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Need life advice - very bad situation
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<blockquote data-quote="polar" data-source="post: 1566961" data-attributes="member: 4548"><p>"Sex is like oxygen. It's no big deal unless you aren't getting any."</p><p></p><p>Coming out of the woodwork for this one. I haven't read the whole thread, so some of this may be repeated. (And take none of this as criticism, just me trying to read between the lines of your post.)</p><p></p><p>You're brave for looking for help. You recognize that you have an addiction, but are looking for a solution. Sex addiction is also perhaps the most shameful one of them all - men think it's shameful to talk about it - they don't want to be labeled as a "wanker," "pervert", etc. This is solvable. You're 23 - lots of folks don't hit their stride until their 30s. </p><p></p><p>One of the main reasons for your gray everyday is dopamine desensitization.</p><p></p><p>[URL unfurl="true"]https://miro.medium.com/max/1200/1*J6GqA34SpFBXpLYCYlI2Ag.jpeg[/URL]</p><p></p><p>The longer you spend masturbating, the more you desensitize yourself to everyday joys. The less energy you have to get up in the morning, and the less energy you have to chase accepted - and necessary - milestones of human life. </p><p></p><p>Your goal ISN'T to "never masturbate." Masturbation is a substitution for a biological function. Right now, it controls you. Your goal is to treat it like any other biological function and control when and how long you do it.</p><p></p><p>Doing a "cold turkey" attempt to quit is going to be difficult. What about a step-ladder approach? </p><p></p><p>1. Reduce duration</p><p>2. Reduce frequency</p><p>3. Reduce stimulation </p><p>4. Substitute positive behaviors </p><p></p><p>You don't have to delete your porn stash. Put it on an external hard drive or password protect it with a lengthy, random password that you won't remember (write it down). Make it hard to access at a moment's notice. </p><p></p><p>However long you spend per session, create a time limit that you don't generally reach. If you spend an hour a day, no more than two hours a day for now. If it's four hours - set it to six hours. Use blocker software to set a high but tolerable daily limit. Password protect it. Reduce that time by 5 minutes a day or 15 minutes a week, whatever. </p><p></p><p>Actually SCHEDULE your "wanking time." If you masturbate for an hour twice a day, schedule an hour in the morning (say, 10am) and evening (say, 7pm). You can do anything but that in between. You know you'll get your "fix" just a short while later. Slowly increase the gaps and reduce frequency.</p><p></p><p>Want to jack off? Set a timer, finish, then stop. Don't use masturbating as an open-ended way to pass the time. </p><p></p><p>Switch to a single-tab browser so you're not opening 100 tabs of porn. You only have one penis, so you only need one source of stimulation. </p><p></p><p>Switch from more stimulating to less stimulating porn. First, genres of videos - no more extremes, move towards vanilla content. Then from videos to photos or still images of nudes. Then from images to stories. Then clothed images. Then only to mental images and fantasies. You get the idea.</p><p></p><p>Technological limits (like website blockers, etc.) will be an artificial solution, or training wheels. Take them off and you might relapse with a vengeance. Adjust slowly. </p><p></p><p>Eventually, delete your porn stash. Keep your website blockers.</p><p></p><p>Your goal is to restore your dopamine sensitivity. It may take a while, but you can and will recover with time. As you do so, you will find more energy to do other things, as well as getting more pleasure from them. </p><p></p><p>It's said that idle hands are the devil's work. Religious aspects aside - find ways to get out of the house and get busy with anything else. Go for a walk. Find any job, even if it's stocking shelves at the local convenience store or a call center. Volunteer. Find ways to be around other people, of any age.</p><p></p><p>Try journaling. Just stream of consciousness writing. We have a recency bias - unless you write down your thoughts and feelings, you won't have a reference to how you were actually feeling some time ago. Over time, you should notice positive trends, as well as identify stressors that cause you to relapse.</p><p></p><p>Lastly, consider Sexaholics Anonymous... <a href="https://saa-recovery.org/" target="_blank">https://saa-recovery.org/</a> and <a href="https://www.sa.org/f2f/canada/" target="_blank">https://www.sa.org/f2f/canada/</a> - they do have locations in Canada, and maybe some have sessions via Zoom for remote attendees.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="polar, post: 1566961, member: 4548"] "Sex is like oxygen. It's no big deal unless you aren't getting any." Coming out of the woodwork for this one. I haven't read the whole thread, so some of this may be repeated. (And take none of this as criticism, just me trying to read between the lines of your post.) You're brave for looking for help. You recognize that you have an addiction, but are looking for a solution. Sex addiction is also perhaps the most shameful one of them all - men think it's shameful to talk about it - they don't want to be labeled as a "wanker," "pervert", etc. This is solvable. You're 23 - lots of folks don't hit their stride until their 30s. One of the main reasons for your gray everyday is dopamine desensitization. [URL unfurl="true"]https://miro.medium.com/max/1200/1*J6GqA34SpFBXpLYCYlI2Ag.jpeg[/URL] The longer you spend masturbating, the more you desensitize yourself to everyday joys. The less energy you have to get up in the morning, and the less energy you have to chase accepted - and necessary - milestones of human life. Your goal ISN'T to "never masturbate." Masturbation is a substitution for a biological function. Right now, it controls you. Your goal is to treat it like any other biological function and control when and how long you do it. Doing a "cold turkey" attempt to quit is going to be difficult. What about a step-ladder approach? 1. Reduce duration 2. Reduce frequency 3. Reduce stimulation 4. Substitute positive behaviors You don't have to delete your porn stash. Put it on an external hard drive or password protect it with a lengthy, random password that you won't remember (write it down). Make it hard to access at a moment's notice. However long you spend per session, create a time limit that you don't generally reach. If you spend an hour a day, no more than two hours a day for now. If it's four hours - set it to six hours. Use blocker software to set a high but tolerable daily limit. Password protect it. Reduce that time by 5 minutes a day or 15 minutes a week, whatever. Actually SCHEDULE your "wanking time." If you masturbate for an hour twice a day, schedule an hour in the morning (say, 10am) and evening (say, 7pm). You can do anything but that in between. You know you'll get your "fix" just a short while later. Slowly increase the gaps and reduce frequency. Want to jack off? Set a timer, finish, then stop. Don't use masturbating as an open-ended way to pass the time. Switch to a single-tab browser so you're not opening 100 tabs of porn. You only have one penis, so you only need one source of stimulation. Switch from more stimulating to less stimulating porn. First, genres of videos - no more extremes, move towards vanilla content. Then from videos to photos or still images of nudes. Then from images to stories. Then clothed images. Then only to mental images and fantasies. You get the idea. Technological limits (like website blockers, etc.) will be an artificial solution, or training wheels. Take them off and you might relapse with a vengeance. Adjust slowly. Eventually, delete your porn stash. Keep your website blockers. Your goal is to restore your dopamine sensitivity. It may take a while, but you can and will recover with time. As you do so, you will find more energy to do other things, as well as getting more pleasure from them. It's said that idle hands are the devil's work. Religious aspects aside - find ways to get out of the house and get busy with anything else. Go for a walk. Find any job, even if it's stocking shelves at the local convenience store or a call center. Volunteer. Find ways to be around other people, of any age. Try journaling. Just stream of consciousness writing. We have a recency bias - unless you write down your thoughts and feelings, you won't have a reference to how you were actually feeling some time ago. Over time, you should notice positive trends, as well as identify stressors that cause you to relapse. Lastly, consider Sexaholics Anonymous... [URL]https://saa-recovery.org/[/URL] and [URL]https://www.sa.org/f2f/canada/[/URL] - they do have locations in Canada, and maybe some have sessions via Zoom for remote attendees. [/QUOTE]
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