodyweight exercises at home (push ups, crunches, burbeees. etc). Create a schedule and do it every day.

Fourth, try and eat better. I know it's tough when you are poor, but there's some things you can do to make it easier. Here's a meal plan that's cheap and easy: Morning: oatmeal, blueberries, and tea. Afternoon: eggs and toast. Dinner: steamed broccoli, chicken breast, rice, and an apple. If some days, you feel too tired to cook, then treat yourself with fast food. After you eat it, don't feel bad and don't attack yourself. Just move on and the next meal, you have some good food.

Fifth: try and sleep better. I know you have narcolepsy. Try and see a doctor about it, but generally the following can improve your quality of sleep: no caffeine after 1pm; a half an hour before you go to bed, do some stretching, turn on white noise, and take 5mg of melatonin. If you cannot fall asleep, then get up and read a book. I recommend something religious that doesn't excite your senses.

Sixth: learn a skill. Learn a skill that's useful. My recommendation is SEO and website creation. SEO pays well, relatively easy to learn, and is in high, high demand. Search online for some textbooks on it and slowly work on it. Set goals every day. Try and freelance.

If you follow these six steps, I will guarantee you in a year, your life will improve significantly.

 

[JohnD777]

With regards to the porn and masturbation thing, it's not going to be solved instantly. Keep going to church. Keep praying. As Christians we are called to bear our cross, Christ never promised to solve everything for us in an instant, He called us to take up our cross and follow Him. Call upon Him, and His saints for help. Be wary of pride, sometimes in this battle we go for a long time without a fall, but then all of a sudden things go back to square one, usually this is accentuated when we think we've achieved something. Give all the credit to God for our success, and don't forget to thank Him every single day. Take nothing for granted.

A very important thing to remember is Christ will not give us more than we can bear. And don't think He has abandoned you because He hasn't removed your struggles with a click of His fingers, Christ loves you more than you possibly have the capacity to understand. Satan tries to convince us that God is more ready to condemn us than he is. God wants nothing more than for us to turn back to Him every time we fall, and He will not abandon us.

Be patient, struggle, keep praying, keep going to church. You exist here on this earth for a purpose, and God has put you where you are because He knows you are strong enough to handle it, He has great things planned for you. Take up your cross and follow Him, if you fall get back up. God loves you, He sees you, and He hears your prayers.

I have located the source of my addiction to lust and it is of a peculiar nature. For me it is not enough to stop viewing women sexually, blocking porn, etc. It is a Pavlovian hormonal "rush" that begins whenever I start to feel chronically stressed out and it constantly pushes me to relapse. I think I developed this from my brain being conditioned to pornography at an early age. My longest abstinence streaks occur when I manage to overcome this rush by being around other people whenever the rush occurs. It can take days to subside when it happens and so I eventually relapse to just get it over with, so that it disappears.

I will pray for you.

Thank you.

you blame others for thing that you are responsible for. You have no friends - your responsibility. You are unhealthy - your responsibility. You are uneducated - your responsibility. You don’t know how to drive - your responsibility.
You have no job or money - your responsibility.
You’re addicted to porn - your responsibility. But according to you, you have no friend because your parents moved a lot, your unhealthily because they fed you junk food, you don’t know how to drive because no one thought you, your uneducated because of wokenes ecc…It’s about time that you take the responsibility for your life from other people and put it in you hands. Recognise that all of these things are the results of your choices. That’s empowering, because you can easily choose otherwise.

Yes, I agree that I need to take responsibility for everything, man up and stop being a pussy but objectively speaking, the majority of my problems occured when I was underage. I don't blame my parents for them entirely but it was just mostly a set of unfortunate life circumstances.

Your situation is not rare at all my friend, many have already and many more will get through such situations. But also, sadly, many will not.
There is some great advice already on this thread, try to accept it. Many have already recommended the religious path, which I absolutely agree with. There is great value in the New Testament if you read with an open heart, I can not speak for the Old as I have not been through it yet. But we know there is also grace outside the Church which leads to my next point.
If you like reading, there is a book I would recommend. ‘Lights Out in Wonderland’ by DBC Pierre. It is secular so take it with a pinch of salt, but you may be able to take inspiration from the story. The protagonist basically decides that he will kill himself, but he does not know when, and sets off on a journey to bid a grand farewell to this world of decadence. I do not recommend this mindset, but there is something very freeing in it. In considering suicide, you have accepted your own death as inevitable, in doing so throwing off all worldly cares - which I believe can be a huge step in the right direction, if you allow it to be. The character in the book experiences great growth once he accepts this fact. Again, neither I or the book encourage suicidal thoughts.
When you truly begin learning about and accepting Christs teaching, all of the suffering will make sense and you may even find yourself grateful for it.
Do not give up on Him, for He will not give up on you until the very last day.

I agree with the religious path. I have been unable to find a good Bible translation in either English or Russian, so I have decided to obtain the original Septuagint with apocrypha and New Testament in Koine Greek, which I am currently attempting to learn. Unfortunately, coming from a completely secular upbringing, it is very difficult to transition to a Godly life.

Time for a radical change.

Can you move to the middle of the woods and live off the grid?

This is my end goal - to be entirely self sufficient and a monk in the middle of nowhere in the woods. Firstly though, I need to get right with God and fix all of the other issues plaguing my life that I mentioned in the OP.

Lots of good advice on this thread, but becoming a monastic (as suggested by another member) or living off the grid immediately are not even close to being workable solutions to the problems the John is facing. Visiting monasteries or spending more time in nature is great. Moving location, including to a more rural area, could also be beneficial. But monasticism or solitary off the grid life take mental, physical and spiritual fortitude. You already need to be at a certain level. Nothing John said in his opening post could lead anyone to think he could succesfully pursue either option.

You are correct, I would not be able to handle off-grid living at the moment but that is my end goal, if I ever manage to fix the other problems in my life.

Dear John,

I am sorry that the New World didn`t bring the real happiness in your family life. This shouldn`t be a surprise. I live in the same part of world your family lived once, eastern Europe.This is better, at least in my country (Romania) than norther american continent.The initiator of this forum wrote that America (and Canada is no different) are in their DNA a rebellion against the Christian call despite , at least nominally, most of the colonists were Christian at the beginning.

IF YOU`RE A CHRISTIAN YOU`LL NEVER COMMIT SUICIDE. You will have o thousand options to take your own life but none to come back. Your suffering would become everlasting and much bigger if you do it.

The best film all-time, according public votes in imdb is `Shawshank redemption`. It is my favorit film also. Director Frank Darabont said someone in a quite similar situation with yours wrote to him that watching this film stopped him from commiting suicide. I recommand to you to (re)watch it.


In the book `American pilgrim` of Darius Valizadeh, the initiator of this forum you could find similar points of view with yours. Buy it for only 9.99 USD from here.It will help you a lot

Cart

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Darius Valizadeh despite being in Armenian Church , realized that wasn`t the real Church Lord said about

Matthew 16,18

And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.

So in two years after the reconversion to Christian life , he chose to become Christian-orthodox. This is the One True Church, and here, YOU TOO, COULD FEEL THE GRACE OF HOLY SPIRIT MUCH MORE THAN IN ANY OTHER CHURCH.

Just follow the steps of Darius. You seem an intelligent young man. In Christian Orthodox Church you will find the grace of Holy Spirit which will help you to overcome all your existential problems. JUST TRY IT!

You know English. You could be a English online tutor. Go on www.italki.com and try to become a community tutor. You just need to talki in English to help other people talking. You will know people from around the world and your life will change much in better. I am a teacher on italki and this helped me a lot to change my life!

Thanks for the kind words. Just out of curiosity - do you know anything about the Lipovan Russians in Romania and what their current state of affairs looks like? They are Orthodox Old Believers that fled to Romania a while back and established some villages there.

St. Paisios the Athonite has a great method for overcoming all addictions: https://www.rooshvforum.com/threads/saint-paisios.39801/page-2#post-1533106

It would also be wise to pray and ask St. Paisios for his help.

You also mentioned that you eat walmart junk. I think that you should try to at least cook for yourself, find some beef and lentils and barley and throw it into a stewpot and leave it sitting around. Once you start feeding yourself properly it also adds to mental clarity and self-control. If you're willing to cook for yourself and sacrifice some flavor, it is possible to eat cleanly on a low budget.

You might be nutrient deficient. There are many threads about this, but some basics would be to supplement Vitamin D and Magnesium which are highly lacking in processed food diets.

Unfortunately, even the beef in Walmart here is grain fed mystery meat and the vegetables are GMO and covered in glyphosate. One of my main goals is to afford quality grass fed and grass finished meat.

Based on my research, the main causes of my health conditions are the following: autoimmune reactions to bad food (thinking of going on a carnivore diet), heavy metal build up from vaccines and tap water, hormonal imbalances (high estrogren, high prolactine, low t) from porn and endocrine disruptors, parasites and pathogenic microorganisms that I need to get rid of (I suspect that I might have Lyme disease or Candida build up). I already supplement the essential minerals and vitamins that I need, but I have leaky gut and all of that might not be getting absorbed by my body.

Have you considered working in a monastery, or working in an organization associated with the Orthodox Church?

Life in a monastery is not for me, that I have definitely decided. On that other hand, family life is also not for me. I think that the best solution is to be a "monk in the world".

 

[canuckj]

Brother I think many of us are praying for you. You are not alone. Although it is easy to say we understand on the internet many of us have actually stared into the darkness and decided to end things and even tried. This is not the right way. I wish there were actually Roosh V clubs where we could meet in person but it is great to know people care even if over the internet.

 

[OrthoMexicano]

Lots of good advice on this thread, but becoming a monastic (as suggested by another member) or living off the grid immediately are not even close to being workable solutions to the problems the John is facing. Visiting monasteries or spending more time in nature is great. Moving location, including to a more rural area, could also be beneficial. But monasticism or solitary off the grid life take mental, physical and spiritual fortitude. You already need to be at a certain level. Nothing John said in his opening post could lead anyone to think he could succesfully pursue either option.

Isolation lead more depression. It easy answer say 'become monk' I say people give that advice become monk first, if they not monk they speak from not place of truth, they do not know. From post he can't.

 

[nagareboshi]

Life in a monastery is not for me, that I have definitely decided. On that other hand, family life is also not for me. I think that the best solution is to be a "monk in the world".

What I mean is, on the monastery grounds themselves there is some work to be done, with gardening, assisting with construction, providing transportation to those who need it, etc. You would not be a monk but someone who lives in the town who provides services and is paid for it. Also, the food that is blessed by a priest or abbot will have protective qualities and will be more nutritious.

Edit: I don’t have personal experience with monastery work, but this is what I read about Mount Athos. Your experience may vary with North American monasteries but it’s worth inquiring.

 

[Tippy]

A 70 day nofap streak is pretty good man. Shows you have been able to keep the p addiction at least somewhat under control for periods of time.

 

[anti-science]

This is a very difficult situation as I know Canada first hand and it is a horrible place only good for people who know how to work the system. Maybe you can be happy raising a family far away from the cities where people are both greedy and conformist. House pricing is absurd too, no way a single person working any job can afford any of it. Trudeau printing money causing inflation to go up which is why good pieces of meat are so pricey. The lifestyle is horrible, most people keep to themselves there is zero sense of community most are depressed. The only reason people aren't out protesting is because their houses have appreciated a lot, old homeowners became richer while the poor get free money.

I think you need to be involved in more activities go for walks even when it is very cold and try to work in real estate or something. Also, drop the importance of trying to fix your health. Look into mind-body cause of disease. The root cause of your physical problems are from the spiritual damage you have endured from your broken relationships (with parents ect..). Forget blaming anyone and try to do specific meditation prayers daily these are your best weapon. Don't dwell in the past. Trust me many eat much worse than you and don't have your issues. Don't fall into the cycle of OCD eating and parasite cleansing or whatever just focus on your spirit. I pray for you my man.

 

[ed pluribus unum]

OP are you anywhere close to somewhere along the Montreal-Ottawa corridor? I'll meet up with you if you want to talk to someone in person. Its about all I can offer since I am still on my road to spiritual discovery myself but I do know the power of just meeting a friendly face in person. Let me know.

 

[JohnD777]

OP are you anywhere close to somewhere along the Montreal-Ottawa corridor? I'll meet up with you if you want to talk to someone in person. Its about all I can offer since I am still on my road to spiritual discovery myself but I do know the power of just meeting a friendly face in person. Let me know.

Unfortunately, I'm a bit further away.