Never contact people from your past

Amwolf

Newbie
I generally live by the mantra of never contact people from your past or acknowledge those who attempt to reconnect. There are many of positives from adhering to such a disciplined mindset (IE. As seen with the “30 Seconds Rule” in the movie HEAT). Nonetheless, sometimes people who we were once close with and never had a falling out, but rather drifted apart, attempt to reconnect. Several years ago I cut ties with many of people and more-less started a new life. It made sense, especially as my interests changed and I became more spiritually conscious as an Orthodox Christian. Recently, a couple of old friends have tried to reconnect as they were able to find my new contact information. These people are interesting and never did me harm, but we no longer have much in common and I feel that reconnecting with those in the past will deter my progress towards an ascetic lifestyle as they could become a liability. However, sometimes I miss them and battle a sense of perpetual loneliness as I’ve chosen to be a lone wolf.

Can anyone else here relate to this and am I doing myself a disservice?
 

Oz.

Pelican
These people are interesting and never did me harm, but we no longer have much in common and I feel that reconnecting with those in the past will deter my progress towards an ascetic lifestyle as they could become a liability.

People affect you the way you allow them to affect you. Nothing wrong with reconnecting with people through conversation in order to see how they are/how they've been.

That doesn't mean you will be dragged into a situation you will rather avoid and if that is the case then you need to work on yourself and ask why you are easily persuaded away from the path you have chosen.
 

NickK

Sparrow
Since, God brought me into the Chrurch, I gradually lost all my former friends. Some I cut loose, others drifted away themselves.
I have nothing in common with my former secular friends anymore. The very thought of spending time with them fills me with boredom.
There is nothing worthy to talk about, except God and His Church, and these people have no interest in that.
In fact most of them are vehemently opposed to it, but they hide it well behind a veneer of "tolerance".
 

DanielH

Woodpecker
Since, God brought me into the Chrurch, I gradually lost all my former friends. Some I cut loose, others drifted away themselves.
I have nothing in common with my former secular friends anymore. The very thought of spending time with them fills me with boredom.
There is nothing worthy to talk about, except God and His Church, and these people have no interest in that.
In fact most of them are vehemently opposed to it, but they hide it well behind a veneer of "tolerance".
During my recent bachelor party with my old secular friends, they all agreed how it's immoral to bury the dead as it wastes space, and they should be cremated instead. Thinking of how the Church is against cremation, I suggested an alternative using Mt. Athos as an example where space is limited, where they bury monks for 3 years and then exhume them putting their bones in a pile and respectfully placing their skull on a shelf. I took this route to not start an argument but instead they were just dumbfounded by what I said.
 

Amwolf

Newbie
Since, God brought me into the Church, I gradually lost all my former friends. Some I cut loose, others drifted away themselves.
I have nothing in common with my former secular friends anymore. The very thought of spending time with them fills me with boredom.
There is nothing worthy to talk about, except God and His Church, and these people have no interest in that.
In fact most of them are vehemently opposed to it, but they hide it well behind a veneer of "tolerance".

This is where I stand as well. One of my former friends is brilliant, unique, and well-informed. Someone that you can discuss a lot of deeper matters with, but they're also vehemently anti-Christian and an ardent Marxist who's supportive of Communism. We were able to skate around traditionalism in the past as they hid behind a veneer of "tolerance" as you've suggested. However, they'd openly accuse those who oppose LGBT of being closeted homosexuals themselves. I see no common ground or reason to reconnect. Another former peer of mine who I've reconnected with continues to start conversation about women and fornication. They don't understand that I'm no longer who I once was.
 

Dr. Howard

Peacock
Gold Member
A well timed thread.

A scriptural reference is Matthew 9:16, this is the parable of not putting a new patch on old clothes and I think followed by not putting new wine in old wine skins.

I have moved around a lot in my life and really don't have much of a problem converting everything I have to cash, moving and building a new social network where I land. I rely on my extended family more for consistency than friends. The downside is that a few times a year I find myself wondering what happened to people I used to know 10-20 years ago etc. I know where they are etc and wonder if I should try to connect with them. My heart/nostalgia seems to think its a great idea, but scripture advises against it, especially when I describe who these people are.

These are people that I knew before my salvation, and had mostly female 'friends'. The danger here is that the only connection I have with these people is via the 'old' me. Conversations with these people would likely (and based on past actual experience) make me rationalize/long for the 'old me' and just rationalize backsliding or bad behavior.

Sharing my testimony with these people, would most likely result in rejection, and it would not be the primary topic of our conversation. Besides that, Jesus himself was not believed when he went back to his old hometown and its likely that anyone would believe I'm anything but "the old me"

However, people that I have been in contact with, from time to time that knew me after my salvation...never a problem. That is because the basis of our relationship in the first place had a godly foundation.
 

bucky

Ostrich
I generally live by the mantra of never contact people from your past or acknowledge those who attempt to reconnect. There are many of positives from adhering to such a disciplined mindset (IE. As seen with the “30 Seconds Rule” in the movie HEAT). Nonetheless, sometimes people who we were once close with and never had a falling out, but rather drifted apart, attempt to reconnect. Several years ago I cut ties with many of people and more-less started a new life. It made sense, especially as my interests changed and I became more spiritually conscious as an Orthodox Christian. Recently, a couple of old friends have tried to reconnect as they were able to find my new contact information. These people are interesting and never did me harm, but we no longer have much in common and I feel that reconnecting with those in the past will deter my progress towards an ascetic lifestyle as they could become a liability. However, sometimes I miss them and battle a sense of perpetual loneliness as I’ve chosen to be a lone wolf.

Can anyone else here relate to this and am I doing myself a disservice?

I'm probably as far from an Orthodox ascetic as a believer in Christ can be, but even I find it hard to talk to most of the people from my past, except those who are believers themselves in some way. Even then, there's a whole lot of Churchianity in their beliefs that I find frustrating.

I was going to say that if you're progressing toward an ascetic lifestyle then no, definitely don't reconnect with people from your past. On the other hand, maybe there's value in trying, at least if they contact you. Maybe they feel the Spirit and it moves them toward becoming believers themselves, who knows.
 

Amwolf

Newbie
You're the average of the people you hang around.

If you want to be excellent, try to only include people in your life who exemplify excellence.

Simple as that.
Absolutely. There are Doers and Watchers in life. The company that you keep is pivotal to your success and opportunities. I know from firsthand experience that I excel when I surround myself with exceptional people. Those who exemplify toxic and pessimistic attitudes must be avoided.
 

Towgunner

Woodpecker
I generally agree with this, but, think you can make exceptions if you have commonality. After the war I cut ties with pretty much everyone from my past. Many of my peers from high school bought into the whole cocaine rage of the early 2000's and really went out of their way to think they were cooler than others that didn't do coke. I found myself excluded because I wasn't snorting tons of coke and I looked down on this. So, that was easy enough. I thought the war didn't change me but it did and even if it wasn't a coke fiend I found myself, like you, unable to relate. It wasn't hard to let go.

And then there was me. I was kind of a mess. I didn't think transitioning from the Marines would be challenging. But it was. I didn't think my experience in the war mattered but it did. They might have been coke heads, but, I drank and drank a lot. I had a couple spats with violent outbursts too. So, this wasn't just one sided.

Years ago I ran into an old friend and he "friended" me on facebook. At that time I didn't really facebook, so, I never accepted his request. I learned that's a rather rude thing to do. He's living in the same town and we see each other, but, its clear he's all set. And that's fine.

My college friends was something similar too. My old college girlfriend and I never got back together and I realized I didn't really like my college crew. And they may not have been thrilled about a drunk crazy Marine. In retrospect, I can remember feeling a little lonely at first but I found my new way and had a good crew in no time. It was a net positive. I accessed the situation asked what I did wrong and improved.

That being said, I am now reconnecting with many of my old pals. This is entirely from high school. There is an outside motivation driving this and that's the unfolding civil war in this country. Now more than ever, I realized a need a good friend, and in fact, good friends.

Stay with me, but, out of the whole diversity, equity and inclusion...I think inclusion is the worst. Because its the forced mixing of different people that wouldn't otherwise mix together. I've developed a whole new appreciation of freedom of association. For instance, I do not want to mix with the homosexual "community". Individually its one thing and there are a couple of homo's that I like and even enjoy their company. But, those individuals are not representative of this "community", which by large over-sexed, immature, poor impulse control, pedophilic etc. That's the norm.

Moreover, liberal leftist biden-harris, blm, rainbow flags...a this juncture its just too much. Ordinarily I wouldn't think twice about befriending a liberal, but, today we have late term abortions (infanticide), "cuties"/comet pizza/hollywood/drag queen story hours/sexualizing kids (pedophilia) and supporting an openly marxist/communist domestic terrorist organization, blm, (cop killers). I realized over the summer, starting in June, that I have nothing in common with these people. And there are a lot of them around me. For instance, no matter how magnetic their personality I do not want to waste my time with a person that does not believe that biological sex exists. Its a waste of time. Plus, these people make it no secret that they hate people like me.

So, I've recently started reconnecting with my old pals that I know are not raving leftists and who are, like me, going through a lot and need, for lack of a better word, some solidarity. One of my re-connected friends said to me "I have no one to talk to about this".
 

LINUX

Ostrich
Gold Member
Friendships are worthless if the other people won't be there when you need them. There are going to be times where you need someone's help, maybe your car needs a jump, maybe you need a medication that you don't have on hand, maybe you need a ride home from the doctor after a surgery.

Friends are people who care about you because they like who you are regardless of your political and religious beliefs. It's not just someone who calls you "Brother" because they go to the same church as you.

What you're considering doing is limiting your friends to only those who have the same religious beliefs as you . I think that's an awful idea. It sounds more like a protection mechanism, because if you only surround yourself with those who believe the same way then your belief system is never threatened.

Surround yourself with those who care about you.
 
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... am I doing myself a disservice?
To quote Sirach, "A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter: he that has found one has found a treasure." Sirach 6:5-17 is worth reading in full. When you make a friend, you keep him. And if these guys are really your friends, then abandoning them a huge disservice to yourself and them. A guy who turns his back on his friends doesn't deserve friends.

Back when Danger and Play was still around, Mike Cernovich wrote that if you want to be friends with someone, look to see if he's been friends with anyone else for more than 7 years. If not, you have good cause to assume he's unreliable.

These people are interesting and never did me harm, but we no longer have much in common and I feel that reconnecting with those in the past will deter my progress towards an ascetic lifestyle as they could become a liability.

If you cannot live properly among men, you aren't ready to live apart from them. St. Ignatius Brianchaninov put it bluntly: "From premature seclusion stems diabolic delusion, not only obvious delusion, but also that which is invisible outwardly." (The Arena, chapter 11) It's one thing if you're a former heroin addict and these are the guys you used to shoot up with. It's something else entirely if they've never done you any harm, as you say.

Spreaking from experience, friendship based on having things in common is a lot more fragile than friendship that exists despite having little in common. My close friends are very different from me, in terms of religion, politics, and hobbies. But we engage in each others interests anyway, because we're like brothers and that's not something you let go of.
 

Thomas More

Hummingbird
I have a fair number of Facebook friends from high school, college, and from church camp when I was growing up. I don't see most of these people, and rarely even communicate with them, except to like or comment on their posts. However, I enjoy this a lot. I am somewhat of an introvert, so I'm not interested in trying to maintain a close relationship with them. However, I remember those times with some fondness, and I like having a connection with the people from that time. I feel like they see it similarly, and you can see it when somebody dies, or there is a reunion or something like that. It gives me a sense of connection with the community I grew up in.

That being said, I haven't had too many experiences where I regularly hung out with somebody, then we drifted apart, then they came around again and we started hanging out again. I have had many cases where I saw somebody for the first time in a few years, and we caught up with each other, reminisced about old times, and I could remember why I liked them and still saw those good traits in them after time had passed.

I think people normally only hang out together regularly if they have an activity in common, like school, work, church, a sports team, or a shared hobby. If circumstances change where we're no longer involved in the same activity together, then I find we end up starting to see each other less often, and pretty soon it's been months since I saw them. However, in this case I probably still think highly of them, and would enjoy seeing them.

I guess my point is this: sometimes you stop seeing somebody regularly because of some kind of conflict or difference that builds up. In this case, you likely should leave them behind. However, often they are still a person you respect and appreciate, but your paths have moved in different directions. In this case, I find it is good to remain in touch, and to see each other once in a while.
 

Stats

Woodpecker
You are doing yourself a disservice but no need to rush things

during lockdown I reached out to my moms ex bf who raised me for a decade when I was a kid over 20 years ago. ended up setting up a meeting with him and my mom. Every one was very grateful
 

gework

Ostrich
Gold Member
If you have friends who are leftists who silence your speech through obvious and less obvious means then you need to part ways.

Recently a friendship came to an end between someone I have known for 19 years or so. Another friend also let him go. He tries to hold himself as a sophisticated, competent and worldly center-left guy. He sees himself at in the upper 10-20% of society but with a social conscious. In reality he's rapidly heading to the bottom 10% and the social conscious is just free stuff and an easy ride for the real him. Literally everything in his life is maneuvered by his tentacles into a position which allows him to not see himself. And I became his principal pawn onto which has has projected all of his insecurity. If I ever dared move he would blow hid lid. But over the last year I kept moving and he kept exploding. He would unleash sexist, racist, homophone, white fragility, fragile masculinity and so on. All while hotting up like Venus, while I remained calm, often joking at his eruptions. i.e. he was mr fragility, along with all his leftist constituencies. Much of this behaviour is because he couldn't stop me accelerating gracefully away from him Peter Pan world. While he might start and adult life at 40, I have much of what his fake leftism coverts.

If you have anyone who is suppressing your progress, get rid of them. In discussion we realised this guy has never offered anything. He has no wisdom, interesting ideas. He can only believe what he is told by authorities. I have known him for a long time, but I would have been better off not knowing him.

Leftists need people around them, like safe space cushions, to collapse on and console each other in their mental, physical and spiritual decline. They always need to see one of their gaggle as below them, while using the herd to bludgeon us. Your success is a very threat to their parasitic mode of being and systems of distribution. Real men don't stoop to this level. A real man benefits from your independence and competing in the same stakes as him. You hold each other up. A real man will value the truth, even if it hurts at first. He can take a few punches, feigned jibes; while these leftists just build walls of protection. Any man who cannot content with honour like this takes on the same modes of a dishonourable woman - emotional manipulation.

But if your friends are just normies, the best thing you can do for them is drop seeds that may sprout in their minds later. If they don't hear these things the chances they end up going of some leftist cliff increase. And you need to set an example and how your world is better to be part of that the world of various social crusts.

Recently one based friend had a child. None of his wife's main friends had any intention of having any. But now as their 30s unfold they are looking at the nice mummies strolling with their babies at the lake; then they look to their left and see cackling, boozed-up reprobates, crumbling Marxists and destroyed party girls. Suddenly those seeds of my friends' sewing are taking sprout. And hopefully they will realise they need to get with child before it's too late.

If you have the choice it's better to keep them as a distance, and remain with those with families and those who want them. But you are doing everyone as a service by modestly sewing seeds with them and showing them a bit of light; without coming down from your ivory tower.
 
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Amwolf

Newbie
I guess my point is this: sometimes you stop seeing somebody regularly because of some kind of conflict or difference that builds up. In this case, you likely should leave them behind. However, often they are still a person you respect and appreciate, but your paths have moved in different directions. In this case, I find it is good to remain in touch, and to see each other once in a while.

This is good advice and resonates with my situation. While I respect this person, I fear that we've become too different and interconnected to former toxic associations that would only serve as a constant reminder of a past that should be forgotten. I don't support running from adverse situations, but many of these matters have already been dealt with and I don't want to surround myself with people who are stuck in the past.
 
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Amwolf

Newbie
My close friends are very different from me, in terms of religion, politics, and hobbies. But we engage in each others interests anyway, because we're like brothers and that's not something you let go of.

First and foremost, the person in question is a married woman. Yes, we can have close relationships with people who are polar opposites of ourselves. I've dated someone who fell into this camp and we got along great for the most part. One attribute that we both respected each other for were our solid convictions and upholding them unlike most people who often change their views to appease.
 
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