Need spiritual guidance/possibly priest in a foreign country

I'm somewhere in Central Europe. Am very tired/sleep deprived right now(so I might need to re-edit for clarity), but in the past few months it's very rare to have consistently felt 100% for long periods of time.

I know what I want, and my goals, to stay here, find work, sort out legal issues, do as much in my power to not go back to NZ, everything. But I'm behind on every productive thing I need to do. With social groups opening again this past week, there is some hope, but I feel there's some sort of spiritual/demonic thing that's making me ridiculously unproductive. The secular way hasn't worked of relying on myself or self improvement or psychology.

At least I'm being social and getting workouts in. However, zero progress on even starting to job search and legal. My clothes are falling apart and it's a chore to try to buy new ones. I'm barely able to go to the supermarket and cook my meals at the same rate I eat them, so I rely on staples like milk, bananas, rice cakes, chocolate, ice cream, juice for calories. Sometimes friends/family reach out to me but especially if it's a platform I rarely use I just can't surmount the willpower to go on it, read what they say, and think of a reply. I'm barely able to complete my household chores. There are so many things I want to buy that would greatly increase my QOL but I simply can't afford to spend anything other than rent and food.

Have relatively big computer game addiction, internet/youtube addiction, on and off porn addiction. I'm sick of it. At least in March it was "winter" and I was a little sick, and with the coronavirus situation it was just easier to just tune out the world/felt like the right thing to do. But right now I don't even want to do a lot of things i was trying to do to soothe the fear/pain but I just can't help it because what is the alternative.

It's just overwhelming being in a foreign country and so socially isolated for months. Sometimes it feels like no one speaks English even though they do, and I'll never belong. I believe I might have reached out before... I don't know. My faith is really weak and I think I'm still agnostic. Tried to pray/beg to God for help but I don't even know if I'm doing it right.

Why am I literally being so self destructive productivity wise. I know I will be miserable if I go back to NZ, and it feels like a subconscious part of me is trying to do anything it can to make the rest of me miserable and guarantee my failure...

Another edit: I'm trying to help/be useful/charitable to the people I meet. But on some level I'm such a failure that I might rely on them much more than vice versa. And there's some sort of put my own oxygen on before helping others. Everything is so overwhelming right now. I think when I'm not so sleep deprived I wouldn't think it was overwhelming but I will still put off the vast majority of things I theoretically want to do
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I too live in Mittel Europa, moving from the USA about a year ago. Understand that European Catholicism is a different animal than where you come from. The priests are much more lax about their role here. I thought that getting close to the geographic home of Catholicism would have been healthy for my belief system, and it has actually strained my relationship. You go into these absolutely beautiful churches and there is an absolute disconnect between the written rules of our faith and how people practice. A couple of things...

Only the biggest cities have English speaking priests, but it all depends on what bishop you have. Vienna and Munich have questionable ones, whereas Regensburg is more based.

Confession is spotty on information. For example, Prague is an absolute joke. The lone place I found to get a good confession is Frankfurt.

The Novus Ordo mass is depressing, with an average age pushing 70 there and an obvious demographic cliff. The language barrier doesnt help. The churches are very insular, with little welcome to outsiders. The architecture and music is incredible, even in the smallest towns but it's like the boomer generation checked out on keeping the churches going.

My next step will be to try the Latin Mass tomorrow in the hopes there might be a light there.


Gold Member
Don't forget that society was massively rengineered/ fractured possibly beyond repair recently, and almost everyone is freaking the fuck out, engaging in brand new neurotic behavior's that would have been unthinkable a few months ago.

In other word, given the circumstances, everything you describe is a perfectly reasonable response to a crazy world.

Don't take personal responsibility for general fuckedupness.

Just get through it best you can and Don't let the social engineering bastards break you.