In the past, I tried to be calm and rationalize with her. I tried to explain to her that what she said or how she said it was offensive and hurtful. Her response was "I'm Latina! This is how I speak!" I tried to use scripture, elders, deacons, pastors and friends to counsel her and her lack of tact and help her understand how her outbursts and reactions were destroying the family.Question: What do you do to stand up to your wife? Do you ever tell her what you think of her behaviour? And in what tone do you do it if you do?
In the past I have calmly told a woman what I think of her behaviour. I don't accept bad behaviour and any nasty woman will find that out very quickly. No matter how badly behaved they become I remained calm and they just know that the bad behaviour will not get them anything - either my bending or my wrath. The nasty woman will take either of those over a rock of indifference, calm etc.
It is a guess. But I think it's this woman's desire to do what she has done to you - turn you from a beacon to a shell. A primary mechanism of people who live in darkness is form them to possess one person who is held lower than they are. It is an elixir to afflictions of the soul. So long as she has you suppressed into a morsel she can see herself as better than you and not have to look at herself.
I used to run interference for her and explain to my daughter that she didn't mean the hurtful things she said or the tantrums she threw. After a while I got tired of running interference and simply would look at my daughter and say, "Yep she's a crazy witch."
She would put us in these no-win situations and my daughter would get screwed. I remember this one time shortly after I got custody of my daughter that it was going to be her first visit back with her mom and her mom said "I don't want to see her." My wife freaked out because she was looking forward to a break from my daughter so she could be alone with our infant son and she told me I needed to find a place for my daughter to go for a coupe of weeks. She said this in front of my daughter, so she knew she wasn't wanted by her mother or my wife and I ended up driving my daughter 12 hours to my mom's house so she could spend some time with my extended family for a couple of weeks.
My daughter did not deserve that. Her mother was very evil. She actually got so angry at how her mom was using her as a tool to hurt me, she audio-recorded her mother telling her that the family was falling apart and it was all my daughter's fault. She said that to a 14 year old girl! I had hired an attorney for daughter before this happened and she gave the recording to her attorney and the custody battle was over shortly after.
Another time while the custody battle was going on, we were clearly winning the case and because my ex didn't concede right away, she scheduled another deposition. My wife freaked out and in front of my daughter said "MAKE THIS STOP! SEND HER BACK! MAKE IT THE WAY IT WAS BEFORE!"
No matter how much I tried to calm her down, she still freaked out. We did not stop. We won the custody battle and my wife sabotaged the victory.
After she did that, I quit being nice and patient. My mom moved in 3 years ago. I wish she had some place else to go, but no other family members had the facilities to house my mother. I knew it was going to be a disaster, but am I to leave my mother homeless? My wife would say these horrible things to my mom, like "You don't deserve to live here because you didn't plan your retirement." She would constantly nit-pick at my mom and say things in a rude manner. I started getting in her face and I would tell her she's the most terrible person I know. I basically told her if you're rude to my mom, I'm going to be rude to you. If you insult my mom, I'm going to insult you. I basically told her that every time she opens her mouth, she offends us. It wasn't until my best friend told her I was considering divorce that she chilled out and we got some counseling through a christian therapist. It don't matter. The damage is done. For years I would hold my tongue and not let any unwholesome talk come out of my mouth. I finally said "forget it" and I would tear that woman apart with expletives and called her every name in the book. And I told her point-blank, I'm done watching my tongue I'm going to let you have it right back and see how you feel. Surprisingly, she started being careful about how she says things. She doesn't like angry RoadKill.
At some point she asked me why I don't feel sorry for lashing out at her (with words, not physically). I simply said that she didn't care how she made people feel when she lashes out, so I don't care either.
But I'm a patient vengeful man. My ex tried to destroy me and take my daughter. Through years of patient suffering and being a good dad and role-model, my daughter chose to live with us. My wife has anger issues and a loose tongue. In time, she will be alone. My son already has developed a "Don't make mom angry" mentality. He's 10 and we have a deal not to throw each other under the bus. My son isn't afraid of me, but he's afraid of upsetting his momma. She still has outbursts, but my son and I just roll our eyes and move past it.
I believe she has some sort of mental condition, to be honest. She doesn't see the destruction she causes. She was on mood stabilizers for about a month, but she didn't like how bloated she was feeling, so she stopped.
She is not an evil person. She is just emotional, dramatic, scared and narcissistic. I simply don't care about her anymore.