Never contact people from your past

Amwolf

Robin
For clarification, this is someone who I knew for nearly 10 years. I was close to her and her husband. I met her through shared interests and social circles within a niche fitness market. We used to train together in addition to collaborating on an assortment of industry-related projects.
 

Amwolf

Robin
...but by then my life was already completely derailed and I'm never going to be able to completely recover from the bad decisions I made during that crucial period of life. Everything I've been doing and will do for years to come will more-or-less be damage control.

Association with the wrong people can easily inflict psycho-spiritual harm without you even realizing it. Each time you initiate contact with a new person is like starting a fire: it can help you cook your potatoes or it can burn your house down.
I can relate to your experiences as my life was also significantly derailed by a series of unfortunate events. I went from being on top of the world to complete isolation for several of years because of severe trauma. One of these former friends, the woman, helped me a lot during the peak of my battles, but we started to butt heads leading up to the last Presidential election and she became too toxic for me to associate with.

Psycho-spiritual harm is by far the worse IMO. It damages you forever and there's no permanent solution. Meeting new people is a rewarding and exciting experience. I'd rather venture into the unknown than relive the past with people who are no longer a fit into my life. They're a liability.
 

pitbullowner

Pelican
. I took this route to not start an argument but instead they were just dumbfounded by what I said.


They're just not well learned... And they likely refuse to learn more. If anything your hunger for knowledge will intimidate them. Tread lightly if you do reconnect. I've been told when I talk to people sometimes I intimidate them just based off of my vocabulary alone. I don't try to it's just the way I was brought up. Just make sure you have a grasp of the average man if you're a brilliant man.
 

infowarrior1

Hummingbird
This is where I stand as well. One of my former friends is brilliant, unique, and well-informed. Someone that you can discuss a lot of deeper matters with, but they're also vehemently anti-Christian and an ardent Marxist who's supportive of Communism. We were able to skate around traditionalism in the past as they hid behind a veneer of "tolerance" as you've suggested. However, they'd openly accuse those who oppose LGBT of being closeted homosexuals themselves. I see no common ground or reason to reconnect. Another former peer of mine who I've reconnected with continues to start conversation about women and fornication. They don't understand that I'm no longer who I once was.
That argument that one is a closeted x. Its pretty dishonest. How does that invalidate sexual sin? If one opposes whatever evil how is it true that its always projection?
 

Aurini

Ostrich
We are the stories that we consume, and the most common story of our era is the SitCom.

What is the nature of the SitCom? That friendship is permanent, while lovers are temporary. This is the opposite of the truth.

There's something naturally balancing about the male/female dynamic. Even if it's brother and sister living together, or a gay man and his mother. Men and women have a way of coexisting and cohabiting without stepping on each other's toes. Friendship, meanwhile, is usually focused upon a particular project. Think of the intense bonds that soldiers develop while serving overseas - and yet, in all likelihood, they find they have little in common once their tour is over. Warm memories - maybe the occasional beer - but nothing more than that.

I think we do great violence to ourselves by trying to hold on to friendships for too long; they were never meant to last. However, meeting somebody from the past isn't always a bad idea. Don't place any expectations on it beyond catching up, but be open to the possibility that perhaps it's time to be friends again, perhaps there's some new task for you two to perform.
 

Elmore

Kingfisher
I became an Orthodox Christian after college and trying to reconnect with some of my college friends, I've realized they were just drinking buddies. I just wrote out some more stuff but it sounded like feminine whining so suffice it to say when you become Christian you're going to lose a lot of friends.
Recently happened to me.

Told a guy who's been pretty much my best friend in last decade, i'm not up for going on the sort of getting drunk, going clubs, chasing girls holidays we've been going for years anymore. Last i heard from him.

Told him i look back on last ten years as a massive cope & driven by ego-gratification & ultimately insecurity, & that now i've met someone who's a serious prospect for the mother of my children I dont want to pursue it anymore. Told him he's welcome to visit, we can watch some sport, go to gun range, do some cool stuff. Not even bothered to respond.

Pretty pathetic tbh. I can only assume he sees it as some sort of 'disloyalty' in that now i've got a girl im serious about, i dont want to go off getting drunk on city breaks with him.

I'm 44 and he's 40 ffs. At what point do blue pilled people just want to grow up?
 

Amwolf

Robin
Don't place any expectations on it beyond catching up, but be open to the possibility that perhaps it's time to be friends again, perhaps there's some new task for you two to perform.
I can see this being an avenue worth looking into. Sometimes God creates these windows of opportunity for a specific reason.
 
I generally live by the mantra of never contact people from your past or acknowledge those who attempt to reconnect.
In general you should never go back. I have never found reconnecting with faces from the past to be a rewarding experience. Usually it just reminds me of why I moved on in the first place. Of course there can be exceptions but i am now 50 years old, I am very particular about how I spend my time now and revisiting the past is just a waste of precious time. Incidentally, this another reason why I ditched social media after dabbling in it for a few months. Just not for me aside from the obvious privacy and security issues.

That old saying about doing the same thing and hoping to get a different result.
 

Amwolf

Robin
In general you should never go back. I have never found reconnecting with faces from the past to be a rewarding experience. Usually it just reminds me of why I moved on in the first place. Of course there can be exceptions but i am now 50 years old, I am very particular about how I spend my time now and revisiting the past is just a waste of precious time. Incidentally, this another reason why I ditched social media after dabbling in it for a few months. Just not for me aside from the obvious privacy and security issues.

That old saying about doing the same thing and hoping to get a different result.
Yes, this is sound logic and reasonable. I've always regretted reconnecting with people for the same reasons that you've outlined; we're quickly reminded why these people are no longer in our lives. As we get older, our time becomes more valuable and we don't want to repeat our past mistakes. Getting rid of social media several of years ago was one of the wisest decisions that I've ever made in regards to cleaning up my life. I developed a large following due to being a prominent figure in a niche market and it was unsettling how many of people from my past tried to reconnect with me on various platforms, some whom I haven't interacted with since high school.
 

Tiger Man

Woodpecker
Bumping because I can't find the thread I was looking for. I was sure there was an old thread about reconnecting with friends from the past. Perhaps it was deleted in the purge.

Anyway...

I have been considering this issue from the opposite perspective for the past several months. I have eliminated almost all of my university and early professional years "friends" from my life. They were mostly horrible people (finance bros and the like), and they were an absolute net negative. My life is surely much better in their absence. However, I have been considering reconnecting with some friends from way back. I went to an excellent religious school during my high school years. My immediate group of (all male) friends, numbering about eight, were solid guys. From what I hear they are still solid guys. There have been life changes (marriages and children), but they all seem to have migrated back to the general area we went to school and they are living decent lives as decent people.

I dropped the ball on maintaining my relationship to any of these guys. I went off to university in another country and I have never really done social media, so that was that. A few of them, in an effort to keep the friendship going, even flew out to see me and stay with me during my university years. But, after that, I just stopped texting and emailing them. From what I have heard, one or two of them reached out and attempted to contact me over the years (and without success).

I know another guy who went to the same school and has closely guarded his high school friendships. And, I find myself in complete envy of how close these relationships have stayed. I find myself wondering if I could have such a tight-knit group of lifelong friends. My thoughts on this have been amplified as I consider buying a small property in the general area of my old school to use as a "vacation home" for 3-4 months out of the year. So, I am now considering attempting to reach out to a few of these guys. But, honestly, I have no idea how to go about it. We were a tight group and had most of our formative experiences together. I should also mention that none of these relationships ended on a bad note or with a fight or anything. I just, as I said, dropped the ball.

Have any of you ever dealt with a situation like this? I don't believe that any of my (former) friends or I would be disadvantaged by reconnecting. From what I have heard, they are still solid, decent men. But, it has been quite a while since I spoke to any of them. On the other hand, it is unlikely that, if I purchase the property, these men would remain unaware of my presence in their general area. Any thoughts on if I should reach out. If yes, any ideas on how to do it?
 

FactusIRX

Woodpecker
This woman and I have never been romantic, but she was having an ongoing affair with another man. She confined in me about the complexities of her affair, and I firmly told her to divorce her husband if she's not happy and that the other man should divorce his wife. Nonetheless, she refused to do so because she's financially dependent on her husband and the other man is a happily married "Christian". A lot has changed since we've last spoken and as my spiritual path has progressed, I have less respect for her. Also, I don't see a point in being friends with women unless there's a romantic interest that could further develop into something more substantial.
Let’s see: she’s a liar, she’s manipulative, she’s emotionally driven, she’s a slave to her lust, and she’s an adulterer. Yeah, this is definitely someone you want in your life.

This is not a friend. This is not even a former friend. This is a harlot that your brain thinks you may be able to bang given the right opportunity. It’s pretty obvious that this is a trick from Satan to drive you from God.
 
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