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Need life advice - very bad situation
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<blockquote data-quote="nicolahcm" data-source="post: 1565957" data-attributes="member: 15925"><p>Hi John. I am 24 years old, and I think I relate very much to your story.</p><p></p><p>My parents emigrated to another western country and expected me to raise by myself, without any effort to integrate or create any social circle. Many immigrants and bad influence at school. I never had a girl, and during high school I got terribly addicted to porn. It also was my only way to cope with the terrible school and totally negligent family. </p><p></p><p>But enough getting depressed, this is not the solution and we know it. </p><p></p><p>Now I am in Russia, since 5 months, and I started teaching at school. This allows me to remain here in Russia, where I am trying to rebuild all by myself. Many people underestimate it, but the social part and the community are the most important things. Too bad that my parents did not take care of it. And do all by start is very difficult. Lonelyness is very tough. I understand about your masturbation problem. It is not because of lust, but a way to escape of the tough situation. I cannot say that I have overcome it, but in the last months, It seems almost disappeared. Not by my self. But thanks to God.</p><p>I explain you.</p><p></p><p>The first 2 months here in Russia have been so tough, but I wanted to escape from where I came from, because there I saw no future. Not that this solution is suitable for all. Then I started attending Church, and this a bit helped. Plus the language was a huge barrier, but I studied hard, and obtained a decent level that allows me to communicate decently.</p><p></p><p>The loneliness was destroying me, start all from zero was so tough. I was totally alone. Then I decided to do something, and I had an enlightment. Here in Russia, thanks God is full of Orthodox Churches. During Xmas Holidays, I took my stuff, went out in the morning, and visited all the Churches that I could. There I prayed a little, but most importantly, I asked people who worked there, or the Priest, if they organized some volunteering, or any activity with young people. I found so many Churches and many welcomed me and invited me to many many activities. Now it's been almost 3 weeks, and I only had 2 days off, all the others either I was busy in Church helping, either working. </p><p>And this is the secret to reduce the loneliness. Of course, sometimes is still very tough, but I am creating good Christian friends, and they often invite me in many activities. Even only turning down the candles in the Church, I won't decline this offer. Or help in feeding poor people in the station. Or helping in an exposition of Orthodox icons. I found so many good people of Church that are welcoming me, and it is very hard now that I found myself without anything to do.</p><p></p><p><strong>1) Try to build a community. Eventually more community, don't limit yourself to 1 Church.</strong> At the beginning, I was limiting myself to only 1 Church, but there were only old people, and I attended some activities and it was harder to connect with them. Then I decided to try many Churches, and I found many people that are very welcoming and invite me to help whenever I can. For example, yesterday, there was the Baptism of Jesus. They invited me to help and keep the Cross in the road-crossing and some other helps. Today I helped throwing the short candles in Church. </p><p></p><p><strong>2) Try to get yourself always busy with practical things, </strong>As you can see, do not be so extreme and limit your self with prayers, reading of holy books and so on. Of course this is important, but understand that not all are suited only for this, and this was my mistake, as well as of many other people. I understand the holy books, and the prayers, but this is not enough. As they say here in Russia, faith without practice, is death. </p><p>And this includes contacts with people. We are not all born to be monks. Few people have this energy to do this, and this has been given by God. Do not be so extremist and spend 10 hours a day among prayer and readings of holy books. This is more harmful. </p><p>Do activities, find something. Volunteering and so on. Pray for this. When I prayed for this, then God filled me with so many things to do, that I barely even have the time for myself, and most importantly, you feel fulfilled and not lonely. You do not even have the time to contemplate how miserable is your lonlely life. You are too busy doing activities. </p><p></p><p>Please take these advices. </p><p>If you want to know more, feel free to message me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nicolahcm, post: 1565957, member: 15925"] Hi John. I am 24 years old, and I think I relate very much to your story. My parents emigrated to another western country and expected me to raise by myself, without any effort to integrate or create any social circle. Many immigrants and bad influence at school. I never had a girl, and during high school I got terribly addicted to porn. It also was my only way to cope with the terrible school and totally negligent family. But enough getting depressed, this is not the solution and we know it. Now I am in Russia, since 5 months, and I started teaching at school. This allows me to remain here in Russia, where I am trying to rebuild all by myself. Many people underestimate it, but the social part and the community are the most important things. Too bad that my parents did not take care of it. And do all by start is very difficult. Lonelyness is very tough. I understand about your masturbation problem. It is not because of lust, but a way to escape of the tough situation. I cannot say that I have overcome it, but in the last months, It seems almost disappeared. Not by my self. But thanks to God. I explain you. The first 2 months here in Russia have been so tough, but I wanted to escape from where I came from, because there I saw no future. Not that this solution is suitable for all. Then I started attending Church, and this a bit helped. Plus the language was a huge barrier, but I studied hard, and obtained a decent level that allows me to communicate decently. The loneliness was destroying me, start all from zero was so tough. I was totally alone. Then I decided to do something, and I had an enlightment. Here in Russia, thanks God is full of Orthodox Churches. During Xmas Holidays, I took my stuff, went out in the morning, and visited all the Churches that I could. There I prayed a little, but most importantly, I asked people who worked there, or the Priest, if they organized some volunteering, or any activity with young people. I found so many Churches and many welcomed me and invited me to many many activities. Now it's been almost 3 weeks, and I only had 2 days off, all the others either I was busy in Church helping, either working. And this is the secret to reduce the loneliness. Of course, sometimes is still very tough, but I am creating good Christian friends, and they often invite me in many activities. Even only turning down the candles in the Church, I won't decline this offer. Or help in feeding poor people in the station. Or helping in an exposition of Orthodox icons. I found so many good people of Church that are welcoming me, and it is very hard now that I found myself without anything to do. [B]1) Try to build a community. Eventually more community, don't limit yourself to 1 Church.[/B] At the beginning, I was limiting myself to only 1 Church, but there were only old people, and I attended some activities and it was harder to connect with them. Then I decided to try many Churches, and I found many people that are very welcoming and invite me to help whenever I can. For example, yesterday, there was the Baptism of Jesus. They invited me to help and keep the Cross in the road-crossing and some other helps. Today I helped throwing the short candles in Church. [B]2) Try to get yourself always busy with practical things, [/B]As you can see, do not be so extreme and limit your self with prayers, reading of holy books and so on. Of course this is important, but understand that not all are suited only for this, and this was my mistake, as well as of many other people. I understand the holy books, and the prayers, but this is not enough. As they say here in Russia, faith without practice, is death. And this includes contacts with people. We are not all born to be monks. Few people have this energy to do this, and this has been given by God. Do not be so extremist and spend 10 hours a day among prayer and readings of holy books. This is more harmful. Do activities, find something. Volunteering and so on. Pray for this. When I prayed for this, then God filled me with so many things to do, that I barely even have the time for myself, and most importantly, you feel fulfilled and not lonely. You do not even have the time to contemplate how miserable is your lonlely life. You are too busy doing activities. Please take these advices. If you want to know more, feel free to message me. [/QUOTE]
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